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20 songs that helped people get through the aftermath of trauma.

The aftermath of trauma is complex and different for each individual experiencing it. While music cannot “cure” the pain left in the wake of a traumatic incident, for many individuals, music can be a comfort in recovery. Sometimes, songs can meet us right where we are in our struggle and give us hope for the future.

Our partners at The Mighty, wanted to know what songs gave trauma survivors hope, so they asked their community to share what songs helped them in their recovery. (At the bottom, you can view this playlist on Spotify.)

Here’s what they had to say:

1. “Praying” by Kesha

“’Praying’ by Kesha came from her experience with her producer and the trauma as a result of it. It’s full of empowerment and strength, but also grace, because she hopes he finds peace. I only hope that one day I can wish that upon my abuser, because right now I can’t. The song is a beautiful reminder that someday I will be able to though.” — Laura S.

2. “This Is Me” by “The Greatest Showman” Cast

“’This is Me’ from ‘The Greatest Showman.’ Especially that line, ‘There’s nothing I’m not worthy of.’ Reminds you that you’re worthy of recovery and kindness and love.” — Julia W.

3. “Scars” by Allison Iraheta

“It’s kinda unheard of, but it talks a lot about how a lack of a father figure caused severe physical and emotional trauma to a growing young woman. Sadly all too relatable.” — Katie V.

4. “A Little’s Enough” by Angels and Airwaves

“I really enjoy the type of music that’s used, and I really was able to focus on the main point of the song. ‘I’m sorry I have to say it, you look like you’re sad. Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad. The cure is to let in a little more love. I promise you this, a little’s enough.’ It’s true. For me, as long as my heart was open to receiving love, the more secure and safe I felt. Love heals a multitude of wounds, after all.” — Jenn D.

5. “Dig” by Incubus

“Sometimes we let all the garbage from our past experiences, trauma or anything else we went through built a wall, a bubble, a mask, to hide our true self. And only the right people (ourselves included) can dig in, take off and put away all that crap that is covering us.” — Carolina G.

6. “Thank U” by Alanis Morissette

“My therapist played it for me one day during a session and it just resonated with me for some reason. I was finally starting to come to grips with a lot of the trauma I had faced and was overcoming a lot of my issues… and I realized I needed to forgive myself for what had happened and even thank myself for going through everything I did and surviving and becoming who I was that day. I still often listen to it when I need reminding…” — Alexis R.

7. “Don’t Go” by Bring Me the Horizon

“To me it sounds raw and full of emotion and the lyrics hit real close to home, even though it’s full of metaphors. So I guess that’s why it’s such a good one, you can give your own meaning to it. It’s helped me feel like I’m not alone with whatever I was struggling with at the times I’ve listened to it. And it’s always a very comforting thing to know you’re not alone.” — Armandina L.

8. “Wind Cries Mary” by Jimi Hendrix

“It was played at my friend’s funeral, but it kind of reminds me of his eclectic tastes of music, which is something positive I always thought of during those dark times.” — Guthrie E.

9. “Hurt” by Johnny Cash

“The last line of the song is, ‘If I could start again a million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way.’ Right now I don’t know the person who looks back at me in the mirror. I don’t like her. I want to go back to when I was happy before the choices I’ve made created who I am today. Hind sight is 20/20. I guess now the goal is to get there again without jumping back in time.” — Tracy P.

10. “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten

“As someone who deals with daily trauma (I have fibromyalgia) my go-to song is ‘Fight Song’ by Rachel Platten. It helps me because it helps me feel strong even when I’m constantly in pain, constantly fatigued. Living with this disease is hell, but that song makes it a tiny bit easier.” — Caiden B.

11. “Why” by Rascal Flatts

“When I’m suicidal, I can listen to this and it reminds me life is worth the fight.” — Toni R.

12. “Come However You Are” by City Harbor

“It told me to come to God because He wanted me even though I was full of sin. I was on the way to (or from I don’t remember) Taekwondo practice and I was bawling in the back.” — Renee P.

13. “Woman, Amen” by Dierks Bentley

“Not necessarily the words, the music is just so uplifting. I can’t listen to that song and still feel bad.” — Nicole B.

14. “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia

“My most recent go-to song when depression is holding me in bed is ‘Flames’ by Sia. I know it’s David Guetta too, but the words really speak to me.” — Kam S.

15. “Rise” by Katy Perry

“I am a survivor of sexual abuse, and that song inspires me to keep fighting depression and anxiety.” — Dani A.

16. “I Choose” by India Arie

“This song acknowledges my pain and gives me some amount of hope.” — Jennifer G.

17. “Not Ready to Make Nice” by Dixie Chicks

“Taught me I don’t have to forgive someone who did something so horrible to me and how I feel is OK.” — Yael G.

18. “Piece by Piece” by Kelly Clarkson

“Singing that song does so much for me. everything just comes pouring out of me.” — Amanda P.

19. “Cry Pretty” by Carrie Underwood

“This song is so powerful and let’s me know it’s OK to cry.” — Liz T.

20. “Over the Rainbow” by Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwoʻole

“It’s just generally calming and brought back calming memories of Hawaii.” — Muriel D.

What song would you add?

This article was originally published by our partners at The Mighty.

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Education

Why didn't people smile in old photographs? It wasn't just about the long exposure times.

People blame these serious expressions on how long they had to sit for a photo, but that's not the whole picture.

Public domain images

Photos from the 1800s were so serious.

If you've ever perused photographs from the 19th and early 20th century, you've likely noticed how serious everyone looked. If there's a hint of a smile at all, it's oh-so-slight, but more often than not, our ancestors looked like they were sitting for a sepia-toned mug shot or being held for ransom or something. Why didn't people smile in photographs? Was life just so hard back then that nobody smiled? Were dour, sour expressions just the norm?

Most often, people's serious faces in old photographs are blamed on the long exposure time of early cameras, and that's true. Taking a photo was not an instant event like it is now; people had to sit still for many minutes in the 1800s to have their photo taken.

Ever try holding a smile for only one full minute? It's surprisingly difficult and very quickly becomes unnatural. A smile is a quick reaction, not a constant state of expression. Even people we think of as "smiley" aren't toting around full-toothed smiles for minutes on end. When you had to be still for several minutes to get your photo taken, there was just no way you were going to hold a smile for that long.

But there are other reasons besides long exposure times that people didn't smile in early photographs.

1800s photographsWhy so serious? Public domain

The non-smiling precedent had already been set by centuries of painted portraits

The long exposure times for early photos may have contributed to serious facial expressions, but so did the painted portraits that came before them. Look at all of the portraits of famous people throughout history prior to cameras. Sitting to be painted took hours, so smiling was out of the question. Other than the smallest of lip curls like the Mona Lisa, people didn't smile for painted portraits, so why would people suddenly think it normal to flash their pearly whites (which were not at all pearly white back then) for a photographed one? It simply wasn't how it was done.

A smirk? Sometimes. A full-on smile? Practically never.

"Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci, painted in 1503Public domain

Smiling usually indicated that you were a fool or a drunkard

Our perceptions of smiling have changed dramatically since the 1800s. In explaining why smiling was considered taboo in portraits and early photos, art historian Nicholas Jeeves wrote in Public Domain Review:

"Smiling also has a large number of discrete cultural and historical significances, few of them in line with our modern perceptions of it being a physical signal of warmth, enjoyment, or indeed of happiness. By the 17th century in Europe it was a well-established fact that the only people who smiled broadly, in life and in art, were the poor, the lewd, the drunk, the innocent, and the entertainment […] Showing the teeth was for the upper classes a more-or-less formal breach of etiquette."

"Malle Babbe" by Frans Hals, sometime between 1640 and 1646Public domain

In other words, to the Western sensibility, smiling was seen as undignified. If a painter did put a smile on the subject of a portrait, it was a notable departure from the norm, a deliberate stylistic choice that conveyed something about the artist or the subject.

Even the artists who attempted it had less-than-ideal results. It turns out that smiling is such a lively, fleeting expression that the artistically static nature of painted portraits didn't lend itself well to showcasing it. Paintings that did have subjects smiling made them look weird or disturbing or drunk. Simply put, painting a genuine, natural smile didn't work well in portraits of old.

As a result, the perception that smiling was an indication of lewdness or impropriety stuck for quite a while, even after Kodak created snapshot cameras that didn't have the long exposure time problem. Even happy occasions had people nary a hint of joy in the photographs that documented them.

wedding party photoEven wedding party photos didn't appear to be joyful occasions.Wikimedia Commons

Then along came movies, which may have changed the whole picture

So how did we end up coming around to grinning ear to ear for photos? Interestingly enough, it may have been the advent of motion pictures that pushed us towards smiling being the norm.

Photos could have captured people's natural smiles earlier—we had the technology for taking instant photos—but culturally, smiling wasn't widely favored for photos until the 1920s. One theory about that timing is that the explosion of movies enabled us to see emotions of all kinds playing out on screen, documenting the fleeting expressions that portraits had failed to capture. Culturally, it became normalized to capture, display and see all kind of emotions on people's faces. As we got more used to that, photo portraits began portraying people in a range of expression rather than trying to create a neutral image of a person's face.

Changing our own perceptions of old photo portraits to view them as neutral rather than grumpy or serious can help us remember that people back then were not a bunch of sourpusses, but people who experienced as wide a range of emotion as we do, including joy and mirth. Unfortunately, we just rarely get to see them in that state before the 1920s.

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Joy

Veterinarian has perfect response after being told it's 'disgusting' to let cats on furniture

It has cat people everywhere rejoicing.

@dr.mattmcglasson/Instagram

Pretty sure every cat person feel the same way.

No one would get a dog expecting it to not bark, try to eat human food or need daily walks. And yet people regularly get flummoxed when their just-as-loveable cat exhibits completely natural behaviors like climbing tabletops or scratching at furniture.

Of course, cat people, who delight in adapting their life to make it as enriching as possible for their feline fur babies, know the flaws of this logic. After all, most cats spend more time in the house than their human counterparts. So shouldn’t the house belong just as much to them?

If you answered yes—then this clapback video (from a vet, no less), should have you feeling pretty vindicated. And if you answered no—prepare to see the error of your ways.

Dr. Matt McGlasson is a veterinarian in Kentucky, who also happens to be the proud dad of a 5-year-old special needs cat named Rupaul.

McGlasson recently was told by a viewer that it’s "disgusting" that he allows Rupaul on his furniture (as opposed to human butts only, which are okay, I guess?).

McGlasson’s response to this comment recently racked up over 11.8 million views, with good reason.

In a clip posted to his Instagram, McGlasson holds up Rupaul, who can’t use her hind legs, and shamelessly lists off all the other things he would allow for his kitty, including:

-Cosigning a loan for Rupaul

-Letting Rupaul do his taxes

-Giving Rupaul the passwords to all of his accounts.

-Capital Punishment, which he’s not normally a support of. But if someone hurts Rupaul, “that’s another story."

-Going into a business with Rupaul

-Giving Rupaul $20,000 for bringing him a dead mouse

-Making Rupaul the beneficiary on my life insurance policy.

And last, but certainly not least…letting Rupaul on the furniture.

Put simply: “My cat can do whatever she wants. It's her world. I'm just living in it.”

Down in the comments, fellow cat owners couldn’t agree more with McGlasson’s sentiment.

“My husband picked his new chair based on the cat , the arm had to be wide enough for her to sit whenever she chooses to have quality time with him.”

“I would donate my kidneys to Square if she needed them. Yes… I mean both 😂”

“‘You let your cat sleep with you?’ Ma’am, I’d let him represent me in court.”

“I bought my house for my senior kitties. I wanted to get out of our apartment so they could feel grass beneath their paws again before their time was up.”

Others reiterated how it’s a gift to be able to create a healthy, happy life for a pet, and freaking out about furniture is kind of missing the joint.

“Like I don't understand ppl who r so against cats on furniture. If ur against pets on furniture probably don't have them. Treat your pets with love and respect. When you take an animal into ur home it becomes their home and safe place. All of the things in ur house become a part of their world and cats like to naturally be elevated. My cats do what they want because they aren't pets they are family. They own the place I just live here. Lol,” wrote one person.

Bottom line: climbing is part of a cat’s inherent programming. And if cat owners truly want their home to be a safe space for their kitty, then this should be taken into consideration.

The good news is, there are plenty of cat-friendly ways you can coax them off of furniture, like making sure there are plenty of dedicated cat trees to climb and scratching posts to sink their claws into, or opting for furniture with fabrics that cats don’t love as much, like microfiber.

And as a general rule, cats respond to positive reinforcement, rather than punishment. Contrary to outdated, yet still popular belief, cats don’t “know” when they're being bad. And they will learn to associate their own with negative attention. That’s not fun for anyone.

As McGlasson, or any other pet owner can attest, having their presence in our homes provides so much fulfillment and connection, that small compromises—or large bank loans—are well worth it.

By the way, McGlasson’s TikTok and Instagram are full of hilarious cat content, so be sure to give him a follow.

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Music

5-year-old Italian piano prodigy rocks Mozart at international competition and holy cow

Alberto has already won multiple international competitions.

Pianoforte/Facebook

Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani wows audiences with his amazing musical talents.

Mozart was known for his musical talent at a young age, playing the harpsichord at age 4 and writing original compositions at age 5. So perhaps it's fitting that a video of 5-year-old piano prodigy Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani playing Mozart has gone viral as people marvel at his musical abilities.

Alberto's legs couldn't even reach the pedals, but that didn't stop his little hands from flying expertly over the keys as incredible music pours out of the piano at the 10th International Musical Competition "Città di Penne" in Italy in 2022. Even if you've seen young musicians play impressively, it's hard not to have your jaw drop at this one. Sometimes a kid comes along who just clearly has a gift.

Of course, that gift has been helped along by two professional musician parents. But no amount of teaching can create an ability like this.

Alberto first started playing in 2020 in the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic. Italy was one of the first countries to experience a serious lockdown, and Alberto's mother used the opportunity to start teaching her son to play piano. Alessia Cingolani and her husband Simone Cartuccia are both music conservatory graduates, and mom Alessia told Italian entertainment website Contrataque that she and her husband recognized Alberto's talent immediately.

She said that although Alberto spends a lot of time at the piano, he also has plenty of time for school and play and television, like a normal kid.

There's genuinely nothing "normal" about this kid's piano playing, though. Watch:

Wow, right? There are countless adults who took years of piano lessons and never got to that level of playing. It's like he's channeling Amadeus himself.

According to Corriere Adriatico, by the time he was 4 1/2 years old, Alberto had participated in seven national and international online competitions and won first place in all of them. His mother told the outlet that he started out practicing for about 10 minutes a day and gradually increased to three hours.

"He has a remarkable flair for the piano," she said. Um, yeah. Clearly.

Some commenters expressed some concern for the boy based on his seriousness and what looks like dark circles under his eyes in the video, but if you check out other videos of Alberto playing at home, he is more relaxed. Most of his playing and competition entries have been done online, so performing for a crowd is probably new for him. And in interviews, his mother has made it clear that they prioritize normal childhood activities.

Some children are just genuine prodigies, and Alberto certainly seems to fit that bill. Can't wait to see what kind of musical future awaits this kid.


This article originally appeared on 5.4.22

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Humor

Guy turns dating advice on its head with 34 heartfelt 'playa moves' for single men

Excellent advice for men that actually works.

BlanksheetPlaya/TikTok

A relatively unknown creator on TikTok has been making waves recently.

Known as "Blanksheet Playa," the creator from Vancouver has been dishing out tips for men for the past couple of months: Tips for dating, self-confidence, health, fitness, you name it.

He recently went mega viral in an untagged post on X, so I had to track him down and see his videos for myself.

I was not disappointed by what I found.

The advice is — what he calls "Playa Moves" — is not what you'd expect.

In one of Blanksheet Playa's most popular videos, he gives words of encouragement for guys who are nervous when talking to girls.

"Playa move. If you are nervous when speaking to a female, communicate that to her. By saying this out loud, it will automatically calm your nerves. And if she is a good person, she will provide comfort. This will, in turn, relax you even further and allow the best of your personality to shine through."

And then he hits his signature sign off. "Real playa shit."

@blanksheet.playa

Playa move number seventeen.

Here's another 'playa move' from the man himself. "Respect women at all times."

Respect is, according to Blanksheet, the key distinction between a player and a playa.

"Players deceive, undermine and lie to women to get into bed with them. Playas use our ability in a positive way, to have mutually respecting and honest relationships with women."


@blanksheet.playa

Playa move number six.

Here are a few other certified 'Playa Moves' to improve your dating life and self-confidence:

To date, he's offered 34 Playa Moves. Here are a few of my favorites.

  • Get serious about wearing condoms (good advice for Gen Z men who refuse to do this)
  • Go down on your women (the oral sex gap is real, and due for a shakeup)
  • Receive all hate with love (just a good way to make the world a better place)

(Not all the tips are a homerun. Like "Never read," and "Hide your emotions" — come on, playa.)

The Playa Moves are resonating with guys and girls everywhere.

"so many men don't realize that just being authentic and kind will take you further than any kind of bravado ever will," one commenter wrote.

"i was waiting for a punchline,' wrote another about the bait-and-switch set up to the videos, "and then by the end i didn’t want a punchline"

"Wow, I expected a joke but that was solid advice," added another.

I've come across enough terrible Gen Z dating advice on TikTok to know the good stuff when I see it.

Most of it has to do with trying to become someone you're not, whether it's reshaping your mouth and eyebrows with creams and daily stretches, or talking less to appear more mysterious.

Here's a dude advocating for people to be the best version of their authentic selves, and to be open and honest in their communications. If people don't like you as you are? Blanksheet says that's cool, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Even better, he's doing it in a funny way, which helps the message spread even farther.

Keep it up, playa. This is the advice guys really need right now.

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Joy

Single mom and domestic violence survivor passes bar exam. Her kids' reactions are contagious.

"Explain to me why I’m crying when I don’t even know what a CA Bar Exam is."

Photo credit: Canva

Single mom passes bar exam, kids' reaction is contagious

Editor's Note: This story contains mention and/or embedded images of domestic violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and need help call 1-800-799-SAFE or text “START” to 88788 to reach The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Going back to school is a big endeavor to take on as an adult already in the workforce, but it becomes even more challenging when you're a parent and especially when you're parenting solo. There's a lot that goes into earning a post graduate degree and it usually involves long hours of studying, completing assignments and more. But when you're a parent, you're juggling all of that on top of your parental and work responsibilities which can sometimes feel impossible.

In order to create a better future for themselves and their children, some parents happily accept the challenges that come with being a non-traditional student. There are some post graduate degrees that require either a licensure exam or another type of professional exam in order to legally practice your new occupation upon completion of school. These exams can be brutal, taking many recent graduates multiple tries to reach a passing score.

Those exams are the last hurdle between a graduate and the rest of their professional life. It's a big deal. A single mom and domestic violence survivor recently finished school to become an attorney but before she can practice law, she needs to pass the California bar exam. The mom of two completed the exam and uploaded a video to TikTok of her and her two children awaiting the results. Immediately it seems one child is overwhelmed with emotion before the results even populate.


@yougonloverhi You are loved. You are valuable. Your past doesnt define your future 💜 #dv #dvawareness #dvsurvivor #survivor #thrive #trigger #growth #graduate #graduated #lawyerbae #lawyer #blackwomen #blackwoman #love #relationship #relationships #abuse #abuseawareness #singlemom #singlemomlife #possibility #blacklawyer #blackgirlmagic #growth #growthmindset #jurisdoctor #jd #storytime #story #change #transformation #reallife #strong #strongwomen #independent ♬ Love Of My Life - Metrow Ar

The woman sits nervously smiling alternating her gaze from the camera to her computer screen while the two children rock and pace behind her. One of the kids is anxiously crying while the other has their hood and shirt pulled up nearly covering their entire face. This is a big moment and the children appear keenly aware. In just a few clicks of the keyboard the woman says, "oh my God," in disbelief before the reality instantly sinks in causing her to scream, "oh my God. I passed!"

The kids fill with so much emotion as the run to their mom but mere seconds pass before all three of them are shrieking blubbering messes overflowing with excitement. "Oh my God, yes, I passed. We did it," she sobs while pulling the crying kids close. The joyful moment is certainly contagious because the comments are filled with people admitting to crying along with the family's beautiful moment.

@yougonloverhi I PASSED!!!! #barexam #barexam2024 #attorney #blackattorney #singlemom #singlemomlife #singlemomsoftiktok #lawyer #blacklawyer #blacklawyers #blacklawyersoftiktok #joy #blackgirlmagic #blackmoms #blackmomsoftiktok #lawyerbae #shedidit #ididit #tearsofjoy #happytears #cabar #cabarexam #california ♬ original sound - Ya BabyDaddy Favorite Attorney

One person writes, "Loook here!!!!! You got the babies crying, strangers crying………we all just crying!!!!!!!CONGRATS!!!!!!"

Another shares, "You ladies don't even know... the CA bar exam is tough, and on the first try too! This is unstoppable excellence right here, no joke! Congratulations. Got me jumping up and down and crying over here."

Someone else chimes in, "Not me, over here in the UK, not knowing you, or what the hell this CA Bar Exam is but having a good ol’ cry with you anyway."

Happy Black Girl GIFGiphy

A commenter jokes about all the tears flowing, "Girl I ain’t wake up to do all this crying today. I feel like I passed too. Congrats."

"Every sacrifice you had to make, every time you stayed up late studying, EV VER REE thing you did to get TO THIS moment, you showed your babies to stay the course & NEVER give up. Congratulations," another person says.

This is a moment that these kids will likely remember forever and the example she set of hard work and dedication is a lesson they'll take with them into adulthood. Congratulations are certainly in order for this family.

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