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Health

19 people reveal the things they think are 'frowned upon' for no good reason

What’s wrong with not having children?

judgmental people, things frowned on, amy cuddy
via Unsplash

“What things are frowned upon for no obvious reason?”

There are a lot of things that people are socialized to look down on that aren’t all that bad when you take two minutes to think about them. But the problem is that people are hard-wired to make snap judgments about others when it’s none of their business.

According to The Learning Mind, Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, Ph.D. says we make quick judgments about people for two reasons.

First, we want to make sure they are trustworthy. “If we don’t feel we can trust someone, we instinctively feel the need to protect ourselves and our interests. We respond to the warmth of a person, their openness and authenticity,” Francesca Forsythe writes at The Learning Mind.

Second, we want to know if someone is worthy of our respect. “This question revolves around how competent we deem a person to be. This comes from the qualifications or specific expertise and experience,” Forsythe continues.

Being that just about everyone we encounter is constantly making judgments, it’s our job to seriously consider which ones we all allow to affect us. Conversely, it’s also our responsibility to be conscious enough to avoid being reflexively judgmental of others.

Both are very difficult tasks.

A Reddit user by the name fren-z703 asked the online forum a question that plays perfectly into the problem of snap judgments outlined by Cuddy. The Reddit user asked, “What things are frowned upon for no obvious reason?”

The post received a ton of great responses and a lot of them dealt with social behaviors that others may deem untrustworthy such as being quiet or going places alone. But what's so bad about keeping to one's self?

There were also a lot of responses where people are judged because they make decisions that show a disregard for status. Some people think that people who are unconcerned with status aren't worthy of their respect. When, in reality, it may be the height of enlightenment.

Here are 19 of the best responses to the question, “What things are frowned upon for no obvious reason?”

1. 

"Spending time by yourself that is intentionally 'non-productive.'" — myaskredditalt21

2. 

"Getting the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu." — fizzytangerines

3. 

"Getting help for anything." — gliitch0xFF

4. 

"Going out alone. Anywhere. Park, cinema, restaurants. All my friends and relatives think I'm weird, but I just want to have some good time with nobody I know around." — North_15

5. 

"Confidently being quiet/silent." — Celq124

6. 

"Certain jobs. If you tell someone you’ve been a janitor for 6 years there’s a good chance their response will be a frown." — Jabber-Wookie

7. 

"Calling out sick when you’re actually sick. Especially when it’s more than one day." — Snoo-6071

8. 

"Not having an opinion on a subject." — flacocaradeperro

9. 

"Off-brand clothing. Who cares if I'm wearing Bobos, I don't have $300 to spend on Jordan's and even if I did I wouldn't. My daughter is entering middle school this year and is so nervous about her clothing not being in style. We do the best we can getting her name-brand things bc kids are fucking mean. Luckily my triplets don't give AF." — Fun-Oraganization8742

10. 

"Going to a movie by yourself. You literally sit there quietly watching a screen for hours. I usually catch them by myself, but people act like I'm disposing of a body when I do that." — yankstraveler

11. 

"As a dude, ordering a sweet and fruity alcoholic drink. Sorry I don't like to drink isopropyl, give me my 'Bahama Mama,' and shut up." — gummby8

12. 

"Talking about your salary. Frowned upon and people think you aren't supposed to do it but that's just the man trying to keep your pay as low as possible!" — Mister_JayB

13. 

"Having a slightly different sleep schedule/ability than others. My god, the number of times I've harassed by Boomers for "staying up late/all night" when I stayed up 1-2 hours later than them, slept in the same amount, and maybe didn't have breakfast with them. They act as if I've murdered a child." — ephemere66

14.

"Being a recovered addict. There’s so much stigma towards the disease of addiction and people see you as a monster when in reality you’re just trying to be a better person dealing with a mental illness that overpowers you if you don’t learn how to control it." — csrlmnv

15. 

"Men watching their own children. We usually get the 'Oh babysitting today are we?' No Karen, I'm doing what a parent is supposed to do and taking care of my kids, maybe if you'd pay a bit more attention to your demon spawn it wouldn't be trying to choke that goose to death over there." — Rare-Outside-8105

16. 

"Being a male in the early years education sector. When I was an ECE teacher (Early childhood educator) I had a male collègue. Parents etc were always worried about him with their kids—but he was a better teacher than most. He used a rough and tumble play approach and kids loved him. He also taught them boundaries and consent at a young age because a lot of kids weren’t listening to 'keep your hands to yourself.'" — Apprehnsive_Oven924

17. 

"Taking care of your mental health." — ABAxStorm

18. 

"Wearing your pajamas all day when you aren't going anywhere. like bruh do you want me to step into a suit and tie for literally nobody, if im gonna be in my house sleeping all day then im gonna look like it." — SeaShark14

19. 

"Choosing to not have children." — ParfaitOrganic3597

This article originally appeared on 7.7.22

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psychology
Parenting

Retired elementary school teacher shares biggest parenting mistake she saw during long career

Few people understand kids better than elementary school teachers.

Photo by April Walker on Unsplash
Retired elementary school teacher shares biggest parenting mistake she saw during long career

Few people understand kids better than elementary school teachers. Not only do they spend all day with kids, but teachers get to know their students' parents pretty well, too. From parent-teacher conferences to field trips and snack days, it's a collaborative relationship meant to foster their child's development. (And let's be real: what parent hasn't gotten a call from their child's teacher to discuss their *questionable* behavior in the classroom?)

Teachers are full of wisdom about kids, which is why TikToker @elenanico22 interviewed her mom Lisa, a retired elementary school teacher, in an advice video. She asked her mom to share her insights on the question: "What's one thing you saw people messing up with their kids?"

And her response was simple: "They didn't enjoy them." Elena asks her mom to elaborate, and she goes on to share, "Kids are fun. You’ve got to enjoy them. They wanted them to be something that — most of us aren’t exactly what other people want us to be — so enjoy the kid you have."

@elenanico22

Lisa says it like it is #momlife #momsoftiktok #momwisdom #momtok #momhumor #parenting #parentingwisdom

Of course, Lisa fully accepted her own daughter, and turns to Elena in the video and says, "I enjoyed you."

And the comments were flooded with positive replies from parents to her response. "Kids aren’t a chore, they’re a joy. 🥰," one wrote. Another added, "Parents are stressed, and they don’t realize how quickly childhood goes by."

ParentsKids Love GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphy

The post also resonated with other teachers and professionals who work with kids. "This is so true. I work in childcare and lots of parents literally cannot stand their kids. They get so angry when we close. They can’t wait to drop them off and pickup last minute. Breaks my heart," one commented. Another wrote, "Toddler teacher. Same. So heartbreaking. I saw it a lot when I worked with highly educated parents with high incomes." And another teacher chimed in with, "So true. As a elementary teacher sometimes playing Barbie Dreamhouse with my 4 y/o is the last thing I want to do but I always do because I know I'll be wishing for it one day ♥️." And another professional shared, "As a pediatrician, I agree."

The video concluded with another piece of strong advice from Lisa, who also dropped this nugget: "Never send your kid to school with carrots." The reason? She explained a story involving a prominent doctor at her school who was "super strict" with what his kids could and could not eat at school.

Carrotshamster GIFGiphy

"So of course what did the kids want? Everything they couldn't," she said. "You are bound to have kids who are going to have food issues."

And plenty of parents offered their thoughts on this. "Omg I love her! Please post more. As a mom I’m enjoying time with my kids, loving their personalities and so anti food restriction teaching them intuitive eating. Because I wasn’t taught those things," one commented. Another shared, "The food statement is so true. My son shared that a boy from his class (who has food restrictions) steals the other kids snacks at school! 🙈❤️😂"

Parenting

Expert interviewed 70 parents of highly successful adults and found they had one thing in common

Is this the secret to success?

via Canva/Photos

A woman sitting in the corner office.

There is an ongoing debate over which parenting style is better for children, authoritative or permissive. Should parents provide structure and have strict expectations or prioritize the child’s happiness and act more like a friend than a parent? If parents want to raise a successful person with entrepreneurial qualities, the answer is neither.

For her book “Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams,” Margot Machol Bisnow interviewed 70 parents of highly successful people from all different family structures to find what they had in common. The result was 99 stories of people who are now changing the world that show readers how to raise creative, confident, resilient children filled with joy and purpose. In addition to being a writer, Bisnow is a mom, parenting expert, and former FTC Commissioner.

“It was an extremely diverse group — of different races, religions, income, family structure and education,” she wrote about the families profiled in her book for CNBC. “But as I talked to each, I discovered a common theme: respectful parenting.”

What is respectful parenting?

Respectful parenting differs from authoritative and permissive parenting and combines some elements of both. A respectfully parented child will have expectations for academics and behavior but can choose their after-school activities and follow their interests. These children are allowed to explore and are free from following hard-set rules. Instead, they are treated more like adults than children.

success, parenting, raising an entreprenuerParents and their daughter looking at the computer.via Canva/Photos

How do you raise children to become successful?

While researching her book, Bisnow found that the parents of highly successful people often went to extremes when allowing their kids to follow their passions. “Every single one of these ‘extreme’ things the parents are doing is listening to their child. And, they’re taking what their child says seriously, as opposed to saying, ‘I’m the parent, I know best,’” Bisnow told CNBC.

Respectfully parented children are given plenty of opportunities to develop the confidence they need to become successful as adults. They learn to believe in themselves, pursue their passions, find new ways to solve problems, and develop single-minded determination to achieve their goals. Kids who are allowed to follow their hearts as children are likelier to pursue their dreams as adults because they believe in themselves.

success, parenting, raising an entreprenuerA child learning how to play the guitar.via Canva/Photos


Bisnow’s work counters the idea that children must be forced down a narrow path of achievement to become successful adults. Highly successful adults learn as children how to find opportunities others don’t think exist and attempt new endeavors even though they may not have the proper credentials. This mindset is entirely different from children who are raised to follow rigid rules and traditional tracts for academic and career development.

“I think the major myth is that there is a precise path that must be followed,” Bisnow told Planning to Wealth. “In fact, that’s not true: the important thing is to follow where your child wants to go, not mandate that direction. The direction has to come from the bottom up, not the top down. I had a tennis player and a songwriter when my kids were in high school. We don't play tennis, and we don't write music. Those were their passions, not mine.”

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Democracy

Fox News viewers changed their minds after getting paid to watch CNN for a month

Some hope we can bridge the political divide.

Greg Gutfeld and Anderson Cooper images via Wikicommons

Fox viewers changed their minds after watching CNN

The prevailing logic in today’s political world is that polarization is worsening because people live in media echo chambers where they are only exposed to outlets that mirror their views.

People who live in echo chambers come to distrust any opinions that exist outside of their bubbles and when they're not exposed to any conflicting information. This creates a scenario where the person becomes increasingly entrenched in their worldview.

One would assume that after a person becomes fully entrenched in an echo chamber they have little chance of changing their views. However, a new working paper by researchers at Stanford and Yale universities has found that when people are removed from their bubbles there’s a chance they’ll change their minds.

David Broockman of Stanford and Joshua Kalla of Yale conducted a study in 2022 where they paid regular Fox News viewers $15 an hour to watch CNN for around seven hours a week for a month. The researchers then surveyed them about their political beliefs and knowledge of current events.

The study is titled “The manifold effects of partisan media on viewers’ beliefs and attitudes: A field experiment with Fox News viewers.” The research was done in fall 2020, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic and lead-up to the presidential election.

When the participants were polled, researchers found that they were 5 percentage points more likely to believe that people suffer from long COVID, 6 points more likely to believe that other countries did a better job of controlling the virus and 7 points more likely to support voting by mail.

“CNN provided extensive coverage of COVID-19, which included information about the severity of the COVID-19 crisis and poor aspects of Trump’s performance handling COVID-19. Fox News covered COVID-19 much less,” said the study.

​After the Fox viewers switched to CNN, it changed their opinions on the social justice protests happening at the time as well. The switchers were 10 points less likely to think that Biden supporters were happy when police got shot and 13 points less likely to believe that if Biden gets elected “we’ll see many more police get shot by Black Lives Matter activists.”

Many of the participants also realized that when it came to Trump, they weren’t getting the whole story. After switching to a steady diet of CNN they were less likely to agree that “if Donald Trump did something bad, Fox News would discuss it.”

“Despite regular Fox viewers being largely strong partisans, we found manifold effects of changing the slant of their media diets on their factual beliefs, attitudes, perceptions of issues’ importance, and overall political views,” the authors of the study said.

The study shows that Fox News isn’t just a media outlet that affirms its viewers' worldviews, it also feeds them a distorted version of reality that pushes them toward more extreme opinions. The good news is that some of these people can be changed when exposed to better information.

It should also be noted that Fox News viewers aren’t the only ones living in information bubbles and that there are plenty of ideological traps that ensnare people on the left as well.

The study should give everyone hope that all is not lost and that America’s political divide may not be impossible to bridge.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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politics
Parenting

Teenage girl shamed for her ‘distracting’ outfit fights back in a very funny way

“[Because] she has a figure she was told she had to change.”

Photo from Facebook page.

A clever message written on her T-shirt.

A Lawton, Oklahoma, student who goes by the Facebook user name Rose Lynn had the last laugh after being sent home from school for wearing an outfit deemed "distracting." Rose Lynn believes her outfit attracted the attention of school officials because of her figure.

She proved it by posting a photo on Facebook of her modest outfit, which consisted of black leggings, a t-shirt, long cardigan, and boots. In her post, she wrote that she was sent home "because I'm developed farther than the average girl my age," and because she's a "CURVY woman." Rose Lynn also thinks the appropriate response shouldn't have been to tell her to cover up, but to teach boys to "to respect the boundaries of young ladies."

Her father, Lance Miles, agrees with her. "If she was built like a board or as round as a ball she wouldn't have been sent home but [since] she has a figure she was told she had to change," he said in the comments of her Facebook post.

"This is 100 percent on [Lawton Public Schools] because they have left the rule up to interpretation. She has been taught that if you believe in something, do what you must and be prepared for the consequences. She has done that," he continued.

Rose Lynn's post:

"So today I was sent home from class, after being in school for two hours, for my outfit. Because I'm developed farther than the average girl my age, I am required to go home and change... Because I look like a CURVY woman and may distract young boys, I have to miss class and change my outfit.

So once again, society has failed to advocate young ladies, by confining them in a box, where they are stripped from their sense of self respect and self expression, rather than teaching young men to respect the boundaries of young ladies. My response: #Feminism #YoullDistractTheBoys #SocietyIsFailing"
school policy, sexism, women, Oklahoma

The before and after images for following a dress code.

Photo from Facebook page.


On the day Rose Lynn was sent home, she was due to take a 20-minute algebra exam. She asked school officials if she could take the test before changing her outfit, but her request was denied. So the next day, she got her revenge.

Rose Lynn returned to school wearing an oversize t-shirt. On the front she scribbled a quote from school officials in black Sharpie, "It doesn't cover your crotch"; on the back, "You'll distract the boys." That day, Rose Lynn was called to the office and sent home again. This time it wasn't for her outfit but for not wearing her student I.D., which she had left in the classroom after being called to the office.


This article originally appeared five years ago.

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Teachers

A teacher asked a great question about superintendent pay. Then, all hell broke loose.

Her earnest question about inequality in our education system was met with a grotesque abuse of power.

Why should a superintendent get a raise while teachers in the same district struggling to make ends meet see their paychecks flatline — year after year after year?

Teacher Deyshia Hargrave begged the question. Minutes later, she was handcuffed and placed in the backseat of a cop car. The scene was captured below by YouTube user Chris Rosa, who attended a board meeting for Vermilion Parish Schools in Louisiana. You can watch Hargrave begin speaking about 33 seconds in. The situation starts becoming contentious around 6:35 minutes. Hargrave is arrested at 8:35, and then walked outside in handcuffs and placed in the back of police vehicle.


Teacher Deyshia Hargrave was questioning the school board how they can vote to give the superintendent a raise when school employees have not gotten a raise ...

"We work very hard with very little to maintain the salaries that we have," Hargrave, who teaches middle school language arts, said during a public comment portion of the meeting, stating that she's seen classroom sizes balloon during her time at the school with no increased compensation. "We're meeting those goals, while someone in that position of leadership [the superintendent] is getting raise? It's a sad, sad day to be a teacher in Vermilion Parish."

According to comments Hargrave made to BuzzFeed News, she believes Superintendent Jerome Puyau was already making $110,000 before the board voted to give him a raise of $38,000. The raise alone is roughly the salary of "a teacher, or two cafeteria workers, or two janitors," Hargrave told the outlet.

After Hargrave spoke out again later in the meeting, a city marshal on duty asked her to leave — even though the school board was still addressing her.

"You're going to leave, or I'm going to remove you," the officer told her, as seen in the video. Many people in attendance seemed shocked. "Are you serious?" someone asked, aghast, in the crowd.

Hargrave leaves the room, followed by the officer. But moments later, someone chimed in, "he's putting her in handcuffs" — and the room erupts in disarray.

"I am not [resisting], you just pushed me to the floor!" Hargrave is heard screaming at the officer, as he forcibly removes her down the hallway and out the building in handcuffs. "Sir, hold on! I am way smaller than you!"

Teacher removed from Vermilion school board meeting in handcuffs

According to KATV News, Hargrave was booked in the city jail for resisting an officer — a fact that left many commenters online flabbergasted. School officials are reportedly not pressing charges. "Umm ... what charges could they possibly make?" one Redditor noted.

With help from the Reddit community, Rosa's video has gone viral, garnering more than 600,000 views in less than 24 hours. Clearly, Hargrave's earnest question about inequality in our education system — met with a grotesque abuse of power — has clearly touched a nerve with people across the country.

"I don't know how this teacher could have been more polite and patient in her earnest desire to find out why the superintendent deserves a raise while the teachers work harder with less," YouTube commenter Scott Wells chimed in. "She continued to press because they refused to come up with an answer. Seems like a good question to me."

We agree.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

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