upworthy
Joy

19 brutally honest pieces of advice that 'everyone should know'

"When someone shows you who they are believe them."

sad woman, harsh truths, reality

A woman coming to grips with a harsh truth about life.

Life is filled with lessons; unfortunately, there are some we must learn the hard way, whether it’s how the real world works when you start your career or the first time someone breaks your heart. These lessons are essential to learn so that you don’t have to go through the same pain again, but don’t you wish you learned them the easy way — by hearing the harsh truth from others — rather than going through the pain yourself?

Wouldn’t it be great if you could download all of these harsh truths into your brain to learn them the easy way? Some folks online got together and did just that. And, for those who pay attention, it can save them a lot of grief in the future. Many touched upon the thornier issues in life, love, family, friendships, the transitory nature of relationships, and how you can do everything right and still lose.


We chose the top 19 “brutally honest” pieces of advice that were the most important so you don’t have to learn them the tough way.

1. Take care of yourself

"If you have poor hygiene, you will be treated poorly."

"People can and will judge by appearances, so don’t make it any easier for them to do so."

2. Don't ever expect the world to be fair.

"But work to make the parts of the world you influence as fair as possible."

"The concept of fairness is a human invention, which implies that fairness only exists in reality when humans put it there. That's the only way it exists. Do your part."

3. Your job doesn't care about you

"Your company doesn’t give a sh*t about you. If you die, your job will be posted within the week to replace you. You might get a bouquet of flowers on the break room table, but once those die, so will your presence at the job."

"A coworker of mine passed away from cancer a few years back. I think about her sometimes, though we never worked closely, but they sent out an email, and that was that."



4. No one has to forgive you

"Just because you apologize to someone doesn't mean they have to forgive and forget what you did to them."

"The reverse is also true, you don't have to forgive someone just because they apologized to you."

Even though we are conditioned to say "it's okay" when someone apologizes to us, we don't have to condone their actions. Karina Schumann, a psychology professor who studies conflict resolution, apologies, and forgiveness at the University of Pittsburgh, says we only owe them a genuine response. “It’s important to be genuine without being hostile,” says Schumann. “Research shows that using a ‘constructive voice’ — where you voice your concerns in a positive, calm way — is the most effective way to invite behavioral changes and better relationships. Sweeping things under the rug and pretending to forgive when you’re not ready is not going to fix the problem.”

5. 'Brutal opinions aren't always true

"People who describe themselves as brutally honest are usually more interested in the brutality than the honesty."

6. Not all friends are forever

"Friends come and go and some were never really friends."

"And some that ran their course years later start again and it’s like a totally new relationship since you’re in a completely different phase of your life!"

"Can I add that just because you may have had good times with people, that does not make them good friends."



7. Some people shouldn't have kids

"People who are dumb, trashy, or otherwise not great will lack the critical thinking skills to realize they won’t be great parents, or maybe that they won’t have the money to raise a child well. People who are smarter, or have better jobs and lives, will be more likely to not have kids so they can preserve their good life, or will maybe think “maybe I won’t be a good parent” and will not have kids, these people are infinitely better equipped to have kids. This means that a majority of people having kids will not raise them well, a majority of kids will be raised poorly, and a majority of kids will display the same poor personality traits as their parents."

8. No one else’s life revolves around you

"Yep, we all suffer from Main Character Syndrome, but we’re all just extras in someone else’s world."

9. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

"I kind of guess it means. Don’t let yourself be fooled and do not gaslight yourself. Don’t excuse bad behavior; say sorry that’s not acceptable, and I’m no longer going to tolerate it. Bye bye, Felicia."

This quote is believed to have been first written by writer Maya Angelou, and Orpah Winfrey would later expand on it to share how it applies to our daily lives. "Remember this because it will happen many times in your life," Winfrey said. "When people show you who they are the first time believe them. Not the 29th. time. When a man doesn't call you back the first time, when you are mistreated the first time, when someone shows you a lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many, many other times, and that will some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you. Live your life in truth. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You will survive anything if you live your life from the point of view of truth.”



10. Sometimes you lose

"'It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.' Jean-Luc Picard."

"Another from sports: The best team doesn't always win; the team that plays the best does."

11. Some bridges are worth burning

"Don't hang on to toxic people, INCLUDING FAMILY. Don't fall for the 'But they are your family...'"

12. If it’s not yes, it’s a no

"Particularly helpful dating advice."

"If they like you, you’ll know it. If they don’t, you’ll feel confused."

"Also add, stop saying no when you mean yes. People can’t read minds."



13. Learn to deal with yourself

"The person who you spend the most time with is yourself. Literally, 24/7 til you die. Learn to deal/exist with that person."

"If you can’t like yourself, why would anyone else? Instead of complaining that no one likes you, work on making yourself into someone likable."

14. Use protection

"Wear a condom. Especially if she tells you you don’t have to and you don’t know her very well."

"In general, when anyone tells you that you don't need something that is for your protection/safety/peace-of-mind, YOU NEED IT."

15. Simple isn't always right

"We live in a complex world, and you should be wary of simplistic explanations."



16. Don't be afraid to fail

"Doing nothing is often worse then doing something wrong. Go make mistakes. Live your life and collect memories and wisdom. If you are in the box. Be there cause you chose to, not because someone told you to be there."

17. Maybe you just don't want it

"If you keep making excuses as to why you aren’t meeting some goal, maybe you just don’t actually want to achieve said goal. And if you just accept this, then you can spend your time focusing on a goal you actually want to achieve."

"You make time for the things you care about and excuses for the things you don't."

18. Be wary of critics

"Only accept criticism from someone you’d take advice from."

"And only take advice from someone successful in the topic at hand."

19. Be pleasant

"Once you reach adulthood, being an a**hole is going to close a lot of doors for you: at school, at work, with friends, and with family. Some of those doors don’t open again. Adults don’t go out of their way to help unpleasant people."

"Similarly, way too many people focus entirely on 'I don't owe anyone anything' and don't focus enough on common courtesy and basic respect. If you refuse to ever help someone else unless you're strictly obligated to, don't be surprised when nobody opts to help you when you need it."

via Rob Dance (used with permission).

CEO Rob Dance holds a list of things he's "sick" of hearing from his employees.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted workplaces worldwide, there has been a greater push for improved work-life balance and many companies are taking notice. The exciting thing is that when companies become more flexible, their employees become happier and more productive. It’s a win-win for all involved.

Rob Dance, the CEO of ROCK, a technology consulting company in the UK, recently went viral for posting about his approach to work-life balance on Instagram. What, at first, appeared to be a CEO reprimanding his employees revealed a boss who knows how to get the best out of his team by treating them like adults.

The post was of Dance holding a whiteboard that reads:

Things I’m sick of hearing from my employees:

- Can I leave early today

- I’ll be late in the morning

- My child is sick, can I rush off

- I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay

- I’m going to be late back from lunch, I’ve got some things to sort.

I don’t care.

I hired you for a job and I fully TRUST you to get it done.

I don’t need you to account for every single hour.

Times have changed, and the workplace is different these days.

People are sick of being treated like children.

All that should matter is that everyone is happy, and that the work gets done.


He also shared his advice for companies on how to treat their employees. “Treat your staff like adults. That’s it, that’s the big secret,” he wrote. “Give them autonomy. Respect that they have lives outside of work. Don’t gaslight them into being grateful for not being fired every day.” Because in the end, the only thing that matters is if they get the job done. “Output should always trump hours,” he concluded.

Upworthy contacted Dance, who explained why managers still hesitate to treat their employees like adults.

“Many bosses don't trust their employees and keep extremely close tabs on them because of past experiences and a desire for control. They might believe that micromanaging ensures productivity and prevents issues,” he told Upworthy. “Additionally, the pressure to meet business targets can drive bosses to monitor employees obsessively, thinking it will lead to better outcomes. This approach, however, only undermines trust and destroys morale in the workplace. It creates a toxic environment where employees feel undervalued and stressed, leading to higher turnover rates and decreased overall performance. Instead of fostering a culture of accountability and growth, this behavior only promotes fear and resentment.”


Dance says that technology has helped drive demand for improved work-life balance.

“Mobile technology definitely started to blur the lines between one’s professional and personal life, making it tough to switch off from work,” he told Upworthy. “As a millennial leader, I've always valued work-life harmony for my staff, helping them to achieve both flexibility and finding purpose in their work.”

The ROCK CEO also has advice for employees who’d like to gain their employer’s trust.

“Always deliver quality work and aim to meet or exceed expectations. Keep communication lines open by regularly updating your manager on your progress, challenges, and successes,” he told Upworthy. “Take the initiative to go beyond basic requirements, showing your willingness to contribute more. Act with integrity by always being honest and ethical. Seek honest feedback and make tangible improvements based on it, demonstrating your commitment to growth. Finally, a big one is building positive relationships with everyone you work with, as strong connections are what help to build real trust.”

In April 2025, Dance shared some additional wisdom that highlights the power of leaders prioritizing culture. He took a photo of himself holding a whiteboard with some more wisdom that all CEOs should take to heart: "An employee who leaves for the salary might return for the culture, but if they leave because of the culture, no salary will ever bring them back."

It makes you wonder, if the money was right, which previous jobs would you go back to, and which ones would you reject?


rob dance, work-life balance, ROCK UK, bosess, pto, time off, employee complaintsCEO Rob Dance holds up a whipe board with his culture philosophy. www.linkedin.com


This article originally appeared last year.

Boomers weren't wrong about everything.

Baby boomers (people born between 1946 and 1964) notoriously take heat from younger generations who think that their me-first mentality helped create a world where the climate is getting warmer, the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and people born in the ‘40s and ‘50s still rule the modern workplace.

Boomers are also often super frustrating because many can’t figure out modern technology, and the younger folks have to explain it until they are blue in the face.

Of course, these are all generational stereotypes that many baby boomers would reject. But regardless, they would probably stand up and cheer if they read a list of tweets inspired by X user @FvreignLL, who asked, “What is the most boomer complaint you have?” The since-deleted post was embraced by younger people and received over 123 million views.

Even though boomers are frequently in the hot seat these days, just about everyone can agree that they’re right about many things that get under younger people’s skin, too. One of the recurring themes of the post was that people can’t stand the fact that we are overly dependent on technology, and often, instead of making things more accessible, it makes them more frustrating.

Here are 15 of the best ‘boomer complaints’ that younger people have, too.

People had a lot of thoughts on the state of tipping culture.


They also can’t stand the idea that technology has complicated things unnecessarily.



On that note, technology has also made people super annoying. What's the point in paying upwards of $23 for a movie and scrolling through your phone in the theater the whole time?

People also noted that with a lack of third spaces, we now have a world that isn’t exactly kid-friendly

Also—what happened to adult clothes?


Whatever happened to paying for something once and then owning it? Or being able to own physical media so that you don’t have to pay every time you watch your favorite movie?


Moving on to food complaints, when did we all decide that almost every chip has to be kettle-cooked and made for people with cobalt teeth? Enjoying a snack shouldn't result in a $5,000 dental bill.

Remember when coffee was a quarter? Boomers do. These days, it's common to spend $6 or $7 PLUS on a cup of Joe.

Essentially, now everyone past 30 understands the issue of folks standing on their finely manicured lawn.


We might label boomers as the cranky generation, but eventually, Gen Xers, millennials and, yes, even Gen Zers will be right behind them, complaining about "kids these days" and why things were so much better "in my day." Tis the circle of life. One the bright side though, they'll at least be better at using technology.

This article originally appeared last year.

Robin Williams performs on stage.

Robin Williams once beautifully said, "I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anybody else to feel like that."

One night at a comedy club in Los Angeles, a new, nervous stand-up comic was called to the stage by the emcee. In one hand, she casually had a beer that she propped up on the piano. In the other, was her notebook full of scribbled, half-written joke premises and a few wine stains. She did her opening joke and the response was so quiet, she could hear the ice machine crackling in the kitchen. Joke two — a slight spattering of nervous laughter. Joke three got a heartier laugh, but then it went back to deafening quiet by joke four.

She mercifully got through her final joke, and said "That's my time" long before the red light in the back of the club even went on. She scurried off stage with her beer, like that rat in New York carrying a piece of pizza. Panicked, embarrassed, and frankly — a little hungry.

It was just one of those nights. The last time she'd done this act — same words nearly exactly — she'd received an applause break. This time, she was left questioning every one of her life decisions. Why had she come to Los Angeles? How was the next month's rent supposed to get paid? Why had she cut her hair in the "Rachel-styled" haircut?

As she was about to enter the hallway that led into the bar area, she could feel actual tears forming behind her eyes, like little faucets that were slowly turning on. "Don't cry at the comedy club," she told herself. Rather, "Don't cry at the comedy club AGAIN." But as the tears came anyway, she looked up and lo and behold, there was Robin Williams. She stuttered, "You. Are. One of my favorites. Ever." He looked at her, his blue eyes warmly crinkling and said, "You were amazing."

It hadn't been true. But the fact that he would go out of his way to make this total stranger's awful night into one of her best at that time, was just the kind of person Robin was.

I know this because that woman was me.

I wanted to tell him about the Mork and Mindy poster on my wall as a kid, and how I had cut out Mindy's face and put in my third-grade class photo. I wanted to tell him how much I loved his care for animals and for the unhoused and for the less fortunate. Or that because of him, I had a weird fetish for suspenders. (The last one wasn't quite true, but I still wanted to say it.)

But instead I merely laughed and said "Oh, thank you. But I can do better." He gave me a gentle look like, "We're all in this together," and even though I knew I'd never have a career like his, it dawned on me that it didn't matter. That being kind to others actually DID matter and that he was a lighthouse in a really stormy, pitch-black ocean.

I stuck it out and just a few years later, got to perform in the super cool and coveted "New Faces" show at the Just for Laughs Montreal Comedy Fest. Didn't kill there either, but I was able to step back and look down from an aerial view. How we uplift others, whether through laughter or kindness, is really the only control we have in this world.

Years later, after Robin passed away, I had heart surgery and was feeling down. I had read that cardiac issues could leave a person biochemically depressed and the first person I thought of was him. I messaged our mutual friend from San Francisco and asked if he remembered Robin speaking to him about heart surgery and depression. He only affirmed that yes, it was a very real side effect and that I should take it seriously.

I have always thought of the neurotransmitter Serotonin like it was a flowery perfume. Notes of honey, lavender, rose. When someone has a good amount of it floating through their synapses, it leaves trace of itself wherever it goes, as if the tunnels it burrows under pumps it out through a steam grate. But from what I've heard, Robin struggled with that too. And yet he still found a way to leave a lovely and inviting scent behind him, because he wanted to make sure OTHERS were okay.

heart, robin williams, comediansA heart shaped neon sign in the dark Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

I guess, even in his death, I was looking to Robin for answers. But one puzzle remains solved: making others happy is the kindest thing we can do, even when our own valves --- whether heart or perfume pumps --- fail to work.

A Māori choir sings the Queen classic "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" has been covered dozens of different ways, but you've never seen it performed like this.

As one of the most iconic songs in rock music, "Bohemian Rhapsody" is recognizable no matter how it's done. As children, my brother and I used to belt out Galileos and Figaros in the backseat of our parents' Volkswagon whenever the song came on (yes, just like in Wayne's World). While other kids learned about Beelzebub in Sunday School, I learned about him from Queen's perfect harmonies. If there were an anthem from my classic-rock-filled childhood, it would be "Bohemian Rhapsody."

It's one of those songs that is hard to cover well, though it hasn't stopped people from trying. Some renditions are definitely better than others, but this kapa haka version from New Zealand has caught people's attention and delight like few "Bohemian Rhapsody" covers have.

A Māori choir in native garb sang the song live in the Māori language, and it is something to see.

The group Hātea performed the song on February 21, 2019, at New Zealand's national kapa haka festival, Te Matatini, in Wellington. The festival brings 46 kapa haka (Māori performing arts) groups together to compete against one another.

Newshub reports that Hātea collaborated with musical artist William Waiirua to create a "Bohemian Rhapsody" cover in the Māori language, both as a tribute to Freddie Mercury and to celebrate the Oscar-nominated movie about his life.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The group had previously created a music video for their cover, but seeing it performed live is something else. The voices, the harmony, the presentation—everything—is wonderful.

This kind of cultural mashup reminds us how small our world has become.

The contrast between Queen's 1970s British rock and the Māori people's traditional kapa haka could not be more striking. And yet, the melding of the two totally works. Music has the power to bring people together, and this performance is a great example of how it can bridge cultures with beautiful results.

Watch the live performance here:

- YouTubeyoutu.be

People loved seeing it:

"Lump in the throat. Im so proud to be a Kiwi. This Kapa haka group is so talented. The harmonies are fantastic. The Maori language is so precious as are our Maori people. I could listen to this group over and over again. Spectacular."

"I was just totally moved, and have legitimately got goosebumps from this beautiful Maori rendition, of a Queen classic, Bohemian Rhapsody. I just had this wave of emotion, come soaring throughout my whole entire body."

"I’m just a simple Aussie but that was incredibly moving, something inherently beautiful about the Polynesian peoples, don’t ever change."

"Freddie told his executor before he died that he didn’t care what was done with his legacy, just ‘don’t make me boring’. This is exactly the kind of thing he was hoping would happen with his legacy when he said that."

"The reach of this song, far and wide, across all kinds of languages, cultures and ages, is astounding. This is GLORIOUS. No one could have imagined this in 1974/75. Thank goodness the record exec who said it wouldn't sell didn't stop Queen from releasing it back then."

"That was freaking awesome! Freddy is smiling down on this! Thank you!"

As one commenter pointed out, it's interesting how often "mama" is a common word among different languages. It's unmistakable in this song, even if you don't understand any of the other words.

And if you want more, check out the official music video for the "Bohemian Rhapsody" cover as well:

- YouTubeyoutu.be


This article originally appeared six years ago.

Relaxed008/YouTube

UPS driver invited to family's cookout.

Family cookouts are the ultimate get-together. Good food, good people, and good quality time together. Invites are usually extended to close friends and kin—but one family extended the invite to a UPS driver (and total stranger) working a shift on a holiday weekend, proving community and hospitality are still alive and well.

TikToker @1fanto shared a touching video with his followers from Easter weekend where his family invited a UPS driver making rounds in their neighborhood to come to their cookout and 'make a plate.'

"Everybody family around here 😭," he captioned the video. "Everybody invited to the cookout.😂"

@1fanto

Everybody family around here 😭 #easter #cookout #wherethefunction

In the video, the UPS driver is seen standing in the family's driveway, and a group of cookout attendees warmly welcome him to join them. The uncle of @1fanto says to the driver, "You've been working hard all day man, you can go on in there!" He calls out for a woman named Stephanie to "take care of him!"

The UPS driver walks up the driveway, and they encourage him to go inside and get his fill as he enters the garage. After securing a plate of food and a drink, the driver walks back outside to mingle with guests, shaking hands with the uncle who invited him.

"You good?" the uncle asks, and the driver responds, "Yeah I'm good. They hooked me up. Thank you so much. Appreciate y'all for inviting me out." On his way back to his truck, the uncle encourages the driver to invite other workers to stop by as well.

@1fanto

Explaination to last video! Thank yall for the support really appreciate it. Yall are invited to the next cookout 🤝. #easter #cookout #fyp #upsdriver #invitedtothecookout

In a follow up video, @1fanto explained more about how the invite went down. He shares that the UPS driver was driving by the family's house on the Saturday before Easter, and at the time the family was enjoying a big fish fry cookout together. His uncle flagged the driver down, and he pulled over.

He shares that his uncle told the driver, "Go inside and get you a plate!" The driver asked him, "Are you sure?" But he reassured him, adding that the family made sure to ask the driver what he wanted and didn't want on his plate to "make sure he was good and got everything he needed".

"I saw it had a positive impact. That's what my family do. That's not something that we just do for social media," @1fanto shared. "That's something that we do on a regular basis that doesn't just happen when the camera's on. It happens when the camera's off, too. We're all equal. We all bleed the same."

Viewers had lots of positive things to say in the comment section.

"I am a UPS driver and that makes our day. People showing love to us"

"Your family represents the best of America🫶🏼 Your uncle is now all of our uncle."

"Working the holidays suck. But they made that man’s entire day. Love it."

"I love when people are nice for no reason. You’re so real ♥️thank you for being so kind."