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Family

13 ‘old-school’ parenting ideas some folks call 'bad' but they’re just what our kids need

Helicopter parents aren't going to like this advice.

parenting, discipline, helicopter parents
via Jim Forest/Flickr

A dad has had it with his crying son.

There are as many different parenting styles as there are children. But in 2024, there is a conflict between newer, softer parenting styles and older, tough-love approaches. Softer parenting styles that have come into favor in recent years tend to encourage emotional intelligence, gentle discipline, and open communication.

On the other hand, older, tough-love parenting encourages risk-taking, natural consequences and discipline. One of the most controversial parenting styles that has emerged over the last generation or two is helicopter parenting. In this style, parents closely monitor and control most aspects of the child’s life. While it’s done out of an abundance of concern, it can also limit the child's independence.



A Redditor named NumanLover asked parents to share their parenting strategies that may be considered” bad” by today’s helicopter parents. They received over 1,300 responses. Many resisted the idea that parents should control their children's lives and shared strategies that encouraged independence and perseverance. The “bad” parenting ideas urged parents to let their children grow in confidence by spending time alone and unsupervised.

They also reminded parents that it’s OK to ignore a tantrum, even if it is in a packed restaurant.

Here are 13 of the best answers to: What is considered bad parenting but it's actually good parenting?

1. Giving your kids space

"Giving your kids enough space to fail and then try to figure it out on their own. I see a lot of parents solving their children’s problems without giving them a chance to find their own solution."

"Consequences are the best teachers for some lessons. Barring significant issues, if you don't do your schoolwork or hand it in late you get lower grades. If you show up late to work too many times you may get reamed out by your boss and fired. If you decide to say something careless and cruel you may lose a friendship and the respect of others. Support them through it so they can learn and improve, yes. Shelter them and try to get them out of it, no."

2. Let them be alone

"Leaving your kids alone for age-appropriate periods of time. At some point, kids have to learn to entertain themselves or to be responsible for their own meals, depending on how old they are. Which is why the key part of that statement was 'age-appropriate.' And I suppose it depends on how safe your neighbourhood is, too."

"A lot of parents are too helicopter-y today. I also went where I wanted as a kid as long as I came back when I was supposed to. I think it’s social media getting into parents head with anxieties about what could happen."



3. Give them chores

"Making your kids help with chores from an early age This is just teaching good habits and skills. When I grew up we had a rule in my house. The person who cooks don't have to do dishes. If you didn't set the table and didn't cook. You had to wash dishes. And ironically because of that I became a really good cook because I HATED doing dishes. So I learned how to cook everything."

4. Allow them to experience conflict

"Allowing kids to experience discomfort and situations of conflict and confrontation so they can develop the necessary skills to process and navigate said conflict, and with your guidance before and correction after - learn to compromise when necessary and resolve conflicts effectively."

"Similarly: a lot of parents think it's bad to argue in front of your children. When you argue in front of your kids, you're teaching them that sometimes people disagree on things. When you resolve the argument, you're demonstrating conflict resolution."



5. Encourage risky play

"Letting kids engage in age-appropriate risky play. Trying to protect them from everything is bad parenting. Let them climb, run, jump, dig, throw, etc. They’ll become more specially aware, aware of their body, physically literate, and more active."

6. Let them cry

"Letting them feel emotions helps them learn how to regulate them."

"Teaching them self-soothing skills, a little bit at a time, is also essential. but they do need to learn emotional regulation!"

7. Ignore the tantrum

"As long as they aren’t hurting themselves, someone else, or destroying things, the best thing is to let them tire themselves out. Parents cave in way too often, and it teaches the kid, 'Oh, Mom and Dad will give me this thing I want; I just need to do this long enough,' leading to more and more tantrums. Operant conditioning done inadvertently is difficult to undo."

"The trick is to do the opposite of rewarding the kid throwing the tantrum. Growing up, I behaved well because I quickly learned that if I was acting up in a restaurant, we would leave the restaurant immediately, and we did. It only took a few times of doing that to make it clear there was no upside to throwing a fit, only downsides. That tasty treat you wanted, the chicken nuggets and chocolate milkshake? Nope. You threw a fit; everyone's going home. No nuggs and milkshake for you."



8. Logical consequences

"Refuse to put on your coat to go to the playground? Then either we don’t go to the playground or we go and you get to be cold enough to be miserable while your warm siblings are running around playing."

"Dr. Becky just had a really good episode on her podcast about this. We need to let kids experience the arc of their decisions when it’s safe to do so."

9. Side with the teacher

"Your child is being a little sh*t. Yes, they are 6 years old, and yes, 6 year olds are talkative. But there are 30 other 6-year-olds in the classroom, and if the teacher needs to come to and tell you your child is talkative and being disruptive, do something about it."

10. Prioritize yourself

"For parents, it's actually good to NOT make your kids the highest priority ALL THE TIME - to consciously plan and take the effort and time to prioritize your partner and yourself regularly. A happy, healthy relationship between parents is worth so much more than the occasional bouts of inconvenience/missing the parents/whatever opportunity cost these times have to kids."

"If you're feeling overwhelmed as a parent, it's GOOD to leave the kids to their own devices for an appropriate length of time, maybe even in front of the TV or whatever distracts them, while you take time out to recharge."



11. You aren't your child's friend

"So many people think you need to be friends with your kid, but you're not a friend, you're a parent. Even if your kid hates you, even if you get screamed at, you NEED to teach them the right lessons in life. Cos, guess what, kids won't always love what you say. And what they love is sometimes not what they should love. Being a parent isn't a matter of your child loving you, it's a matter of making sure they're ready for life and praying to any and all gods and demons that may or may not exist that they turn out a decent human being."

12. Keep them offline

"Not letting a small child have an iPad / phone / any access to the internet. This is somehow seen as something really strict / no fun parenting. The parents who don't allow internet are actually great, the internet isn't a nice place for a child to explore."

"I always want to ask 'why' or 'what do you think that’s doing for them?' I’m pretty sure most of these parents just didn’t want children and they just want to offload that time to the tablet and call it a day. There are definitely times when I feel that way too, but it’s just no way to raise a child every day."

13. Spanking your child is wrong

"A bunch of people justifying physically abusing children under the guise of 'discipline'"

"It’s funny because they are objectively wrong. The only thing it does is show you child (by example) that violence is the way to deal with problems."


This article originally appeared in September
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Motherhood

A Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting. Her male VP's response was perfect.

"It’s no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn
When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Years after first engineering it, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is on a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise. Unfortunately, parents all over the U.S. are struggling with burnout, high costs, unreliable childcare, poor paid leave, and more — in short, they're hanging on by a thread. But it's extremely reassuring to know that there are still some companies that value parents in the workplace and are fighting hard to keep them happy.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example. It's made them not only an admired brand when it comes to values and integrity, but a beloved one with its own customers, who are fiercely loyal.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.


patagonia, workplace, office, career, benefits, paid leave, parental leave, parentingPatagona has always done a great job taking care of its employeesYukiko Matsuoka/Flickr

Morissette's stunning story begins with bringing her baby into a meeting at the office and proceeding to breastfeed as the team around her continued to discuss ROI, KPIs, EBITDA, and all those other acronyms corporate office culture loves so much.

That's when a male colleague took note of what she was doing.

Morrissette described the incident later on LinkedIn:

While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...”There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it’s huge.”

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action”. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren’t hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It’s no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done.

Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way.

patagonia, kids, children, parenting, employee benefits, company culture, parental leave, paid leaveWhile nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a…www.linkedin.com


The post gathered massive attention on social media where commenters were smitten, if a little jealous:

"I was never so confident to nurse during a meeting, but I love that you were. I especially love the response. No different than an adult eating a protein bar. No one should bat an eye."

"I am in absolute awe over your story and I thank you so much for sharing it. We go to work to support our families, but we stay with great companies because they support us as people, as humans, and they see us and appreciate us where we are at. Beautiful."

"Amazing! How I wish I had this with by kids. One of my "fun" memories was when I worked for an insurance company with no room available for nursing moms. I pumped 3 times a day in an empty office with no window shades nor a lock."

Just the first eight words of Morissette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."


the office, office, workplace, career, parenting, working moms, breastfeedingNot sure if Dwight Schrute would be as accomodating.Giphy

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

But that's not all folks! Patagonia has extended its support for parents in recent years by allowing up to a staggering 16 paid weeks off. Parents and non-parents alike also enjoy top-notch healthcare, college tuition reimbursement, and so much more.


Patagonia founder discusses why the company's values are so importantwww.youtube.com

The company could almost be a case study in employee retention when it comes to parents. Experts say the things workers value the most in their career when they have children are paid time off, flexible scheduling, and help with childcare.

One more thing that makes a huge difference? A great manager who understands and supports the parent's needs. In this case, maybe one who doesn't flinch at a breastfeeding mother in the workplace.

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.

This article originally appeared on six years ago.

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Animals & Wildlife

Mama orangutan's tender moments with her 3-month-old baby melt everyone's hearts

Such a good mama.

Toronto Zoo/YouTube

Mama Sekali takes good care of her 3-month old.

There's nothing like the magic of new motherhood, when you find yourself spending hours marveling at the incredible being you helped create and gazing at their impossibly tiny and adorable features. It's sweet when humans do it, but seeing animals have those kinds of tender moments with their babies is so endearing.

Sekali, a Sumatran orangutan who lives at the Toronto Zoo, gave birth to a baby in April 2022. In a video shared by the zoo, the baby gets some "tummy time" while Sekali gently strokes and cuddles him. "Sekali continues to take excellent care of her little one, and he appears to be more alert and mobile," the zoo shared. "Keepers are seeing the baby standing up while holding onto mom and sitting up on his own now, so he is growing stronger each day."

The little guy is cute cute cute, but Sekali picking up his foot and "kissing" it is the sweetest darn thing ever.

Orangutan Tummy Time

- YouTubeyoutu.be

People gushed over the video on the zoo's Facebook page.

"LOOKS LIKE ALL MOMMA'S COUNTING THOSE LITTLE TOES AND FINGERS.... SHE APPEARS TO BE SUCH A TENDER MOM!! 🙂❤ I LOVE THIS!!!! 🙂" wrote one commenter.

"Clearly his Mom just adores him so much," wrote another. "She is such a good Mom.........he's so sweet and bright-eyed .....a happy and content little guy."

"I’m going to get in trouble for saying this, but, that little one is cuter than a lot of babies!!!! Just look how gentle she is with baby!!!" shared another.

A few months later in August 2022, the Toronto Zoo announced in a press release that the baby orangutan had been christened "Wali," which means "guardian" in Indonesian. Dolf Dejong, CEO of the Toronto Zoo, noted that the name was chosen from a batch of suggestions from the Wildlife Care keepers. Though there were many great suggestions, one stood out as the "clear winner," said DeJong. According to the Zoo's press release, the name felt "fitting since Sumatran Orangutans are the guardians of the rainforests."

While the Sumatran orangutans are seen as guardians, the sad truth is that the species is in trouble.

In 2017, Sumatran orangutans were moved from the International Union for Conservation and Nature (IUCN) Red List of Threatened Species' "endangered" category to "critically endangered," with their habitat in the wild threatened by deforestation, primarily due to palm oil plantations replacing rainforests. According to the Sumatran Orangutan Conservation Programme in 2022, there were only around 14,000 orangutans left in the wild. According to the World Wildlife Fund (WWF), that number has dipped even lower as of 2025.

rainforest, nature, environment, Sumatran orangutans, guardiansAccording to the Toronto Zoo, "countless [rainforest] plants and animals depend on the critically endangered orangutans for survival."Image via Canva

Orangutan breeding in captivity is not without its controversy, however. The purpose of captive breeding programs like the Orangutan Species Survival Plan is not to release the animals into the wild, but rather to maintain genetic diversity, enable research, and educate the public about these magnificent creatures. Zoos have come a long way in recent decades, creating habitats that look and feel much less like cages and more like the wild, and studies have shown that zoos have a positive impact on people's interest in conservation. Orangutans in human care, like Sekali, may help motivate more people to care about what's happening to the species in their home habitats.

“We are incredibly excited to welcome this new addition to the Toronto Zoo family,” said DeJong. “This orangutan baby is an important contribution to a genetically healthy Sumatran orangutan population in human care. Meanwhile, Sumatran orangutans are under increasing pressure in the wild due to habitat loss and the palm oil crisis, which we are working with partners to address. We are proud to play an important role in the conservation of this amazing species.”

Today, Wali is thriving with mama Sekali and dad Budi. A compilation of his "adorable antics" was shared on YouTube in early January, showing the public what Wali has been up to the last few years. Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

If you'd like to learn more about orangutan conservation and how to help, visit the Sumatran Orangutan Conservation Programme or check out the Toronto Zoo Wildlife Conservancy.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Education

Swim coach's reaction when toddler tries to kiss him is a masterclass in teaching boundaries

People are impressed with how expertly and professionally he handled it.

Representative photo credit: Canva

It takes a village, as they say.

People who work with children—teachers, coaches, mentors—are often beloved by the kids they serve, especially if they're good at what they do. Those caring adult relationships are important in a child's life, but they can also lead to some awkward situations as kids learn appropriate ways to show affection to different people. A baby might cover their mother's face with slobbery kisses, but other adults may not appreciate that very much. As kids grow, they learn what's okay and not okay, not just from their parents but from the village of adults in their lives as well.

A perfect example of what that looks like was shared in a video showing a swim instructor at the end of a swim lesson with a toddler who hugged him and then went in for a kiss. The hug was expected and welcome—"Thank you, Mila. I love Mila hugs!" the swim coach said. But when she started to go in for a kiss, he immediately pulled back, gently saying, "No, no kissy. No kissy 'cause I'm coach. You only kiss Mommy and Daddy, okay?"

The little girl looked a bit dejected and started to cry, and he quickly gave her an acceptable alternative. "Okay, hey! High five!" he said, while holding up his hand. "High five 'cause we're all done!" She calmed right down, gave him a high five, and then he moved on to clean-up time.

Watch:


Teaching boundaries to children
byu/alucard_axel inMadeMeSmile


His expression at the end of the video says it all—he knew that was a teachable moment that could have gone very wrong, but he handled it with clear professionalism and toddler-friendly expertise. People loved seeing such a great example:

"So sweet... I sometimes have young clients who want to give kisses and it's so cute but you do have to tell them "no" because it's an important boundary to learn. Not everyone wants kisses!"

"On top of knowing not to do it to other people, it also teaches them for themselves that other people shouldn’t be just giving them kisses."

"The kid is absolutely adorable but that coach is on another level. Creating the boundaries while keeping it cool and recording the whole thing so the parents are extremely comfortable. Dude is setting a hell of example."

"It sounds like he's got a good balance between encouraging her growth and setting appropriate boundaries. Kids can be incredibly affectionate, and it's important to gently guide them in understanding what's suitable."

Jake Johnson Fox GIF by New GirlGiphy

"I also think it’s important for the parents’ comfort that a grown man swimming with their young girl isn’t overstepping boundaries/being predatory. From the outside looking in, it’s hard to know for sure when something is innocent or not. It’s better to just stay away from those situations as a whole."

"The little girls I used to babysit always tried to give me kisses (they were between 2-5) and I had to tell them that I’m not related to you, so you can’t kiss me. You can hi-five or hug me, but no kisses! They still give me running tackle hugs when they see me!"

A few commenters pointed out that some cultures see kissing as totally acceptable, as it's frequently used as a friendly greeting for people of all ages and genders. But even in those cultures, boundaries based on relationships and contexts are important to learn, and it's helpful when adults help teach those lessons so it doesn't all fall on the parents.

Well done, Coach. Thanks for giving us all such a fabulous example to follow.

This article originally appeared in January

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Humor

Nate Bargatze's SNL sketches of George Washington's 'dreams' just get funnier and funnier

Both appearances became instant classics.

Saturday Night Live/YouTube

Seriously, what were our forefathers thinking with our measuring system?

Ever stop to think how bizarre it is that the United States is one of the only countries to not use the metric system? Or how it uses the word “football” to describe a sport that, unlike fútbol, barely uses the feet at all?

What must our forefathers have been thinking as they were creating this brave new world? Wonder no further. All this and more is explored in a Saturday Night Live sketch that folks are hailing as an “instant classic.”

The hilarious clip takes place during the American Revolution, where George Washington rallies his troops with an impassioned speech about his future hopes for their fledgling country…all the while poking fun at America’s nonsensical measurements and language rules.

george washington, george washington's dream, snl sketch, nate bargatze"Washington Crossing the Delaware" by George Caleb BinghamPublic domain

Like seriously, liters and milliliters for soda, wine and alcohol but gallons, pints, and quarters for milk and paint? And no “u” after “o” in words like “armor” and “color” but “glamour” is okay?

The inherent humor in the scene is only amplified by comedian and host Nate Bargatze’s understated, deadpan delivery of Washington. Bargatze had quite a few hits during his hosting stint—including an opening monologue that acted as a mini comedy set—but this performance takes the cake.

Watch:

- YouTubeyoutu.be

All in all, people have been applauding the sketch, noting that it harkened back to what “SNL” does best, having fun with the simple things.

“This skit is an instant classic. I think people will be referencing it as one of the all time best SNL skits for years.”

“Dear SNL, whoever wrote this sketch, PLEASE let them write many many MANY more!”

“Instantly one of my favorite SNL sketches of all time!!!”

“I’m not lying when I say I have watched this sketch about 10 times and laughed just as hard every time.”

“This may be my favorite sketch ever. This is absolutely brilliant.”

Kenan Thompson Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

The sketch was so popular, they did another one when Nate Bargatze returned to SNL in October of 2024, and it's every bit as hilarious as the first one. Again, the comedy focused on the idiosyncrasies of America, including our names for animal food products, the way we count grades in school, and the design of our currency.

"A real American would never want to know what's in a hot dog, just as they will never know why our money is called the 'dollar'…" says Bargatze as Washington. "And if you think I'm worthy, put my portrait on the front of it."

"And what shall be on the back, sir?" asks Kenan Thompson's character.

"Everything, all of it," Washington replies. "Crazy stuff, squiggles, Latin words, a pyramid with a floating eye on top."

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The sketches became so popular, people wanted to know more about how the idea for them came about and what the process of creating the original sketch was like. Jesse David Fox, the host of Good One: A Podcast About Jokes,sat down with Bargatze and SNL writers Mikey Day and Streeter Seidell to talk about the origins of the sketch and what it was like to co-create it in the week leading up to the live show. It's a fascinating insight into the SNL writing process, which is largely done within that week.

According to Day and Seidell, there had been an idea for a George Washington sketch in the vault of ideas that hadn't seen daylight yet, but it was just a vague idea without the focus of the weights and measurements and other things. Bargatze was on board with playing Washington, but apparently, the sketch was kind of a flop in rehearsals as the week went on, coming in dead last on the list of sketches they had prepared for the show. But Bargatze said he really liked the sketch, and once he was in costume and in front of a live audience for dress rehearsal, everything came together to make the magic of a classic SNL bit.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


Bargatze has rocketed into the comedy world with his clean stand-up routines that the whole family can enjoy. You can catch even more of Bargatze’s “SNL” episodes here and here.

This article originally appeared two years ago and has been updated.

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Humor

Snooping mom who thought she caught teen babysitter smoking a cigar was hilariously wrong

"Keep your habits private from the kids!"

via Sarah Holderr/ Twitter

Sarah Holder looking at her phone.

Anyone with a Nextdoor account knows that some neighbors are terribly nosy. There are also a lot of folks who love to complain … about everything. These looky-loos can also be especially suspicious of what the local teenagers are doing.

Sarah Holder, a teenager from Overland Park, Kansas, babysits for her neighbor, Amy. One day, Amy texts Sarah saying that her husband, Randy, caught her smoking while driving her car. First, Randy should have minded his own business. Secondly, if he has a problem with her smoking, he could have talked to her about it personally. There's no need to narc on her to his wife.

Amy's big problem was that there were a lot of children on the street, and she didn't want Sarah to set a bad example for them.

smoking, teenagers, nieghbors, babysitters, driving, text messages, A text sent to Sarah Holder.via Sarah Holderr/ Twitter

]In the text, she refers to a "a cigar of some sort," which seems like she was accusing Sarah of smoking a blunt—a cigar with marijuana rolled into it. This makes sense because it's rare to see a teenage girl smoking a cigar, especially these days when teenagers are a lot more fond of vaping than smoking cigarettes.

Even though Amy was accusing her of an illegal act, Sarah responded with good humor, admitting that, in fact, she was only eating a taquito, which from a distance, could look like a cigar. "Hey, it was just a taquito, no bad habits here," she responded to Amy with a happy face emoji.

taquitos, sarah holder, x, cigars, funny texts, kansas, habitsSarah Holder showing a half-eaten taquito.via Sarah Holderr/ Twitter

"I feel bad because in my opinion [my neighbor] is crazy nice and I get where she's coming from," Sarah told BuzzFeed News. "She hasn't responded, I'm assuming out of embarrassment."

Sarah told the Daily Mail that she was quick to defend herself because she didn't want people to think that she was a smoker. "'I didn't want all my neighbors and friends to think I was setting a bad example. I do not smoke," said. "'My family does know and my mother was excited about my 'fame.' My neighbor has not replied and I have not seen them since."

Sarah posted the interaction on a since-deleted Twitter post, which completely blew up, earning over 280,000 likes. And, of course, the folks on Twitter had a lot to say about Amy and her nosy hubby. A lot of people in the comments thought that Amy and Randy need to butt out of other people's business.


All in all, the story is a great reminder to all of us to be careful about making assumptions about people, especially when we see them from a distance. Sometimes, what seems like a nefarious act—a teen smoking a cigar—is really just the neighborhood babysitter enjoying a delicious snack.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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