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Learning some basic stuttering etiquette can make everyone feel more comfortable.
For some people, talking comes easily and words and conversation flow freely. For others, an obstacle can impede that flow, whether it's something that manifests psychologically, like social anxiety, or something that manifests physically, like a stutter.
People who find it super easy to talk might not know how to handle talking with those who don't, and some people's reactions can make a person who struggles feel even more uncomfortable than they already do. Most people don't want to make others feel bad, so learning about an unfamiliar perspective, such as what a person with a stutter might experience, can be helpful in avoiding unintentional discomfort or offense.
Travis, a speech-language pathologist who helps educate the public about stuttering, shared a video example of someone handling his stuttering "perfectly." The video shows Travis in his car at a drive-up window getting his food from a fast food worker and stuttering as he asks for some barbecue sauce.
Watch:
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
There are a few things the employee does right here. First, as Travis points out, the guy maintained eye contact with him through the stutter. Second, he didn't try to finish Travis's sentence or guess at what he wanted to say. Third, he waited patiently until he got it all out. And finally, he responded to Travis the way he would respond to anyone asking for barbecue sauce, as if everything was normal. Because it was. For a person with a stutter, this is how normal conversation goes.
As people in the comments pointed out, these are often the biggest questions people have about stuttering. Should I keep looking at the person while the stutter is happening? Is that more or less comfortable for them? If they're stuttering and I think I know what they want to say, should I go ahead and say it or wait until they get the words out? These are honest questions that people with no experience with stuttering might wonder about but don't feel comfortable asking directly.
Don't avoid eye contact with a person who stutters. Photo credit: Canva
Commenters were thrilled to get guidance from someone with experience:
"I always thought maintaining eye contact would make someone feel more vulnerable. But I see it makes people feel seen, listened too and normal."
"Acting normal is so key. Ignore the stutter. Let them speak! Sometimes trying to help by filling in words is more hurtful than anything. My brother and dad have a stutter so I understood how to help. I later ended up managing an employee with a severe stutter that was never ending at first. He stopped stuttering when he realized I never once flinched, blinked too hard or did anything to suggest I was trying to help him along, and he felt secure that he had my full attention. Imagine if you're talking to your friend like normal, you let them speak and take their time. It is no different for stutters in my experience. Hopefully that helps people that encounter this. People can really be so intentionally horrible or unintentionally harmful when they're trying to help. Bless you!"
"This is good information to know. I'm always mortified when I think I'm being helpful but later learn that I wasn't."
"I’m so glad I saw this. I have a regular customer that comes into my place of work who has a stutter. I always feel bad because I don’t know if maintaining eye contact makes him stutter worse, or helps him. But I do exactly this. Maintain eye contact, wait for him quietly to finish, and carry about just like any customer."
"I love that you're saying what is the right thing to do. It's very important information. A lot of us have very good intentions and care about others, but we may not know how to tactfully handle some situations. Thank you for educating us!"
Other people who have experience with stuttering also weighed in to share their thanks.
"This healed a huge part of my preteen self. I used to always talk like this. No matter what. Thank you for being vulnerable like this and showing so many people. I saw this today, and I got humbled again. It put me right back there. I need to remember and honor that version of me more often. Thank you."
"I really appreciate when people wait for me to get my words out instead of finishing my sentence for me or trying to guess what i want to say. good for you dude!"
"Thanks a lot for showing your stutter and educating people! As a person who stutters myself, I find that most of the times what keeps people from truly connecting with me while I talk is the embarrassment of not knowing how to behave. That’s why I LOVE when they accept their embarrassment and ask me what would be best to do. Be genuine, no worries!"
Stuttering etiquette is actually quite simple.Photo credit: Canva
"I’ve had a stutter my entire life. I completely understand EVERYTHING you said. God, it feels so good to be seen. Love the videos man, good luck."
What exactly causes stuttering is a bit of a mystery. There are different kinds of stuttering, including developmental stuttering that begins in childhood and stuttering from other causes, such as a neurological event like a stroke or some sort of emotional or psychological trauma. Family history and genetics can play a role, as stuttering appears to run in families, and structural differences in the brain may contribute to a stutter as well.
Whatever the cause, stuttering affects around 1 in 100 adults, so chances are we'll all meet people who live with it. The more we learn from those folks, the more kind, compassionate, and inclusive we can all be.
This Canadian nail salon has people packing their bags for a manicure
There are a lot of nail salons out there and, without word of mouth recommendations from people you trust, it can be impossible to know which salon to visit. Thanks to social media, though, many businesses have pages where they can advertise their services without having to spend a lot of money on traditional marketing practices like television, billboards, and radio. Doing their marketing using pictures and videos of their amazing work can help keep a steady flow of customers coming—but one Canadian nail salon is going with a slightly different approach.
Henry Pro Nails in Toronto, Canada is leaving the Internet in stitches after creating a viral ad for his nail salon. The video takes the beginnings of several viral video clips but instead of the expected ending, Henry pops in completing the viral moment in hilarious different ways.
It opens with a familiar viral video of a man on a stretcher being pulled by EMS when the stretcher overturns, flopping the man onto the ground. But instead of it ending with the injured man on the ground, Henry seamlessly appears laid out on the floor of his salon and delivers his first line, "Come to my nail salon. Your nails will look beautiful."
Rihanna Nails GIFGiphy
In another clip, a man holds his leg straight up and somehow flips himself into a split. When the camera cuts back to Henry, he's in the splits on the floor of his nail salon promoting loyalty discounts. The ad is insanely creative and people in the comments can't get enough. Some are even planning a trip to Toronto just to get their nails done by the now Internet famous top nail artist in Canada. This isn't Henry's first rodeo making creative ads, but this is one is without a doubt his most popular—and effective.
"I will fly to Canada to get my nails done here just because of this hilarious video. You win this trend for sure," one woman says.
"Get yourself a passport and make a road trip! My bf and I are legit getting ours and its only a 4 hr drive from where we are in Pennsylvania. Their prices are a lot better than other places I've been too," another person says while convincing a fellow American citizen to make the trip.
"Omg, where are you located? I would fly to get my nails done by you," one person writes.
"The pedicure I had at Henry’s was the best I have ever had. Unfortunately made all other places disappointing and I don’t live close enough for Henry’s to be my regular spot," someone else shares.
To keep up with demand, in late October 2024 Henry's announced another location was coming soon in Vaughan, Ontario. Though there's no word on when the new "more spacious and professional facility" is opening just yet, customers can keep an eye out for Henry's next ad on social media.
It just goes to show that creative advertising can get people to go just about anywhere, but great service is what gets them to come back. If you're ever in Toronto (or Vaughan!) and find yourself needing an emergency manicure, Henry's Pro Nails is apparently the place to be.
This article originally appeared last year.
A woman tempted by a chocolate bar.
Imagine a life where you had complete control over your cravings. You'd be able to resist that big hunk of chocolate cake. You’d be able to know when enough is enough with alcohol and drugs. You’d also have the willpower to put your phone down when your mind tells you to pick it up and start scrolling through Instagram.
While perfect self-control seems impossible (and not very fun), studies show that a technique called urge surfing is very effective at helping people control their cravings so they become less frequent and intense over time. Instead of using white-knuckled willpower to get through an uncomfortable craving, urge surfing is a practice where you observe the craving as it moves through your body until it goes away.
Let’s say you have a strong urge to eat a candy bar. Picture the urge as a wave and imagine yourself riding the wave as it naturally ebbs and flows rather than fighting the urge to give in to the craving. You recognize the urge, pay attention to the accompanying thoughts, and feel the sensations that go through your body. It’s all about accepting the craving and allowing it to pass.
A surfer catching air.via Canva/Photos
Jennifer Salzaman, known on TikTok as @RebelwithoutaDrink, explained the practice in a video. “Urge surfing is exactly what it sounds like. It’s riding out an urge just like a surfer rides a wave. When that craving or that urge peaks, it feels like it will never go away, and you have to act on it. But you don't, as uncomfortable as it is, it is just a feeling. It's just a thought, and it will pass if you can stay present, and you can stay curious, and you can let that urge and that craving run its course. You're training your brain to deal with the discomfort. The more you do this, the easier it will be to achieve the changes that you seek.”
@rebelwithoutadrink Urge surfing is a technique for managing our unwanted behaviors. Rather than giving in to an urge, we can learn to ride it out, like a surfer riding a wave. After a short time, the urge will pass on its own! #quitdrinking #cravings #alcoholfreejourney
Dr. Sanam Hafeez tells Verywell Mind that understanding the ocean metaphor is important because it gives us a reference point to realize that the craving will peak and pass. Hafeez says, "Visualize the urge as a wave in the ocean, rising in intensity before eventually cresting and subsiding." She suggests you "picture yourself riding this wave, allowing it to peak without giving in to impulsive actions." Remind yourself that “urges, like waves, are temporary and will eventually pass if you allow them to."
According to Dartmouth-Hitchcock Addiction and Recovery, the most you’ll have to surf any craving is 30 minutes, and then it will leave you alone for a while. However, it’s crucial to surf them, not to feed them. “We feed urges through ruminating, giving them attention, planning to fulfill them, engaging in apparently irrelevant and unimportant behaviors, justifying, etc. Urges will pass on their own if we allow them to,” the recovery center says.
A woman relaxing on the couch. via Canva/Photos
The great thing is that after you successfully surf a few urges and they go away, it will train your brain to handle the discomfort, which will make handling cravings increasingly easier. Most cravings will become more manageable, less frequent, and intense over time. The key is to train your brain to handle them through surfing.
It should be said that urge surfing is just one tool for helping people overcome intense cravings. It is not meant to be a replacement for professional treatment for a serious addiction or disorder. If you are suffering from problems stemming from drug or alcohol addiction or disordered eating, please get professional help.
We've all been there. We've discovered the perfect Airbnb, maybe a little cottage in the mountains, or a condo with stunning beach views. And the price is right in our budget. Hallelujah! Then, unfortunately, when we get to the booking page we realize our total cost is far higher than expected. Why? It's the dreading cleaning fee.
Airbnb defines its notorious cleaning fee as a “one-time charge” set by the host that helps them arrange anything from carpet shampoo to replenishing supplies to hiring an outside cleaning service—all in the name of ensuring guests have a “clean and tidy space.”
But as many frustrated Airbnb customers will tell you, this feature is viewed as more of a nuisance than a convenience. According to NerdWallet, the general price for a cleaning fee is around $75, but can vary greatly between listings, with some units having cleaning fees that are higher than the nightly rate (all while sometimes still being asked to do certain chores before checking out). And often none of these fees show up in the total price until right before the booking confirmation, leaving many travelers feeling confused and taken advantage of. It's certainly a case of sticker shock if you're used to staying in hotels.
However, some hosts are now opting to build cleaning fees into the overall price of their listings, mimicking the strategy of traditional hotels.
Rachel Boice runs two Airbnb properties in Georgia with her husband Parker—one being this fancy glass plane tiny house (seen below) that promises a perfect glamping experience.
@rachelrboice Welcome to The Tiny Glass House 🤎 #airbnbfinds #exploregeorgia #travelbucketlist #tinyhouse #glampingnotcamping #atlantageorgia #fyp
Like most Airbnb hosts, the Boice’s listing originally showed a nightly rate and separate cleaning fee. According to her interview with Insider, the original prices broke down to $89 nightly, and $40 for the cleaning fee.
But after noticing the negative response the separate fee got from potential customers, Rachel told Insider that she began charging a nightly rate that included the cleaning fee, totaling to $129 a night.
It’s a marketing strategy that more and more hosts are attempting in order to generate more bookings (people do love feeling like they’re getting a great deal) but Boice argued that the trend will also become more mainstream since the current Airbnb model “doesn’t feel honest.” Which is funny, because if anything listing the cleaning charge is more transparent! But users tend to feel duped because they can't see the full price when they're browsing the listings.
"We stay in Airbnbs a lot. I pretty much always pay a cleaning fee," Boice told Insider. "You're like: 'Why am I paying all of this money? This should just be built in for the cost.'"
How much can it cost to clean a tiny house like this one?
Photo by Aysegul Yahsi on Unsplash
Since combining costs, Rachel began noticing another unexpected perk beyond customer satisfaction: guests actually left her property cleaner than before they were charged a cleaning fee.
Her hypothesis was that they assumed she would be handling the cleaning herself.
"I guess they're thinking, 'I'm not paying someone to clean this, so I'll leave it clean,'" she said.
This discovery echoes a similar anecdote given by another Airbnb host, who told NerdWallet guests who knew they were paying a cleaning fee would “sometimes leave the place looking like it’s been lived in and uncleaned for months.” So, it appears to be that being more transparent and lumping all fees into one overall price makes for a happier (and more considerate) customer.
This phenomenon has been studied by economists across many different fields. A blueberry farmer once considered charging customers for grazing on blueberries as they walked until an economist told him paying the fee would just encourage people to eat even more. Daycares who charge parents fees for picking their kids up late often find the fee increases the number of late parents instead of decreasing it.
It comes down to the "cost" of a decision. If you pay the same cleaning fee no matter what condition you leave the property in, a lot of people will find it's just not worth their time to tidy up after themselves. When the cost of leaving the place filthy is more nebulous, or human (forcing another person to do it), people are more willing to help out.
We're happy to clean up if we think we're saving someone else the troubleGiphy
Guests can also activate a toggle function before searching for a destination, so that full prices will appear in search results—avoiding unwanted financial surprises.
As for Boice, business is booming. After her story went viral on TikTok, she decided to expand her property business with another glass house.
@rachelrboice the other one is going so well so why not 🤷🏼♀️ #fyp #tinyhouse #tinyglasshouse #airbnb #atlanta #georgia #uniquestays #camping
Users were thrilled, especially ones who live in Georgia, within shouting distance of her properties. And after all the viral exposure, she's still not charging cleaning fees. Although, there's not much she can do about those pesky "Airbnb service fees." Oh well. You can't win 'em all.
This article originally appeared two years ago.