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10 luxuries many people don't think of as luxuries

Lots to be thankful for here.

woman holding a glass of water, someone in bed sleeping
Photos by Lisa Fotios/Pexels and Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

It's easy to take a lot of these things for granted.

When we think of the word luxury, we might conjure up images of mansions, high-thread-count sheets or designer handbags. We probably don't picture something as simple as walking to our kitchen to get a glass of water.

But for many people, even here in the U.S., having filtered drinking water pouring out of a spout in your home is a luxury.

Merriam-Webster defines a "luxury" as "something adding to pleasure or comfort but not absolutely necessary." Water is a necessity. Having it always available a few steps from wherever you're sitting is not. And there are many things that we think of as basics, simply because we've always had them, that others live without and would consider a luxury.

Someone on Reddit asked, "What’s a luxury that many people don’t realize is a luxury?" and the answers are making people feel grateful for things they might have taken for granted.

Drinkable water straight from the tap

Let's start with the most basic one, which isn't basic at all when you think about it.

"My graduate advisor (in the southeastern USA) taught a class on edible invertebrates, they would learn about a group of invertebrate animals each week and then eat them. The very first week he gave each student a glass of tap water and had them drink it. Then he told them that they were in a small percentage of people worldwide who could do what they just did and not have to worry about ingesting any number of critters. I TA'd that class the next year and it was pretty fun, although the pickled jellyfish was absolutely foul to me. 25 years later and I still remember that lesson."

"Exactly! Just turning on any faucet and being able to drink the water. I don’t think people realize how much of the world still has to walk somewhere to get water, and then has to make it safe to drink."

"Or the places that have tap water but still have to boil it anyways. People really don't realize how lucky they are to turn on a tap and have water they can drink without taking extra steps to not get sick or die."

Hot water on demand

The fact that we are able to adjust our water temperature to whatever we want it to be on demand? Incredible.

"I'm a plumber and we occasionally get calls on the weekend with people literally panicking because they don't have hot water. 'I have a sink full of dishes, I don't know what I'm going to do helllllp.' I think about people in other parts of the world surviving just fine without hot water, or even running water for that matter."

"Yep as a kid we didn't have a hot water heater , mom had a huge pot she would boil on the stove and then dump that in the bathtub. I think I was about 8 when at a Friend's house in town they had running hot water. It blew me away, how cool is this."

"My hot water heater stopped working today and I laughed at myself as I dramatically hyped myself up before rinsing shampoo out of my hair. I wouldn’t have made it 200 years ago…"

Good health

The often overlooked one that's probably the most important one of all.

"Most people absolutely do not appreciate the value of having good health until it gets taken away from them."

"Yeah, being able to just get on with your life without worrying about a chronic illness is definitely a luxury. Hell it's one many would trade being born in a 1st world country for."

"As someone who gets a new autoimmune disease every 7-10 years, this one is number one for me. It's changed the trajectory of everything I ever wanted to do with my life."

"I kinda hate that I took it for granted - until I got sick. Well, I was born with a genetic disorder, but it didn’t affect me (or was known about) until I was 40. Now I’m 50 and spend 90% of my days in bed. But I have had a fun and fulfilling life before that, I’m extremely grateful for that."

Laundry machines

Miraculous. (And yet we still complain about doing laundry, don't we?)

"The apartment I'm living in now has an in-unit washer AND dryer. It's amazing. I can throw a load in, no worrying about quarters or getting it switched over before someone else tries to use it. No carrying laundry baskets to the apartment basement, no one stealing my laundry or tide pods."

"Yup. I lived in a rural area of Brazil for a while. We used buckets to wash our clothes then line dried."

"Soooo true. The amount of time it saves?? You can throw a load in and leave the house. Or do another chore. Or anything you want. It’s amazing."

"The invention of the washing machine led to an average reduction in house work by women of 8 hours per week, effectively adding a full workday for women to be able to do different things. This helped to accelerate women’s rights."

Shopping for groceries without checking prices

If you've never had to take a calculator to the grocery store, consider yourself lucky.

"This is when I realized I was doing ok. When I went shopping or out to eat and never looked at or worried about the prices."

"I feel this. There were times I used to sit outside of the store and just cry, wondering how I would get enough food for the week. I used a calculator meticulously to make sure I wouldn’t be embarrassed at checkout. At times I ate nothing but sandwiches (thanks to the bread outlet!) and ramen noodles. My then-partner and I would share one grilled cheese and one can of soup for a nice weekend meal. Going out was incredibly rare. Only birthdays, really, and then we shared food. Now, I never forget those times because I am blessed enough that I can eat whatever food I want. I can afford all of the bills AND gas for my car. I can pay for car repairs instead of just hoping it works each day. I regularly help out those less fortunate and donate to the local mission, food pantry, and directly to students in need at my school. I give stuff away for free vs selling it on Marketplace. Don’t ever, ever, ever, forget how others live. It’s humbling to go through, but without the struggle we can’t fully appreciate the easier times."

"When I read this I realized this has never been a possibility for me. I don't know why it surprised me so much I guess because I'm just used to it. I can't recall even one time that I've gone to the grocery store that I didn't have to plan every penny. When I watch those weird restocking videos, I don't feel jealousy as much as horror. My brain immediately goes to how much each one of those things costs and what else they're giving up to have them. Probably because if I did that, I wouldn't have a place to live or a car."

Being able to publicly call the leader of the country an idiot with no consequences from the government

Some say free speech is not a luxury but a right. But let's not get stuck on semantics.

"This is the winner. It blows me away when I see people advocate publicly for rolling back free speech while they disparage government leaders in the same breath. The lack of awareness is insane."

"German here. Took me a while to truly grasp that. My parents always had some mean caricatures of politicians hanging on the walls.

Then I became friends with a Syrian refugee and took him to a barbecue at my parents place.

He saw a brutal caricature of Angela Merkel in the dining room and immediately pulled me to the side to ask me if this isn’t dangerous to have at home. I laughed at first till I realized he was very serious and even a little afraid that there could be consequences for him for hanging with people who openly make fun of the German government."

"This is so true. In Argentina we had a period where you'd be met with firearms if you were caught speaking badly of the government or known to be against it. Some ppl still think we were better off back then."

Open minded, loving, supportive parents

Those who have them may not realize what a huge difference good parents makes.

"This is the single most prolific factor in determining a child's success in developed countries, in my opinion. And by success, I don't just mean material success. I mean emotionally and relationally, as well as their career path.

I did a paper in college specifically about the outcomes of families with and without involved parents. The statistics are frightening. It cannot be understated how important supportive parents are for a child's development and life outcome."

"The number of people who take the good childhood they had for granted is mind-blowing."

"I still don't know what to do with this. Every time I see it, even in fiction, I realize how so many people don't know how lucky they are. I too wonder who I could have been with support and acceptance from my family. It's not easy to have to build yourself up when you weren't given the tools to do so and had to scratch it all out yourself."

8-10 hours of sleep

Ah, the bliss of a good night's sleep that you'd give an eye tooth for after you become a parent…

"Didn't even occur to me until I had my baby."

"Can’t relate to having a newborn, but insomnia is a god damn nightmare"

"I haven’t slept more than 6.5 hours a night in over almost 2 years 😩 First it was pregnancy insomnia. Then came my now-1 baby and exclusively pumping. I’m so tired y’all…"

Air conditioning

Seriously, this one is huge. If you know, you know.

"I grew up in a house without air conditioning (for the most part without even window units). I have lived in my current house for almost ten years now and the central air still feels like a 'rich people' thing."

"I honestly didn't know this, until I saw a case on The People's Court where a tenant was complaining about not having air conditioning. The judge went on to explain that AC was a luxury. I've been much more appreciative of my AC since that day."

"I reached a point in my life where I can budget for being comfortable in my own home, whether it is 110F or 10F outside. That's a nice luxury."

Air travel

Sitting in a chair above the Earth and being plopped down in another country for less than the price of a Taylor Swift concert ticket? Priceless.

"People bitch and complain about everything: the seats are too small, it costs too much, food sucks, the flight was delayed. But it's pretty amazing to pay a few hundred dollars and arrive on the other side of the country (or globe) the same day."

"100% And if you go to a random rural town you'll meet a ton of people who have never been on an airplane. I lived in the middle of nowhere in northern Michigan and when I told people I'd flown a few dozen times they looked at me like I was an alien."

"Yeah sometimes I feel like I am one of the only people left who is still amazed by the idea that you can get in an aluminum tube, fly through the air, and land in a place that a century ago would have taken days or weeks to get to."

Free time

The gift of time should never be undervalued.

"Time is the real answer. This question was asked a different way not long ago and someone wrote up a very well thought out reply about why time is the ultimate luxury. And I don't mean using that time for luxury leisure time either. Time itself is the luxury because it affords you opportunities that you otherwise would not have."

"This is my favorite luxury of them all! In my experience it requires money which is the only reason money is important to me. Money to be off work (and all the bills still get paid) but also money to enjoy that free time however I please. From a young adult I made free time my mission and I’ve been blessed to have a lot of it."

"Yes! The first time I watched Wrath of Khan, and Khan says to Kirk, 'Time is a luxury you don’t have, Admiral' my mind was blown. I had never thought of time as a luxury before, and that has always stuck with me.

I still hear Ricardo Montalban in my head when my alarm goes off in the morning and I have to get up, lol."

There are so many simple things we can consider luxuries and feel grateful for. All we have to do is imagine what life would be like without them.

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Music

Teacher jokingly tells 10-year-old going on a trip to England to 'find Duran Duran'—and so she kind of does.

And just like that, Simon LeBon appeared in the doorway.

Wikicommons and lakehighlandsadvocate IG

Duran Duran lead singer Simon LeBon poses with a young fan

Imagine this: you're a fourth grade language arts teacher in Dallas, and like many Gen X-ers, your obsession with Duran Duran never waned. So much so that you still have dolls of each member of the band in the classroom and, according to Austin Wood's article for the Lake Highlands Advocate, even an old telephone in case (lead singer) "Simon LeBon calls."

This describes Miriam Osborne, a fourth grade teacher at White Rock Elementary in the Lake Highlands district of Dallas, Texas. Wood shares in "White Rock E.S. student, inspired by teacher, meets Simon LeBon" that one of Osborne's students, 10-year-old Ava Meyers, was getting an early pickup for Christmas break, as her family was heading to the U.K. for a holiday wedding. As they were saying their goodbyes in the hallway, Osborne kiddingly said to Meyers, "Find Duran Duran."

gif of Duran Duran performingDuran Duran 80S GIFGiphy


Cut to: Ava and her family, including her mom Zahara, fly across the pond to find themselves in the Putney neighborhood of London. After a day of sightseeing, Zahara shares, "I was just Googling things to do in Putney, and the first thing that popped up was 'Simon Le Bon lives in Putney from Duran Duran.'”

Zahara did a little sleuthing and found Simon's house, thinking perhaps a Christmas stroll by the home would be exciting. But, according to the article, Ava felt they could do better. She and "an 83-year-old relative named Nick, who apparently has courage in droves, went to the door and tried a knock. Zahara was initially hesitant but assumed Le Bon would be away on vacation, so she figured it was harmless. Le Bon’s son-in-law answered, his wife came to the door next, and following a few moments of getting pitched the idea by Nick, agreed to get her husband 'because it was Christmas.'"

And just like that, Simon LeBon appeared in the doorway. He warmly greeted Ava and her family and even took pictures. "It was just crazy," Ava exclaimed.

But possibly more excited was Miriam Osborne, back in the States. She proudly shared the photo (which had been texted to her) with many of her friends and even encouraged Ava to recount the story to her classmates when they returned from the break. Wood shares, "Osborne’s connection to the band goes back to her childhood in El Paso in the ’80s. As the daughter of a Syrian immigrant, she says she had trouble fitting in and finding an identity. Some days, she and her brothers would travel across town to get records from a British record store."

Miriam explains she used her babysitting money to buy her first Duran Duran record. "And so I had been a fan, literally, for 43 years—my entire lifetime."

gif of Simon LeBonDuran Duran GIFGiphy

Osborne's love of Duran Duran, and many '80s bands in general, nostalgically connects her to a throughline for her life that she tries to impart onto the students as well. "Music is a connector, and it connected me to a world that I didn’t always fit in as a child. It helped me find people who I still love to this day, and it’s a big part of this classroom with me and the students I teach, because everybody has a story, and there’s something really incredible about hearing something and it taking you to a happy moment."

As for Ava? She's now taking guitar lessons. And perhaps one day, she can become so famous and inspirational, a teacher sends a student off to find her on a Christmas vacation in the future.

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Motherhood

Mom points out the unspoken, 'unfair' part of having kids who travel for sports

Parents whose children participate in elite travel ball leagues can spend up to $12,000 annually on fees, equipment, hotel rooms and gas.

via Casey Kelley (used with permission) and Vince Fleming/Unsplash

Casey Kelley shares her thoughts on kids in travel sports.

Parents whose children participate in elite travel ball leagues can spend up to $12,000 annually on fees, equipment, hotel rooms and gas. One mother, Casey Kelley, from Alabama, has spoken out, saying that if parents spend all of that money and time, their children should get to play in games. Kelley's daughter plays on a club volleyball team.

According to the latest Aspen Institute survey, the average American family spends $883 per year for a single child to play one primary sport. Project Play also points out that the cost of playing various youth sports can fluctuate great. For example, their 2022 report reveals that it costs an average $1,188 per year for a child to play soccer and $714 for baseball. As Jersey Watch writes, those numbers have come down a bit since the pandemic but are still cost prohibitive for many American families trying to make ends meet. What's even more frustrating is that those high prices don't even guarantee participation in games for children. A family can literally spend thousands of dollars all for the experience of having their child sit on a bench watching their peers actually get to participate.

The topic was inspired by a conversation she had with other volleyball parents who agreed that every kid should get a decent amount of playing time. “I’ll tell you what I think. I think, if you’re paying to be there, so it's not like high school sports, I think everyone should have the opportunity to play because this is a developmental league ... and they’re there to develop and to learn,” she explained in a TikTok video.

“Especially if these parents are paying thousands of dollars for them to be in the league and then traveling, spending money on hotels for their kid to sit there and maybe play a minute or two the whole weekend. I think it’s unfair,” she continued.



@caseyjkelley

What do you think? #travelball #clubsport #athlete #kids #mom #question


It's reasonable for Kelley to believe that spending a lot of money and traveling all over the map only to watch your kid play for a few minutes feels pointless. However, a lot of parents disagreed with her in the comments.

"You pay for practice. Playing time is earned," Nathan Sullins wrote.

"Absolutely not. If you want fair playing time you play rec ball. Travel ball playing time is performance based," another user wrote.

travel ball, volleyball, youth sports, travelball, parenting, finance, sportsYoung girls line up to play volleyballImage via Canva

But these parents haven’t changed Kelley’s mind.

“I’m not opposed to kids earning their spot or the best kids playing more, but I feel that every kid who makes the team should at least have some playing time,” she told Upworthy. “I know it’s not a popular opinion, but it’s how I currently see it.”

Kelley further explained the story in a follow-up video.



@caseyjkelley

Clarification post and the last one on this topic #travelball #athlete #travelballparents #clubsport #parenting


What do you think?

This article originally appeared last

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Woman's rare antique turned away from 'Antique Roadshow' for heart-wrenching reason

"I just love you for bringing it in and thank you so much for making me so sad."

Photos by Murat Rahim Caglak and Antoni Shkraba via Canva

Woman's antique turned away from 'Antique Roadshow'

People come by things in all sorts of ways. Sometimes you find something while at a garage sale and sometimes it's because a family member passed away and it was left to them. After coming into possession of the item, the owner may be tempted to see how much it's worth so it can be documented for insurance purposes or sold.

On a recent episode of BBC One's Antique Roadshow, a woman brought an ivory bracelet to be appraised. Interestingly enough, the expert didn't meet this rare find with excitement, but appeared somber. The antique expert, Ronnie Archer-Morgan carefully explains the purpose of the bracelet in what appears to be a tense emotional exchange.

There would be no appraisal of this antique ivory bracelet adorned with beautiful script around the circumference. Archer-Morgan gives a brief disclaimer that he and the Antique Roadshow disapprove of the trade of ivory, though that was not his reason for refusing the ivory bangle.

"This ivory bangle here is not about trading in ivory, it’s about trading in human life, and it’s probably one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever had to talk about. But talk about it we must," Archer-Morgan says.

Ronnie Archer-Morgan, Antiques Roadshow, BBC, antiques, ivoryRonnie Archer-Morgan on an episode of the BBC's Antiques RoadshowImage via Antqiues Roadshow


Turns out the woman had no idea what she had in her possession as she purchased it from an estate sale over 30 years before. One of the elderly residents she cared for passed away and the woman found the ivory bracelet among the things being sold. Finding the bangle particularly intriguing with the fancy inscription around it, she decided to purchase the unique piece of jewelry.

After explaining that his great-grandmother was once enslaved in Nova Scotia, Canada before being returned to Sierra Leone, Archer-Morgan concluded he could not price the item.

Antiques Roadshow, BBC, Ronnie Archer MorganRonnie Archer-Morgan holds the ivory bracelet he refused to valueImage via Antiques Roadshow/BBC

"I just don’t want to value it. I do not want to put a price on something that signifies such an awful business. But the value is in the lessons that this can tell people," he tells the woman.

In the end the woman leaves without knowing the monetary value of the item but with a wealth of knowledge she didn't have before visiting. Now she can continue to share the significance of the antique with others. Watch the full explanation below:


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year.

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Modern Families

The things we carry

The most poignant moments are honoring those who carried and still carry us.

Image courtesy Tara Roth

Tara Roth with her family

Editor's Note: This essay originally appeared on LinkedIn, you can read it here. It was republished here with permission from Tara Roth.

Today is the two-month anniversary of our evacuation from the Palisades Fire. Although we still don't know when we can return, we have learned - and are grateful for - so much.

It’s funny what the mind latches onto when under duress. One of my first thoughts amidst the surreal encroaching flames, circling smoke, debris and dust in the choking orange air, I noticed what people carried. What they brought with them as they rolled their suitcases down to Pacific Coast Highway, what was strapped to their backs, what they carried in their hands—no one really knowing what they were leaving behind or what, if anything, they may return to. And I thought of Tim O’Brien’s powerful piece about the Vietnam War, The Things They Carried, and reflected on what his wisdom could, with hindsight, eventually teach us. I’ve aggregated his words (with poetic license) below:

“For the most part they carried themselves with poise, a kind of dignity. They shared the weight of memory….the world would take on the old logic—absolute silence, then the wind, then sunlight, then voices… despite the unknowns, they made their legs move. They endured. They took up what others could no longer bear. Often they carried each other.”

Perhaps primed by the memory of this piece, my senses heightened by the chaos around me and the COVID that wracked my body, I observed what we carried. While the LA fires do not compare to the ravages of war, they evoked the same primal instincts. We were under siege. We needed to survive. The fires were redefining what we knew as familiar, as home—snatching safety and seizing the comfort of our quotidian lives that we took for granted—that so many of us long for again.

We carry the grief and loss and devastation and desolation of communities. We carry the memories constructed lovingly into homes and structures that now stand only in our mind’s eye—the library where families got their children's first library card, the beauty salon started by a young woman who immigrated from Russia, now no longer a young woman, and passed down to her daughter. Whole communities and identities carved and scrimped for, then lost, with debris and dust that settles in the wind, smattered by the rains—schools, restaurants, churches, businesses, the bench of a first kiss, the home where the couple brought their newborn from the hospital for the first time.

And even when houses stand, like mine, there’s something else we carry—after the initial elation of the news that our homes remain, a sort of survivor’s guilt sets in realizing how much we have when others have lost everything. We have homes to return to yet never could have imagined how it feels to drive past scarred earth and scorched chimneys, the thundering absence of a neighborhood, the empty lots of ashes of memories—a chronic reminder of all that was lost and the toll of our good luck. We carry this too.

And we, innocent children of the developed world, didn’t consider that even if a structure is standing, that we need power lines, sanitation, safe running water, and neighbors to look out for each other. That we will need countless months of waste removal and remediation. That we will continue to don masks and gloves to enter these standing, yet uninhabitable, structures.

The most poignant moments are honoring those who carried and still carry us. The first responders, the countless volunteers, those who prepared hot meals and donated clothes and comforts. Those who opened their homes so generously to my and myriad other families. The hundreds of people who reached out—from the oldest of friends to people I haven't talked to in decades to those with whom I shared maybe just a professional moment in the last few months. The care and love and generosity and grace, extended by so many.

When I reflect on this time, still living displaced in the homes of various warm-hearted friends, I think about the universality of human suffering and joy, wretchedness and wonder. And how, at our best, we come together in crisis. We know that we are a part of something greater, and we act without hesitation to lend a hand to carry each other. We carry hope about the resilience we have already witnessed as communities come together and pledge to reimagine and rebuild. And, this is what I want us to carry forward.


Tara Roth is the president of the Goldhirsh Foundation

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Community

People are split over noise complaint note woman received after living in apartment for 2 days

Upstairs and downstairs neighbors are at war, but here's who they should really be mad at.

Canva Photos

Apartment living isn't easy...

People who live in apartments are often at war with their neighbors, and the weapon of choice is nasty handwritten notes. Conflicts between upstairs and downstairs neighbors are a tale as old as time. But now the evidence is being logged on the Internet for all to see—and weigh in on.

Everyone has an opinion on passive-aggressive noise complaints from neighbors, but the reality is that the people living in these situations are truly at a loss for how to make things better. One neighbor will swear up and down they're not making any noise, while the person that lives under them complains about the walls shaking and picture frames falling off of their nails. It's an impasse. Who's in the right here?

A woman and her husband recently got a fairly polite but aggressive note about their behavior, almost immediately after moving into their apartment.

gif of a woman shushing a man while he drivesPolitely asking for silence is a lost art. Giphy

She posted it in the subreddit r/Apartmentliving asking for advice. The note reads, in scratchy handwriting:

"Welcome new neighbors, me and my wife live below you and would like to ask if you would please try and walk a little softer, these apartments were built extremely fast and they cut corners especially with the sound proofing. We can hear which room your in, we could probably count your steps. It just drones and shakes our walls and floors and we end up with bad headaches. I would really appreciate it, and my wife too."

The OP had lived in the apartment for a grand total of two days before receiving the note. And she's not the only one. Social media is bursting with similar notes, stories, and screenshots of baffling text exchanges.

See the full post below:

Users were surprisingly divided on the note. Some who knew the pain and frustration of being a downstairs neighbor found it reasonable and polite. Others found it absolutely unhinged and ridiculous.

At face value, asking a person to "walk a little softer" in their own home sounds unreasonable, right? Claiming that only two days of the OP simply existing in her home is causing bad headaches is a little over dramatic, as well.

But people who have lived as downstairs neighbors before get it. Every little noise gets amplified and it really does sound like your neighbors are stomping around, jumping up and down, dragging chains along the floor, and doing all kinds of disruptive things.

The response was mixed. Some urged OP and her husband to be more mindful of the way they move around when they're home:

"I grew up in apartments and naturally walk lightly now when at home, but my house friends walk so heavy. I can notice the difference significantly when we’re both at my place so it’s not a bad idea to take notice if you are just a naturally heavy walker and also no shoes inside. It doesn’t sound too mean but let’s hope just with being a bit more aware then they don’t become annoyingggggg."

"I live in a downstairs unit and have 3 men living above me. The soundproofing is really decent, and I can barely hear 2 of them walking around, they're so quiet. They're big dudes, too. The last guy walks like he weighs 800lbs and has ski boots on, it's insane. I've never heard anyone walk so loudly before, it drives me crazy. I dread him coming home from work every day because I have to listen to him stomp back and forth and shake the walls/ceiling. Some people absolutely don't know how to walk gently."

"I think people just don’t realize that it’s possible to walk normally without making heavy steps."

Other apartment-dwellers were more blunt; opining that the note was way out of line, especially after such a short time:

"Obviously, try to be mindful of how hard you're walking, but beyond that, there's nothing you really can do. You've gotta live your life, and you're paying to do so in that space, so as long as you aren't doing unreasonable things at unreasonable hours, then it's kinda their problem and not yours. That might sound callous, but I mean, if they expect to never have to hear other people, then they may need to reconsider living in an apartment."

"I’d ignore it. Don’t engage. You can walk around, watch tv, take a shower and close cabinets any time of the day or night as long as you’re not screaming, slamming, etc. then there’s nothing they can do.."

"Have you tried learning how to float?"

"If you're counting someone's steps you literally need to find a hobby. My parents still live in an apartment and my Mom does this kind of stuff. Every neighbor bothers her with the least amount of noise. If you have this issue, maybe consider housing that isn't attached to a neighbor?"

In the end, a few people had advice for the couple, or any upstairs neighbor: Put down some extra rugs and make sure you're wearing slippers when walking around the house. That's a simple gesture almost anyone can do for their neighbor's comfort. And, if you can, step lightly. Beyond that, there's not much else you can do.

Buried in the note, however, is the true culprit: Management!

gif of toddler making a faceThere's another culprit here.Giphy

The problem with these conflicts is that neither the upstairs or downstairs neighbor is really wrong. The upstairs neighbor can be doing absolutely nothing of note and it can still be deafeningly loud for the lower tenant. That's a sign of a crappy building that, as the note writer admits, points to corners that have been cut during construction

Some estimates say that apartments with better soundproofing are worth up to 20% more than noisier units. And the time spent dealing with constant complains and quarrels between neighbors is surely costly in its own way. Instead of writing nasty notes, neighbors should put pressure on management to address soundproofing issues—it's for the landlord's own good! They can't exactly remodel the entire building in most cases, but they should be willing to consider adding thick carpet pads, purchasing heavy curtains and drapes, or lining the air ducts to limit sound traveling between units.

Some have argued that landlords and management companies are inherently unethical, or at the very least, incentivized to be lazy and address problems in the cheapest way possible. If you want your apartment experience to get better, send these passive aggressive notes to them instead of your well-meaning neighbors.

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