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10 former bullies share what inspired them to become kinder

Change is possible.

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Bullying is often modeled by parental behavior.

Bullies are made, not born. Bullying traits might be picked up in a variety of ways, but violence, aggression and cruelty are most certainly learned behaviors during a child’s development.

The book “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Child and Adolescent Psychology,” co-authored by psychiatrist Jack C. Westman M.D. and science writer Victoria Costello, lists five major factors that most often lead to bullying: physical punishment, watching aggressive behavior in adults, violent television, problems with processing emotions and undiagnosed mental illness.

The underlying theme in these causes? A lack of empathy. Bullies are often taught—whether directly or subversively—that dominance and control are more vital than compassion and understanding. This results in pain for not only the intended target, but for the oppressor themselves.

how to stop a bullyHurt people hurt people. Photo by yang miao on Unsplash

But just as it can be learned, bullying can be unlearned—through supportive friendships, trusted role models and maybe even professional help. People are always capable of change when given the necessary tools to do so.

Recently, a Reddit user asked former bullies (and former “mean girls,” for as we all know this is not necessarily a gender-specific phenomenon) to share what “finally brought a change.”

The answers were inspiring. They not only showed that yes, the adage is true, “hurt people hurt people,” but also that powerful transformation can happen simply by taking accountability. Many of these former bullies admitted to growing up in less-than-ideal environments and did not know any other way to cope. But eventually they were given fresh insight, and with that were better able to choose kindness.

The world might seem like a cold and uncaring place at times, but these 10 stories are a beautiful reminder that change is always possible.


Wasn't really a bully but I wasn't nice either. I…was mean to people who I thought deserved it, and it didn't help that there were also other people who were just as mean and judgmental as I was. It got to the point that I was needlessly fighting my friends and only when I was confronted about my attitude and I got to hear my friend's perspective that I shifted.

…Took a lot of time and educated myself on how to be better. Also therapy lol. Anger management, anxiety management, etc. I couldn't erase who I was and I accept that part of me. I'm not saying I'm all perfect now…I know there's still a lot of work to do, but all in all it's loads better than before. I'm glad I had the chance to grow up and get better." – @AnxiousCrownNinja

Right after high school was the turning point for me… I was having a lot of discord with my own friends due to my attitude and it took hearing their honest feedback about how my approach was alienating them for me to start doing major self reflection. I decided I didn't want people to fear me and I certainly didn't want to alienate my own friends, so I started talking less and listening more. I made an honest effort to care more about people as individuals-I got interested in the unique strengths each person brings to the table and did what I could to start learning from others. I humbled myself a lot over the years. I worked on saying I'm sorry and admitting when I was wrong. And years later I've gotten into therapy to continue to work on myself. I'll never be warm and fuzzy as that's just not my personality, but I'm a much better person than I was when I was younger.” – @Babhak

Was essentially bullied at home by my family and I took it out on those around me. Thankfully I had some friends that let me know I was being a dick and I apologized to the people I hurt, I'll always hate myself for the way I acted and I don't think that will ever change. I still catch myself being a grumbling asshole sometimes but I will never let myself be who I used to be.” – @raikonai

I got a job as a video game tester and worked with people who were bullied when they were younger. We'd tell stories and things I found funny they found traumatic and mean. As cliche as it is, I never thought about it from their perspective or thought my behavior was bullying until then. Helped me see it from the other side, I'm much more empathic now. Pretty ashamed about my behavior when I was younger.” – @GCJallDAY

When I realized I was just like my dad, and I really dislike my dad.” – @kastawamy

what cause bullying, cyberbullying

We don't have to become our parents.

Photo by Muhmed Alaa El-Bank on Unsplash

I come from a small town where families have generational feuds. It also didn't help that my family is poor and very ghetto/redneck and very racially mixed. All of my aunts and uncles and parents are some form of addict in one way or another. I didn't have a chance. I truly didn't. The kids I went to school with weren't allowed to hang out with me and my siblings. I remember going to a friend's house and their parents asked me my last name and they told me to leave once they heard it. I was severely bullied in elementary school and teachers didn't care to help because of the family I came from. I had one teacher just be vicious to me because my mom was selling her kid weed. I was pretty much feral and didn't have manners and just in general an autistic kid.

So I quickly learned that anger was the best shield. I bullied my bullies back. They can't catch you off guard if you're the attacker. I fought the people who came at my family with as much violence as they gave me. It bled onto kids who were friends with my bullies. They turned into essentially collateral damage. I was a bully but I was also the blood in the water in a school system that encouraged violence. It's taken me a long time to deal with [what] my home town put me through. I switched towns and changed my name. That helped a lot. I ended up in juvy after a giant fight with several family members. To say I was scared straight is an understatement. I was required to go to group therapy as part of the program I was put in to reform me. The judge knew my family and gave me a shot I took advantage of. He played a huge role in my mindset on my circumstance. I learned how to handle my trauma in a more productive way over the course of years and so much hard work. I ended up having to change my name so I wouldn't be harassed by cops and those who knew my family.

I'll definitely say this again—I grew up in a system where you had to do everything you could to survive. I can't really stomach what I did…I've left apologies in so many inboxes as an adult. I've even made friends with some of them.” – @beastgalblue

Over time and with new experiences, I stopped hating myself and my life. Then, I started seeing value in my existence and realized I actually impacted people. Happiness, for myself and others, became my reason for living. My middle school health teacher used to tell us that bullies are hurting and that's why they bully. Miss Costello, wherever you are, you were right. I've never met a bully who was happy with themselves or their life. I tell my students all the time that hurt people hurt people, and I stand by that. The fastest way to help a bully change is to show them love, kindness, and compassion.” – @mha3620

I was a mean girl. Cheer, popular, thought I was better than everyone else. During summer break in high school I went to camp. I was bullied by some of the other girls there so relentlessly. From hazing, to humiliating me, lying to get me in trouble. It was bad. After that I changed. Wish it was earlier.” – @lesbomommy

means girls, girl bullies

Learning from mistakes is all part of the human experience.

Photo by Scotty Turner on Unsplash

“I was one of those jocks who picks on the weaker kids who couldn’t really defend themselves, in order to make the crowd laugh…It was never anything too physical or over the top, so parents or others never got involved, but I know that I made life a pain for some individuals while in elementary school.

Anyhow, this PE teacher of mine took me into his office after hours one day and explained that I should try to use my authority better, and that while it might feel good to make others laugh on someone else's behalf, it feels a lot better to be an overall good guy.

Never really had any good male influence in my life before that, so that really stuck with me, and from high school and onward I tried to reach out and confront others in school that bullied others. Oftentimes we just don’t know better.” – @KingBob3922

I grew up in an abusive home and did it out of self-protection. Verbally hurt them before they could hurt you. I know my behavior didn’t make me popular or really make me feel better but I needed to lash out on the easiest targets. fast forward to having no friends in my mid 20 s and needed to figure out why.

I actually became friends with older coworkers [and] as a proxy parental influence they gently guided me. ‘Why would you say that to someone? Why would you say that about yourself? Why do you talk that way? Why is everything a fight? What's wrong with being different? What's wrong with making mistakes?’ No judgments, just gentle questions that I couldn't answer until I looked hard at myself.

I'm glad that someone took the time to see past my anger, my pushing people away, my misery and saw a young person that just needed some kindness.” – @OrdinaryPride8811

via Rob Dance (used with permission).

CEO Rob Dance holds a list of things he's "sick" of hearing from his employees.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted workplaces worldwide, there has been a greater push for improved work-life balance and many companies are taking notice. The exciting thing is that when companies become more flexible, their employees become happier and more productive. It’s a win-win for all involved.

Rob Dance, the CEO of ROCK, a technology consulting company in the UK, recently went viral for posting about his approach to work-life balance on Instagram. What, at first, appeared to be a CEO reprimanding his employees revealed a boss who knows how to get the best out of his team by treating them like adults.

The post was of Dance holding a whiteboard that reads:

Things I’m sick of hearing from my employees:

- Can I leave early today

- I’ll be late in the morning

- My child is sick, can I rush off

- I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay

- I’m going to be late back from lunch, I’ve got some things to sort.

I don’t care.

I hired you for a job and I fully TRUST you to get it done.

I don’t need you to account for every single hour.

Times have changed, and the workplace is different these days.

People are sick of being treated like children.

All that should matter is that everyone is happy, and that the work gets done.


He also shared his advice for companies on how to treat their employees. “Treat your staff like adults. That’s it, that’s the big secret,” he wrote. “Give them autonomy. Respect that they have lives outside of work. Don’t gaslight them into being grateful for not being fired every day.” Because in the end, the only thing that matters is if they get the job done. “Output should always trump hours,” he concluded.

Upworthy contacted Dance, who explained why managers still hesitate to treat their employees like adults.

“Many bosses don't trust their employees and keep extremely close tabs on them because of past experiences and a desire for control. They might believe that micromanaging ensures productivity and prevents issues,” he told Upworthy. “Additionally, the pressure to meet business targets can drive bosses to monitor employees obsessively, thinking it will lead to better outcomes. This approach, however, only undermines trust and destroys morale in the workplace. It creates a toxic environment where employees feel undervalued and stressed, leading to higher turnover rates and decreased overall performance. Instead of fostering a culture of accountability and growth, this behavior only promotes fear and resentment.”


Dance says that technology has helped drive demand for improved work-life balance.

“Mobile technology definitely started to blur the lines between one’s professional and personal life, making it tough to switch off from work,” he told Upworthy. “As a millennial leader, I've always valued work-life harmony for my staff, helping them to achieve both flexibility and finding purpose in their work.”

The ROCK CEO also has advice for employees who’d like to gain their employer’s trust.

“Always deliver quality work and aim to meet or exceed expectations. Keep communication lines open by regularly updating your manager on your progress, challenges, and successes,” he told Upworthy. “Take the initiative to go beyond basic requirements, showing your willingness to contribute more. Act with integrity by always being honest and ethical. Seek honest feedback and make tangible improvements based on it, demonstrating your commitment to growth. Finally, a big one is building positive relationships with everyone you work with, as strong connections are what help to build real trust.”

In April 2025, Dance shared some additional wisdom that highlights the power of leaders prioritizing culture. He took a photo of himself holding a whiteboard with some more wisdom that all CEOs should take to heart: "An employee who leaves for the salary might return for the culture, but if they leave because of the culture, no salary will ever bring them back."

It makes you wonder, if the money was right, which previous jobs would you go back to, and which ones would you reject?


rob dance, work-life balance, ROCK UK, bosess, pto, time off, employee complaintsCEO Rob Dance holds up a whipe board with his culture philosophy. www.linkedin.com


This article originally appeared last year.

Boomers weren't wrong about everything.

Baby boomers (people born between 1946 and 1964) notoriously take heat from younger generations who think that their me-first mentality helped create a world where the climate is getting warmer, the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and people born in the ‘40s and ‘50s still rule the modern workplace.

Boomers are also often super frustrating because many can’t figure out modern technology, and the younger folks have to explain it until they are blue in the face.

Of course, these are all generational stereotypes that many baby boomers would reject. But regardless, they would probably stand up and cheer if they read a list of tweets inspired by X user @FvreignLL, who asked, “What is the most boomer complaint you have?” The since-deleted post was embraced by younger people and received over 123 million views.

Even though boomers are frequently in the hot seat these days, just about everyone can agree that they’re right about many things that get under younger people’s skin, too. One of the recurring themes of the post was that people can’t stand the fact that we are overly dependent on technology, and often, instead of making things more accessible, it makes them more frustrating.

Here are 15 of the best ‘boomer complaints’ that younger people have, too.

People had a lot of thoughts on the state of tipping culture.


They also can’t stand the idea that technology has complicated things unnecessarily.



On that note, technology has also made people super annoying. What's the point in paying upwards of $23 for a movie and scrolling through your phone in the theater the whole time?

People also noted that with a lack of third spaces, we now have a world that isn’t exactly kid-friendly

Also—what happened to adult clothes?


Whatever happened to paying for something once and then owning it? Or being able to own physical media so that you don’t have to pay every time you watch your favorite movie?


Moving on to food complaints, when did we all decide that almost every chip has to be kettle-cooked and made for people with cobalt teeth? Enjoying a snack shouldn't result in a $5,000 dental bill.

Remember when coffee was a quarter? Boomers do. These days, it's common to spend $6 or $7 PLUS on a cup of Joe.

Essentially, now everyone past 30 understands the issue of folks standing on their finely manicured lawn.


We might label boomers as the cranky generation, but eventually, Gen Xers, millennials and, yes, even Gen Zers will be right behind them, complaining about "kids these days" and why things were so much better "in my day." Tis the circle of life. One the bright side though, they'll at least be better at using technology.

This article originally appeared last year.

Robin Williams performs on stage.

Robin Williams once beautifully said, "I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anybody else to feel like that."

One night at a comedy club in Los Angeles, a new, nervous stand-up comic was called to the stage by the emcee. In one hand, she casually had a beer that she propped up on the piano. In the other, was her notebook full of scribbled, half-written joke premises and a few wine stains. She did her opening joke and the response was so quiet, she could hear the ice machine crackling in the kitchen. Joke two — a slight spattering of nervous laughter. Joke three got a heartier laugh, but then it went back to deafening quiet by joke four.

She mercifully got through her final joke, and said "That's my time" long before the red light in the back of the club even went on. She scurried off stage with her beer, like that rat in New York carrying a piece of pizza. Panicked, embarrassed, and frankly — a little hungry.

It was just one of those nights. The last time she'd done this act — same words nearly exactly — she'd received an applause break. This time, she was left questioning every one of her life decisions. Why had she come to Los Angeles? How was the next month's rent supposed to get paid? Why had she cut her hair in the "Rachel-styled" haircut?

As she was about to enter the hallway that led into the bar area, she could feel actual tears forming behind her eyes, like little faucets that were slowly turning on. "Don't cry at the comedy club," she told herself. Rather, "Don't cry at the comedy club AGAIN." But as the tears came anyway, she looked up and lo and behold, there was Robin Williams. She stuttered, "You. Are. One of my favorites. Ever." He looked at her, his blue eyes warmly crinkling and said, "You were amazing."

It hadn't been true. But the fact that he would go out of his way to make this total stranger's awful night into one of her best at that time, was just the kind of person Robin was.

I know this because that woman was me.

I wanted to tell him about the Mork and Mindy poster on my wall as a kid, and how I had cut out Mindy's face and put in my third-grade class photo. I wanted to tell him how much I loved his care for animals and for the unhoused and for the less fortunate. Or that because of him, I had a weird fetish for suspenders. (The last one wasn't quite true, but I still wanted to say it.)

But instead I merely laughed and said "Oh, thank you. But I can do better." He gave me a gentle look like, "We're all in this together," and even though I knew I'd never have a career like his, it dawned on me that it didn't matter. That being kind to others actually DID matter and that he was a lighthouse in a really stormy, pitch-black ocean.

I stuck it out and just a few years later, got to perform in the super cool and coveted "New Faces" show at the Just for Laughs Montreal Comedy Fest. Didn't kill there either, but I was able to step back and look down from an aerial view. How we uplift others, whether through laughter or kindness, is really the only control we have in this world.

Years later, after Robin passed away, I had heart surgery and was feeling down. I had read that cardiac issues could leave a person biochemically depressed and the first person I thought of was him. I messaged our mutual friend from San Francisco and asked if he remembered Robin speaking to him about heart surgery and depression. He only affirmed that yes, it was a very real side effect and that I should take it seriously.

I have always thought of the neurotransmitter Serotonin like it was a flowery perfume. Notes of honey, lavender, rose. When someone has a good amount of it floating through their synapses, it leaves trace of itself wherever it goes, as if the tunnels it burrows under pumps it out through a steam grate. But from what I've heard, Robin struggled with that too. And yet he still found a way to leave a lovely and inviting scent behind him, because he wanted to make sure OTHERS were okay.

heart, robin williams, comediansA heart shaped neon sign in the dark Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

I guess, even in his death, I was looking to Robin for answers. But one puzzle remains solved: making others happy is the kindest thing we can do, even when our own valves --- whether heart or perfume pumps --- fail to work.

A Māori choir sings the Queen classic "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" has been covered dozens of different ways, but you've never seen it performed like this.

As one of the most iconic songs in rock music, "Bohemian Rhapsody" is recognizable no matter how it's done. As children, my brother and I used to belt out Galileos and Figaros in the backseat of our parents' Volkswagon whenever the song came on (yes, just like in Wayne's World). While other kids learned about Beelzebub in Sunday School, I learned about him from Queen's perfect harmonies. If there were an anthem from my classic-rock-filled childhood, it would be "Bohemian Rhapsody."

It's one of those songs that is hard to cover well, though it hasn't stopped people from trying. Some renditions are definitely better than others, but this kapa haka version from New Zealand has caught people's attention and delight like few "Bohemian Rhapsody" covers have.

A Māori choir in native garb sang the song live in the Māori language, and it is something to see.

The group Hātea performed the song on February 21, 2019, at New Zealand's national kapa haka festival, Te Matatini, in Wellington. The festival brings 46 kapa haka (Māori performing arts) groups together to compete against one another.

Newshub reports that Hātea collaborated with musical artist William Waiirua to create a "Bohemian Rhapsody" cover in the Māori language, both as a tribute to Freddie Mercury and to celebrate the Oscar-nominated movie about his life.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The group had previously created a music video for their cover, but seeing it performed live is something else. The voices, the harmony, the presentation—everything—is wonderful.

This kind of cultural mashup reminds us how small our world has become.

The contrast between Queen's 1970s British rock and the Māori people's traditional kapa haka could not be more striking. And yet, the melding of the two totally works. Music has the power to bring people together, and this performance is a great example of how it can bridge cultures with beautiful results.

Watch the live performance here:

- YouTubeyoutu.be

People loved seeing it:

"Lump in the throat. Im so proud to be a Kiwi. This Kapa haka group is so talented. The harmonies are fantastic. The Maori language is so precious as are our Maori people. I could listen to this group over and over again. Spectacular."

"I was just totally moved, and have legitimately got goosebumps from this beautiful Maori rendition, of a Queen classic, Bohemian Rhapsody. I just had this wave of emotion, come soaring throughout my whole entire body."

"I’m just a simple Aussie but that was incredibly moving, something inherently beautiful about the Polynesian peoples, don’t ever change."

"Freddie told his executor before he died that he didn’t care what was done with his legacy, just ‘don’t make me boring’. This is exactly the kind of thing he was hoping would happen with his legacy when he said that."

"The reach of this song, far and wide, across all kinds of languages, cultures and ages, is astounding. This is GLORIOUS. No one could have imagined this in 1974/75. Thank goodness the record exec who said it wouldn't sell didn't stop Queen from releasing it back then."

"That was freaking awesome! Freddy is smiling down on this! Thank you!"

As one commenter pointed out, it's interesting how often "mama" is a common word among different languages. It's unmistakable in this song, even if you don't understand any of the other words.

And if you want more, check out the official music video for the "Bohemian Rhapsody" cover as well:

- YouTubeyoutu.be


This article originally appeared six years ago.

Relaxed008/YouTube

UPS driver invited to family's cookout.

Family cookouts are the ultimate get-together. Good food, good people, and good quality time together. Invites are usually extended to close friends and kin—but one family extended the invite to a UPS driver (and total stranger) working a shift on a holiday weekend, proving community and hospitality are still alive and well.

TikToker @1fanto shared a touching video with his followers from Easter weekend where his family invited a UPS driver making rounds in their neighborhood to come to their cookout and 'make a plate.'

"Everybody family around here 😭," he captioned the video. "Everybody invited to the cookout.😂"

@1fanto

Everybody family around here 😭 #easter #cookout #wherethefunction

In the video, the UPS driver is seen standing in the family's driveway, and a group of cookout attendees warmly welcome him to join them. The uncle of @1fanto says to the driver, "You've been working hard all day man, you can go on in there!" He calls out for a woman named Stephanie to "take care of him!"

The UPS driver walks up the driveway, and they encourage him to go inside and get his fill as he enters the garage. After securing a plate of food and a drink, the driver walks back outside to mingle with guests, shaking hands with the uncle who invited him.

"You good?" the uncle asks, and the driver responds, "Yeah I'm good. They hooked me up. Thank you so much. Appreciate y'all for inviting me out." On his way back to his truck, the uncle encourages the driver to invite other workers to stop by as well.

@1fanto

Explaination to last video! Thank yall for the support really appreciate it. Yall are invited to the next cookout 🤝. #easter #cookout #fyp #upsdriver #invitedtothecookout

In a follow up video, @1fanto explained more about how the invite went down. He shares that the UPS driver was driving by the family's house on the Saturday before Easter, and at the time the family was enjoying a big fish fry cookout together. His uncle flagged the driver down, and he pulled over.

He shares that his uncle told the driver, "Go inside and get you a plate!" The driver asked him, "Are you sure?" But he reassured him, adding that the family made sure to ask the driver what he wanted and didn't want on his plate to "make sure he was good and got everything he needed".

"I saw it had a positive impact. That's what my family do. That's not something that we just do for social media," @1fanto shared. "That's something that we do on a regular basis that doesn't just happen when the camera's on. It happens when the camera's off, too. We're all equal. We all bleed the same."

Viewers had lots of positive things to say in the comment section.

"I am a UPS driver and that makes our day. People showing love to us"

"Your family represents the best of America🫶🏼 Your uncle is now all of our uncle."

"Working the holidays suck. But they made that man’s entire day. Love it."

"I love when people are nice for no reason. You’re so real ♥️thank you for being so kind."