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10 former bullies share what inspired them to become kinder

Change is possible.

bullying, stop bullying
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Bullying is often modeled by parental behavior.

Bullies are made, not born. Bullying traits might be picked up in a variety of ways, but violence, aggression and cruelty are most certainly learned behaviors during a child’s development.

The book “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Child and Adolescent Psychology,” co-authored by psychiatrist Jack C. Westman M.D. and science writer Victoria Costello, lists five major factors that most often lead to bullying: physical punishment, watching aggressive behavior in adults, violent television, problems with processing emotions and undiagnosed mental illness.

The underlying theme in these causes? A lack of empathy. Bullies are often taught—whether directly or subversively—that dominance and control are more vital than compassion and understanding. This results in pain for not only the intended target, but for the oppressor themselves.

how to stop a bullyHurt people hurt people. Photo by yang miao on Unsplash

But just as it can be learned, bullying can be unlearned—through supportive friendships, trusted role models and maybe even professional help. People are always capable of change when given the necessary tools to do so.

Recently, a Reddit user asked former bullies (and former “mean girls,” for as we all know this is not necessarily a gender-specific phenomenon) to share what “finally brought a change.”

The answers were inspiring. They not only showed that yes, the adage is true, “hurt people hurt people,” but also that powerful transformation can happen simply by taking accountability. Many of these former bullies admitted to growing up in less-than-ideal environments and did not know any other way to cope. But eventually they were given fresh insight, and with that were better able to choose kindness.

The world might seem like a cold and uncaring place at times, but these 10 stories are a beautiful reminder that change is always possible.


Wasn't really a bully but I wasn't nice either. I…was mean to people who I thought deserved it, and it didn't help that there were also other people who were just as mean and judgmental as I was. It got to the point that I was needlessly fighting my friends and only when I was confronted about my attitude and I got to hear my friend's perspective that I shifted.

…Took a lot of time and educated myself on how to be better. Also therapy lol. Anger management, anxiety management, etc. I couldn't erase who I was and I accept that part of me. I'm not saying I'm all perfect now…I know there's still a lot of work to do, but all in all it's loads better than before. I'm glad I had the chance to grow up and get better." – @AnxiousCrownNinja

Right after high school was the turning point for me… I was having a lot of discord with my own friends due to my attitude and it took hearing their honest feedback about how my approach was alienating them for me to start doing major self reflection. I decided I didn't want people to fear me and I certainly didn't want to alienate my own friends, so I started talking less and listening more. I made an honest effort to care more about people as individuals-I got interested in the unique strengths each person brings to the table and did what I could to start learning from others. I humbled myself a lot over the years. I worked on saying I'm sorry and admitting when I was wrong. And years later I've gotten into therapy to continue to work on myself. I'll never be warm and fuzzy as that's just not my personality, but I'm a much better person than I was when I was younger.” – @Babhak

Was essentially bullied at home by my family and I took it out on those around me. Thankfully I had some friends that let me know I was being a dick and I apologized to the people I hurt, I'll always hate myself for the way I acted and I don't think that will ever change. I still catch myself being a grumbling asshole sometimes but I will never let myself be who I used to be.” – @raikonai

I got a job as a video game tester and worked with people who were bullied when they were younger. We'd tell stories and things I found funny they found traumatic and mean. As cliche as it is, I never thought about it from their perspective or thought my behavior was bullying until then. Helped me see it from the other side, I'm much more empathic now. Pretty ashamed about my behavior when I was younger.” – @GCJallDAY

When I realized I was just like my dad, and I really dislike my dad.” – @kastawamy

what cause bullying, cyberbullying

We don't have to become our parents.

Photo by Muhmed Alaa El-Bank on Unsplash

I come from a small town where families have generational feuds. It also didn't help that my family is poor and very ghetto/redneck and very racially mixed. All of my aunts and uncles and parents are some form of addict in one way or another. I didn't have a chance. I truly didn't. The kids I went to school with weren't allowed to hang out with me and my siblings. I remember going to a friend's house and their parents asked me my last name and they told me to leave once they heard it. I was severely bullied in elementary school and teachers didn't care to help because of the family I came from. I had one teacher just be vicious to me because my mom was selling her kid weed. I was pretty much feral and didn't have manners and just in general an autistic kid.

So I quickly learned that anger was the best shield. I bullied my bullies back. They can't catch you off guard if you're the attacker. I fought the people who came at my family with as much violence as they gave me. It bled onto kids who were friends with my bullies. They turned into essentially collateral damage. I was a bully but I was also the blood in the water in a school system that encouraged violence. It's taken me a long time to deal with [what] my home town put me through. I switched towns and changed my name. That helped a lot. I ended up in juvy after a giant fight with several family members. To say I was scared straight is an understatement. I was required to go to group therapy as part of the program I was put in to reform me. The judge knew my family and gave me a shot I took advantage of. He played a huge role in my mindset on my circumstance. I learned how to handle my trauma in a more productive way over the course of years and so much hard work. I ended up having to change my name so I wouldn't be harassed by cops and those who knew my family.

I'll definitely say this again—I grew up in a system where you had to do everything you could to survive. I can't really stomach what I did…I've left apologies in so many inboxes as an adult. I've even made friends with some of them.” – @beastgalblue

Over time and with new experiences, I stopped hating myself and my life. Then, I started seeing value in my existence and realized I actually impacted people. Happiness, for myself and others, became my reason for living. My middle school health teacher used to tell us that bullies are hurting and that's why they bully. Miss Costello, wherever you are, you were right. I've never met a bully who was happy with themselves or their life. I tell my students all the time that hurt people hurt people, and I stand by that. The fastest way to help a bully change is to show them love, kindness, and compassion.” – @mha3620

I was a mean girl. Cheer, popular, thought I was better than everyone else. During summer break in high school I went to camp. I was bullied by some of the other girls there so relentlessly. From hazing, to humiliating me, lying to get me in trouble. It was bad. After that I changed. Wish it was earlier.” – @lesbomommy

means girls, girl bullies

Learning from mistakes is all part of the human experience.

Photo by Scotty Turner on Unsplash

“I was one of those jocks who picks on the weaker kids who couldn’t really defend themselves, in order to make the crowd laugh…It was never anything too physical or over the top, so parents or others never got involved, but I know that I made life a pain for some individuals while in elementary school.

Anyhow, this PE teacher of mine took me into his office after hours one day and explained that I should try to use my authority better, and that while it might feel good to make others laugh on someone else's behalf, it feels a lot better to be an overall good guy.

Never really had any good male influence in my life before that, so that really stuck with me, and from high school and onward I tried to reach out and confront others in school that bullied others. Oftentimes we just don’t know better.” – @KingBob3922

I grew up in an abusive home and did it out of self-protection. Verbally hurt them before they could hurt you. I know my behavior didn’t make me popular or really make me feel better but I needed to lash out on the easiest targets. fast forward to having no friends in my mid 20 s and needed to figure out why.

I actually became friends with older coworkers [and] as a proxy parental influence they gently guided me. ‘Why would you say that to someone? Why would you say that about yourself? Why do you talk that way? Why is everything a fight? What's wrong with being different? What's wrong with making mistakes?’ No judgments, just gentle questions that I couldn't answer until I looked hard at myself.

I'm glad that someone took the time to see past my anger, my pushing people away, my misery and saw a young person that just needed some kindness.” – @OrdinaryPride8811

Gen Z; Millennials; technology; cell phones; social media; teens and technology; teens social media

Gen Z is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents. Denmark has the solution.

Nearly every parent hopes their child will be better off than they are: smarter, more secure, and more well-adjusted. Many parents see this as a stamp of successful parenting, but something has changed for children growing up today. While younger generations are known for their empathy, their cognitive capabilities seem to be lagging behind those of previous generations for the first time in history.

Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath, a teacher turned cognitive neuroscientist who focuses on human learning, appeared before Congress to discuss concerns about cognitive development in children. In his address to the members of Congress, he says, "A sad fact that our generation has to face is this: our kids are less cognitively capable than we were at their age. Since we've been standardizing and measuring cognitive development since the late 1800s, every generation has outperformed their parents, and that's exactly what we want. We want sharper kids."


kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Student smiling in a classroom, working on a laptop.Photo credit: Canva

Horvath explains that the reason this happens is that each generation has gone to school longer than the previous generation. Gen Z is no exception to the longer duration of time spent in school, but they're the first ones who aren't meeting this normal increase in cognitive development. According to the cognitive neuroscientist, the decline is due to the introduction of screens in the classroom, which started around 2010.

"Across 80 countries, as Jean was just saying, if you look at the data, once countries adopt digital technology widely in schools, performance goes down significantly. To the point where kids who use computers about five hours per day in school for learning purposes will score over two-thirds of a standard deviation less than kids who rarely or never touch tech at school," Horvath reveals.

In most cases, the decline in performance doesn't result in better strategies. The neuroscientist shares that the standardized testing has been adjusted to accommodate lower expectations and shorter attention spans. This is an approach that educators, scientists, and researchers went to Capitol Hill to express wasn't working. But not every country is taking the approach of lowering standards to meet lowered cognitive ability. Denmark went in the opposite direction when it realized their students were slipping behind.

France24 recently interviewed educators in Denmark following their seemingly novel approach to students struggling with cognitive development. Since the beginning of the 2025/2026 school year, Denmark has not only been having students turn in their cellphones, but they've also taken tablets, laptops, and computers out of the classroom. No more digital learning for the majority of the school day. Danes went old school by bringing back physical textbooks, workbooks, and writing assignments. The results have been undeniable. Even the students can't seem to deny the success of the countrywide shift in educational approach.

"I think the biggest issue has been that, because we kind of got rid of the books and started using screens instead, that we've noticed that a lot of the kids have trouble concentrating, so it's pretty easy to swipe with three fingers over to a different screen and have a video game going, for example, in class," Copenhagen English teacher, Islam Dijab tells France24.

Now, instead of computers being part of every lesson, Denmark uses computers very sparingly and with strict supervision. One student says that it has been nice not having screen time at school because she loves to read and write. But it wasn't just the lack of attention span children were developing, they were also developing low self-esteem and poor mental health due to the amount of time spent on devices.

kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Students focused and ready to learn in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

The data showing the negative impact of screens on teens' brains has prompted a nationwide change in Denmark that extends outside of the classroom. Afterschool activities are eliminating or extremely limiting electronic use. There is also a national No Phone Day that encourages everyone to put away their devices for the day, and Imran Rashid, a physician and digital health expert, is petitioning parliament to ban social media use for children under the age of 15. The no phone movement in Denmark is a nationwide effort that hopes to right the ship before another generation feels the effects.

food, food storage, refrigerator, peanut butter, fridge
Photo Credit: Canva

A woman is surprised as she peers into a refrigerator. A jar of peanut butter.

Imagine scrolling through Instagram Reels when a meme pops up featuring a cartoon jar of mustard. The caption reads, "Whatever you do, don't refrigerate me!" After getting past the idea that a jar of mustard could communicate, it left a few people wondering, "Does mustard not belong in the fridge?"

Of course, this wouldn't be the first time experts decided where condiments or other food items should go. In an article by Upworthy colleague Jacalyn Wetzel titled "Heinz triggers all of the internet with a single tweet: 'Ketchup. goes. in. the. fridge!!!'" the stance seems pretty clear. She shares photos from an X user showing the back of the bottle, which clearly reads, "Refrigerate after opening." A few users continue to argue, asking questions like, "So why is it on shelves in supermarkets and shops, then?" Heinz actually replied, "Where do you keep your soft drinks, Dave?"


Now, newer lists have begun circulating that identify certain food items that shouldn't be kept in the fridge. Some of these may come as a surprise, especially to non-chefs or people without food expertise:

TOMATOES

In a Southern Living article titled "12 Foods You Should Never Keep in the Fridge," writer Kaitlyn Yarborough is clear that tomatoes belong on the counter. Yarborough explains, "The cold, humid atmosphere inside the fridge can affect the texture of your tomatoes before you have a chance to use them. Just make sure to keep them out of direct sunlight."

POTATOES

Again, this is largely a texture issue. On KitchenAid's website, they suggest storing potatoes "in a paper bag at room temperature" to avoid making them "gritty and overly sweet due to the moisture."

PEANUT BUTTER

peanut butter, food, food storage, peanuts, refrigeration  Peanut butter with a black spoon. Photo by Corleto Peanut butter on Unsplash

In another surprising twist, experts at KitchenAid say peanut butter doesn't need to be refrigerated for up to three months: "Peanut butter maintains its spreadable consistency at room temperature for three months, after which refrigeration is recommended."

AVOCADOS

This only applies to avocados that haven't been sliced yet. If you're ready to use them and don't want to "slow down the ripening process," Yarborough suggests storing them at room temperature: "Once cut open, store any halves in a Ziploc plastic bag or container in the fridge."

PEACHES (AND OTHER STONE FRUITS)

Perhaps more surprising on the list were certain types of fruit that many might have assumed should be refrigerated. Yarborough urges people to leave peaches and other "stone fruits," such as plums and nectarines, at room temperature until they ripen. "You can stick stone fruits in the refrigerator once they're ripe, but keep in mind that the dry air will eventually dehydrate and wrinkle the fruit," she writes.

BANANAS

A quick tutorial on how to store bananas. www.youtube.com, Cooking at Pam's Place

KitchenAid also offers advice on keeping bananas from browning too quickly, even suggesting storage options beyond the counter: "Your best options include an open countertop, a pantry or a dedicated banana hook."

FRENCH FRIES

To mix things up a bit, in a Reddit thread titled "What food item should never be refrigerated?" one foodie offers this advice: "Leftover French fries. It's like a mouthful of abomination no matter what you do to reheat them after their trip to the cold tomb."

HOT SAUCE

This one made quite a few lists, with some pointing out that, by name alone, it seems obvious it shouldn't be cooled. One Reddit user writes, "Hot sauce. Having it chilled just seems fundamentally wrong."

The food experts at KitchenAid agree: "To preserve the rich flavor and intense heat of your hot sauce, it is recommended to store it in the pantry unless otherwise specified on the label."

@firstwefeast

do you refrigerate your hot sauce? #spiceschool @Heatonist - Stay Spicy

Science

Helicopters dump 6,000 logs into rivers in the Pacific Northwest, fixing a decades-old mistake

Forty years ago, restoration workers thought logs were the problem. They were wrong.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest

Restoration workers now see how "critical" wood is to the natural habitat.

For decades, river restoration in the Northwestern United States followed a simple rule: if you saw logs in the water, take them out. Clean streams were seen as healthy streams, fast-moving water was seen as optimal, and wood was treated like a "barrier" to natural processes, particularly those of the local fish.

Now, helicopters are flying thousands of tree trunks back into rivers to undo that thinking.


In central Washington, one of the largest river restoration efforts ever attempted in the region is underway. More than 6,000 logs are being placed along roughly 38 kilometers, or 24 miles, of rivers and streams across the Yakama Reservation and surrounding ceded lands.

Nearly 40 years ago, Scott Nicolai was doing the opposite kind of work, all in the name of restoration.

"(Back then) the fish heads — what I call the fisheries folks — we stood on the banks, and we looked at the stream," Nicolai, a Yakama Nation habitat biologist, told Oregon Public Broadcasting. "If we saw a big log jam, we thought, 'Oh, that's a barrier to fish. We want the stream to flow.'"

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Fish find shelter for spawning in the nooks and crannies of wood. Photo credit: Canva

At the time, logs were removed in an effort to simplify the habitat. However, it soon became clear that wood provided vital "complexity," creating sheltered pockets for salmon and bull trout to spawn and supporting algae that feed aquatic insects. Logs also slow water, spread it across floodplains, and allow it to soak into the groundwater. That water is then slowly released back into streams, helping keep them flowing and cooler during hot, dry periods.

The consequences of removing this "critical part of the system" (in addition to overgrazing, railroad construction, and splash dam logging) were made all too clear over the years as the rivers dried up and wildlife populations declined.

"We're trying to learn from our mistakes and find a better way to manage," said Phil Rigdon, director of the Yakama Nation Department of Natural Resources.

That's why Nicolai is now helping lead a project for the Yakama Nation aimed at rebuilding river complexity by returning logs to their rightful place. Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used. Logs are flown from staging areas and carefully placed at precise drop locations marked with pink and blue flagging tape.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used.Photo credit: Canva

The wood comes from forest-thinning projects led by The Nature Conservancy and includes species such as Douglas fir, grand fir, and cedar. Although some of the timber could have been sold, it is instead being used as river infrastructure.

For tribal leaders, the work carries even deeper meaning. During the helicopter flights, they gathered along the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Tribal leaders gathered by the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.Photo credit: Canva

"It was very simple: to bring what was rightfully part of this land back to us," said former tribal chairman Jerry Meninick.

The aftermath of the original restoration project illustrates how human concepts, such as the belief in the superiority of "cleanliness," can be limited and sometimes cause more harm than good. The miracle of nature, however, is that when left to her own devices, she can heal herself.

Education

Stop forgetting people's names by using the simple 'SUAVE method'

We're all bad with names. Here's the easy way to get better.

names, meeting people, introduction, handshake, hello

A man and a woman shaking hands.

Do you think you're bad at remembering names? If so, you’re not alone. In a 2022 poll, 58% of Americans say they struggle to remember the names of people they’ve recently met at least half of the time. Only 7% said they “never” forget the names of someone they recently met.

In a world where most people are bad at remembering names, those who are good at it are going to make quite the impression at their next neighborhood party or professional networking event.


poll, yougov poll, today poll, american poll, meeting people A poll on how well Americans remember names.via YouGov

How to get better at remembering names

According to Jim Kwik, the key to remembering people’s names is as easy as recalling the acronym SUAVE. Just think of it this way: everyone will think you’re SUAVE if you remember their name smoothly. Kwik is the world's number one brain coach and the author of Limitless: Upgrade your brain, learn anything faster, and unlock your exceptional life. He says the key is to focus on the person you just met. “A lot of people aren't forgetting the name, they're just not paying attention. The art of memory is the art of attention,” Kwik told podcaster Mel Robbins.

He shared the SUAVE method on a recent episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast.

@melrobbins

"When someone introduces themselves to you, do you usually forget their name 5 seconds later? It happens to me ALL the time. But not anymore after sitting down with @Jim Kwik, renowned brain coach, on tonight’s episode of the #melrobbinspodcast 👇 🎧 “Super Brain: 10 Things to Eat, Think, & Do to Improve Your Memory and Learn Faster” 🔗 in bio The #MelRobbinsPodcast is available in 194 countries, wherever you listen to podcasts. Search “mel robbins podcast” on YouTube to find all episodes. #melrobbins #changeyourlife #mindset #createabetterlife #takecontrol #motivation #brainpower #learnfaster #learnmore #improveyourmemory #brainhealth #podcast #podcastepisode"

Say

“Say the name right away when somebody gives you their name, greet them back using their name cause it means you get through it twice.” Kwik sid.

THEM: “Hello, my name is Sheryl.”

YOU: “Nice to meet you, Sheryl.”

Use

“You use the name, but you don't abuse the name,” Kwik continues. There is a fine line between repeating someone’s name so that it sounds natural and using it over and over so that you sound inauthentic and, perhaps, manipulative. Some suggest that in an interaction, such as a sales call, you use their name around three times to strike the right balance.

names, meeting people, introduction, handshake, hello A man and a woman shaking hands.via Canva/Photos

Ask

“This works really well for people who have unusual names or names you haven't heard of before,” Kwik said.

THEM: “Hello, my name is Khadesia.”

YOU: “Beautiful name. Just to get it right, did you say, Khadesia?”

Then, bonus points:

YOU: “Does Khadesia have a special meaning?”

Visualize

“You meet someone for the first time, and their name is Mary. Imagine, for a split second, that she's carrying two lambs under her arms. Mary had a little lamb,” Kwik said.

To further explain the concept:

Lara: Think of Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.

Tom: Think of a turkey, as in Tom Turkey.

Malcolm: Think of the TV show Malcolm in the Middle.

By making an extra connection between the person and another concept that you’re familiar with, it’ll make you more likely to remember the name. Think of it as a mental picture that connects the person and concept.

End

“End the conversation saying goodbye, using their name,” Kwik said.

YOU: "It was a pleasure speaking with you, Lara."

Ultimately, in a world where most people aren’t very good with names, remembering someone's at a party or networking event will make you stand above the crowd. Even more importantly, it shows the other person that you genuinely care, and that’s the best type of first impression you can hope to make on anyone.

corduroy, clothing, style, fashion, textiles

Corduroy has a surprisingly interesting story.

Considering how popular it was in the 1970s, one might assume that corduroy was invented in the mid-20th century. But that's not even close to true. In fact, the roots of corduroy go all the way back to Ancient Egypt, and the fascinating history of the famously ribbed fabric is surprisingly interesting.

Dry cleaner and stain-removal guru Zachary Pozniak shared some fun facts about corduroy in a video that has over a million views. (Who knew corduroy would pique so many people's interests?) What is corduroy? Where, when, and by whom was it created? Where does the word "corduroy" come from?


- YouTube www.youtube.com

Pozniak says that corduroy was popularized in the 18th century, but dates back to Ancient Egyptian times. According to The Rake, the fabric originated in the Ancient Egyptian city of Al-Fustan in the form of fustian, a heavy cloth woven out of linen and cotton. Outer vestments worn by Catholic priests were made of fustian for a time, and Italian and Spanish merchants brought it to Europe in medieval times. While Henry VIII owned many fustian garments, it was worn by working men as well.

That brings us to the 18th century, when modern-day corduroy became what Pozniak calls, "the working man's armor."

"Miners, factory workers, and builders wore it because it was durable, warm, and could really take a beating," Pozniak says. The reason corduroy is so durable is that there are extra sets of fiber woven into the base fabric, forming its signature vertical ridges called wales. "These wales are similar to velvet in that the fibers stick straight up and create that super luscious effect," Pozniask says. No wonder corduroy feels kind of velvety when you run your fingers across it.

corduroy, clothing, style, fashion, textiles Corduroy isn't always brown, but it often is. Photo credit: Canva

As far as where the word "corduroy" comes from, Pozniak says a lot of people think it comes from the French corde du roi, meaning "cloth of kings," but it doesn't. It comes from a combination of "cord" meaning rope, and "duroy," a thick fabric made in England.

Judging by the comments on Pozniak's video, people love their corduroy and appreciate learning more about it:

"I am delighted. I am wearing my corduroy pants right now because it’s a chilly day in December. Thank you so much for celebrating this simple workmen clothing!"

"I love corduroy too. Corduroy trousers feel fantastic, it's weighted and soft. And keep you warm."

"It's one of my faves too! I always viewed it as a type of velvet, because it's called a 'corded velvet' in my language."

corduroy, clothing, style, fashion, textiles Corduroy pants are a classic.Photo credit: Canva

"I love corduroy to add texture and interest to a monochrome outfit. It looks so stylish when mixed with other textures in the same color!

"I love corduroy especially as pants and tote bags, really effortless chic."

"I looooove corduroy and hadn’t been able to find good ones since I was a kid since it went out of the cycle. It’s fun that it’s back in the fashion rotation! And hopefully made well and to last!"

According to Vogue, corduroy made a comeback in the fall of 2025. "Beloved for its heavyweight, durable fabric, the style staple promises to fight the chill on even the coldest of days. And lately, we’ve seen corduroy make the switch from country to cool…" the fashion magazine wrote. The fabric has been seen on celebrities and runways, and Vogue called corduroy pants "the ultimate staple to sport this season."

So if you miss the swish-swish of your childhood corduroys, you can relive it in style as a full-fledged grown-up. Glamour Magazine suggests styling corduroy with baggy or preppy outfits, by layering textures, by choosing "rainbow bright" colors, and by wearing corduroy pieces in a set or corduroy pants with a classic striped sweater to keep it modern and chic.

Or, you know, just do your own thing. Corduroy has proven itself a classic, so wear it however it makes you happy.