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COVID vaccine misinformation is out of hand. Let's examine some of the most common myths.

COVID vaccine misinformation is out of hand. Let's examine some of the most common myths.

As the U.S. ramps up its vaccine production and distribution, misinformation and myths about the vaccines are ramping up as well. There are the whackadoodle conspiracy theories, of course, but there's also a lot of genuine confusion out there. Some confusion is due to the constant deluge of rapidly evolving (and sometimes changing) information, some of it's due to how scientists communicate what they know and don't know, and some of it is because people don't know who to trust for reliable information.

For example, some of the myths below originated from people with "Dr." before their names. And there will assuredly be people in the comments sharing screenshots and Bitchute links to talks from scientists, doctors, and nurses who have been booted from social media for spreading misinformation. It's an epidemic at this point.

While an individual's credentials matter, they're not enough to make someone a trustworthy source of information. There are people with multiple degrees from elite institutions who are steeped in conspiracy thinking, addicted to attention, grifting for profit, or just genuinely kooky. Scientific skepticism is healthy, to a point. But if a medical professional makes a claim and 100 medical professionals refute it, the majority consensus is the logical way to go. (I know, I know. Galileo. But we aren't living in the 17th century anymore and discredited findings are a real thing.)

Rather than relying on individual doctors or scientists, I look to well-respected medical institutions and professional medical associations for the most accurate information. That's where most of the information here comes from. Everything in blue text is a link to a source, which I recommend clicking and reading.

This list is by no means exhaustive. And I'm not even going to address the super whackadoodle stuff. If you really think Bill Gates is injecting you with a microchip, or that these vaccines have anything to do with 5G or the mark of the beast, facts probably aren't going to help you.

That said, here we go:


MYTH #1: "The vaccine isn't really a vaccine."

This myth appears to trace back to a man named Dr. David E. Martin who said this on a podcast. He's not a medical doctor; he's CEO of a financial analyst firm. He doesn't specify what his Ph.D. is in, but it's clearly not in any field related to immunology.

According to the CDC, a vaccine is "a product that stimulates a person's immune system to produce immunity to a specific disease, protecting the person from that disease." That's exactly what all three of the COVID vaccines in use in the U.S. do. The mRNA vaccines do so with a different mechanism than traditional vaccines, but the basic premise—getting the immune system to produce immunity to a specific disease—still stands. That's why every professional medical institution uses the word "vaccine" to describe these injections.

MYTH #2: "The mRNA vaccine is gene therapy" and/or "The mRNA vaccine changes your DNA."

No, it's not gene therapy and it does nothing to your DNA. mRNA doesn't go into the parts of the cell where your DNA actually exists. "Unlike gene editing and gene therapy, mRNA technology does not change the genetic information of the cell, and is intended to be short-acting," reads the Moderna website. In fact, mRNA research was launched decades ago as an alternative to DNA-based gene therapy, precisely because it doesn't change your DNA.

Though super simplistic, this video depicting how mRNA vaccines work earned high praise from immunologists for showing what the vaccine is actually doing in your body. The mRNA goes in, gives your body instructions for making the spike protein that exists on the outside of the coronavirus, prompting your immune system to create the weapons needed to destroy it. The mRNA itself gets destroyed by your own body shortly thereafter. No genes altered. No genetic material left in you. Just nice, shiny immunity.

@hotvickkrishna

How the mRNA Vaccine 💉 works #fyp #comedy #skit #covid19 #mrna #coronavirus #vaccine #howitworks


MYTH #3: "The vaccines were rushed and haven't been around long enough to know they're safe."

Yes, these are new vaccines. Yes, they went through the development and testing processes in record time. It's understandable that people would be hesitant for this reason. But there are two issues at play here.

1) People are assuming that fast = rushed = skipped steps. But does the evidence bear that out? No. The University of Nebraska Medical Center has a well-laid-out, concise explanation of the various phases of normal vaccine development and how they were able to safely speed them up with these vaccines. (In a long nutshell, our knowledge about vaccines, decades of mRNA research, a decade of mRNA vaccine research specifically, and base knowledge about coronaviruses gave us a solid foundation to start from. Then, having thousands of volunteers sign up quickly, building facilities ahead of time, combining phases—which is not the same as cutting corners—having enough viral spread to get the necessary results quickly, and having all hands on deck at every level combined to give us these vaccines in record time.)

Do we know the long-term effects of the vaccines? No. Is there any scientific or biological reason to anticipate that there will be any, based on the decades of research we have under our belts? No.

2) The risk ratio heavily favors the vaccine, even without long-term data.

One thing people don't seem to realize is that these vaccines have been around almost as long as the virus itself has—just a few months less. (The first Moderna vaccines were injected into trial volunteers on 3/16/20—over a year ago.) So we've had almost the same amount of time to observe the effects of both.

We know the risks with COVID are real, both short-term and long-term. Obviously, death is a big one. Severe illness is another. But even recovered people who initially had mild symptoms can have ongoing health problems. Some people with more severe COVID may have permanent organ damage. And those are just the health effects we know about so far.

We know that the risks with the vaccine so far are teeny tiny. More Americans have gotten the vaccine than have gotten the virus at this point, and what have we seen? A small number of severe allergic reactions, out of tens of millions of doses. Lots of expected temporary side effects shortly after injection as the body's immune system does its thing. That's it. And while we don't know if there are any long-term side effects, there does not appear to be any scientific reason to believe there will be.

Everything carries some risk. The risk ratio here for the vast majority of us is clearly in favor of vaccination.

MYTH #4: "The vaccine doesn't keep you from transmitting the virus, it just lessens symptoms."

This myth began because scientists simply didn't have the evidence to show whether or not the vaccine prevented infection and transmission, and they said so. But "we don't have evidence at this point" doesn't mean "doesn't." It just means there wasn't enough data to know yet, and scientists (thankfully) try not to speculate, but rather go by what the data shows.

As of this week, we've seen enough real-world evidence to be able to say that yes, at least the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines do prevent infection—including asymptomatic infection—by 90%. The CDC officially announced it. That's amazing news. Shout-it-from-the-rooftops kind of news.

MYTH #5: "The vaccine isn't even approved by the FDA."

Technically, this is true—the FDA has not approved the vaccines for licensure per their normal processes. However, the FDA has issued Emergency Use Authorization, which is the best they can do in the limited time frame of an out-of-control global pandemic. It's not like the FDA is hesitant about these vaccines. You can go right to the FDA website and read all about their recommendations and the authorization process, including all of the documentation from the three authorized vaccines here.

MYTH #6: "The vaccine could make you infertile."

This one's easy. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists: "Unfounded claims linking COVID-19 vaccines to infertility have been scientifically disproven. ACOG recommends vaccination for all eligible people who may consider future pregnancy."

Considering the fact that OBs are the main medical professionals who actually want women to be able to get pregnant so they can continue to have a job, I trust their professional take on this.

MYTH #7: "The vaccine is messing with women's menstruation."

As far as menstruation goes, there is some evidence that COVID-19 infection can mess with the volume and duration of a woman's menstrual cycle. So it's not like there aren't questions about how the coronavirus itself might impact your reproductive system.

There have also been some anecdotes from Israel of a small number of women reporting irregular menstrual bleeding after receiving the vaccine, which the health ministry is monitoring. However, it's a handful of reports out of millions of vaccinations, and women's cycles can be impacted by all kinds of things, which makes the causal connection not particularly convincing.

Which leads us to the next myth...

MYTH #8: "There are reports of people dying not long after they get the vaccine, which means they're risky."

It's true that some people are going to die after they get the vaccine, but that doesn't mean they're dying from the vaccine. We are administering 2 to 3 million vaccine doses per day. One in 45,000 Americans die each day. Statistically, that means 40 to 60 people will die the day they get their vaccine, no matter what. And naturally, some of those deaths will be random heart attacks, brain aneurysms, and other unexpected and sudden causes of death.

"These medical events occur every single day, including unexplained illnesses," Dr. William Schaffner, professor of medicine in the Division of Infectious Diseases at Vanderbilt University Medical Center told ABC News. "The question really is, do they occur at a greater rate in the vaccinated population than they do in the general population?"

It's not like doctors just assume someone's death wasn't caused by the vaccine. They investigate it each time it happens. And so far, no evidence that the vaccines are killing people.

MYTH #9: "The virus has a 99% survival rate so a vaccine isn't necessary."

There are lots of percentages floating around about survival rates, but there is no official number because we don't truly know how many people have been infected. Case fatality rates—meaning how many have died out of confirmed cases—are all over the place, ranging from 0.1% in Mongolia to 21% in Yemen. (In the U.S. it's 1.8%. In Mexico, 9.1%. Seriously, all over the map.)

However, even if we go with a 99% survival rate estimate, that sounds low until you calculate what that would mean if every American got infected with the virus. Are we ready to see more than 3.5 million Americans die from a disease we have an effective vaccine for? That seems cruel.

Not to mention, the longer we let the virus spread, the more chance it has to mutate into more contagious and deadlier variants. Widespread vaccination is the only way we're going to mitigate the pandemic without millions of deaths and prolonged economic and social hardship.

MYTH #10: The vaccines use aborted fetal tissue.

Here's where we get into some confusing science, but the short answer is no. No fetal tissue is used in the making of these vaccines.

What is used are what's called fetal cell lines, which are basically cellular descendants of fetal tissue taken from elective abortions in the 1970s. They are not fetal tissue now, and no fetal tissue is used in any of these vaccines. The North Dakota Department of Health has a clear explanation of what role fetal cell lines play in COVID-19 vaccines.

Worth noting that the famously anti-abortion U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has given their approval of the vaccines, stating: "receiving a COVID-19 vaccine ought to be understood as an act of charity toward the other members of our community. In this way, being vaccinated safely against COVID-19 should be considered an act of love of our neighbor and part of our moral responsibility for the common good...Given the urgency of this crisis, the lack of available alternative vaccines, and the fact that the connection between an abortion that occurred decades ago and receiving a vaccine produced today is remote, inoculation with the new COVID-19 vaccines in these circumstances can be morally justified."

MYTH #11: "Once you're vaccinated you can go about life as you did pre-pandemic."

Not yet. Now at least we know that the mRNA vaccines drastically reduce transmission, which should give us some peace of mind. But drastically reduced doesn't mean eliminated, and most Americans still aren't vaccinated. In public, we still need to observe pandemic protocols until our numbers really drop for a while.

If you're vaccinated and the people you're with are vaccinated, have a ball. But around the general public, keep the distancing and the masks up for a while longer.

MYTH #12: "The vaccine will trigger autoimmune diseases in the body."

There has been speculation about vaccines causing autoimmune diseases for many years, with no evidence to show that the concerns are founded. The same goes for the COVID vaccines. This myth may originate from a viral video from a nurse practitioner claiming that the mRNA vaccine could make the immune system attack the body, but that has been debunked by experts.

Again, I like to go to professional medical associations for this kind of thing, as non-profit organizations dedicated to maintaining high standards in their fields. The American College of Rheumatology (ACR) recently released this recommendation on COVID vaccines for people with autoimmune conditions:

"Although there is limited data from large population-based studies, it appears that patients with autoimmune and inflammatory conditions are at a higher risk for developing hospitalized COVID-19 compared to the general population and have worse outcomes associated with infection," said Dr. Jeffrey Curtis, chair of the ACR COVID-19 Vaccine Clinical Guidance Task Force. "Based on this concern, the benefit of COVID-19 vaccination outweighs any small, possible risks for new autoimmune reactions or disease flare after vaccination."

MYTH #13: "We don't even know what's in these vaccines."

We actually know a ton about these vaccines, including what's in them. The FDA has all of that information available on their website, though it does take wading through some long documents to find them. But the reality is that the ingredients list won't be all that meaningful to the average person. Here's the list for Pfizer:

"The vaccine contains a nucleoside-modified messenger RNA (modRNA) encoding the viral spike glycoprotein (S) of SARS-CoV-2. The vaccine also includes the following ingredients: lipids ((4-hydroxybutyl)azanediyl)bis(hexane-6,1-diyl)bis(2- hexyldecanoate), 2-[(polyethylene glycol)-2000]-N,N-ditetradecylacetamide, 1,2-distearoyl-snglycero-3-phosphocholine, and cholesterol), potassium chloride, monobasic potassium phosphate, sodium chloride, dibasic sodium phosphate dihydrate, and sucrose."

If that makes you feel better, more power to you.

MYTH #14: "We just need to eat well and take care of our health and our immune systems will save us."

I am100% in favor of optimal health, so by all means, eat well, exercise, take vitamins, and reduce stress. But the idea that a strong immune system is sufficient for battling the novel coronavirus simply isn't true.

One thing that makes COVID-19 such a problem is that it's new so no one's immune system knows how to fight it. Yes, a robust immune system can be helpful—but it can also backfire. A healthy immune system can go into overdrive, causing what's known as a cytokine storm. It's what kills young and healthy people with the flu sometimes as well. Not super common, but it happens.

The vaccines are like a personal trainer getting your body ready for the COVID battle. If you were going to compete in a decathlon, you'd hone the skills and strength you need for those 10 specific events. You wouldn't just rely on being in great shape in general. Same idea.

MYTH #15: "The vaccine only lasts three months."

We don't actually know how long immunity will last with the vaccines yet. That's one of the things researchers are observing in the ongoing studies. The initial vaccine trials indicate that immunity lasts at minimum three months. A new study from the U.S. military indicates that vaccine immunity remains strong for at least seven to nine months. It could be that it ends up lasting a year or 10 years. We just don't know yet. We may end up having to get a booster, or a yearly shot like the flu shot. But there's no evidence that it only lasts three months.

Hope that helps.

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discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity

How do you get someone to open their minds to another perspective?

The diversity of humanity means people won't always see eye to eye, and psychology tells us that people tend to double down when their views are challenged. When people are so deeply entrenched in their own perspectives they're refusing to entertain other viewpoints, what do we do?

Frequently, what we do falls into the "understandable but ineffective" category. When we disagree with someone because their opinion is based on falsehoods or inaccurate information, we may try to pound them with facts and statistics. Unfortunately, research shows that generally doesn't work. We might try to find different ways to explain our stance using logic and reasoning, but that rarely makes a dent, either. So often, we're left wondering how on Earth this person arrived at their perspective, especially if they reject facts and logic.


According to Stanford researchers, turning that wondering into an actual question might be the key.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Questions are more effective than facts when it comes to disagreements.Photo credit: Canva

The power of "Tell me more."

Two studies examined how expressing interest in someone's view and asking them to elaborate on why they hold their opinion affected both parties engaged in a debate. They found that asking questions like, "Could you tell me more about that?” and ‘‘Why do you think that?" made the other person "view their debate counterpart more positively, behave more open-mindedly, and form more favorable inferences about other proponents of the counterpart’s views." Additionally, adding an expression of interest, such as, ‘‘But I was interested in what you’re saying. Can you tell me more about how come you think that?” not only made the counterpart more open to other viewpoints, but the questioner themselves developed more favorable attitudes toward the opposing viewpoint.

In other words, genuinely striving to understand another person's perspective by being curious and asking them to say more about how they came to their conclusions may help bridge seemingly insurmountable divides.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Asking people to elaborate leads to more open-mindedness.Photo credit: Canva

Stanford isn't alone in these findings. A series of studies at the University of Haifa also found that high-quality listening helped lower people's prejudices, and that when people perceive a listener to be responsive, they tend to be more open-minded. Additionally, the perception that their attitude is the correct and valid one is reduced.

Why curiosity works

In some sense, these results may seem counterintuitive. We may assume that asking someone to elaborate on what they believe and why they believe it might just further entrench them in their views and opinions. But that's not what the research shows.

Dartmouth cognitive scientist Thalia Wheatley studies the role of curiosity in relationships and has found that being curious can help create consensus where there wasn't any before.

“[Curiosity] really creates common ground across brains, just by virtue of having the intellectual humility to say, ‘OK, I thought it was like this, but what do you think?’ And being willing to change your mind,” she said, according to the John Templeton Foundation.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Curiosity can help people get closer to consensus. Photo credit: Canva

Of course, there may be certain opinions and perspectives that are too abhorrent or inhumane to entertain with curious questions, so it's not like "tell me more" is always the solution to an intractable divide. But even those with whom we vehemently disagree or those whose views we find offensive may respond to curiosity with more open-mindedness and willingness to change their view than if we simply argue with them. And isn't that the whole point?

Sometimes what's effective doesn't always line up with our emotional reactions to a disagreement, so engaging with curiosity might take some practice. It may also require us to rethink what formats for public discourse are the most impactful. Is ranting in a TikTok video or a tweet conducive to this shift in how we engage others? Is one-on-one or small group, in-person discussion a better forum for curious engagement? These are important things to consider if our goal is not to merely state our case and make our voice heard but to actually help open people's minds and remain open-minded in our own lives as well.

Shitsuke, Japanese parenting, parenting, Japan, discipline. learning
Photo credit: Canva

Parents watch as their child uses a toothbrush.

When it comes to parenting, sometimes the simplest reframing of how you discipline can make all the difference. In a YouTube video, pediatric occupational therapist Emma Hubbard shares a tip she describes as the "Japanese rule that changes everything."

It's a method called "Shitsuke," which she explains literally translates to "discipline." She claims it's the "one simple rule that Japanese parents follow that helps create calm, respectful, and obedient children."


Hubbard makes it clear from the jump that although the word translates to "discipline," it doesn't carry the same meaning it does in Western culture. Instead, it's about getting ahead of behavioral issues rather than responding to them.

"It's really easy to fall into a cycle that looks something like this," she says. "We wait for our kids to act out, then we punish, lecture, or bargain with them. Shitsuke flips this completely."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She goes on to explain that Shitsuke strongly urges parents to nurture their children by modeling good behavior and giving clear, consistent instruction.

"It's based on the belief that children develop good manners and courtesy through instruction and practice, not through punishment or hoping they'll just figure it out," she says. "Instead of constantly putting out fires, Japanese parents prevent them by actively teaching the exact behaviors they want to see."

Hubbard shares three main principles of this method:

1. Model the behavior you want to see

It's actually quite simple. Hubbard explains, "Japanese parents understand that kids are observational learners. If you want a calm child, you must be calm. If you want a respectful child, you must be respectful, especially when you're frustrated. And if you don't want your child to scream when they're angry, then you should also try not to scream when you're angry."

2. Be consistent with clear rules

Studies show that children are less anxious when given clear instructions and predictable routines.

"The truth is, rules don't make children unhappy," Hubbard says. "In fact, having no clear rules is what makes them anxious and stressed. Think about it like this. Imagine if you went to work and your boss never told you what time to arrive, what your job was, or even when team meetings started. You'd be anxious, stressed, and confused all day. And that's exactly how your child feels without clear rules."

In an article for Psychology Today, Jenalee Doom, PhD, points out that "both children's and adults' brains love predictability. We can still get pleasure from unpredictable things like surprises, but in general, we feel safe and secure when we have predictable routines, and we find unpredictability to be highly stressful." She goes on to offer suggestions for helping children feel safe, such as keeping regular bedtimes and having meals together.

3. Learn to reframe "naughty" behavior into a learning experience

This is the game changer for many parents, and what Hubbard calls the most important part of the concept.

"This is the most important part of Shitsuke that completely changes everything," she says. "Instead of just saying 'Don't do that' or 'Stop being naughty,' Shitsuke teaches parents to ask one crucial question: 'What skill does my child need to learn here?'"

The clear genius behind this principle is that it takes mistakes (which are going to happen) and turns them into lessons.

"This shift in thinking changes everything because instead of punishing the behavior you don't want, you start actively teaching the skill that they're missing," she adds. "And that's when you see real, lasting obedience because your child actually knows how to behave well."

children, discipline, shitsuke, Japanese method of learning, lessons A young girl has a tantrum. Photo credit: Vinh Thang on Unsplash

Hubbard's YouTube video has nearly one million views and over one thousand comments, many of which add insightful thoughts to the conversation.

One commenter stressed the importance of being respectful:

"Something I will add: growing up in Japan, polite behavior was acknowledged and positively reinforced by nearly every adult I interacted with. Not just my teachers, but my pediatrician, my neighbors, the old lady who ran the corner tobacco store, my barber, etc. Saying 'good morning!' or 'thank you!' felt fantastic, because here you are a tiny child being respectfully greeted by big adults. As an adult, I now acknowledge kind American children I encounter with comments like 'thank you, that was very considerate' to pass it on, and I see them smile. I do not have children of my own, but I encourage everyone to notice the children who are trying their best and to thank them for it."

Another commenter backs up the claim that children often thrive when they have set rules:

"Rules don't make children unhappy. 100%. As a teacher, they're the ones who expect me to follow the rules and enforce the consequences all the time. Predictability makes kids happy."

This commenter discusses the value of the words parents use:

"Framing of messages are so important. For example, instead of saying, 'Don't forget…,' rather say, 'please remember.' Or, 'Don't pull the kitty's tail,' instead say, 'Please pet it gently.' Reframe the message from communicating with negatively charged words to positively charged words by telling them what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do."

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I showed my Gen Z kids 'Dead Poets Society' and their angry reactions to it floored me

"Inspiring" apparently means different things to Gen X and Gen Z.

Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, gen x and gen z differences

Robin Williams played inspiring English teacher John Keating in "Dead Poets Society."

As a Gen X parent of Gen Z teens and young adults, I'm used to cringing at things from 80s and 90s movies that haven't aged well. However, a beloved film from my youth that I thought they'd love, "Dead Poets Society," sparked some unexpectedly negative responses in my kids, shining a spotlight on generational differences I didn't even know existed.

I probably watched "Dead Poets Society" a dozen or more times as a teen and young adult, always finding it aesthetically beautiful, tragically sad, and profoundly inspiring. That film was one of the reasons I decided to become an English teacher, inspired as I was by Robin Williams' portrayal of the passionately unconventional English teacher, John Keating.


The way Mr. Keating shared his love of beauty and poetry with a class of high school boys at a stuffy prep school, encouraging them to "seize the day" and "suck all the marrow out of life," hit me right in my idealistic youthful heart. And when those boys stood up on their desks for him at the end of the film, defying the headmaster who held their futures in his hands? What a moving moment of triumph and support.

My Gen Z kids, however, saw the ending differently. They did love the feel of the film, which I expected with its warm, cozy, comforting vibe (at least up until the last 20 minutes or so). They loved Mr. Keating, because how can you not? But when the movie ended, I was taken aback hearing "That was terrible!" and "Why would you traumatize me like that?" before they also admitted, "But it was so gooood!"

- YouTube youtu.be

The traumatize part I actually get—I'd forgotten just how incredibly heavy the film gets all of a sudden. (A caveat I feel the need to add here: Gen Z uses the word "traumatize" not in a clinical sense but as an exaggerative term for being hit unexpectedly by something sad or disturbing. They know they weren't literally traumatized by the movie.)

But in discussing it further, I discovered three main generational differences that impacted my kids' "Dead Poets Society" viewing experience and what they took away from it.

1) Gen Z sees inspiring change through a systemic lens, not an individual one

The first thing my 20-year-old said when the credits rolled was, "What? That's terrible! Nothing changed! He got fired and the school is still run by a bunch of stodgy old white men forcing everyone to conform!" My immediate response was, "Yeah, but he changed those boys' individual lives, didn't he? He helped broaden their minds and see the world differently."

 o captain my captain, dead poets society Individual impact isn't as inspiring to Gen Z as it was to Gen X. Giphy

I realized that Gen X youth valued individuals going against the old, outdated system and doing their own thing, whereas Gen Z values the dismantling of the system itself. For Gen X, Mr. Keating and the boys taking a stand was inspiring, but the fact that it didn't actually change anything outside of their own individual experiences stuck like a needle in my Gen Z kids' craw.

2) Gen Z isn't accustomed to being blindsided by tragic storylines with no warning

To be fair, I did tell them there was "a sad part" before the movie started. But I'd forgotten how deeply devastating the last part of the movie was, so my daughter's "Why would you do that to me?!" was somewhat warranted. "I thought maybe a dog would die or something!" she said. No one really expected one of the main characters to die by suicide and the beloved teacher protagonist to be blamed for his death, but I'd somehow minimized the tragedy of it all in my memory so my "sad part" warning was a little insufficient.

But also to be fair, Gen X youth never got any such warnings—we were just blindsided by tragic plot twists all the time. As kids, we cheered on Atreyu trying to save his horse from the swamp in "The Neverending Story" only to watch him drown. Adults showed us "Watership Down" thinking it would be a cute little animated film about bunnies. We were slapped in the face by the tragic child death in "My Girl," which was marketed as a sweet coming of age movie.

Gen Z was raised in the era of trigger warnings and trauma-informed practices, while Gen X kids watched a teacher die on live TV in our classrooms with zero follow-up on how we were processing it. Those differences became apparent real quick at the end of this movie.


3) Gen Z fixates on boundary-crossing behavior that Gen X either overlooked or saw as more nuanced

The other reaction I wasn't expecting was the utter disdain my girls showed for Knox Overstreet, the sweet-but-over-eager character who fell for the football player's cheerleader girlfriend. His boundary-crossing attempts to woo her were always cringe, but for Gen X, cringe behavior in the name of love was generally either overlooked, tolerated, or sometimes even celebrated. (Standing on a girl's lawn in the middle of the night holding a full-volume stereo over your head was peak romance for Gen X, remember.) For Gen Z, the only thing worse than cringe is predatory behavior, which Knox's obsessiveness and pushiness could arguably be seen as. My own young Gen X lens saw Knox and said, "That's a bit much, dude. Take it down a notch or three." My Gen Z daughters' lens said, "That guy's a total creepo. She needs to run far the other way."

run, red flag behavior Gen Z is much more black and white about behaviors than previous generations. Giphy Red Flag Run GIF by BuzzFeed

On one hand, I was proud of them for recognizing red flag behaviors and calling them out. On the other hand, I saw how little room there is for nuance in their perceptions, which was…interesting.

To be clear, I don't think my Gen Z kids' reactions to "Dead Poets Society" are wrong; they're just different than mine were at their age. We're usually on the same page when it comes to these kinds of analyses, so seeing them have a drastically different reaction to something I loved at their age was really something. Now I'm wondering what other favorite movies from my youth I should show them to see if they view those differently as well—hopefully without "traumatizing" them too much with the experience.

This article originally appeared in January.

comedian, comedy, jimmy carr, standup, philosophy, parenting, dads, fatherhood, family, kids

Comedian Jimmy Carr put the jokes aside and delivered a brilliant nugget of parenting advice mid-show.

Jimmy Carr is best known as a comedian, but he also has dyslexia and had extreme trouble reading and writing into his early teen years. Years later, he'd go on to graduate from Gonville and Caius College, Cambridge with degrees in social and political science and first class honors.

It's safe to say that, jokes aside, he's a pretty smart guy. And in Carr's standup routines, he's not afraid to set aside the gags for a few minutes and get serious about topics that he feels deserve proper attention.


At a recent show, Carr was performing crowd work—asking questions and bantering with the audience—when an audience member called out a poignant question.

"What's your advice for parents with toddlers?" a woman yelled out.

"Well, I mean, practical advice? You can half-ass it. Get an iPad, a Netflix subscription, and you're off to the...races. They'll be very... happy," he said. The crowd roared with laughter. But Carr wasn't done. "You want serious advice?" he asked the woman.

Seamlessly, he launched into his philosophy on parenting.

"Hard choices now, easy life later," he said to a round of applause from the crowd. "I bet you fucking love your kids, but you've also got to love who they could be. So it's kindness, isn't it? You want to be really kind to your children, but not just kind in the moment. In the moment, what do kids want? They want to watch TV, not read books. They want to eat junk food, not vegetables. If you give in to that, if you're kind in the moment, you've got fat, stupid kids. That's no good. You've got to be a little bit mean in the moment."

He then joked that this clip would become his own "famous last words," so to speak when his own kids get older and reveal what a terrible father he turned out to be.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Carr taps into a common debate in his performance here: When does gentle parenting become so gentle that it does kids a disservice?

Millennial and even Gen Z parents are "breaking generational cycles of harshness and emotional distance," writes Motherly. Baby Boomers were notoriously distant, often as a result of their own upbringing, and some experts say Millennials have perhaps overcorrected.

Gentle parenting preaches connection over correction and validating a child's feelings frequently. Research generally suggests this is a good approach, but it's a high-wire act that requires careful calibration. Otherwise, as Carr points out, you wind up letting kids do whatever they want in an effort to be kind and avoid hurting their feelings—an approach called permissive parenting. That ultimately doesn't serve them in the long-run.

He doesn't shy away from the fact that being "meaner" is hard, and far easier said than done. It's a good thing to care about your kid's happiness, which is why Carr's reframe of the approach is so brilliant. You're being kind to the person your child will one day be, by being a little bit "meaner" right now.

comedian, comedy, jimmy carr, standup, philosophy, parenting, dads, fatherhood, family, kids Jimmy Carr became a dad in 2019.Albin Olsson/Wikimedia Commons

Carr is often all jokes, but he's been known to get serious when it comes to parenting. Reports say that Carr has one son, Rockefeller, who was born in 2019.

At another recent show, a woman called out wondering how she should deal with the kids who were bullying her 11-year-old son. After several minutes of non-stop, chaotic, ridiculously silly jokes, Carr turned on a dime.

"Speaking as a parent... you cannot helicopter parent. You cannot pave the jungle. You can just teach him to get through it. It's a very tough thing. On the upside, your kid is being bullied. That's terrible, I imagine heartbreaking for you...But at least he's not the bully. Tell him from me, you can't have an easy life and a great character. You can't have both. It'll make him stronger and better and more compassionate in the future," Carr said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Carr's parenting advice videos have gone mega viral across social media and commenters can't believe how skillfully he can transition from jokes to solid gold words of wisdom.

"Jimmy can turn things on a sixpence from humour to compassion. He is a remarkable person."

"Just a brilliant intelligent empathetic chap."

"I do like how Jimmy can flip from the most savage come backs possible into full on philosopher in the most natural way."

"I love how this applies to essentially everything in life. Hard choices now. Easy life later. So simple, so true"

It shouldn't be a surprise that a comedian like Carr has such thoughtful takes on everything from mortality to parenting to life itself and happiness. Comedy is ultimately rooted in fundamental truths about the world. What's special about Carr is how he can turn off the funny filter and deliver that truth in its purest, most potent form when needed.

Parenting

Instead of a 'Sweet 16,' mom hosts 'Coming of Age Brunch' with adult mentors for her teen daughter

She calls it a "birthday tradition that will change your teenager's life."

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens

A group of women raising glasses (left) A happy teen girl (right)

Turning sixteen is considered a milestone. It symbolizes the beginning of the transition from childhood to young adulthood, and the start of new privileges, responsibilities, and identities.

Many families celebrate this new chapter with some kind of “Sweet 16” ritual. Depending on one’s culture, it might go by a different name, such as a bar/bat mitzvah (when a boy/girl turns 13 in Jewish culture) or a quinceañera,, (when a girl turns 15 in Latin American culture). Each celebration involves slightly different traditions, but generally have the same intention of commemorating a child’s newfound maturity.


A mom who posts parenting tips under the handle of @simplyonpurpose recently shared her unique take on a “Sweet 16,” which she hails as “a birthday tradition that will change your teenager’s life.”

She calls it the “Coming of Age Brunch.”

Rather than having a birthday party with friends, this mom has her child choose a select group of adult mentors who have played a “special part” in the child’s life. These guests are asked to bring letters conveying, in their own words, “what it means to be a strong woman” and sharing special praise for the teen.

The reason is simple: “Children need a village during their adolescent years more than at any other time in their lives,” @simlyonpurpose wrote in her caption. This was a tradition that began with her eldest daughter, who is now 22. Doing it for now the third time, @simplyonpurpose feels confident that “every teenager needs this- a room full of adults that you admire praising you.”

It sounds lovely. Imagine if every girl had this kind of support as they entered an undeniably turbulent stage of life. Sure, maybe the hormonal fluctuations, body image issues, changing friend groups, relationship dramas, and social media challenges would still be there, but perhaps they wouldn’t be quite so all-consuming.

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens A teen girl getting a hug.Photo credit: Canva

And to be clear, the OP clarified that this was not strictly a girls-only ritual, though she would tweak it slightly for a boy, featuring a “fire pit with roasted hotdogs and marshmallows” and male mentors to share words of wisdom and love.

This is great to hear as well, considering there have been a lot of conversations centered around how a lack of healthy mentors has led many young men to getting “red pilled,” or influenced by misogynistic and radicalized online forums that target lonely or vulnerable boys by offering a sense of belonging.

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens A teen boy wearing headphones while looking at his phone. Photo credit: Canva

By and large, other parents were totally on board with a “Coming of Age Brunch.” Quite a few were excited to try it out for their own teens.

“This really resonates. 💗 I want to do something similar for my daughter as she turns 17," one person wrote.

"Teens don’t need more preaching. Instead they need trusted adults who model strong values, healthy boundaries, and long-term thinking. That kind of guidance sticks,” added another.

Another added, “I cannot even think of anything that could possibly be a better gift - you just cemented her village. How incredible!”

The proverb “It takes a village” is an extremely popular saying found in many cultures across the world, but it's lately accompanied with the lament that villages are not so easy to come by in the modern world. Maybe by creating new traditions like this, we are able to reclaim that sense of much-needed community. At the very least, young folks don’t have to feel so alone, and that in itself is a great thing.