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Wellness

COVID vaccine misinformation is out of hand. Let's examine some of the most common myths.

COVID vaccine misinformation is out of hand. Let's examine some of the most common myths.

As the U.S. ramps up its vaccine production and distribution, misinformation and myths about the vaccines are ramping up as well. There are the whackadoodle conspiracy theories, of course, but there's also a lot of genuine confusion out there. Some confusion is due to the constant deluge of rapidly evolving (and sometimes changing) information, some of it's due to how scientists communicate what they know and don't know, and some of it is because people don't know who to trust for reliable information.

For example, some of the myths below originated from people with "Dr." before their names. And there will assuredly be people in the comments sharing screenshots and Bitchute links to talks from scientists, doctors, and nurses who have been booted from social media for spreading misinformation. It's an epidemic at this point.

While an individual's credentials matter, they're not enough to make someone a trustworthy source of information. There are people with multiple degrees from elite institutions who are steeped in conspiracy thinking, addicted to attention, grifting for profit, or just genuinely kooky. Scientific skepticism is healthy, to a point. But if a medical professional makes a claim and 100 medical professionals refute it, the majority consensus is the logical way to go. (I know, I know. Galileo. But we aren't living in the 17th century anymore and discredited findings are a real thing.)

Rather than relying on individual doctors or scientists, I look to well-respected medical institutions and professional medical associations for the most accurate information. That's where most of the information here comes from. Everything in blue text is a link to a source, which I recommend clicking and reading.

This list is by no means exhaustive. And I'm not even going to address the super whackadoodle stuff. If you really think Bill Gates is injecting you with a microchip, or that these vaccines have anything to do with 5G or the mark of the beast, facts probably aren't going to help you.

That said, here we go:


MYTH #1: "The vaccine isn't really a vaccine."

This myth appears to trace back to a man named Dr. David E. Martin who said this on a podcast. He's not a medical doctor; he's CEO of a financial analyst firm. He doesn't specify what his Ph.D. is in, but it's clearly not in any field related to immunology.

According to the CDC, a vaccine is "a product that stimulates a person's immune system to produce immunity to a specific disease, protecting the person from that disease." That's exactly what all three of the COVID vaccines in use in the U.S. do. The mRNA vaccines do so with a different mechanism than traditional vaccines, but the basic premise—getting the immune system to produce immunity to a specific disease—still stands. That's why every professional medical institution uses the word "vaccine" to describe these injections.

MYTH #2: "The mRNA vaccine is gene therapy" and/or "The mRNA vaccine changes your DNA."

No, it's not gene therapy and it does nothing to your DNA. mRNA doesn't go into the parts of the cell where your DNA actually exists. "Unlike gene editing and gene therapy, mRNA technology does not change the genetic information of the cell, and is intended to be short-acting," reads the Moderna website. In fact, mRNA research was launched decades ago as an alternative to DNA-based gene therapy, precisely because it doesn't change your DNA.

Though super simplistic, this video depicting how mRNA vaccines work earned high praise from immunologists for showing what the vaccine is actually doing in your body. The mRNA goes in, gives your body instructions for making the spike protein that exists on the outside of the coronavirus, prompting your immune system to create the weapons needed to destroy it. The mRNA itself gets destroyed by your own body shortly thereafter. No genes altered. No genetic material left in you. Just nice, shiny immunity.


MYTH #3: "The vaccines were rushed and haven't been around long enough to know they're safe."

Yes, these are new vaccines. Yes, they went through the development and testing processes in record time. It's understandable that people would be hesitant for this reason. But there are two issues at play here.

1) People are assuming that fast = rushed = skipped steps. But does the evidence bear that out? No. The University of Nebraska Medical Center has a well-laid-out, concise explanation of the various phases of normal vaccine development and how they were able to safely speed them up with these vaccines. (In a long nutshell, our knowledge about vaccines, decades of mRNA research, a decade of mRNA vaccine research specifically, and base knowledge about coronaviruses gave us a solid foundation to start from. Then, having thousands of volunteers sign up quickly, building facilities ahead of time, combining phases—which is not the same as cutting corners—having enough viral spread to get the necessary results quickly, and having all hands on deck at every level combined to give us these vaccines in record time.)

Do we know the long-term effects of the vaccines? No. Is there any scientific or biological reason to anticipate that there will be any, based on the decades of research we have under our belts? No.

2) The risk ratio heavily favors the vaccine, even without long-term data.

One thing people don't seem to realize is that these vaccines have been around almost as long as the virus itself has—just a few months less. (The first Moderna vaccines were injected into trial volunteers on 3/16/20—over a year ago.) So we've had almost the same amount of time to observe the effects of both.

We know the risks with COVID are real, both short-term and long-term. Obviously, death is a big one. Severe illness is another. But even recovered people who initially had mild symptoms can have ongoing health problems. Some people with more severe COVID may have permanent organ damage. And those are just the health effects we know about so far.

We know that the risks with the vaccine so far are teeny tiny. More Americans have gotten the vaccine than have gotten the virus at this point, and what have we seen? A small number of severe allergic reactions, out of tens of millions of doses. Lots of expected temporary side effects shortly after injection as the body's immune system does its thing. That's it. And while we don't know if there are any long-term side effects, there does not appear to be any scientific reason to believe there will be.

Everything carries some risk. The risk ratio here for the vast majority of us is clearly in favor of vaccination.

MYTH #4: "The vaccine doesn't keep you from transmitting the virus, it just lessens symptoms."

This myth began because scientists simply didn't have the evidence to show whether or not the vaccine prevented infection and transmission, and they said so. But "we don't have evidence at this point" doesn't mean "doesn't." It just means there wasn't enough data to know yet, and scientists (thankfully) try not to speculate, but rather go by what the data shows.

As of this week, we've seen enough real-world evidence to be able to say that yes, at least the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines do prevent infection—including asymptomatic infection—by 90%. The CDC officially announced it. That's amazing news. Shout-it-from-the-rooftops kind of news.

MYTH #5: "The vaccine isn't even approved by the FDA."

Technically, this is true—the FDA has not approved the vaccines for licensure per their normal processes. However, the FDA has issued Emergency Use Authorization, which is the best they can do in the limited time frame of an out-of-control global pandemic. It's not like the FDA is hesitant about these vaccines. You can go right to the FDA website and read all about their recommendations and the authorization process, including all of the documentation from the three authorized vaccines here.

MYTH #6: "The vaccine could make you infertile."

This one's easy. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists: "Unfounded claims linking COVID-19 vaccines to infertility have been scientifically disproven. ACOG recommends vaccination for all eligible people who may consider future pregnancy."

Considering the fact that OBs are the main medical professionals who actually want women to be able to get pregnant so they can continue to have a job, I trust their professional take on this.

MYTH #7: "The vaccine is messing with women's menstruation."

As far as menstruation goes, there is some evidence that COVID-19 infection can mess with the volume and duration of a woman's menstrual cycle. So it's not like there aren't questions about how the coronavirus itself might impact your reproductive system.

There have also been some anecdotes from Israel of a small number of women reporting irregular menstrual bleeding after receiving the vaccine, which the health ministry is monitoring. However, it's a handful of reports out of millions of vaccinations, and women's cycles can be impacted by all kinds of things, which makes the causal connection not particularly convincing.

Which leads us to the next myth...

MYTH #8: "There are reports of people dying not long after they get the vaccine, which means they're risky."

It's true that some people are going to die after they get the vaccine, but that doesn't mean they're dying from the vaccine. We are administering 2 to 3 million vaccine doses per day. One in 45,000 Americans die each day. Statistically, that means 40 to 60 people will die the day they get their vaccine, no matter what. And naturally, some of those deaths will be random heart attacks, brain aneurysms, and other unexpected and sudden causes of death.

"These medical events occur every single day, including unexplained illnesses," Dr. William Schaffner, professor of medicine in the Division of Infectious Diseases at Vanderbilt University Medical Center told ABC News. "The question really is, do they occur at a greater rate in the vaccinated population than they do in the general population?"

It's not like doctors just assume someone's death wasn't caused by the vaccine. They investigate it each time it happens. And so far, no evidence that the vaccines are killing people.

MYTH #9: "The virus has a 99% survival rate so a vaccine isn't necessary."

There are lots of percentages floating around about survival rates, but there is no official number because we don't truly know how many people have been infected. Case fatality rates—meaning how many have died out of confirmed cases—are all over the place, ranging from 0.1% in Mongolia to 21% in Yemen. (In the U.S. it's 1.8%. In Mexico, 9.1%. Seriously, all over the map.)

However, even if we go with a 99% survival rate estimate, that sounds low until you calculate what that would mean if every American got infected with the virus. Are we ready to see more than 3.5 million Americans die from a disease we have an effective vaccine for? That seems cruel.

Not to mention, the longer we let the virus spread, the more chance it has to mutate into more contagious and deadlier variants. Widespread vaccination is the only way we're going to mitigate the pandemic without millions of deaths and prolonged economic and social hardship.

MYTH #10: The vaccines use aborted fetal tissue.

Here's where we get into some confusing science, but the short answer is no. No fetal tissue is used in the making of these vaccines.

What is used are what's called fetal cell lines, which are basically cellular descendants of fetal tissue taken from elective abortions in the 1970s. They are not fetal tissue now, and no fetal tissue is used in any of these vaccines. The North Dakota Department of Health has a clear explanation of what role fetal cell lines play in COVID-19 vaccines.

Worth noting that the famously anti-abortion U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has given their approval of the vaccines, stating: "receiving a COVID-19 vaccine ought to be understood as an act of charity toward the other members of our community. In this way, being vaccinated safely against COVID-19 should be considered an act of love of our neighbor and part of our moral responsibility for the common good...Given the urgency of this crisis, the lack of available alternative vaccines, and the fact that the connection between an abortion that occurred decades ago and receiving a vaccine produced today is remote, inoculation with the new COVID-19 vaccines in these circumstances can be morally justified."

MYTH #11: "Once you're vaccinated you can go about life as you did pre-pandemic."

Not yet. Now at least we know that the mRNA vaccines drastically reduce transmission, which should give us some peace of mind. But drastically reduced doesn't mean eliminated, and most Americans still aren't vaccinated. In public, we still need to observe pandemic protocols until our numbers really drop for a while.

If you're vaccinated and the people you're with are vaccinated, have a ball. But around the general public, keep the distancing and the masks up for a while longer.

MYTH #12: "The vaccine will trigger autoimmune diseases in the body."

There has been speculation about vaccines causing autoimmune diseases for many years, with no evidence to show that the concerns are founded. The same goes for the COVID vaccines. This myth may originate from a viral video from a nurse practitioner claiming that the mRNA vaccine could make the immune system attack the body, but that has been debunked by experts.

Again, I like to go to professional medical associations for this kind of thing, as non-profit organizations dedicated to maintaining high standards in their fields. The American College of Rheumatology (ACR) recently released this recommendation on COVID vaccines for people with autoimmune conditions:

"Although there is limited data from large population-based studies, it appears that patients with autoimmune and inflammatory conditions are at a higher risk for developing hospitalized COVID-19 compared to the general population and have worse outcomes associated with infection," said Dr. Jeffrey Curtis, chair of the ACR COVID-19 Vaccine Clinical Guidance Task Force. "Based on this concern, the benefit of COVID-19 vaccination outweighs any small, possible risks for new autoimmune reactions or disease flare after vaccination."

MYTH #13: "We don't even know what's in these vaccines."

We actually know a ton about these vaccines, including what's in them. The FDA has all of that information available on their website, though it does take wading through some long documents to find them. But the reality is that the ingredients list won't be all that meaningful to the average person. Here's the list for Pfizer:

"The vaccine contains a nucleoside-modified messenger RNA (modRNA) encoding the viral spike glycoprotein (S) of SARS-CoV-2. The vaccine also includes the following ingredients: lipids ((4-hydroxybutyl)azanediyl)bis(hexane-6,1-diyl)bis(2- hexyldecanoate), 2-[(polyethylene glycol)-2000]-N,N-ditetradecylacetamide, 1,2-distearoyl-snglycero-3-phosphocholine, and cholesterol), potassium chloride, monobasic potassium phosphate, sodium chloride, dibasic sodium phosphate dihydrate, and sucrose."

If that makes you feel better, more power to you.

MYTH #14: "We just need to eat well and take care of our health and our immune systems will save us."

I am100% in favor of optimal health, so by all means, eat well, exercise, take vitamins, and reduce stress. But the idea that a strong immune system is sufficient for battling the novel coronavirus simply isn't true.

One thing that makes COVID-19 such a problem is that it's new so no one's immune system knows how to fight it. Yes, a robust immune system can be helpful—but it can also backfire. A healthy immune system can go into overdrive, causing what's known as a cytokine storm. It's what kills young and healthy people with the flu sometimes as well. Not super common, but it happens.

The vaccines are like a personal trainer getting your body ready for the COVID battle. If you were going to compete in a decathlon, you'd hone the skills and strength you need for those 10 specific events. You wouldn't just rely on being in great shape in general. Same idea.

MYTH #15: "The vaccine only lasts three months."

We don't actually know how long immunity will last with the vaccines yet. That's one of the things researchers are observing in the ongoing studies. The initial vaccine trials indicate that immunity lasts at minimum three months. A new study from the U.S. military indicates that vaccine immunity remains strong for at least seven to nine months. It could be that it ends up lasting a year or 10 years. We just don't know yet. We may end up having to get a booster, or a yearly shot like the flu shot. But there's no evidence that it only lasts three months.

Hope that helps.

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@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

Community

Tim Tebow's Night to Shine event celebrated over 100,000 people with special needs

"Lord willing, we won’t stop until every person with special needs knows their worth," Tebow tells Upworthy.

The Tebow Group

Tim Tebow poses with Night to Shine attendee in Thailand.

The red carpets were rolled out around the world last Friday, February 7th, for a very special celebration of over 100,000 people with special needs at the Tim Tebow Foundation's 11th Annual Night to Shine event. Former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow founded Night to Shine in 2015 to center on celebrating, honoring and valuing people with special needs.

Held on one night, always the Friday before Valentine's Day, his Tim Tebow Foundation partners with local churches, providing support and resources to host a cost-free prom honoring individuals living with disability in their local communities. Anyone ages 14 and older is welcome to attend, where attendees enjoy a fun-packed evening that includes: a red carpet with paparazzi, hair and makeup stations, shoeshines, limousine rides, karaoke, gifts, a catered dinner, a Sensory Room, a Respite Room for parents and caregivers, and loads of dancing.

At its founding, Night to Shine was held solely in the United States at 44 different locations. Now in its eleventh year, Night to Shine has grown to 821 host churches in all 50 states—and has continued to expand internationally. This year, 62 countries worldwide hosted Night to Shine celebrations. Tebow celebrated this year's Night to Shine in Thailand and Vietnam, while his wife Together with his wife, Demi-Leigh Tebow, celebrated in her home country of South Africa.

“It was so awesome seeing Night to Shine in new countries this year—and to have the honor of celebrating in Vietnam for the first time!" Tebow tells Upworthy.

red carpet, tim tebow, night to shineRed carpet at Tim Tebow Foundation's Night to Shine.Jensen Sutta

Night to Shine's international presence expanded to several new countries for the 2025 celebration, including:

"What an unforgettable night at Night to Shine in Cape Town!" Demi-Leigh Tebow tells Upworthy. "This event means so much to me for so many reasons. Some of you may know that my little sister, Franje, was born with special needs, and learning about Night to Shine back in 2018 was actually how I met Tim!"

Currently expecting the couple's first child, Demi-Leigh Tebow will be a mom at next year's celebration—something she's eagerly awaiting.

"Since then, I’ve been incredibly blessed to meet countless Kings and Queens from all over the world—each one so valuable and deeply loved by God. But getting to celebrate this night in my home country was incredibly special. My heart is so full and I’m already looking forward to doing it all again next year!” she says.

demi leigh tebow, tim tebow, night to shineDemi -Leigh Tebow at Night to Shine 2024 in South Africa.The Tebow Group

After a night full of partying, Night to Shine concludes with a 'crowning' of the Kings and Queens with crowns and tiaras to signify a declaration of worth and love. "We crown every Night to Shine honored guest the King or Queen because that's how God sees them," Tebow wrote in an Instagram video montage of this year's crowning's.

In another post, he added, "For many, it's the first they've ever felt truly celebrated, especially by someone outside their family. But that's exactly why Night to Shine exists--to remind them that they are God's beloved royalty, seen and cherished by Him every single day."

Tebow's goal is to have Night to Shine in every country. Next year, Night to Shine will be held on Feb. 13, 2026. If you are interest in hosting a Night to Shine event in 2026, you can find more information here.

"Lord willing, we won’t stop until every person with special needs knows their worth—until the abandoned are embraced, the forgotten are celebrated, the overlooked are seen, and all people experience the radical love of Jesus," Tebow tells Upworthy.

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

Parenting

3 things I learned from my kid's ADHD therapy that every parent needs to know

Parent Child Interaction Therapy was the ultimate crash course in parenting a stubborn child.

Unsplash and Evan Porter/Upworthy

Learning more means doing better for everyone.

We knew our now 4-year-old daughter was different very early on in her life. On her first birthday, she had another 1-year-old friend over to play in the backyard (it was COVID times, so there was no big party with all of her daycare friends). The boy, a neighbor of ours, sat and played in the baby pool for a solid hour without moving or making much of a peep. Our daughter, meanwhile, stripped off her swim diaper and spent the entire afternoon wandering around the yard, rolling in grass, swinging sticks around, and generally making mayhem. Making mayhem pretty much became her norm for the next few years. She slept poorly, had multiple meltdowns every day, and was so defiant my wife and I were left completely exasperated and in tears most days.

It wasn’t too long before we started to look into parenting coaching to get a grip on her behavior and regain some sense of normalcy in our lives. The stuff that had worked with our older daughter had been a colossal failure thus far. I loved our parenting coach and her ideas. Talking to her was almost like therapy for us. But her techniques didn’t work either. Then we tried Occupational Therapy. Our daughter loved going because she got to climb around on obstacle courses and play fun games that were meant to work on her vestibular system and help her feel more calm and grounded, but we never saw much of a difference in her.

gif of a a tired man falling to the floorWe were exhausted.Giphy

Finally, we took the plunge and did a full-scale psychiatric evaluation, and the results showed that she had ADHD. It confirmed what we pretty much already knew. We thought we’d be going down the medication road sooner than later, but our doctor actually recommended a specific kind of therapy. It was called PCIT.

Parent Child Interaction Therapy promised to ‘train’ us on how to better interact with our daughter. Great, more parenting coaching, we thought. Another person to tell us that we need to be more consistent, apply more discipline, and yadda yadda yadda. But we didn’t have any other options, so we gave it a try.

In short, and to our complete surprise, PCIT has been a life-changer. When it was described to us as coaching or training, they really weren’t kidding. We spent several sessions in the office with our daughter while literally being observed with a camera and fed lines through a headset! As of this writing, we’ve been practicing the techniques for several months and we’ve seen a big difference. At so many points throughout the therapy, my wife and I agreed that all parents with stubborn kids should go through this program.

Here are just a few of the things we learned that helped us immediately in our daily life with a super defiant, too-smart-for-her-own-good, highly dysregulated kiddo.

1. The magic of 'Special Time'

boy playing with  blocks on white wooden table Photo by Ryan Fields on Unsplash

Our first task in PCIT was to have more positive interactions with our daughter. We spent so much of our time telling her, "No," reprimanding her, arguing, bargaining, negotiating, and punishing that it was making it really hard to take any joy in being her parent.

So, our therapist introduced us to a concept called Special Time. For just five minutes every day, we were instructed to give our daughter our undivided attention and fill her with as much positive energy as possible. There were extremely specific ways that we did this, and, in fact, we even practiced and were measured in the therapy setting on how well we implemented all the techniques! But during Special Time, we play with our daughter one-on-one and let her lead the interaction. Our job is to play along. Meanwhile, we shower her with praise (“Wow, I love how nicely you’re sharing the toys with me!”), touch or speak to her affectionately (“I’m having so much fun playing with you”), imitate the way she played and even echo things she said back to her to let her know she was being heard and listened to. Doing Special Time made a huge difference, almost immediately, in reducing her negative attention seeking behaviors.

And we always feel good at the end of it, which helps offset the stress and frustration of our many conflicts. If you’ve got a kid that sometimes acts out for attention, pre-emptively giving them lots and lots of positive attention might help.

2. The Time Out flow chart

I think a lot of parents can relate when I say that, for years, we found implementing punishments with our daughter to be a disaster most of the time. With a stubborn and dysregulated kid, doing things like taking a toy away or doing 'No Dessert' would almost always cause an explosion, and/or end up hurting us more than it hurt her.

A lot of parenting experts have their own approach to Time Out, but not many of them are clinically validated like the one used in PCIT. When we learned how to do Time Out properly, Time Out became the primary 'punishment' we use. When she doesn't do what we clearly ask her to do, or she breaks a House Rule (like 'No Hitting'), she goes into Time Out. Once she's ready to do the thing we asked, she can come out of Time Out and the conflict is over. She can go right back to playing or having dessert. It’s so much simpler.

Although, when I first saw the flow chart for how Time Out worked, it looked like anything but simple.

a flow chart about how to handle Time Out in PCITIt looks complicated at first, but it's actually simpler and more effective than we thought.Evan Porter/Upworthy

Seeing this flow chart at first was incredibly overwhelming! But with a little practice, it made sense. The first couple times using the Time Out sequence at home were a little rough, but after a little while of being consistent with it, just the threat of it is usually enough to get our daughter back on the right track.

Even if you don't follow the brain-dizzying flow chart above, I think all parents could benefit from learning a consistent Time Out sequence that ends with your child complying every single time without fail. It's tough! Sometimes it takes a while and you have to be a little stubborn yourself in order to see it all the way through to the end, but the investment is worth it.

3. Active Ignoring

This one is a little controversial in some circles but we found it to be an excellent tool to have in our toolbox. Our therapist even told us that if she could teach her patients just one thing, it would be how and when to use Active Ignoring or Selective Attention.

A handout from UC Davis describes this technique as: "We use Selective Attention to deal with behaviors that are minor, irritating, and inappropriate. Ignoring these behaviors is an active way to correct them! You will strategically use the technique to stop specific behaviors," like whining, sulking, screaming, being clingy, lying, and more. The idea is that these behaviors are attention-seeking so any kind of attention only fans the flames and rewards them.

gif of a woman trying to get a man's attentionSometimes being unbothered works.Giphy

When our daughter is fussy, irritated, and whiny, we first try to help her regulate. One of the best ways we learned to do this (again, through PCIT!) is with leading by example. We used to bombard her with calming options. “Want to color? Want a snack? Oh, let’s walk outside! How about a drink of water? What if we put on some music?” And of course she would just say No, No, No!!!! And then we’d wonder why we could never get her to calm down by coloring. It turns out that sometimes what works way better, and is less overwhelming for her, is if we just calmly get out all the supplies and start coloring ourselves. She’ll almost always join in when she’s ready.

But if we just can't shake the grumpiness and whining and tantrums, we'll turn to Active Ignoring. This approach has two big benefits. Number one, it stops the conflict from escalating further. We used to get into these cycles where everything we would try to say or do would just make the tantrums worse to the point they became full-blown nuclear explosions. By just walking away, we were able to nip a lot of those in the bud. Number two, ignoring helps keep us calm. Yes, parents are human beings that get frustrated and angry and upset, too! And when those emotions start to pile up, it makes everything worse. Having the freedom to just turn away or walk away or stop talking has done wonders for our mental health.

Sometimes, some of the techniques we've learned in therapy feel "mean." We're not able to be as flexible and gentle sometimes as we'd like to do, but that's because flexible and gentle is not what our daughter needs most of the time. She needs us to be strong and consistent. That makes us reliable and safe, and it helps keep her regulated. The techniques taught in PCIT won't be right for every kid or every family, but it was right for us.

I was as skeptical going into all of this as anyone, but going through the therapy has allowed us to enjoy being her parents so much more. She's the sweetest kid and one of the funniest people on the planet. She brings so much fun and laughter to our lives, and it's been absolutely amazing to spend less time butting heads with her and more time soaking in her incredible energy.

Image credit: Cinema Therapy/YouTube

Mother Gothel's gaslighting of Rapunzel badly messed with her head.

If you've never been a victim of serious gaslighting, count yourself fortunate. Few experiences are as confusing and disturbing as a narcissist making you doubt your reality, question your judgment, and believe you can't trust your own mind. Gaslighting messes with you psychologically, making you feel more and more dependent on the gaslighter, but all the while what they're doing is giving you their own version of reality.

For a perfect example of what gaslighting looks like, look no further than Mother Gothel, Rapunzel's mom (but not really) in "Tangled." In a popular episode of Cinema Therapy, licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright give examples of how Gothel gaslights Rapunzel throughout the film. Going through a list of 11 red flags of gaslighting from psychologist Dr. Stephanie Sarkis from psychologist Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, they explain how Mother Gothel hits the mark on each one.

Gothel may be an extreme case, but seeing examples from a well-known character helps us to see how these tactics might play out in a relationship in real life. "Her whole strategy is to get Rapunzel to question her own sanity, her own reason, her own judgment," says Decker, and that's exactly what gaslighting does to victims.

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Here are 11 tactics gaslighters use and how Mother Gothel exemplifies them.

1. Telling blatant lies.

From the get go, we see Mother Gothel telling Rapunzel things that are just objectively not true. For example, she greatly exaggerates the dangers of the outside world in the song "Mother Knows Best."

"Mother Gothel is constantly lying to Rapunzel, telling her she's worthless, telling her she can't do things, belittling her, making her feel like less than, like she won't be able to survive outside," says Seawright.

2. Denying that they lie, even if you have proof.

Gothel tells Rapunzel that she'll be able to leave the tower once she's old enough, smart enough, mature enough, but every time Rapunzel tries to bring it up, she puts her off. Ultimately, though, Gothel pronounces, "You are not leaving this tower, ever!" And Rapunzel isn't allowed to argue.

3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

"They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits," writes Sarkis." They attack the very foundation of your being." Decker demonstrates how in "Mother Knows Best" Mother Gothel decimates Rapunzel's looks, intelligence, character—basically everything about her. Look how she describes Rapunzel in the song: "Sloppy, underdressed, immature, clumsy…gullible, naive, positively grubby, ditzy and a bit vague…plus, I believe, gettin' kind of chubby."

4. They wear you down over time.

Rapunzel has spent her entire life in a tower with no one to talk to but Mother Gothel, being fed nothing but Gothel's version of reality. "So no wonder when she actually leaves the tower she goes a little bonkers and questions her own sanity, her own reason, her own judgment," says Decker.

5. Their actions don't match their words.

Mother Gothel regularly tells Rapunzel that she loves her the most. "But what she actually means is 'I love controlling you the most,'" says Seawright. "She won't let her be reunited with her real family, and she keeps her from experiencing real love."

6. They use positive reinforcement to confuse you.

Few people would stay with a person who mistreated them all the time, so gaslighters mix it up with praise and love bombs. "The very person who is attacking you, just ripping into your identity, is now the person who's praising you, building you up. And it's confusing as heck." Mother Gothel will butter up and praise Rapunzel when it serves her, and then turn around and berate her.

7. They know that confusion weakens people.

"Our natural tendency is to try to find a person that makes us feel the most stable," says Seawright. "And in this case when it's the gaslighter, you're pretty much out of luck." He uses the example of when Rapunzel wants to go see the lanterns, not knowing what they are, and Mother Gothel says she's just talking about the stars. That and the "Mother Knows Best" song are meant to confuse and make her feel like she can't trust her own judgment so that she remains completely reliant upon Gothel.

8. They project.

Seawright points out that when she's denigrating Rapunzel in "Mother Knows Best," it's actually concerns about herself that she's just projecting onto Rapunzel. Gaslighters will often accuse you of things they are doing, which makes you feel like you need to defend yourself even if you didn't do anything wrong.

9. They try to turn people against you.

Mother Gothel didn't have direct access to Flynn Rider, so she couldn't really try to turn him against Rapunzel. Instead, she sweet-talked and convinced the Stabbington Brothers to help her with her diabolical plan to get Rapunzel back into her grip. She may not have gotten to Flynn, but she made Rapunzel believe that he had turned against her, which is good enough.

10. They paint you or others as crazy.

Sarkis calls this a gaslighter's "master technique." If they can get you to question your own sanity, it's less likely that others will believe you. Mother Gothel is constantly telling Rapunzel that she can't trust her own mind. ("Rapunzel, that's demented," she says dismissively when Rapunzel thinks Flynn likes her, which he does.)

11. They say everyone else is lying.

A gaslighter will tell you that people are talking about you or show you a text taken out of context to make it appear that other people can't be trusted and make you believe that no one is on your side but them. "They tell you, 'everyone else is a liar,'" says Seawright. "It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the correct information, which of course, isn’t correct information at all."

Thankfully, Rapunzel starts to figure out what Mother Gothel is doing when she makes it seem like Flynn has betrayed her.

Unfortunately, recovering from an entire childhood of narcissist gaslighting takes more time than the end of a Disney film to recover from, but such is the limitation of a children's film. Decker concludes the episode by sharing tips for dealing with gaslighting in real life, though—definitely worth checking out.

Find more analysis of movies, characters, and mental health on the Cinema Therapy channel on YouTube.