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COVID vaccine misinformation is out of hand. Let's examine some of the most common myths.

COVID vaccine misinformation is out of hand. Let's examine some of the most common myths.

As the U.S. ramps up its vaccine production and distribution, misinformation and myths about the vaccines are ramping up as well. There are the whackadoodle conspiracy theories, of course, but there's also a lot of genuine confusion out there. Some confusion is due to the constant deluge of rapidly evolving (and sometimes changing) information, some of it's due to how scientists communicate what they know and don't know, and some of it is because people don't know who to trust for reliable information.

For example, some of the myths below originated from people with "Dr." before their names. And there will assuredly be people in the comments sharing screenshots and Bitchute links to talks from scientists, doctors, and nurses who have been booted from social media for spreading misinformation. It's an epidemic at this point.

While an individual's credentials matter, they're not enough to make someone a trustworthy source of information. There are people with multiple degrees from elite institutions who are steeped in conspiracy thinking, addicted to attention, grifting for profit, or just genuinely kooky. Scientific skepticism is healthy, to a point. But if a medical professional makes a claim and 100 medical professionals refute it, the majority consensus is the logical way to go. (I know, I know. Galileo. But we aren't living in the 17th century anymore and discredited findings are a real thing.)

Rather than relying on individual doctors or scientists, I look to well-respected medical institutions and professional medical associations for the most accurate information. That's where most of the information here comes from. Everything in blue text is a link to a source, which I recommend clicking and reading.

This list is by no means exhaustive. And I'm not even going to address the super whackadoodle stuff. If you really think Bill Gates is injecting you with a microchip, or that these vaccines have anything to do with 5G or the mark of the beast, facts probably aren't going to help you.

That said, here we go:


MYTH #1: "The vaccine isn't really a vaccine."

This myth appears to trace back to a man named Dr. David E. Martin who said this on a podcast. He's not a medical doctor; he's CEO of a financial analyst firm. He doesn't specify what his Ph.D. is in, but it's clearly not in any field related to immunology.

According to the CDC, a vaccine is "a product that stimulates a person's immune system to produce immunity to a specific disease, protecting the person from that disease." That's exactly what all three of the COVID vaccines in use in the U.S. do. The mRNA vaccines do so with a different mechanism than traditional vaccines, but the basic premise—getting the immune system to produce immunity to a specific disease—still stands. That's why every professional medical institution uses the word "vaccine" to describe these injections.

MYTH #2: "The mRNA vaccine is gene therapy" and/or "The mRNA vaccine changes your DNA."

No, it's not gene therapy and it does nothing to your DNA. mRNA doesn't go into the parts of the cell where your DNA actually exists. "Unlike gene editing and gene therapy, mRNA technology does not change the genetic information of the cell, and is intended to be short-acting," reads the Moderna website. In fact, mRNA research was launched decades ago as an alternative to DNA-based gene therapy, precisely because it doesn't change your DNA.

Though super simplistic, this video depicting how mRNA vaccines work earned high praise from immunologists for showing what the vaccine is actually doing in your body. The mRNA goes in, gives your body instructions for making the spike protein that exists on the outside of the coronavirus, prompting your immune system to create the weapons needed to destroy it. The mRNA itself gets destroyed by your own body shortly thereafter. No genes altered. No genetic material left in you. Just nice, shiny immunity.

@hotvickkrishna

How the mRNA Vaccine 💉 works #fyp #comedy #skit #covid19 #mrna #coronavirus #vaccine #howitworks


MYTH #3: "The vaccines were rushed and haven't been around long enough to know they're safe."

Yes, these are new vaccines. Yes, they went through the development and testing processes in record time. It's understandable that people would be hesitant for this reason. But there are two issues at play here.

1) People are assuming that fast = rushed = skipped steps. But does the evidence bear that out? No. The University of Nebraska Medical Center has a well-laid-out, concise explanation of the various phases of normal vaccine development and how they were able to safely speed them up with these vaccines. (In a long nutshell, our knowledge about vaccines, decades of mRNA research, a decade of mRNA vaccine research specifically, and base knowledge about coronaviruses gave us a solid foundation to start from. Then, having thousands of volunteers sign up quickly, building facilities ahead of time, combining phases—which is not the same as cutting corners—having enough viral spread to get the necessary results quickly, and having all hands on deck at every level combined to give us these vaccines in record time.)

Do we know the long-term effects of the vaccines? No. Is there any scientific or biological reason to anticipate that there will be any, based on the decades of research we have under our belts? No.

2) The risk ratio heavily favors the vaccine, even without long-term data.

One thing people don't seem to realize is that these vaccines have been around almost as long as the virus itself has—just a few months less. (The first Moderna vaccines were injected into trial volunteers on 3/16/20—over a year ago.) So we've had almost the same amount of time to observe the effects of both.

We know the risks with COVID are real, both short-term and long-term. Obviously, death is a big one. Severe illness is another. But even recovered people who initially had mild symptoms can have ongoing health problems. Some people with more severe COVID may have permanent organ damage. And those are just the health effects we know about so far.

We know that the risks with the vaccine so far are teeny tiny. More Americans have gotten the vaccine than have gotten the virus at this point, and what have we seen? A small number of severe allergic reactions, out of tens of millions of doses. Lots of expected temporary side effects shortly after injection as the body's immune system does its thing. That's it. And while we don't know if there are any long-term side effects, there does not appear to be any scientific reason to believe there will be.

Everything carries some risk. The risk ratio here for the vast majority of us is clearly in favor of vaccination.

MYTH #4: "The vaccine doesn't keep you from transmitting the virus, it just lessens symptoms."

This myth began because scientists simply didn't have the evidence to show whether or not the vaccine prevented infection and transmission, and they said so. But "we don't have evidence at this point" doesn't mean "doesn't." It just means there wasn't enough data to know yet, and scientists (thankfully) try not to speculate, but rather go by what the data shows.

As of this week, we've seen enough real-world evidence to be able to say that yes, at least the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines do prevent infection—including asymptomatic infection—by 90%. The CDC officially announced it. That's amazing news. Shout-it-from-the-rooftops kind of news.

MYTH #5: "The vaccine isn't even approved by the FDA."

Technically, this is true—the FDA has not approved the vaccines for licensure per their normal processes. However, the FDA has issued Emergency Use Authorization, which is the best they can do in the limited time frame of an out-of-control global pandemic. It's not like the FDA is hesitant about these vaccines. You can go right to the FDA website and read all about their recommendations and the authorization process, including all of the documentation from the three authorized vaccines here.

MYTH #6: "The vaccine could make you infertile."

This one's easy. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists: "Unfounded claims linking COVID-19 vaccines to infertility have been scientifically disproven. ACOG recommends vaccination for all eligible people who may consider future pregnancy."

Considering the fact that OBs are the main medical professionals who actually want women to be able to get pregnant so they can continue to have a job, I trust their professional take on this.

MYTH #7: "The vaccine is messing with women's menstruation."

As far as menstruation goes, there is some evidence that COVID-19 infection can mess with the volume and duration of a woman's menstrual cycle. So it's not like there aren't questions about how the coronavirus itself might impact your reproductive system.

There have also been some anecdotes from Israel of a small number of women reporting irregular menstrual bleeding after receiving the vaccine, which the health ministry is monitoring. However, it's a handful of reports out of millions of vaccinations, and women's cycles can be impacted by all kinds of things, which makes the causal connection not particularly convincing.

Which leads us to the next myth...

MYTH #8: "There are reports of people dying not long after they get the vaccine, which means they're risky."

It's true that some people are going to die after they get the vaccine, but that doesn't mean they're dying from the vaccine. We are administering 2 to 3 million vaccine doses per day. One in 45,000 Americans die each day. Statistically, that means 40 to 60 people will die the day they get their vaccine, no matter what. And naturally, some of those deaths will be random heart attacks, brain aneurysms, and other unexpected and sudden causes of death.

"These medical events occur every single day, including unexplained illnesses," Dr. William Schaffner, professor of medicine in the Division of Infectious Diseases at Vanderbilt University Medical Center told ABC News. "The question really is, do they occur at a greater rate in the vaccinated population than they do in the general population?"

It's not like doctors just assume someone's death wasn't caused by the vaccine. They investigate it each time it happens. And so far, no evidence that the vaccines are killing people.

MYTH #9: "The virus has a 99% survival rate so a vaccine isn't necessary."

There are lots of percentages floating around about survival rates, but there is no official number because we don't truly know how many people have been infected. Case fatality rates—meaning how many have died out of confirmed cases—are all over the place, ranging from 0.1% in Mongolia to 21% in Yemen. (In the U.S. it's 1.8%. In Mexico, 9.1%. Seriously, all over the map.)

However, even if we go with a 99% survival rate estimate, that sounds low until you calculate what that would mean if every American got infected with the virus. Are we ready to see more than 3.5 million Americans die from a disease we have an effective vaccine for? That seems cruel.

Not to mention, the longer we let the virus spread, the more chance it has to mutate into more contagious and deadlier variants. Widespread vaccination is the only way we're going to mitigate the pandemic without millions of deaths and prolonged economic and social hardship.

MYTH #10: The vaccines use aborted fetal tissue.

Here's where we get into some confusing science, but the short answer is no. No fetal tissue is used in the making of these vaccines.

What is used are what's called fetal cell lines, which are basically cellular descendants of fetal tissue taken from elective abortions in the 1970s. They are not fetal tissue now, and no fetal tissue is used in any of these vaccines. The North Dakota Department of Health has a clear explanation of what role fetal cell lines play in COVID-19 vaccines.

Worth noting that the famously anti-abortion U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has given their approval of the vaccines, stating: "receiving a COVID-19 vaccine ought to be understood as an act of charity toward the other members of our community. In this way, being vaccinated safely against COVID-19 should be considered an act of love of our neighbor and part of our moral responsibility for the common good...Given the urgency of this crisis, the lack of available alternative vaccines, and the fact that the connection between an abortion that occurred decades ago and receiving a vaccine produced today is remote, inoculation with the new COVID-19 vaccines in these circumstances can be morally justified."

MYTH #11: "Once you're vaccinated you can go about life as you did pre-pandemic."

Not yet. Now at least we know that the mRNA vaccines drastically reduce transmission, which should give us some peace of mind. But drastically reduced doesn't mean eliminated, and most Americans still aren't vaccinated. In public, we still need to observe pandemic protocols until our numbers really drop for a while.

If you're vaccinated and the people you're with are vaccinated, have a ball. But around the general public, keep the distancing and the masks up for a while longer.

MYTH #12: "The vaccine will trigger autoimmune diseases in the body."

There has been speculation about vaccines causing autoimmune diseases for many years, with no evidence to show that the concerns are founded. The same goes for the COVID vaccines. This myth may originate from a viral video from a nurse practitioner claiming that the mRNA vaccine could make the immune system attack the body, but that has been debunked by experts.

Again, I like to go to professional medical associations for this kind of thing, as non-profit organizations dedicated to maintaining high standards in their fields. The American College of Rheumatology (ACR) recently released this recommendation on COVID vaccines for people with autoimmune conditions:

"Although there is limited data from large population-based studies, it appears that patients with autoimmune and inflammatory conditions are at a higher risk for developing hospitalized COVID-19 compared to the general population and have worse outcomes associated with infection," said Dr. Jeffrey Curtis, chair of the ACR COVID-19 Vaccine Clinical Guidance Task Force. "Based on this concern, the benefit of COVID-19 vaccination outweighs any small, possible risks for new autoimmune reactions or disease flare after vaccination."

MYTH #13: "We don't even know what's in these vaccines."

We actually know a ton about these vaccines, including what's in them. The FDA has all of that information available on their website, though it does take wading through some long documents to find them. But the reality is that the ingredients list won't be all that meaningful to the average person. Here's the list for Pfizer:

"The vaccine contains a nucleoside-modified messenger RNA (modRNA) encoding the viral spike glycoprotein (S) of SARS-CoV-2. The vaccine also includes the following ingredients: lipids ((4-hydroxybutyl)azanediyl)bis(hexane-6,1-diyl)bis(2- hexyldecanoate), 2-[(polyethylene glycol)-2000]-N,N-ditetradecylacetamide, 1,2-distearoyl-snglycero-3-phosphocholine, and cholesterol), potassium chloride, monobasic potassium phosphate, sodium chloride, dibasic sodium phosphate dihydrate, and sucrose."

If that makes you feel better, more power to you.

MYTH #14: "We just need to eat well and take care of our health and our immune systems will save us."

I am100% in favor of optimal health, so by all means, eat well, exercise, take vitamins, and reduce stress. But the idea that a strong immune system is sufficient for battling the novel coronavirus simply isn't true.

One thing that makes COVID-19 such a problem is that it's new so no one's immune system knows how to fight it. Yes, a robust immune system can be helpful—but it can also backfire. A healthy immune system can go into overdrive, causing what's known as a cytokine storm. It's what kills young and healthy people with the flu sometimes as well. Not super common, but it happens.

The vaccines are like a personal trainer getting your body ready for the COVID battle. If you were going to compete in a decathlon, you'd hone the skills and strength you need for those 10 specific events. You wouldn't just rely on being in great shape in general. Same idea.

MYTH #15: "The vaccine only lasts three months."

We don't actually know how long immunity will last with the vaccines yet. That's one of the things researchers are observing in the ongoing studies. The initial vaccine trials indicate that immunity lasts at minimum three months. A new study from the U.S. military indicates that vaccine immunity remains strong for at least seven to nine months. It could be that it ends up lasting a year or 10 years. We just don't know yet. We may end up having to get a booster, or a yearly shot like the flu shot. But there's no evidence that it only lasts three months.

Hope that helps.

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Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
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In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.


“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

Pop Culture

James Van Der Beek's realization about his identity after cancer has people pondering

"I had to look my own mortality in the eye," said the Dawson's Creek alum. "I had to come nose to nose with death."

james van der beek
Photo credits: SANSIERRASTUDIO (left) Super Festivals from Ft. Lauderdale, USA (right)

James Van Der Beek in 2010 and 2023

There's nothing like a brush with death to make you reflect on your life. It's so easy for all of us to get caught up in the day-to-day details of living and not take the time to ponder the deeper elements of existence, from the nature of the universe to the meaning of life to our own individual role in the big picture.

Existential questions can sometimes feel overwhelming, but actor James Van Der Beek shared a thoughtful 48th birthday message with his own life reflection after facing cancer, and it distills a lot of the angst of those questions into a simple yet profound answer that's hitting home with people.


Van Der Beek, who starred in the millennial favorite Dawson's Creek, announced he'd been diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer in 2024 at age 47. He and his wife, Kimberly, have six children, and in a video shared on social media, Van Der Beek shared the progression from his somewhat unfulfilling identity as an actor to "the ultimate" identity as a husband and father prior to his cancer diagnosis.

"I could define myself as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on," he said. "And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition of the question, 'Who am I? What am I?'"

"And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye," he continued. "I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband who is helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you're supposed to prune them."

He found himself facing the question: "If I am just a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment, with cancer, what am I?"

So often we define ourselves by our roles in life or by what we do, but what if those things change? Who are we when it's just us, alone, with nothing external to anchor us to a particular identity?

"And I meditated and the answer came through," Van Der Beek shared. "I am worthy of God's love, simply because I exist. And if I'm worthy of God's love, shouldn't I also be worthy of my own? And the same is true for you."

I offer that to you however it sits in your consciousness. However it resonates, run with it," he said. "And if the word God trips you up, I certainly don't know or claim to know what God is or explain God. My efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me. But if it's a trigger or if it feels too religious you can take the word 'God' out and your mantra can simply be 'I am worthy of love.' Because you are."


Van Der Beek's sincere, warm delivery and universal message of love and worth hit home for a lot of people. Fellow celebrities and fans alike praised and thanked him for it:

"Happy birthday brother. This was absolutely beautiful 💜🙏🏻💜," wrote singer Chris Daughtry.

"You’re a gift to this earth and I’m grateful to know you even if it’s just through IG. Greatly admire the graceful way you share and happy you made it around the Sun again," wrote New Kids on the Block's Joey McIntyre.

The Sopranos' Jamie-Lynn Sigler wrote, "That is it James. That is it. And you my friend are love. A steward of love. A teacher of love !❤️. We love you !!"

"I watched this with Bodhi with tears in our eyes and Bodhi said 'that was really touching' thanks for being love James and sharing that with everyone, ❤️" added actor Teresa Palmer.

Battlestar Galactica reboot's Katee Sackhoff wrote, "Thank you for your vulnerability and wisdom ❤️ Amen!'

"You are such a special soul. You are pure love my friend," added actor Nikki Reed. "Worthy of it all… hoping to hug all of you soon. Happy birthday❤️❤️❤️"

Some people took issue with Van Der Beek saying people could remove the word "God" from the message if they wanted to, but the reality is that not everyone has positive feelings about God or religion, and some have even been deeply hurt by people weaponizing them. Van Der Beek making a message of love more universal so that everyone can take it in and benefit from it without barriers or hang-ups is part of what makes it so beautiful. He was able to express his own religious/spiritual experience without shying away from the terminology that was true for him, while also making sure that his message was accessible to everyone regardless of faith or belief.

Perhaps we can all take a lesson from Van Der Beek's sincere, open, and balanced approach as well.

Celebrity

James Van Der Beek shared his hopes for the spring weeks before his death, and it's beautiful

Funny, clever, and profound in a way only Van Der Beek could pull off.

james van der beek, james van der beek death, james van der beek cancer, cancer, colorectal cancer, cancer treatment
John E. Manard/Wikipedia

James Van Der Beek speaking at Galaxy Con.

James Van Der Beek, best known for his roles in Dawson's Creek and Varsity Blues, has died at the age of 48 after a journey with stage 3 colorectal cancer.

Since November of 2024, the actor has been open about some of the struggles he’s faced with the diagnosis, including having to sell off much of his iconic memorabilia to pay off his cancer treatment.


And yet, Van Der Beek still left the world on perhaps a grounded, somewhat hopeful note, as indicated by the undeniably profound message he made in an Instagram video, posted a mere few weeks before his death.

Using his signature down-to-earth, friendly sense of humor, Van Der Beek spoke directly to the camera as he asked the essential question: “Why are we celebrating a new year in the dead of winter? Why are we celebrating new beginnings at a time when nature rests?"

“Animals are hibernating, birds fly south for the winter,” he continued. “The time to celebrate new beginnings, and a new year, and a new you and a new resolution is spring at the vernal equinox, when the flowers bloom and it gets warmer and the birds return.”

He then quipped that the Gregorian calendar, which marks a new year in the winter, goes against nature, and therefore makes “absolutely no sense.”

“In the winter, the days are shorter and the nights are longer,” he wrote in his caption. “But instead of being reminded how perfect this season is for cocooning, eating stew, snuggling and sleeping… why are we being told this is the time to buy a gym membership?”

So, to anyone having trouble keeping to those New Year’s resolutions, Van Der Beek assured, “I don’t think it’s your fault” and offered a different solution: viewing spring as the start of the new year.

“I’m gonna say screw it,” he said. “I’m gonna take the winter to recover, to rest and I’m gonna make New Year’s resolutions in the spring. Who’s with me?”

Obviously, the video hits differently now…the optimism a little bittersweet. But it's nonetheless a huge testament to how he “met his final days with courage, faith, and grace,” as his wife Kimberly Van Der Beek wrote.

“There is much to share regarding his wishes, love for humanity and the sacredness of time,” she added.

It’s wisdom that still rings true. We can force ourselves to go against nature. Or we can follow in Van Der Beek’s footsteps and give ourselves the grace to let nature work through us, to trust in our inherent worthiness, and to take time to heal. This is just one of many wonderful contributions that he’s given to us all, and he will be deeply missed.

quiet, finger over lips, don't talk, keep it to yourself, silence

A woman with her finger over her mouth.

It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.


argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

What is the WAIT method?

One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

  • What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
  • What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
  • Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
  • How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

How much should I talk in a meeting?

So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

gramnesia, millennial, millennial parents, boomers, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, boomer grandparenting
@millennialmomtherapist/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

Millennials coined the term "gramnesia" for Boomer grandparents who have forgotten what it's like raising kids.

Becoming a grandparent is the dream for many parents who've raised their children into adulthood. After all, there are few things sweeter than getting to spend time with grandkids.

But many Millennial parents have had many bones to pick with their Boomer parents about their grandparenting skills (or lack thereof). Recently, Millennials have been calling out Boomer grandparents for a number of questionable grandparenting behaviors: from excessive gift giving to completely disappearing.


And its led one Millennial mom to coin the term "gramnesia" when describing her Boomer parents as grandparents.

What is "gramnesia"?

“Gramnesia,” which combines the words “grandparent” and “amnesia,” has been popping up on Reddit discussions for a while now, though the coiner of the term seems unknown. But only recently has it been really gaining traction.

Back in June of 2024, Maryland-based therapist and mom Allie McQuaid, really brought “gramnesia” to the forefront of the conversation when she made an Instagram video all about it.

“I just heard this term called ‘gramnesia’ when grandparents forget what it’s really like having young kids and I can’t stop thinking about how accurate it is,” she said in the clip.

In her caption, McQuaid shared how so many of her clients would get “slammed” by their parents about how different (i.e. “easier”) raising kids was for them whenever they brought their own children around.

These hyperbolic memories are, as McQuaid put it, so “ridiculous” that they've clearly “forgot[ten] what it was really like in those early years of parenthood.”

@selahvictor

Millennial Moms have you experienced this?! I swear every time I ask my Mom about a parenting struggle, she's like "what are you talking about?" SHE HAS GRAMNESIA😂😂Disclaimer: my Mom had 8 kids, so maybe she just was way more of an expert than me😜Also if you made it to the end, this is probably why it was easier for that generation too (and why I'm a great sleeper!)😂 #boomers #millenialmom #millennial #boomermom #parentinghelp #momof8 #selahvictor #lamom #gramnesia

Examples of “gramnesia” statements

“You never had tantrums when you were a kid.”

“I potty trained you before you were one.”

“You were always happy to eat whatever we fed you.”

“You were spanked and turned out fine!”

Clearly, McQuaid’s video struck a chord, because it wasn’t long before people begin chiming in with their own stories of gramnesia:

“My MIL, over the years, loved to act like her children were perfect growing up. I love to tell the stories of her son (my hubby) getting into all kinds of trouble as a kid - oh the shock.”

*Baby makes any kind of noise* Grandma: "Oh they must be teething!" Me : "Umm she's 4 months old, She isn't teething yet - just has feelings and is you know - A BABY" grandma: ‘well my kids had all their teeth by 4 months’ 😐🤨”

“5 months old and not sleeping through the night? Did you try rice cereal? Baby not walking ? Rice cereal. Baby not in college yet? Have you tried rice cereal?”

“Ugh my dad literally just said this to me last week… ‘I don’t remember you guys having this many tantrums’… 🙄 right after my boys were upset.”

gramnesia, boomer grandparent, boomer grandparents, grandkids, grandparenting Some Boomer grandparents are being called out for "gramnesia".Photo credit: Canva

Why "gramnesia" exists in the first place

One is that it could simply be the natural tendency to have a cognitive bias which puts past experiences in a more positive light than they actually were, aka having “euphoric recall.” As she told Huffpost, we tend to have a “foggier memory of how things truly were” as we get older, “especially if the experience we had was particularly difficult or even traumatic.”

Plus, the first few years of parenthood are often such a blur anyway. McQuaid herself admitted that ”I even have a hard time remembering the first year of motherhood, and that was only four years ago.”

In addition, McQuaid theorized that gramnesia exists because previous generations “were not given space to express emotions or indicate that they were struggling to adjust to motherhood.” Honestly, a sound hypothesis.

How to confront Boomer parents about "gramnesia"

“Check your capacity if you have the space or energy to even consider bringing up your frustration with your parents,” she told Huffpost. “You are likely in the throes of parenting right now, and maybe all you can do is smile and nod after hearing for the 100th time how ‘you were never like this.’”

However, if you are determined to bring it up and set the record straight, McQuaid suggests to actually keep it centered around you and how the situation makes you feel, rather than combating their memories. So, instead of saying, “That’s NOT how it happened!” try something like, “When you said that I never did X when I was Y’s age, it makes me question how well I’m doing as a parent.” Probably easier said than done, to be sure.

And while this sore spot might never come to a full resolution for a lot of millennial parents, at least take some solace in knowing that you’re not crazy, nor are you alone.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

1990s kids, 1990s parents, lies, '90s nostalgia, old wives tale, '90s kid
via 90sKid4lyfe/TikTok (used with permission)

90sKidforLife shares 10 lies everyone's parents told in the era.

Children believe everything their parents tell them. So, when parents lie to prevent their kids to stop them from doing something dumb, the untruth can take on a life of its own. The lie can get passed on from generation to generation until it becomes a zombie lie that has a life of its own. In 2024, a man named Justin, known as 90sKid4Lyfe on TikTok and Instagram, put together a list of 10 lies parents told their kids in the ‘90s, and the Gen X kids in the comments thought it was spot on.

“Why was I told EVERY ONE of these?” one commenter, wrote. “I heard all of these plus the classic ‘If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that,’” another added. After just four days of being posted, the video had been viewed upwards of 250,000 times.


@90skid4lyfe

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

Here are Justin’s 10 lies '90s parents told their kids:

1. "You can't drink coffee. It'll stunt your growth."

2. "If you pee in the pool, it's gonna turn blue."

3. "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows."

4. "If you eat those watermelon seeds, you'll grow a watermelon in your stomach."

5. "Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

6. "I told you we can't drive with the interior light on. ... It's illegal."

7. "Sitting that close to the TV is going to ruin your vision."

8. "If you keep cracking your knuckles, you're gonna get arthritis."

8. "You just ate, you gotta wait 30 minutes before you can swim."

10. "If you get a tattoo, you won't find a job."

'90s kids, '80s kids, parents, white lies, tattoo, jobs A woman gets a tattoo.Canva Photos

Eight more lies that parents told their kids in the '90s

Justin's video was also a hit on Reddit, where many commenters had heard the same lies growing up. However, there were a few more they remembered hearing as kids back in the day. Commenters added eight more items to his list of 10 things that parents lied to their kids about in the '90s. Here are some great ones Justin could use to create a follow-up video:

"When the ice cream man is playing music, that means he’s all sold out."

"You'll never make any money messing around with that computer."

'90s kids, '80s kids, parents, white lies, kids, parenting Boy playing on the computer.Canva Photos

"Dusty went to live on a farm."

"You'll go to jail if you take the mattress tag off."

"My in-laws told my husband (as a child) not to flip the light switch on and off because he would start a fire in the wall that would burn down the house."

"I was also always told that if I played with the campfire, I would wet the bed that night."

"Green potato chips are poisonous, and eating raw hot dogs gives you cancer."

"My mom told me I couldn’t put on the skin transfer tattoo that came with my chewing gum because the tattoo had drugs in it."

This post originally appeared last year. It has been updated.