Mom argues that parents actually 'don't need a village' for raising their kids
Especially when “those people create more stress than just us raising these children ourselves.”
We’ve all heard it before, parents and non-parents alike:
And while there is certainly a whole lotta truth behind this statement, it can also be maddening to hear when modern life makes said village so darn hard to attain. This can lead parents into feeling guilty for having to rely on paid resources like child care.
Or—perhaps even worse—they seek the “help" of family members that actually do more harm than good.
But one mom is here to say that maybe we don’t need a village after all.
“You know it doesn't really take a village, right?” a mom who goes by @nnelly.co on TikTok says.
Nelly argues that more than anything, raising a kid “takes a lot of sacrifice.” And she points out that if you still want a village, “it doesn't have to be blood-related.”
Nelly shares how she too felt the need to reach out to family members for support, saying “In the beginning, I was under the impression that I was supposed to have a village. So, I just tried to follow what everybody told me was supposed to happen.”
But in the end, “those people created more stress than just us raising these children ourselves.”
After finding it easier to manage her three kids of various ages and social activities alone, she has come to the conclusion that “blood villages,” as she calls them, aren’t all that, primarily because they “come with stipulations.”
“I'd rather pay for childcare. I'd rather turn to my friends. The village is not for everyone. I'm pretty sure the village is on its way out. What parenting really takes is sacrifice, a lot of your time and money and energy and love. You don't need a village,” she concludes.
Down in the comments, people were quick to agree with Nelly’s take.
“Gen X here and did not have a village. I homeschooled and had a husband who traveled,” one person wrote.
Another added, “My village has always been just me and my husband. Its been tough at times, but I wouldn't’ have it any other way.”
Still another said, “I could not do parenting without my village (mostly not blood related).” Nelly clarified her intention in her response to this comment, saying “I’m sure a lot of people feel this way .I’m only saying it’s not a requirement of parenting and you can choose not to have one OR choose who it is.”
And this is the real point to probably drive home here. Yes, it’s true that having a village can make raising a family easier. And yes, there are many barriers preventing folks from getting this kind of support, but that’s its own conversation. At the end of the day, so many parents have proven time and time again that they are not necessary. So while every situation is different, perhaps this conversation can help village-less parents feel a little less discouraged, and remind them that whatever village they do end up creating, it doesn’t have to include members who don’t offer real support.