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Dad’s 5-year-old daughter’s hilarious answers to his questions have the internet screaming

“Do I have to change my name if I get married? Call me Shredder.”

By

Jessie Dean Altman

By

Upworthy Staff

Array
Array – Photo credit: via James Breakwell / Twitter

Raising kids is tough, but there’s a lot of laughs along the way. Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell’s tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy. Here’s a sampling of some Breakwell’s funniest kid-inspired tweets.


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His 5-year-old isn’t the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There’s also a 2-year-old, but she hasn’t been the subject of many tweets yet.


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This article originally appeared four years ago.

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    Woman on a mission to bring back lost Black American recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie

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    @wickdconfections

    Peanuts became a major Southern crop after the Civil War, and at Tuskegee Institute, George Washington Carver helped popularize peanuts as an affordable, soil-restoring crop with hundreds of uses. In Black Southern kitchens, that peanut power turned into breads, cookies, cakes, candy… and survival baking. During the Great Depression and WWII rationing, butter, eggs, and milk were often scarce. Peanut butter became the substitute for fat and protein, and peanut butter bread became a school-lunch staple and family recipe passed down through generations. Serve warm with a nostalgic molasses glaze and you’ll understand why this deserves a comeback 🤎 🥜 Peanut Butter Bread (One-bowl, no eggs, no butter) Ingredients 1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour (220 g) ½ cup granulated sugar (100 g) ¼ cup brown sugar (50 g) 1 tbsp baking powder ½ tsp salt 1 cup milk (240 ml) ¾ cup creamy peanut butter (190 g) 1 tsp vanilla extract Optional topping: 2 tbsp sugar Instructions 1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C. Grease a 9×5 loaf pan. 2️⃣ Whisk flour, sugars, baking powder, salt. 3️⃣ Add milk, peanut butter, vanilla. Mix until just combined. 4️⃣ Spread into pan, sprinkle sugar if using. 5️⃣ Bake 50–60 min until toothpick comes out clean. 6️⃣ Cool 15 min, remove, slice. ✨ Molasses Glaze 2 tbsp butter (28 g) 3 tbsp molasses (45 ml) 2 tbsp milk (30 ml) 1 cup powdered sugar (120 g) ¼ tsp vanilla + pinch salt Optional: pinch cinnamon or ginger Melt butter, whisk in molasses + milk until warm. Remove from heat and whisk in powdered sugar until smooth. Stir in vanilla and salt. #BlackHistory BlackHistoryn#TikTokLearningCampaignFoodHistorye#VintageRecipes

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    One particular recipe caused the former Food Network contestant to give a disclaimer before tasting it, saying, “Before I try this, we understand that there’s a reason this pie exists, right? It’s genius. Very creative. That does not mean I have to like it.”

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    Norwood tried her hand at vinegar pie, and just like viewers of the video, the baker was unsure how the dessert would turn out:

    “Vinegar pie, also known as desperation pie, is classified as a pantry or make-do pie. As you can tell, this pie was born out of necessity, when fruit or citrus lemons were hard to come by. Home cooks used what they had on hand. Simple pantry staples to make something sweet, like sugar, eggs, butter, flour, and salt. A lot of people associate vinegar pie with the Great Depression, when fresh fruit was super expensive and scarce, but recipes go back much further. As early as 1855.”

    @wickdconfections

    Navy Bean Pie 🥧✨ A true heritage dessert with deep roots in Black American food culture. This traditional navy bean pie has a smooth, firm custard texture — rich, lightly spiced, and beautifully sliceable without hours of chilling. Simple ingredients, timeless flavor, and a recipe shaped by community and history. 🥧 Classic Navy Bean Pie (9-inch) Texture: traditional • smooth • firm custard • faster set Crust
• 1 (9-inch) pie crust (homemade or store-bought) Filling
• 1½ cups cooked navy beans (300 g) OR 1 (15-oz) can, drained & rinsed
• ¾ cup unsalted butter, melted (170 g)
• 1 cup evaporated milk (240 ml)
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup granulated sugar (200 g)
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour (15 g)
• 1 tbsp cornstarch (8 g)
• 1 tbsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• ½ tsp nutmeg
• ½ tsp salt ⭐ If using canned beans (flavor boost)
• Rinse well
• Simmer in fresh water 5–10 minutes
• Drain completely Instructions
1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C
2️⃣ Blend beans until completely smooth and creamy
3️⃣ Whisk butter, sugar, eggs, milk, vanilla, spices, flour, and cornstarch
4️⃣ Stir in blended beans until smooth
5️⃣ Pour into crust and smooth top
6️⃣ Bake 45–55 minutes (edges set, center barely jiggles)
7️⃣ Cool 1 hour at room temp, chill 1 hour for clean slices Slice, serve, and enjoy ✨ BlackHiBlackHistorynLearnOnTikTokeBeanPiesFoodHistoryalCooking

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    For the recipe, the custom cookie maker used vanilla, honey, and apple cider vinegar in the runny mixture. At first glance, it’s hard to see how this could turn into a pie meant to be cut and eaten with a fork, as it has the consistency of French toast batter. But once it’s poured into a pie pan and popped into the oven, it begins to look like a pie.

    “Black cooks in the South and the Midwest adapted pantry-based dishes like this into their family food culture,” Norwood shares while mixing ingredients. “So you were going to see this pie at Sunday dinner and on special occasions, and it doesn’t taste the way you think a vinegar pie would taste. The acidity cuts through the sweetness and mimics lemon pie without the fruit.”

    @wickdconfections

    Lost Black American Recipes: Vinegar Pie 🥧 To kick off Black History Month, I’m starting a series honoring lost and forgotten Black American recipes—beginning with vinegar pie. Also known as desperation pie or pantry pie, this dessert was born from necessity. When fruit and citrus were scarce, home cooks used simple pantry staples to create something sweet, comforting, and joyful. Made with sugar, eggs, butter, and a splash of apple cider vinegar, vinegar pie has a flaky crust and a rich custard filling. The vinegar doesn’t make it sour—it adds brightness, mimicking the tang of fruit and balancing the sweetness. It’s a reminder of how Black foodways transform struggle into creativity and care. 🖤 Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie): 4 eggs ½ cup sugar ½ cup brown sugar ½ tsp vanilla 6 tbsp butter, melted 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 2 tbsp honey 2 tbsp flour ¾ tsp salt Unbaked 9-inch pie crust Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar. Follow along as we honor Black history through food—one lost recipe at a time. #BlackHistoryMonth #BlackAmericanFood #LostRecipes #BlackFoodHistory #FoodReels

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    Viewers were shocked at how good the pie looked when it was done. Some even plan to give the Black American recipe a try. One person writes, “I[t] looks good and it was way less vinegar than my mind thought lol.”

    Another says, “This looks so good! My grandma is 93 born & raised in Georgia and she swears by this pie & buttermilk pie. She watched this & just kept saying ‘yup, yup’ so I know it’s good.”

    This person appreciates the history: “I appreciated acknowledging that it came out of necessity and that you don’t have to like it. Sometimes people have to make due with what they have and it’s not always what you necessarily want.”

    @wickdconfections

    Lost Black American Recipes: Blackberries & Dumplings 🍇🥟 Blackberries and dumplings is a sweet summertime dish rooted in Black American food culture. When sugar and money were scarce, the land provided. Black families relied on foraging, gathering blackberries that grew freely along fence lines, woods, and roadsides across the South. What began as necessity became tradition — turning simple ingredients into a communal, nourishing meal. Passed down orally and cooked intuitively, this dish was rarely written into cookbooks. Flour stretched what little was available, dumplings absorbed the berry juices, and one pot could feed many for very little. Though we still see cobblers today, blackberries and dumplings remain a largely forgotten seasonal treat — one deeply connected to land, resilience, and care. Blackberries & Dumplings Recipe Blackberry Syrup: 4 cups blackberries 1 cup sugar 2 cups water 1 tbsp lemon juice Lemon zest Dumplings: 2 cups flour ¼ cup sugar 1½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt ¼ tsp nutmeg ¾ cup milk 1 egg 1 tsp vanilla Simmer blackberries with sugar, water, lemon juice, and zest until juicy. Mix dumpling dough until it feels right. Drop spoonfuls into simmering berries, don’t stir, cover and cook 15 minutes. Uncover and simmer 5 more minutes. Serve warm with plenty of syrup. Follow along as I honor Black history through lost recipes — one pot at a time. #BlackHistory #TikTokLearningCampaign #BlackAmericanFood #LostRecipes #FoodHistory

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    “This is brilliantly done,” someone else writes. “Showing the ingenuity and innovation of Black folks is beautiful! This video is information and funny! I’m glad you actually liked the pie. Def going to ask my 90 year old granny about this recipe. Thanks for posting this.”

    Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie):

    4 eggs
    ½ cup sugar
    ½ cup brown sugar
    ½ tsp vanilla
    6 tbsp butter, melted
    2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
    2 tbsp honey
    2 tbsp flour
    ¾ tsp salt
    Unbaked 9-inch pie crust

    Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar.

    Keep Reading →
  • Costco customers are overjoyed by news that the store’s ‘archaic’ cake ordering system is finally modernizing
    Costco announces new app for custom cake orders. – Photo credit: Canva/Wikipedia
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    Costco customers are overjoyed by news that the store’s ‘archaic’ cake ordering system is finally modernizing

    “This is GREAT!”

    Emily Shiffer

    Loyal Costco fans are lauding their favorite big-box store for a long-awaited change to its custom cake ordering system. In a company memo, Costco announced that it will be launching an app for customers to order customized cakes at the touch of their fingers without having to enter a Costco store.

    “We’ve got ordering cakes and deli trays online coming,” said Costco CEO Ron Vachris. “Many of the things that we’ve heard from our members that could be a little bit clunky are now moving to a digital state, and we’re seeing great adoption right out of the chute.”

    It’s a massive change from the previous custom cake process. Costco lovers have long complained about the old-school ordering system that required customers to physically go to the store’s bakery, where they would fill out a slip of paper with their order requests and simply drop it in the order box.

    @eatsbyrachel

    Anyone else feel like the @Costco Wholesale custom cake ordering system is a bit antiquated? 🤔 Regardless, their analog process somehow always works 💯 #costco #costcobakery #cake #customcake #costcodoesitagain #costcocake #costcofinds #costcodeals #costcofind #costcofinds #eatsbyrachel

    ♬ Poke Mart (From “Pokemon Diamond and Pearl”) – Jazz Version – Chippy Bits

    Costco’s “1800s” custom cake ordering

    Back in 2023, writer Lucy Huber humorously poked fun at Costco’s seemingly outdated custom cake ordering system that resonated with fellow Costco shoppers. And her words went viral:

    “Ordered a cake from Costco and their system is from the 1800s, you write what you want on a piece of paper & put it in a box then nobody follows up and you just show up and hope they made it? I tried to call to confirm & they were like ‘if you put it in the box, it will be there’,” she wrote.

    Lucy Huber’s infamous Costco cake tweet. Credit: Reddit/breathfromanother

    It was a system that also caused Costco members on Reddit a lot of anxiety.

    “We did our wedding cakes from Costco, talk about a nerve-racking experience hoping everything worked out,” one wrote.

    Another shared, “Drop a paper in a hole and cross your fingers 🤣🤣.”

    Costco customers have mixed feelings

    Many Costco customers and Redditors expressed their positive reactions to the updated ordering system news:

    “As someone who lives 1.5 hours away from three different Costcos I LOVE this. I’m rarely in the market for a custom cake, but when I am I’m not driving an hour and a half to fill out the request form in store.”

    “This is GREAT! But will I also be able to order chocolate cake with white icing and vice-versa? Because currently I can’t do that at my Costco.”

    “While the box system worked, it was archaic. With anything, the new system will take time to implement.”

    “Jumping from the 19th century to the 21st century. Bravo Costco!”

    Others weren’t as happy:

    “Kind of sad in a way. There are not too many interactions like this in the digital age.”

    “But the Paper & Pencil worked.”

    “Coming in 2027: I didn’t get my cake at Costco because Amazon-East-1 is down :(.”

    “I have ordered many cakes with this low tech. Never an issue.”

    Costco bakery workers react

    Workers in Costco bakeries also chimed in, many with negative opinions:

    “As someone who works in the bakery this is going to be a disaster. Half the people don’t even know the name on the order or what the cake says when they come to pick up. Like 2 times a week we get someone trying to pick up at the wrong Costco.”

    “As a bakery employee, this is going to be a nightmare. The whole point of keeping the order form in warehouse only was to not overwhelm our staff AND (this one being the real reason I was given), is it makes people come in and ‘grab a few items while their there, and then again when they come pick up the cake.’ I am not looking forward to this. People are going to order at the wrong Costco, not do it right and then get mad at us. I’m terrified of this change 🫣.”

    “As someone who has worked in the bakery at Costco, the prevailing thought has been ‘the system we have works fairly well, so they’re probably not gonna change it.’ It’s the same reason that the major sales department still uses paper slips for computers. Well, except for the apple tables. Those have a little iPad kiosk that will print out your slip for you, but literally none of the members ever use it and instead ask us to do it for them.”

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  • Seniors ranting about their friend Barbara cheating at Mahjong is the Internet’s best new reality show
    A woman named Debbie helps explain Mahjong-gate. – Photo credit: Allison Novak
    ,

    Seniors ranting about their friend Barbara cheating at Mahjong is the Internet’s best new reality show

    “The Barbara Chronicles are giving me life.”

    Cecily Knobler

    If you’ve ever watched seniors play Mahjong, you know they’re not messing around. Some might find it complicated. A player’s guide explains, “Mahjong is a 4-person game of skill and chance that originated in China.” It involves numbered tiles, winds, dragons, flowers, and jokers. It’s serious business that, while fun and an excellent way to stretch the mind, can lead to actual fights.

    No fight has been more dramatic than what happened between Allison Novak (@allisonnovak) and her family. While visiting her parents in Florida (an escape from the cold Minnesota winter where they all usually reside), Novak, alongside her brother, sister, husband, and son, piled into the car en route to the airport. From there, we get the full rundown on “Mahjong-gate.”

    @alllisonnovak

    My mom telling me about the mahjong drama at her retirement community. #mahjong #mahjongtable #drama #retirement #florida

    ♬ Creepy and simple horror background music(1070744) – howlingindicator

    According to Allison’s mother, Cynthia, a woman named Barbara allegedly cheats at this game—and the other players aren’t having it. She shared, “We’re done with her. We’re not playing with a cheater anymore.”

    Cynthia goes on to explain an “incident” regarding tapping tiles. “They tapped it. They put it down. And I said, ‘Oh damn. I wanted that tile.’ And Sharon goes, ‘Just take it.’ And Barbara said, ‘No, I tapped it already.’”

    From there, it takes a dramatic turn: “Last night, Barbara did some stuff that was outright…I mean really bad.” She explains another tapping incident before explaining the etiquette of Mahjong: “So when you Mahjong, meaning you won, you have to show all your tiles to prove it. Kinda like bingo. But she takes her tiles and flips them over so no one really knows what she really had.”

    These videos have become a massive hit online. On TikTok alone, the first in the series was so popular it has nearly 5,000 comments.

    “Barbara is mentioned thousands of times in the Mahjong Files,” jokes one TikToker, a comment itself garnering over 7,000 likes.

    “The secret lives of Mahjong Wives,” another comments, putting a spin on the popular reality show The Secret Lives of Mormon Lives.

    The Mahjong saga was so popular it has now become a series, with each video clip more exciting and dramatic than the last. (Novak has put menacing music underneath the dialogue, adding to the already terrifying tension.)

    @alllisonnovak

    The Real Housewives of Mahjong Mannor update!!! 🚨🚨🚨 #mahjong #mahjongtable #drama #retirement #florida

    ♬ Creepy and simple horror background music(1070744) – howlingindicator

    In Part Two of the series, Cynthia’s friend Debbie (while chatting with their other friends Bud, Diane, and Ralph) says, “Oh, she looks like this innocent little lady. She goes to church. Like I told them, I don’t go to Mahjong to see how well I can cheat. You want to play the game.”

    She complains that Barbara never bothers to change her game up, which the others find frustrating. From there, the conversation goes left, escalating into a possible murder accusation. (They’re joking, of course, but you’ll have to watch the video to see for yourself.)

    Commenters from Instagram and Threads are also getting in on the fun by treating the saga like the soap opera/reality show it is. Many point out the pronunciation of Mahjong as “Mar-Jawn,” which adds an extra element of delight.

    “The Barbara Chronicles are giving me life,” reads one of the comments. Another points out how quickly it all escalated, saying, “The jump from cheating to murdering your own husband…LOVE IT.”

    In Part Five, Allison summarizes the whole affair, which leads to Barbara’s banishment from the game. At one point, Barbara runs away, and they chase after her with a camera. We then see a black screen with a chyron reading, “As of this recording, Barbara has declined all interview requests. Sources close to Barbara declined to comment. Some questions remain unanswered.”

    On Threads, one person noted that not everything is always as it seems. “This is one of those documentaries where Barb walks in for her talking head interview in the last ten minutes and blows it all up.”

    @alllisonnovak

    And that’s Mahjong 🀄️ #finalscene #barbaramahjong #mahjong #mahjongdrama #secretlives

    ♬ Suspenseful and tense orchestra(1318015) – SoLaTiDo

    Novak told Upworthy how it all began:

    “My brother, sister, and I (and my husband and son) visit them every year. My mom and dad picked us up from the airport and immediately started telling me about the drama regarding Barbara. I couldn’t help but laugh, and I was like, ‘I need to record this!’”

    Keep Reading →
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