When She Decided To Have Some Fun In Her Friend's Basement, She Had No Idea What She'd Lose

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She's tired of the way we think of some people, and I don't blame her.

Addicts don't start with needles in their arms.

Most of us realize that addiction is a disease. But we seem to be less understanding or willing to acknowledge that fact when an addict dies of an overdose. And that's what this is about: Drug addicts don't start with needles in their arms. Their path to addiction begins in a seemingly innocuous place.

Addiction is a progressive disease.

As Janelle says, most people don't just decide out of the blue to get themselves a bag of heroin and a needle. They progress to that point after doing what many kids or young adults do — trying something new, like alcohol or pot.

It's fine. Until it's a problem.

For an addict, knowing they need to stop and being able to stop are two different things.

Addiction costs people everything.

She lost her kids, her stability, and nearly her life (several times). Who'd put themselves in that position knowingly?

Addiction is hard to overcome. And remember: It's a disease.

When someone dies of cancer, we don't assume they didn't try hard enough. So why, when someone dies of addiction, do we point a judgmental finger and ask why they did that to themselves?

What we need: more empathy, less judgment.

Instead of asking, "Well, what did you expect?" when an addict loses their battle, we could try to find some empathy. And we can do that by learning how it happens and how that person got there. Listen to Janelle's talk on addiction for a better understanding.

Modern Families

Do you have a "living room family" or a "bedroom family"?

This 'debate' is all the rage on TikTok. But one is not better than the other.

alexxx1915/TikTok

TikTok user alexxx1915 recently posted a short video with the caption: "I just learned the term 'living room family' and I never understood why my kids never played in their rooms when I always did as a kid."

She briefly shows her kids hanging out in the living room with their pet dog and some toys scattered around the floor, before panning to her own face and giving a sort of sentimental look. The simple, ten-second clip struck a huge nerve with parents, racking up over 25 million views and thousands of heartfelt comments.

@alexxx1915
#livingroomfamily #fypシ

What are "living room families" and "bedroom families"?

This idea has been going around for a while on social media.

Simply put, a living room family is a family that congregates in the living room, or any common space in the household. Kids play in the same space where the adults relax — and things are often messy, as a result. Everyone interacts with each other and spends lots of time together. Bedrooms are reserved mostly for sleeping and dressing.

A bedroom family, on the other hand, is where the kids spend more time in their rooms. They play there, watch TV, and maybe even eat meals. Typically, the main rooms of the house are kept neat and tidy — you won't find a lot of toys scattered about — and family time spent together is more structured and planned ahead rather than casual.

"Living room families" has become the latest aspirational term on TikTok. Everyone wants to be a living room family!

The implication of being a bedroom family, or having 'room kids', is that perhaps they don't feel safe or comfortable or even allowed to take up room in the rest of the house, or to be around the adults.

"I remember my brother coming round once and he just sat in silence while watching my kids play in livingroom. After a while he looked at me and said 'It's so nice that your kids want to be around you'" one commenter said on alexxx1915's video.

"I thought my kids hated their rooms 🥺 turns out they like me more" said another.

"You broke a generational curse. Good job mama!" said yet another.

There's so much that's great about having a family that lives out in the open — especially if you were raised feeling like you had to hide in your room.

In my own household, we're definitely a living room family. We're around each other constantly, and the house is often a mess because of it. Learning about this term makes me feel a little better that my kids want to be around us and feel comfortable enough to get their 'play mess' all over the living room.

The mess is a sign of the love and comfort we all share together.

But the big twist is that it's also perfectly fine if your kids — and you! — like a little more solitary time.

boy playing with toys on the floor Gavyn Alejandro/Unsplash

Being a 'bedroom family' is actually perfectly OK.

There's a similar discourse that took place last year about living room parents vs bedroom parents. The general consensus seemed to be that it was better to be a living room parent, who relaxed out in the open versus taking alone time behind closed doors.

But it really doesn't have to be one or the other, and neither is necessarily better.

Making your kids feel relegated to their room is, obviously, not great. It's not a good thing if they feel like they're not allowed to exist in and play in the rest of the house.

But if they just like hanging out in their room? Nothing wrong with that at all! And same goes for parents.

Alone time is important for parents and kids alike, and everyone needs different amounts of it to thrive.

Kids with certain special needs, like being on the autism spectrum, may be absolutely thrilled to spend lots of time in their rooms, for example.

So are you a living room family or a bedroom family? Turns out, it doesn't really matter, as long as your family loves each other and allows everyone to be exactly who they are.

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Humor

Jimmy Fallon asked people to share funny, weird or embarrassing stories from their bad summer jobs

The things we do for a summer paycheck.

YouTube

His face is all of us after that first summer job paycheck.

Call it a rite of passage, a baptism by fire, or simply a necessary evil, but a terrible summer job is pretty much a staple of young adulthood. Those concert tickets aren’t gonna pay for themselves, after all.

worst jobs jimmy fallon Responsibility. Yay. Giphy

Some summer jobs are heinous by the sheer amount of manual labor involved. Others are just plain weird. I remember one year working as a “live strolling table.” Yep, just walking around attached to an elaborately dressed table offering hors d'oeuvres and champagne. A human-furniture hybrid. How do you put that on a resume?

No matter the role, there is one thing all summer jobs have in common: They teach us humility in one way or another … especially once we see that first paycheck. There’s simply no way to prepare for seeing two weeks worth of hard work equate to a (usually) paltry sum. Hopefully that experience alone makes generous tippers of us all.

Jimmy Fallon recently asked people to share their own “funny, weird, or embarrassing story about a bad summer job” as part of his iconic #hashtags challenge.

Here are 15 that might make your own summer job memory feel a little less dreadful:

1.

“I planted trees for the US Forest Service one summer in HS. Our foreman would go through our lunches, eat our cookies and chips, and take bites out of our sandwiches. We were all about 15 so too afraid to tell.” – @dumpster_diva

2.

“One summer I worked at Taco Bell during lunch and Furr’s cafeteria during dinner. People would see me at both and ask if I was twins.”– @kerrikgray

3.

“As a young comedian I was hired to MC an event for a furniture store. The owner paid me 5 bucks for every time I would fake trip and fall on my way to the mic. He said he was a 3 stooges fan.” – @Brentfo4242

4.

“I applied for a job while in high school at a toy store. I called back days after the interview asking if they had any news for me. They told me I got the job, and they forgot to tell me. They had me scheduled for that day and was told ‘you’re late.’” – @RockerSam91

5.

“In high school, I worked at an insurance agency...let’s just say the bus ride to and from work was the best part of the job.” – @SharonZurcher

6.

“In high school I worked at a bounce house company. My first day working was an elementary school field day and the huge inflatable slide starting deflating and collapsing with kids at the top…angry parents staring at me like I had an answer for this at 16 years old.” – @calamari_carly

Giphy

7.

“In middle school my friend and I got paid to fill, lick and seal about 500 envelopes with documents for a lawyer - a penny per envelope. 3 hours later, we asked for 2 cans of soda from his cooler. He said sure, and took $2 each from our pay. We made a dollar.” – @CameronFontana

8.

“I worked at a dog kennel. A guy brought in 2 dogs to stay a month. He told me to give a pill every morning to dog #1. So, I did for the month. When he returned, I brought out dog #1 and he said, ‘Hi, dog #2!’ My face turned so red. Oh, well. The dog survived.” – @TheTomeWebster

9.

“I babysat identical twin boys where one constantly screamed and got into mischief but potty trained early while the other was quiet, well behaved but always blowing out diapers. They never did anything ‘identical’. I'm shocked that I still wanted kids after that!” – @overbaughs

10.

“Worked at Crumbl in high school. One coworker had the exact same shifts as me, and she was a theater kid. Like MAJOR theater kid, was cracked out 24/7, randomly performing theater at work. I am not proud to say I memorized 10 Shakespeare monologues because of her.” – @itstherealmeboo

11.

“I held human hearts with a white cotton glove during open heart surgeries, so they didn’t ‘slip’.…No pressure! That’s why l am now a planetary medium and asteroid deflector. Much less stress.” – @rosamalvaceae

12.

“I worked for a local sweet corn farm. I had to sort the corn into boxes for their stands around the state or local grocery stores. It came off the truck onto a conveyor belt by the 1000s. I literally saw thousands of corn cobs in my dreams at night.” – @jdianemiller

13.

“In high school my mom got me a job working with the city to clean an island in the local lake that ducks lived on. Everyday I had to fight a duck, and everyday I needed a bandaid after getting bit by a duck. It was a nightmare and I still hate ducks 30 years later.” – @KingSergioS

Giphy

14.

“Hired at an amusement park for the summer, taking summer college classes at the same time…Show up for my 1st day to a supervisor who says ‘Oh, the girl who didn’t show up!’ Proceeds to show me the previous week’s schedule where I had 40 hours during my class time. He rolls his eyes when I explain and gives me every crappy task he can find....

Giphy

...I left after the 2nd day, never picked up my check, but kept my employee ID & got in for free all summer!” – @trixiebelle47

This article originally appeared on 6.8.22

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Health

Conflict expert shares the 1 phrase you can use to stop an argument from happening

It'll make people agree with you, too.

via Canva/Photos

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.

How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”

conversation, arguments, communication tips People coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”

conversation, arguments, communication tips Two men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

relationships

Family

How breastfeeding actually works is seriously awe-inspiring

Let's take a moment to marvel at this miraculous process.

Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash

A viral video shows what's happening beneath the surface when a baby breastfeeds.

Let me start by saying I don't care whether you breastfeed or not. Everyone's circumstances are different, no one needs to explain why they did or didn't breastfeed their babies and we'd all be better off with far fewer judgments across the baby-feeding spectrum.

With that disclaimer out of the way, can we at least all agree that breastfeeding is freaking awesome?

I mean, the whole biological process of growing an entire human practically from scratch is mind-blowing all by itself. But the fact that our bodies then create food to feed that human, with a whole system for how and when that food gets made and released, is just so cool.

A CGI video depicting the process in a simple, clear way has people marveling at how it all works. The video gives an internal view of what's happening below the skin's surface as a baby latches on. (The depiction of the latch isn't great, FYI—a proper latch is an important part of breastfeeding working as it should, but what comes after is the cool part.)

We could get into some nitty gritty anatomical terms here, but the high-level explanation of what's happening is that when a baby suckles, a signal is sent to the mother's brain. That signal prompts the release of the hormones prolactin (which stimulates milk production in the alveoli—the grape-like clusters in the video) and oxytocin (which stimulates the muscles around the alveoli to push the milk into the milk ducts—the white tubes).

It's a basic but beautiful biological process, the way the baby, brain and breast communicate and coordinate to make and deliver milk on demand.

Watch:

\u201cLactancia materna\u2026\ud83c\udf7c\ud83d\udc76\u201d
— Julio (@Julio) 1660031855

But that's just the mechanics. There's so much about breastfeeding that's scientific but feels like magic.

For instance, the flavor of breastmilk changes depending on what the person breastfeeding eats, which means baby gets to experience a range of taste sensations starting very early. That may not seem particularly consequential, but studies have found that children who breastfeed tend to be less picky and more willing to try different foods later on.

It can also change color, ranging from blue to green to yellow to pink. Neat, huh?

Breastmilk also changes to meet a child's nutritional needs as they get older. If you watch the last eight seconds or so of the video, you can see the flow of milk stop and then see a reverse flow coming from the baby's mouth. That's the baby's saliva, which contains chemicals that react with the mother's body to adjust the makeup of the breastmilk to meet the baby's needs at any given stage. So cool.

That same saliva exchange can also prompt the mother's body to add germ-fighting elements (leucocytes, antibodies, etc.) to her breastmilk that help fight infections. Such immune boosting can happen when either baby or mom are sick, providing an immune boost for baby.

We may not think of it this way, but breastmilk is actually a living substance containing live cells. And there's still so much we're learning about what it can do, not just for babies but for non-nutritional medicinal purposes as well.

So often, the wonder of it all gets lost in the debates and judgments that surround breastfeeding. Not everyone can breastfeed and there are a million challenges that can get in the way of it feeling like a magical experience, even for those who do it. But that doesn't change the fact that breastfeeding is a miraculous process when it works.

Let's just take a minute to appreciate the incredible way breasts can manufacture and deliver baby food, always at the perfect temperature, through a process that continually individualizes that food to make it ideal at every stage. Our bodies are simply amazing.

This article originally appeared on 8.11.22

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Pop Culture

Non-Americans shared the quintessentially American things they wish they could do

Here are 19 things that Americans really take for granted.

via Bob B. Brown

A delicious corn dog with mustard and ketchup.

A group of self-described “non-Americans” shared the quintessential American things they wish they could do and it’s a great reminder of some of the endearing aspects of American culture that far too many of us take for granted.

At a time when America is plagued by political divisions, it’s refreshing to remember that we all share a unique culture that others appreciate.

The responses were prompted by Reddit user gaping__hole, who asked the online forum, “Non-Americans of Reddit: what is an American thing you have always wanted to try?” The most compelling thing about the responses is they didn’t center around the advantages afforded by the country’s commitment to freedom and individuality. Instead, they focused on the day-to-day experiences that the average American enjoys.

The “non-Americans of Reddit” seemed to be really interested in sampling America’s unique culinary contributions such as fair food or things that are deep-fried. They appreciated the lifestyle that Americans in small towns and middle-class neighborhoods enjoy.

They also wanted to take advantage of America’s size, whether that’s the diverse topography or the idea that one can change their life by moving a few hundred miles away.

Personally, the responses gave me a renewed appreciation for the small comforts that we enjoy as Americans whether that’s chowing down on a corn dog or watching a yellow school bus roll down the street full of happy kids.

Here are 19 of the “American things” that non-Americans have always “wanted to try.”

1.

"To visit a diner like in the movies. In the middle of the night, it’s raining and just a few people there with great music from a jukebox." — TotalAd6225

2.

"Can I interest you in our lord and savior Waffle House?" — ShadowDV

3.

"Ride a yellow school bus even if I'm too old. Growing up I always loved seeing them on TV." — infiresemo

4.

"A friend of mine from Indonesia said, 'the food chewer in the sink.' Garbage disposal." — Mnemonic22

5.

"Being able to start a whole new life 'elsewhere' without having to leave my country and going through an arduous immigration process." — Gmtfoegy

Gatvolkak added:

"It really is a country where you can get up, move 3 hours away and completely reinvent yourself. The only thing that follows you is your credit score."

6.

"Deep fried foods at a state fair. I'm from Scotland and we love to deep fry everything and I wanna know if it's just as good or better." — fenrislfr

7.

"Trick or treating at Halloween." — IvanaHug

8.

"Proper tailgating before a ball game, the kind where there's ribs and stuff." — SpiraltoNowehere

9.

"7/11 slurpees." — Elford12

10.

"Corndogs, I don't understand what it is but I want to try it." — AFowlWaterfowl

11.

"A friend of mine from China took a vacation to the US. He landed in Chicago, rented a car and drove down Route 66 until he could peer over the edge of the Grand Canyon, then drove back. Where he's from, a road trip isn't even a thing." — Henri_Dupont

12.

"Chicken and waffles." — Wide-Flower3494

13.

"It's impossible, but the small town/suburban middle-class American childhood experience from the '80s (think 'ET' or 'Stranger Things' or 'Goonies,' minus the spooky fantasy stuff). What you guy's say about Blockbuster nights nostalgia, the shopping malls. Growing up in Latin America at that time, we had a few glimpses of that lifestyle in some movies and it was fascinating, dreamlike." — steak_tartare

14.

"I want to understand baseball. Man that sport looks boring, but a lot of movies are made about it I just wanna figure out how the game is played." — shweyzy02

15.

"Using the word 'ya'll' in general conversation." — Devlin_McGregor

16.

"French woman I used to hang out with needed instructions on how to eat a chili dog. Blew her mind. Steamed and toasted bun, all-beef natural casing hot dog from a local farm, homemade chili, raw and finely chopped onions, and a bunch of Colby-jack cheese. She had seen pictures and wanted to try it, so I took her to this place run by a Vietnam vet who had wanted to own a chili dog stand since he was in the war. That was his life goal. Not get married, raise a family. But survive the war and open a chili dog stand. He finally made it after decades of biding his time, and all that passion went into the perfectly executed chili dog." — DeepStateofAffairs

17.

"White Castle. Specifically that big box of white castle sliders. (I want to try it because of Harold and Kumar)." — Camus-Albert

18.

"I've always wanted to go to a 'real' haunted house with actors during the Halloween season. Or those scary corn mazes with actors, etc." — tadpolecrusader

19.

"Beer pong." — manserct

This article originally appeared on 8.4.22

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