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Watch A Man Try To Tell Women What Their Problems Are And See How That Works For Him

This debate on that viral street harassment video everyone is talking about proves that men have a long way to go toward listening to women about what they actually want.

Men — the moral of this story? This is how women feel when a guy mansplains:

Listen to the people with the actual problem, fellas.

Modern Families

'SAHMs Listen up!': Texas UPS driver has pointed message about stay-at-home moms and entitlement

“You are so privileged to have a person who is willing to provide such a carefree life for you.”

via J.R. Minton (used with permission)

A Texas UPS driver has a strong opinion on stay-at-home moms.

J.R. Minton, a 33-year-old UPS driver from the Dallas, Texas area, ruffled some feathers recently with a viral TikTok video titled “SAHMs Listen up!” that begins with him asking, “I mean, how entitled could you be?” At first, Minton appears to fail to appreciate the enormous amount of emotional, mental, and physical labor that stay-at-home moms provide.

“I truly cannot imagine the amount of arrogance you must have to sit there and complain when you are so privileged to have a person who is willing to provide such a carefree life for you,” Minton continues. “Let’s get real! What do you do all day? Your spouse is taking care of everything so you can take care of one thing. How complicated could it be: all you do is go to work?”

At this point, legions of stay-at-home mothers and those who love them considered trucking themselves to Dallas to find this unappreciative UPS driver. However, it was soon apparent that Minton was referring to himself.

@minton__jr

Grow tf up—You should be doing more. #sahm #sahmlife #momlife #mom #momsoftiktok #sahmsoftiktok #sahmtok #momtok

“For 10 hours a day, you get to live the life of a single, childless, carefree man because your wife was willing to take the financial risk of allowing you to be successful in your career while she takes care of everything else,” he continues. “She provides childcare services, home cleaning services, medical services, food services, scheduling services, and a list that goes on and on. And you provide... a paycheck? And you have the nerve to call yourself the provider! What is it going to take for you to realize that, bro, everything you have in your life is because of a stay-at-home mom.”

The commenters on the video breathed sighs of relief and then praised Minton, a father of 4, for publicly appreciating his wife’s work.



"My sleeves were rolled up, earrings were off, hair tied up.... I was so ready...." one commenter joked. "I thought I landed in enemy territory for a min..." another added. "You have just made me realize after all these years that *I* am the freaking provider and that feels amazing,” a stay-at-home mother wrote.

People appreciate Minton’spost because he praised stay-at-home mothers and placed his wife’s work above his, which he characterized as merely bringing home a paycheck. Minton has one job, delivering packages, but as he noted, his wife is an expert in over five different professions. In a world where stay-at-home moms are fighting to be seen as equals to their working spouses, Minton places them on a pedestal and owes his “carefree life” to them.

"Married life, with children, is bound to be chaotic," Minton told Upworthy. "It’s bound to have its ups and downs; It’s made me question myself a thousand times. However, the marriage my wife and I share has given me the space to find peace."

Minton may be sharing an opinion we don't hear often enough, but he doesn't think he's the only one who thinks that way. "The last thing I am is rare or unique. There’s nothing special about the way that I feel or the things that I say. I have the same thoughts, feelings, frustrations and problems that any other husband or father might be struggling with," he told Upworthy. "The only difference that might be apparent is how I choose to react to the same situations any other man might encounter."

This post isn’t the first time Minton has pulled the bait and switch on his followers. Last year, he made a video where he appeared to take pride in the fact that he never “helps” his wife with chores.

The twist in this video was that he doesn’t “help” his wife with chores because they are also his responsibility. "Because I do what I am supposed to do as a father and a husband. I cook. I clean. I do the laundry. I take care of the kids. I can't help my wife do those things because they are my job, too,” he reveals.

He then urged men to change their perspectives on how they view stay-at-home moms. “Change the way you speak, change the way you think, and grow the f*** up and be a man," he added.

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Health

Feel like someone's gaslighting you? A 3-minute test can help you determine if they are.

Gaslighting is designed to confuse, and the signs aren't always super clear.

Photo by cottonbro studio/Pexels

Gaslighting can leave you feeling confused and unsure of yourself.

The term "gaslighting" has become a popular, everyday term, but there's still some confusion about what it means. Part of the reason is that the word has been misused so many times that the definition has become fuzzier. But another reason is the gaslighting itself is confusing for the person on the receiving end. Even if you know what gaslighting is, it's not always clear that's it's happening to you.

Briefly, gaslighting is a manipulation technique in which someone purposefully and maliciously makes someone question their reality. Abusers and narcissists will often use gaslighting to wear down their victims' sense of self and as a means of establishing and maintaining control over them.

In a relationship, gaslighting can look like denying that something happened and telling the person they're crazy for how they're remembering it. It can look like flat-out lying about something the victim knows for sure to be true. It can look like invalidating someone's feelings and telling them they're overreacting. It can look like being cruel and then claiming it was just a joke or making the victim believe they're at fault for something the perpetrator did.

Sometimes people use gaslighting to describe basic disagreements or arguing from different perspectives, like simply saying, "That's not what happened," or "That's not how I remember it," but gaslighting is intentional in its impact on the victim. People can have different memories of how something happened and disagree vehemently, but if a person isn't purposely trying to alter someone's sense of reality, it's not gaslighting. Similarly, telling someone to calm down and not take things personally may not be a sensitive way to respond to a person who's upset, but it doesn't automatically equate to gaslighting, either. Gaslighting requires a malicious intent to manipulate and control.

As Dr. Robin Stern, author of the book "The Gaslight Effect" describes gaslighting on Psychology Today:

"Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person’s psychological manipulation causes another person to question their reality. Gaslighting can happen between two people in any relationship. A gaslighter preserves his or her sense of self and power over the gaslightee, who adopts the gaslighter’s version of reality over their own."

Gaslighting also isn't confined to a one-time event, but is more a a pattern of behavior. The gaslighter's repeated distortions and denials wear the victim down over time, making them doubt themselves and question their reality. That's part of what makes it hard to spot from the inside, since someone being gaslighted is likely to question whether it's really happening.

If you detect an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship, it's important to seek professional help from therapist, especially if you suspect gaslighting may be at play. But having a tool to help clarify what you're experiencing and help determine what kind of help is needed can be useful.

Psychology Today offers a 20-question online self-test to help you assess whether gaslighting might be a problem in your relationship. The test takes about three minutes and includes statements like "This person makes me feel like I'm unstable," "This person tells me that other people are not trustworthy," and "I choose my words carefully when I'm with this person." After responding to each statement with one of five answers ranging from Always to Never, the test tells you how likely it is that gaslighting is an issue in that relationship based on your answers. Possible outcomes include no signs, few signs, some signs, strong signs or very strong signs of gaslighting.

The test results page also provides more detail about what gaslighting is, things to watch for to spot it and tips for what to do if you are being gaslighted in you relationship.

"The healthiest course of action, in most cases, is to end the relationship or significantly reduce contact," the site states. "Leaving a gaslighting relationship is challenging but possible. Confrontation is rarely effective; instead, trust your instincts, gather evidence, reduce or cut off contact, and seek help from friends, family, or a therapist."

Find the Psychology Today gaslighting self-test here. (And if you need a therapist to help you with your relationship struggles, you can search by location, insurance and specialty on the website's "Find a Therapist" database of providers here.)


This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

Guy with a metal detector astonished to find a ring that belonged to the Sheriff of Nottingham

It was authenticated by experts from the British Museum.

via Unsplash

English metal detector hobbyist finds a real treasure near Nottingham.

A retired merchant navy engineer in England has found a treasure that would have made his country’s most popular folk hero proud. Graham Harrison, a 64-year-old metal detector enthusiast, discovered a gold signet ring that once belonged to the Sheriff of Nottingham.

The discovery was made on a farm in Rushcliffe, Nottinghamshire, 26.9 miles from Sherwood Forest. The forest is known worldwide for being the mythological home of Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men. A central road that traversed the forest was notorious in Medieval times for being an easy place for bandits to rob travelers going to and from London.

Today, the forest is a designated National Nature Reserve. It contains ancient oaks that date back thousands of years, making it an important conservation area.

“It was the first big dig after lockdown on a glorious day. We were searching two fields. Other detectorists kept finding hammered coins but I'd found nothing,” Harrison said according to the Daily Mail. “Then I suddenly got a signal. I dug up a clod of earth but couldn't see anything. I kept breaking up the clod and, on the last break, a gold ring was shining at me. I broke out into a gold dance.”

Harrison sent the ring to the British Museum's Portable Antiquities Scheme to have it authenticated.

After doing some research they found that it was once owned by Sir Matthew Jenison, who was the Sheriff of Nottingham between 1683 and 1684.

The first accounts of Robin Hood, then known as Robyn Hode, first appear in the 12th century, a few hundred years before Sir Matthew served as sheriff.

But there’s no doubt that the archer and leader of Merry Men would have been delighted to know that an everyday guy came into possession of the Sheriff of Nottingham’s ring.

Sir Matthew was knighted in 1683 and acted as a commissioner to examine decaying trees in Sherwood Forest. He was later elected to Parliament in 1701. However, a series of lawsuits over shady land dealings would eventually be his ruin and he’d die in prison in 1734.

The gold signet ring bears the coat of arms of the Jenison family, who were known for getting rich off a treasure trove of valuables left for safekeeping during the English Civil War. 

The valuables were never claimed, so the Jenisons took them for themselves.

Harrison decided that he would sell the ring to someone who appreciates its importance.

“There can't be many people who've found anything like that. I'm only selling it because it's been stuck in a drawer,” Harrison said. “I hope it will go to someone who will appreciate its historical value.” It was sold at auction by Hansons Auctions for £8,500 ($11,115).


Let’s hope that the man who sold the ring does what Robin Hood would have done with a piece of jewelry that adorned the hand of a nobleman whose family came into money by taking other people’s loot. Surely, he’d take the proceeds from the auction and give them to the poor.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Parenting

Dad shares the genius checklist of tasks his kids must complete before any screen time

A brilliant example of using positive incentive.

Representative Image From Canva

Imagine if everyone adhered to these guidelines.

We know too much screen time is not good for us. We also know that younger folks are particularly susceptible to screen addiction. What we don’t fully know is how to effectively help teens and tweens manage the habit, especially when screens are such an everyday part of life.

However, psychiatrist, author and dad of seven Richard Wadsworth recently went viral after showing his own personal strategy for getting his kids to do something other than scrolling. It could be the perfect solution for parents to not only break screen addiction, but instill some other healthy ritual as well.

In the clip, we first see Wadsworth’s tween son doing deltoid exercises with dumbbells. Which he apparently got up at 6:30 am to do.

What could possibly incentivize practically anyone, let alone a preteen to wake up at the crack of dawn to lift weights? Read on.

Wadsworth then showed a typed out list of various tasks that must be performed before even setting eyes on a phone or tablet. The list included a short workout in the form of one mile on the treadmill or 20 minutes of another exercise.

Wadsworth explained that rather than enforcing strict rules, this method provides necessary structure without taking away choice.

“I’m not forcing my son to exercise every day, but I am setting rules and boundaries around his screen time,” he said. “He decided he wanted to have more time after school to play with his friend. And so in order to do that, he realized that he’d need to wake up a little bit earlier and exercise in the morning.”

In addition to exercise, the list included domestic chores like cleaning the bedroom and shared areas, finishing homework, doing laundry, preparing for the next day…and, perhaps most importantly…making sure the toilet is flushed.

“We have all of their screens locked away. And if they want access to any of them, they need to come ask us and we’ll go through the list together. And they’re not getting their screens until the list is done,” Wadsworth continued.

He also drew a comparison between screen time and sugary sweets, noting how most parents probably wouldn’t routinely allow kids to eat dessert before a nutritious meal, but instead allow it to be a treat.

“Just as you would hopefully have your kids eat dinner before they had their dessert, you should probably be having them do something positive…before they get on their screens." Hence why he tries to get his kids to complete their list before going to the phone.

And in case you’re wondering how Wadsworth’s son feels about all this, he reported having “so much energy for school” feeling “so much better” since his dad introduced the to-do list.

@doctorwadsworth #greenscreen #parenting #parentingtips ♬ original sound - Richard Wadsworth

Bottom line: kids need guidance from their parents. And Wadsworth recommends clear cut boundaries to help them develop good habits, “because if you don’t do it, nobody else is.”

Wadsworth’s parenting hack was well received, with quite a few grown adults saying they could benefit from this type of boundary-setting in their own life.

“Even I’m addicted to this screen. I have to tell myself to put it down all the time and I’m a grown adult. Kids definitely need this!” one user wrote.

Another added, “I need someone to do this for me (I’m 28).” To which Wadsworth replied, “we all need parents sometimes.”

Even with potential TikTok bans, social media isn’t going anywhere. The sooner parents can implement guidelines like these, the better equipped their kids will be at balancing tech savviness with tech dependence.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Pets

Terrified dog rescued five months after being dumped in woods by trainer has unlikely reunion

"Probably never thought she was going to see y'all again."

Courtesy of Anakin's Trails Stray and Pet Recovery Team

Dog's unlikely reunion with family after five months in wilderness

Training a family pet can be hard, especially when you have an active breed that needs a certain level of stimulation. Some dogs are good to go after a few training sessions with a local trainer at a pet supply store while others may require more personalized training in home. But there are some pet parents who opt to send their dogs to a sleep away training program that requires the dogs to live at a training facility for several months.

Many times these programs are expensive and used as an option when the other training programs aren't providing the dogs with the skills they need to live safely with their family. The decision to send your fur baby off to a facility for months at a time is not an easy one but with your pets' best interest in mind, you put your faith in someone who specializes in the care your pup needs.

One family thought they were doing what was best for their Huskies by sending them to a training facility. It's unclear what prompted the family's concern after dropping their four dogs off with their trainer but after months of looking for their dogs with no luck, they contacted Anakin's Trails Stray and Pet Recovery Team.

Oakley after being trappedCourtesy of Anakin's Trails Stray and Pet Recovery Team

The dogs are from Ohio where their owner, Andrea lives and were entrusted to an unnamed animal training facility in Greenville County, South Carolina. It is suspected that the training facility dumped the dogs in in the woods without contacting the family to request them to retrieve their beloved pets. Anakin's Trails Stray and Pet Recovery Team uses drones and other techniques to help locate lost dogs and give them an idea of where to place their traps.

The first of the Huskies, Oakley, was recovered by the organization and reunited with Andrea after having spent a whopping five months surviving in the wilderness. When Oakley first spots her human she's clearly unsure of the situation. It almost appears that she's not sure if he will be in trouble or welcomed into Andrea's arms. Anakin's Trails refers to this as "lost dog syndrome," but after a few seconds of uncertainty, the pooch fully recognized her human mom and could not contain his excitement.


@anakinstrailsdogsearch One of four pet Siberian Huskys that were dumped by a training facility in the southern part of Greenville county farmland , was found by the Anakin’s Trails Stray and Pet Recovery team and reunited with her owner after FIVE months of surviving in the wild on the run ! ##anakinstrails##animalrescue##fromthestreettothesofa##fyp##sc##trustthetrap##lostdog##animaltrapping##laurenssc ♬ original sound - AnakinsTrailsstray&petrecovery

Oakley quickly becomes overwhelmed with relief and excitement as she jumps into the chair with Andrea. The newly reunited dog can't stop licking her human and doing full body tail wagging. The sweet Husky mix probably thought things couldn't get much better but Anakin's Trails had more up their sleeves. Just a few days after Oakley was reunited with her family, her sister Marley was captured.

Ashley Raymond, Founder and Director of Anakin's Trails tells Upworthy, "The dogs were dumped/released into the wild about 4-5 months ago," Raymond recalls. "We got involved after the owners found out about them being dumped about a month and a half later [after entering the training facility]. For about a month ,we hung flyers , set food stations with high quality bait with surveillance cameras , and strategically placed them where we got sightings. Before long, we began getting sightings."

Andrea with Oakley after being reunitedCourtesy of Anakin's Trails Stray and Pet Recovery Team

Things were looking up for the agency after the sightings but that's when the south east experienced a beast of a hurricane. Hurricane Helene was massive, hitting Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia making the rescue of these four beloved family pets a bit more difficult. The animal recovery organization didn't give up hope though.

"Then, the hurricane happened and pushed them 16 miles down the road to another town. We basically had to start from scratch in an entire town, and that’s just what we did. After about 2 weeks of that, we finally nailed down the yard where they kept coming," Raymond shares. "This time, we set our custom made kennel trap up. After they came once to it, we set it live the very next night. Around 10:30 that evening, Marley and Oakley walked in! Oakley got trapped, Marley ran off. Two nights later, Marley came back and we trapped her. We called the owner and she came down for the reunion for both on 2 different evenings."

Marley going into the trap to be reunited with familyroar-assets-auto.rbl.ms

According to Anakin's Trails, the third dog, Juno who is the sister of Marley and Oakley is still missing. Their dog mom, Nova Jo has been found but has still not been reunited with her human.

"There is a fourth dog. She was dumped with the other three, but she ran up to someone days after being dumped and was picked up," Raymond says. "SC has a 5 day stray hold unfortunately. So any dog that you find in the state of SC and no one comes forward in 5 days, it’s technically yours. So they are fighting that in court."

Nova JoCourtesy of Anakin's Trails Stray and Pet Recovery Team

The work Anakin's Trails does isn't easy and since it's a nonprofit, they rely on donations, which is how they were able to help provide Andrea a hotel room when she came to be reunited with her dog. Hopefully, all four dogs will be under one roof again and this will be a story that has a book worthy happy ending.

If you'd like to donate to Anakin's Trails Stray and Pet Recovery Team so they can continue their work, you can do so here.


This article originally appeared last year.

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