The incredible story of baby Eva Grace: the superhero who never lived.

My wife Keri and I went in for the standard 19-week anatomy scan of our second child. As a parent, you think that appointment is all about finding out boy or girl, but it’s about a whole lot more. In our case, our daughter was diagnosed with a rare birth defect called anencephaly — some…

My wife Keri and I went in for the standard 19-week anatomy scan of our second child. As a parent, you think that appointment is all about finding out boy or girl, but it’s about a whole lot more.

In our case, our daughter was diagnosed with a rare birth defect called anencephaly — some 3 in 10,000 pregnancies rare. The phrase our doctor used in explaining it was “incompatible with life,” which looks as terrible in words as it sounds. The child fails to develop the frontal lobe of the brain or the top of their skull. The chance of survival is 0%. We sat in a doctor’s office, five months before our daughter was to be born, knowing she would die.

The options weren’t great. There was (a) inducing early, which in effect was terminating the pregnancy or (b) continuing the pregnancy to full term.


Within a minute or so of finding out, Keri asked if we could donate the baby’s organs if we went to full term. It was on her heart and mind, but we left the doctor and still spent the next 48 hours deciding what we were going to do. It was excruciating. We considered terminating. We had to. Were we capable of taking on the weight of the 20 weeks ahead? In our minds, we were intentionally taking on the loss of a child, rather than the loss of a pregnancy. And, yes, there is a difference.

We decided to continue, and we chose the name Eva for our girl, which means “giver of life.”

The mission was simple: get Eva to full term, welcome her into this world to die, and let her give the gift of life to some other hurting family.

It was a practical approach, with an objective for an already settled ending point. We met with an organ procurement organization called LifeShare of Oklahoma and found out we’d be the eighth family in the state to donate the organs of an infant.

There wasn’t much of a precedent or process in place because, until only recently, most parents of anencephalic babies didn’t know it was an option. There’s this weird gray area involved because, even without a brain, these babies can’t be declared brain dead. Her heart would need to stop beating, leaving a finite window of, let’s call it, “opportunity,” to recover her kidneys, liver, and maybe pancreas and heart valves. We asked about other things, like her eyes or corneas, but LifeShare told us they’d never done that before, even with an adult.

Part of the difficulty of the decision to carry on was the physical pregnancy and the mental burden of carrying a baby for 20 more weeks knowing she would die. The kicks and punches to Keri’s bladder served as a constant reminder of what was inside. (Yes, Eva kicked like any other baby; her brainstem was complete, which is what controls basic motor functions. I know, we had a hard time wrapping our minds around it too.) She feared people asking what she was having or the due date or if the nursery was ready.

What we unexpectedly found, though, was joy in the pregnancy. We happily talked about our sweet Eva, and day by day, our love for her grew. We got excited to be her parents.

I think a big part of that was connected to the decision we made to continue on, which was empowering. She had a name, an identity, and a purpose. The idea of choice in pregnancy is a complicated one, and one I kind of want to avoid here. Wherever you fall, just know, we were empowered by our decision, our responsibility to be Eva’s mom and dad for as long as we could. We went from seeing the pregnancy as a vehicle to help others to looking forward to holding her, kissing her, telling her about her brother, and being her parents.

The time we’d have was completely unknown, with it ranging anywhere from five seconds to five minutes to five hours to, in some more optimistic estimates, five days.

We decided to have a planned C-section. We wanted to maximize our chances of seeing Eva alive and be able to control as many variables as possible.

There wouldn’t be any surprise labor in the middle of the night. We could have our first child Harrison there to meet his sister and grandparents ready to hold their granddaughter even if she was only alive for an hour or so. We wanted to do what was best for our girl. That’s what parents do.

As the date neared, the meetings and appointments cranked up. We had what everyone called the “Big Meeting,” a gathering at Baptist Hospital of about 30 people that included multiple people from LifeShare, NICU nurses and doctors, neonatologists, and other “Very Important Hospital People.” We were the first infant organ donor ever at Baptist, and they were developing a protocol on the fly. There were plans and contingency plans and contingency plans for the contingency plans.

The process was going to be delicate, and to be frank, it seemed increasingly unlikely that it would work. There were a lot of things that were going to need to go just right, even with the intricate plans that were being put in place. It was made clear to us over and over and over again how if Eva’s kidneys or liver didn’t go directly for transplant, they would go to research, and infant organ research is incredibly valuable.

But I wanted a tangible outcome. I wanted to be able to meet and hug and shake the hand of the person my daughter saved.

I couldn’t dream about what my daughter would grow up to be, so I fantasized about the difference she could make.

What if the person who got her kidneys became president? What if her liver went to a little boy and he goes on to win the Heisman Trophy? I was writing the “30 for 30” script in my mind every night as I went to sleep. It was something to hold onto; it was the kind of hope I wrapped up with both arms. Research was nothing more than a fail-safe to me, a Plan B that I didn’t want any part of.

There were some concerns from the hospital’s ethics team about Eva and our plans. As I explained to them — and to anyone else out there who has this idea that we grew a daughter just for her organs — Eva was a terminal child. And as her parents, we elected to make her an organ donor. That’s it. She would be born, live an indefinite amount of time, and then we were choosing to donate her organs.

Then suddenly, we were in the two-week window. In two weeks, we’d be prepping to welcome our baby girl into the world and preparing to say goodbye to her.

I planned on sitting down that day to write Eva a letter, like I did before Harrison was born to give him on his 18th birthday. She’d never read it, but I was going to read it to her. Keri didn’t feel Eva move much that morning, but we both brushed it off and went to lunch. We came home, put Harrison down for a nap, and Keri sat down in her favorite spot and prodded Eva to move. She wouldn’t.

We started to worry. Keri got up, walked around, drank cold water, ate some sugary stuff. She sat back down and waited. Maybe that was something? We decided to go to the hospital. We held on to hope that we were just being overly anxious and didn’t take any bags.

We arrived, and a nurse looked for a heartbeat on the doppler: nothing. Not unusual; it was sometimes hard to find because of the extra fluid. They brought in a bedside ultrasound machine and looked. It seemed that maybe there was a flicker of cardiac activity. They told us to get ready to rush in for a C-section.

I just remember repeating, “I’m not ready I’m not ready I’m not ready I’m not ready.” I was supposed to have two more weeks. What about the plan? What about Harrison? What about Eva’s aunts and uncles and grandparents? What if they couldn’t make it in time? What about her letter?

They brought in a better ultrasound machine. Keri and I had seen enough ultrasounds to immediately know: There was no heartbeat. Eva was gone before we ever got to meet her. The brain controls steady heart functions, and Eva’s finally gave out.

Keri rolled onto her side and put both hands over her face and let out one of those raw, visceral sobbing bursts. I stood silently shaking my head.

We had tried to do everything right, tried to think of others, tried to take every possible step to make this work, and it didn’t. No organ donation. Not even for research, our fail-safe. We felt cheated.

The word I still have circling in my head is disappointment. That doesn’t really do it justice because it’s profound disappointment. The kind of disappointment that will sneak up on me at different times, like when I’m mowing the yard or rocking Harrison or driving to a game.

Since there was no reason to control variables anymore, the doctors induced Keri into labor. The rest of Sunday and into Monday morning were the darkest, most painful hours of our lives. We had previously come to terms with the outcome and had almost found a joy in the purpose of our daughter’s life. We had looked forward to meeting her and loving her. We knew we’d hurt from her loss, but there was hope in the difference she was making. We had heard from recipients of organ donation that were so encouraging and uplifting.

But the deal got altered. It felt like we were letting everyone down. (I know how ridiculous that sounds.) I felt embarrassed because all that positivity about saving lives wasn’t happening now. (I know how ridiculous that sounds.)

On top of it all, the ultimate kick in the gut: We wouldn’t even see her alive. I struggled with the idea of Eva’s existence and her humanity all along, about whether a terminal diagnosis made her dead already. I clung to knowing her humanity would be validated to me when I saw her as a living, breathing human being. I wanted to watch her die because that would mean I got to watch her live. I longed for just five minutes with her — heck, five seconds with her. All of that practical stuff about organ donation was irrelevant to me now. I just wanted to hold my baby girl and see her chest move up and down. I just wanted to be her daddy, if only for a few seconds.

Eva came surprisingly quick on Monday. Keri forced me to go get some lunch  —  a sad, lonely lunch featuring me taking bites of chicken fingers in between sobs  —  and I got back to the hospital around noon. Keri sat up and felt some pain. Then she felt another shot of pain ring through her body. Our photographer had just arrived and was setting up. Keri started to panic and asked for nurses to come in. They checked her, and it was time to have a baby. I still wasn’t ready.

At 12:20 we called our family and told them to hurry.

At 12:30, our doctor, Dr. Pinard, arrived.

At 12:33 and 12:35, Laurie from LifeShare tried calling Keri.

At 12:37, Eva Grace Young was born. I cut her umbilical cord at 12:38.

My phone rang at 12:40 and 12:41, and then a text came. It was Laurie from LifeShare. “Hey Royce, it’s Laurie . Will you give me a call when you get a chance? I think I have some good news for you.”

Keri and I held each other and cried as the nurses cleaned Eva, and Dr. Pinard called LifeShare for us.

Then, she walked up to the foot of the bed.

“I’m on the phone with LifeShare,” Dr. Pinard said, a smile cracking through on her face. “They have a recipient for Eva’s eyes.”

It’s weird to say that during probably the worst experience of my life was also maybe the best moment of my life, but I think it was the best moment of my life.

The timing of it all is just something I can’t explain. It wasn’t what we planned or hoped for, but it was everything we needed in that moment. I buried my head in my arms and sobbed harder than I ever have. Keri put her hands over her face and did the same. Happy tears.

As the nurses handed her to us for the first time, much of the dread and fear was lifted from us and replaced with hope and joy again. Here comes Eva Grace Young, the superhero she was always meant to be.

None of it went as we planned. We’re trying to rest on knowing we did the best we could. We always said we wanted to limit our regret, and I think in 20 years or so, as we reflect on this, there’s not much we’d change.

We’re proud to be Eva’s parents. We’re thrilled with the impact she’s made. People from around the world have sent us messages telling us they’ve signed up to be organ donors because of Eva.

Eva’s the first ever —  not baby, but person — in the state of Oklahoma to donate a whole eye, and she donated two.

Because of her, LifeShare has made connections in other states to set up eye transplants for the future. They have an infant organ donation plan they now are working with sharing with other organ procurement organizations in Colorado and Texas. They call it the Eva Protocol.

I keep thinking about looking into her eyes some day, but more than anything, I think about her eyes seeing her mom, dad, and brother.

We always wondered things about Eva, like what color her hair would be, if she’d have Harrison’s nose, if she’d have dimples like her mama, or what color her eyes would be. In the time we spent with her, one eye was just a little bit open, and I fought the temptation to peek. I can’t ever hold my daughter again. I can’t ever talk to her or hear her giggle. But I can dream about looking into her eyes for the first time one day and finding out what color they are.

This story first appeared on the author’s Medium and is reprinted here with permission.

  • I spent a week chatting with people over 80. Here are 4 pieces of wisdom they shared.
    Two hands of different ages grasp one another.Photo credit: Canva
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    I spent a week chatting with people over 80. Here are 4 pieces of wisdom they shared.

    There are only a few things in this life we can’t evade. One of them is aging. Sure, there’s Botox and facelifts and all that jazz to help us look younger. But in the end, our cells simply insist on keeping score, and no matter how hard some might fight it, our DNA is bombarded…

    There are only a few things in this life we can’t evade. One of them is aging. Sure, there’s Botox and facelifts and all that jazz to help us look younger. But in the end, our cells simply insist on keeping score, and no matter how hard some might fight it, our DNA is bombarded with hits that will eventually take us down.

    The good news is that with years often comes wisdom. I like to think of our minds as though they were hiking trails. Each trail has a sign, but instead of telling us which way to go, the signs remind us who we are. This past week, I was honored to read some of those signs at the senior home where my mom resides. Nearly every conversation, at least for me, yielded little sage sachets of advice that are truly invaluable.

    Know someone before you marry them.

    A woman in her early 80s shared that it takes about a year for someone’s “true nature” to be revealed, even in the most intimate of relationships. (This, at least according to a professor she had in graduate school.) In other words, she says, “A person can hide their psychological pathologies, on average, for about a year.”

    So, she wishes younger people would wait at least that long before moving in or getting married. “Slow down,” she said. “Really take your time before you take the leap. Everyone puts their best foot forward at first and then sometimes that mask can slip. Don’t get stuck.”

    elderly man, elderly woman, relationship, honeymoon phase
    A man kissing a woman near the ocean. Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash

    Some research shows that the “honeymoon phase” can, of course, vary in length. Brides.com shares, “The honeymoon phase is an early part of a couple’s relationship where everything seems carefree and happy. It usually lasts from six months to two years and can be marked with lots of laughs, intimacy, and fun dates.”

    No matter how long that phase lasts, her advice to slow down and really get to know someone before fully committing seems like (mostly) a good idea.

    Listen to your doctors

    elderly man, doctor's office, health, blood pressure

    A doctor examining a patient’s wristu00a0with a stethoscope Photo by CDC on Unsplash

    I met a woman who was a retired OBGYN. We talked at length about perimenopause, hormones, and life after 50. She urges, “Do the research, but also (for the most part) listen to your doctors. Most of them know what they’re doing.”

    We both kind of laughed, and then she leaned in and said, “No. Really.” She added, “Nothing wrong with getting a second, or even third opinion. But listen and read all you can before it’s too late.”

    Understand that time is precious

    elderly, aging, friendship, time,

    Two men play chess. Photo by Vlad Sargu on Unsplash

    One thing my mom rather casually mentioned really stuck with me. This was how difficult it is to make new friends—and not for reasons one might think. Sure, senior living facilities can be just as cliquey as groups were in middle school. But for my mother, it was less about fitting in and more about fearing she would lose people as she grew to love them.

    “No one warns you how many of your new friends will pass on. When I first moved here, I befriended a brilliantly funny woman and within six months she was gone. This happens more and more and you never get used to it. You’re never prepared.”

    If you don’t want to eat dinner at 4:30, you don’t have to.

    On a simpler note, this one might be obvious to some, but it was certainly a common topic among the people with whom I spoke. Even though they serve dinner at 5:00 in many senior homes, it doesn’t mean you can’t put it in Tupperware and save it for later. To that point, just because people age, doesn’t mean they have to go to bed at 8:00 p.m. (Though for many, that timeline is just perfect.)

    One man noted, “Just because we all live in one place doesn’t mean we all become one person. We’ve got night owls and early birds and every other kind of bird you could imagine. Eat and sleep when you want to. It’s still your life.”

    His friend added, “If you want to play Mahjong at midnight, do it!”

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • Frugal people share their 35 splurges that are worth ‘every penny’
    Frugal people share their shopping tips and what is worth splurging on.Photo credit: Image via Canva
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    Frugal people share their 35 splurges that are worth ‘every penny’

    Living a frugal life is all about saving money. Frugal people pay attention to how much they spend on pretty much everything they buy. But even penny pinchers know that for quality, life-improving items, certain things are worth splurging on. On a Reddit thread of frugal people, member WildRootKitchen posed the following question to fellow…

    Living a frugal life is all about saving money. Frugal people pay attention to how much they spend on pretty much everything they buy. But even penny pinchers know that for quality, life-improving items, certain things are worth splurging on.

    On a Reddit thread of frugal people, member WildRootKitchen posed the following question to fellow frugal shoppers: “What’s one thing you splurge on that’s worth every penny?”

    Frugal people spilled on the things they don’t mind dropping money on. These are 35 splurges frugal people say are worth “every penny.”

    splurge, splurging, frugal splurge, splurges, money splurge
    Celebrate Parks And Rec GIF Giphy

    “For me, it’s a solid pair of boots and a good mattress. If my feet and back are shot, the whole day’s downhill from there. I’ll eat leftovers and skip takeout all week if it means I’m sleeping right and walking easy. Also decent coffee and laundry service are creeping up the list too.” —WildRootKitchen

    “Air conditioning. I make money so I can be comfortable, not be uncomfortable so I can save money.” —strwbrymocha

    “AC/Heat, always. I’ll never bat an eye at a higher utility bill so long as my sleep goes uninterrupted.” —MediumBullfrog8688

    “A house cleaner. Maybe that doesn’t sound frugal, but for the mental health benefits I get from knowing every two weeks I will come home to a spotless house, it’s something I will continue to prioritize over many other expenses.” —mzmonarda

    “Gym membership, mattress and pillow, running shoes, quality ingredients from supermarket.” —LoudSilence16

    “I have a method for splurges on unfamiliar items. I’ll buy a tool from harbor freight or a cheap version of something I’m interested in to see if I actually need the item or if I’m interested in it. If I use it a bunch and it breaks, then I splurge on a high quality version. If it just sits somewhere either because I didn’t need it as much as I thought or I wasn’t as interested as I thought, then I’m only out a few bucks. Example: I really enjoy cooking, I wanted to learn how to make sausage. I bought a cheap sausage stuffer on amazon for like $30. I used the hell out of it and it broke broke a couple years later. I did some research and bought a LEM 5lbs sausage stuffer that was like $120 and now I have a high quality piece of equipment that works WAY better than my POS amazon stuffer and it will likely outlive my great grandchildren. Also, name brand hardware like faucets. Learned my lesson from buying cheap faucets. Now I’ll just buy Moen.” —40ozT0Freedom

    “Darn Tough Socks.” —gregarious119

    “Smartwool for me.” —Natural-Run9072

    socks, sock gif, quality socks, splurge socks, sock
    Socks GIF Giphy

    “I live in rural South Carolina. It’s worth it to me to pay for quarterly pest control service from a professional. There are a lot of insects, rodents, reptiles, etc.” —snarkker

    “Vacations.” —Proud_Trainer_1234

    “An ergonomic desk chair. Back pain is no joke. I only wish I had done it much sooner. Not 20 years into my desk job. At least I should have another 20 years with a good chair and no back pain. I spent $700 on my chair and it was worth every penny. The frugal me shopped around but this was the cheapest one I could find new, some outlets were selling the exact same chair for over $800. 10 year warranty on the chair was a nice bonus too. My husband found the exact same chair secondhand for $100 so now we match. His doesn’t have a 10 year warranty but that’s OK for $100.” —Bunnyeatsdesign

    “Buy a second pair of good boots and rotate them. Letting the leather air out a day before wearing the shoes again really help extend their life. I have two cats. I feed them the best grain-free food they will eat. Not only does this extend their life span, the daily litter box collections are much smaller than if they get grain.” —Childless_Catlady42

    workout, fitness, exercise, lifting, fitness gif

    Alfred Hitchcock Workout GIF Giphy

    “I tend to indulge myself when it comes to exercise stuff. The gym classes that I’ll actually go to, the races, the equipment, the good clothes & shoes. I know that everyone talks about a good mattress for their back, but for me, no mattress is as effective as yoga and weight lifting. As long as I keep my core strong, I don’t have back spasms. And running has been amazing for my mental health along with physical, and helped me make some amazing friends. Totally worth every penny.” —kaizenkitten

    “I dedicate a decent portion of my budget to ‘self care’. Think massages, pedicures, manicures. It’s the one thing I forward to it every month, as it’s some of the only downtime I have right now.” —YesChef__

    “Professional Movers. Stop asking your friends ( especially over 30) to help you move! It’s not worth a six pack of beer and some pizza.” —1tiredmommy

    first class, business class, travel, first class gif, luxury travel

    First Class GIF by Slice Giphy

    “Business class/first class — never once have I regretted it. We live reasonably the rest of the time, but when it comes time to travel, this is an indulgence that we grant ourselves.” —Weekly_Leg_2457

    “Just here in case nobody said tattoos yet. Good work ain’t cheap & cheap work ain’t good.” —Clear_Beat5117

    “Reverse osmosis filter. Makes tap water taste good again.” —wonminus1

    “Ethical meat. I feel better about eating it, I’m supporting local farmers, and the taste and quality blows supermarket meat out of the water. At this point, I am perfectly happy only eating meat a few times a week (my husband and I are both former vegetarians) and making sure that when we do eat it, it comes from animals who only had one bad day. (This goes for eggs, too – pasture raised/certified humane whenever it’s available. We don’t eat much dairy for health and animal welfare reasons.)” —dzwonzie

    tires, tire, tire gif, good tires, quality tires

    Fly Rotate GIF by Ilves Motors Giphy

    “Tires too.” —Pessimistic_Penguin2

    “I’m frugal to the max most of the time, but come spring I spend money on flowers, shrubs, things for gardening. That’s my guilty pleasure. I listen to audiobooks from my library. I haven’t watched tv in years because trying to get local channels is impossible. So no streaming service, no cable, but I’m content. I can splurge without feeling guilty like I’ve saved up for it.” —Garden_Lady2

    “Furniture. Well made, excellent cushions, materials…both indoor and out.” —ildadof3

    “Ice cream.” —Clutcha15

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • Teachers share the tell-tale signs they know a parent truly cares about their kid
    Teachers share insights on the signs parents truly care about their kids.Photo credit: Image via Canva
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    Teachers share the tell-tale signs they know a parent truly cares about their kid

    “When the child speaks, the adult listens. When the adult speaks, the child listens.”

    Few people spend more time with kids than teachers. From the classroom to the playground, teachers have deep and intuitive insight into what their students’ relationships are like with their parents, and many teachers can tell when parents are invested and truly care about their kids.

    In a Reddit forum, member @allsfairinwar posed the question: “Teachers of Reddit: What are some small, subtle ways you can tell a child’s parent really cares about them?”

    Teachers from all education levels shared their insight. From elementary teachers to high school teachers, these educators offered their firsthand experience with students that informed them about their relationship with parents at home. These are their most powerful observations.

    art, kids art, child painting, kids art project, finger paint
    Hit It Bang Bang GIF by Eddie & Laura Burton Realty Group Giphy

    “When the parent stops and actually looks at their kid’s art/work/listens about their day before heading home. I know everyone gets busy but damn don’t shove the art your kid is proud of right in their bag without first looking at it. We do the same piece of art for a week. They spent 2 hours on that, spare 2 minutes to show them their effort is worth something to you.” —@Worldly_Might_3183

    “When the child speaks, the adult listens. When the adult speaks, the child listens.” —@homerbartbob

    “When the parents are familiar with the child’s friends and talk to their child’s friends, I know they’re listening to their child talk about their day at school. Or when parents let slip that they got a full recap of something I said or that happened at school. I know they are having conversations with their child at home, and paying attention.” —@Pinkrivrdolphn

    minecraft, minecreaft gif, minecraft meme, minecraft kids, minecraft movie

    Games GIF Giphy

    “When the kid is happy/quick to tell their parents about things. Not just serious or important things, but just random bullsh*t. Do I care about Minecraft? Not really. Do I care that my kid cares about Minecraft? Very much. Lay it on me kid. Spare no detail.” —@IJourden

    “They let their kids fail and experience natural consequences. Good parents are preparing their children to be adults, and part of that is learning responsibility and accountability. Let your kids make mistakes and learn from them!” —@oboe_you_didnt

    “You can tell a lot about home life based on students behavior the week leading up to a break. If they are happy/excited/giddy/endearingly obnoxious I know they are going somewhere safe to someone who cares. The students who don’t have that are often increasingly anxious/angry/withdrawn/acting out.” —@pulchritudinousprout

    hug, greeting, hugs, greet, reunited

    Monsters Inc Hug GIF Giphy

    “The moment that a parent greets the child at the end of the day is very telling. Some parents clearly want to know all about their child’s day and connect with them, some don’t.” —@Smug010

    “When I make positive contact home and the parent speaks glowingly about their own kid. It’s great to hear.” —@outtodryclt

    “A few years back, I heard a parent ask their kid if they found someone to be kind to today. That made a real impact on me. Now I try to remind my own kids to ‘find someone to be kind to’ if I’m doing drop off and/or ask ‘Who were you kind to today?’ after school.” —@AspiringFicWriter

    “When a student asks for help, they actually need the help. They are not doing it just to get your attention.”—@Typical_Importance65

    cute kid, well groomed, kid hair, clean clothes, kid cared for

    Dance Marathon Reaction GIF by Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals Giphy

    “It doesn’t always mean everything is perfect at home, but a child who is well-groomed is always a good sign. That doesn’t always mean the most fashionable clothes or perfect hair, just that the child is clean, their clothes are clean and appropriate for the weather. Also when a child knows how to celebrate their own wins and isn’t afraid of making a mistake or being wrong- that shows that their parents have modeled good emotional regulation.” —@itscornelectric

    “They get them services when they’re struggling. I work with kids with disabilities and the learning outcomes/experience of school (and by extension, the greater world) for kids who have their needs met is far different to those who don’t. The number of parents who respond to a teacher saying ‘I think it might be worth John seeing an OT/a speech therapist/ getting his eyes checked’ with something along the lines of ‘f*ck you, what would you know?’ Is astounding. The parents who make appointments, share information from specialists with the school, and are proactive about their children’s abilities or disabilities – their kids see such improvements.” —@prison_industrial_co

    “They ask thoughtful questions. Even something that seems routine to adults like, ‘How is/was your day?’ I’m in elementary, and it’s appropriate for kids to talk mostly about themselves. Kids who ask thoughtful questions are doing so because it’s consistently modeled. It’s also not very common (again, age appropriate egocentrism) so it stands out.” —@mundane-mondays

    read, reading, kid reading, kids read, reading with kids

    Read Book Club GIF Giphy

    “When you know they’re being exposed to reading at home. Maybe they can read at a higher level or they’re mastering their sight words. For students with learning disabilities, the kids are trying their hardest to read, using context clues, using pictures and making up a story, or even making different voices for characters. When I was in a low functioning Autistic support room, this one little boy couldn’t form words, but he made noises is different voices and used dramatic face expressions on each page to represent characters talking.” —@Mediocre-Bee-9262

    “Accountability. A good parent knows that their kids isn’t perfect and if the kid does something wrong (like hitting or bullying other kids) they don’t look for excuses, or for how the other kid provoked that behavior, but helps their kid understand why their behavior was hurtful.” —@SadlyNotDannyDeVito

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • The real-life love story of Maria and Georg Von Trapp we didn’t see in ‘The Sound of Music’
    Maria Von Trapp was not in love with Georg when they got married, but that changed.Photo credit: Public domain

    The Sound of Music has been beloved for generations, partially for the music (and Julie Andrews’ angelic voice), partially for the historical storyline, and partially for the love story between Maria and Georg Von Trapp. The idea of a nun-in-training softening the heart of a curmudgeonly widower, falling in love with him, and ultimately becoming a big, happy family is just an irresistible love story.

    But it turns out the real love story behind their union is even more fascinating.

    maria von trapp, georg von trapp, the sound of music, love story, history
    Maria Von Trapp (left) was played by Julie Andrews and her husband Georg was played by Christopher Plummer in Photo credit: Public domain

    The National Archives has collected information about what’s fact and what’s fiction in The Sound of Music, which is based on a real family in Austria named Von Trapp. The film was generally based on the first section of Maria Von Trapp’s 1949 autobiography, The Story of the Trapp Family Singers, with some of the details being true and others fictionalized for a movie audience.

    For instance, Maria was actually hired on as a tutor for just one of Georg’s children, not as a governess for all of them. The children, whose names, ages and sexes were changed, were already musically inclined before Maria arrived. Georg was not the cold, grumpy dad he was portrayed as in the beginning of the film, but rather a warm and involved parent who enjoyed making music with his kids. Maria and Georg were married 11 years before leaving Austria, not right before the Nazi takeover. The Von Trapps left by train, not in a secret excursion over the mountains.

    But perhaps the most intriguing detail? Maria was not in love with Georg at all when they got married.

    gif, the sound of music, von trapp family, movie, true events

    Sound Of Music Flag GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein Organization Giphy

    It doesn’t initially make for a great Hollywood romance, but the Von Trapp love story began with marriage for other reasons and evolved into a genuine love story. Maria wrote that she fell in love with Georg’s children at first sight, but she wasn’t sure about leaving her religious calling when Georg asked her to marry him. The nuns urged her to do God’s will and marry him, but for Maria it was all about the children, not him. When Georg proposed, he asked her to stay with him and become a second mother to his children. “God must have made him word it that way,” Maria wrote, “because if he had only asked me to marry him I might not have said yes.”

    “I really and truly was not in love,” she wrote. “I liked him but didn’t love him. However, I loved the children, so in a way I really married the children.”

    However, she shared that her feelings for Georg changed over time. “…[B]y and by I learned to love him more than I have ever loved before or after.”

    The idea of marrying someone you don’t love is antithetical to every romantic notion our society celebrates, yet the evolution of Maria’s love for Georg has been a common occurrence across many cultures throughout history. Romantic love was not always the primary impetus for marriage. It was more often an economic proposition and communal arrangement that united families and peoples, formed the basis of alliances, and enabled individuals to rise through social ranks. Some cultures still practice arranged marriage, which limited research has found has outcomes identical to love-first marriage in reports of passionate love, companionate love, satisfaction, and commitment. The idea of marrying someone you don’t already love is anathema to modern Western sensibilities, but the reality is that people have married over the centuries for many reasons, only one of which is falling in love.

    Maria’s marriage to Georg actually was about falling in love, but not with him. She loved his children and wanted to be with them. It definitely helped that she liked the guy, but she wasn’t swept off her feet by him, there were no moonlit confessions of love a la “Something Good,” and their happily ever after love story didn’t come until much later.

    Ultimately, Maria and Georg’s love story was one for the ages, just not one that fits the Hollywood film trope. And it’s a compelling reminder that our unwritten rules and social norms determining what love and marriage should look like aren’t set in stone. Do marriages for reasons other than love always evolve into genuine love? No. Do marriages based on falling in love first always last? Also no. Should a marriage that starts with “like” and develops into to a genuine, deep love over years be considered “true love” in the way we usually think of it? Who can say? Lots to ponder over in this love story.

    But Maria’s description of learning “to love him more than I have ever loved before or after” is a pretty high bar, so clearly it worked for them. The Von Trapps were married for 20 years and had three more children together before Georg died of lung cancer in 1947. Maria would live another four decades and never remarried. She died in 1987 at age 82 and is buried next to Georg on the family’s property in Vermont.

     

    This article originally appeared last year It has been updated.

  • Parents go viral for ‘secret’ praise technique. Science confirm it’s certifiably genius.
    Namwila Mulwanda and her partner Zephi practice gentle parenting. Photo credit: Credit: Instagram @namwilamulwanda
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    Parents go viral for ‘secret’ praise technique. Science confirm it’s certifiably genius.

    “I promise that if you do this in front of your child, their confidence will skyrocket!”

    There are so many conflicting ideas about building self-confidence in children. Is there a right way? Could praise be harmful? Should everyone receive a gold star? As with many things in life, sometimes the best solution is the simplest one—hiding in plain sight, or just out of it.

    Namwila Mulwanda and her partner Zephi practice “gentle-parenting” with their daughter, Nhyara. Shared in a video on Instagram, one of their techniques is talking about Nhyara when she’s within earshot but out of sight. These aren’t your typical behind-closed-doors parent conversations—no venting about daily frustrations or sharing complaints they’d never say to her face. Instead, they create intentional moments of celebration, offering genuine praise and heartfelt affirmation.

    In a viral Instagram post that’s garnered over one million likes, Mulwanda writes, “POV: You talk behind your child’s back so they can hear you.” Self-described as a “passionate mother, content creator, and small business owner,” Mulwanda naturally overflows with ideas: she writes a Substack, She Who Blooms, which is about “blooming in our own time, in our own way.” She also runs Rooted, a shop where she “carefully curates products that embody the essence of growth, empowerment, and staying rooted in one’s true self.”

    In the video, Mulwanda and her partner sit in a quiet corner, chatting about their daughter Nhyara while occasionally peeking around to see if she’s listening—which she is. With her within earshot but not directly part of the conversation, they discuss their daughter:

    “I’m just so proud of her and the things she does,” her mom starts.

    “She works on her reading, like that difficult word that she took the time to really sound out,” adds her dad. They go on to applaud her independence (“She’s always telling me, ‘Daddy, I want to brush my teeth on my own,’” says Zephi), before concluding that she’s amazing.

    “She’s amazing,” says Mulwanda. “So, so, so amazing,” Zephi responds.

    People in the comments were obviously here for it. Parents shared their own versions of this technique, including one who wrote, “As a solo mom, I pretend to make phone calls to a family member and do this.”

    Another parent shared a powerful example:

    “My son used to be scared of climbing down the stairs. So, my husband said loudly, ‘He’s very brave! He has shown a lot of courage lately.’ The next day, when we tried carrying him down the stairs, he said, ‘Nope, I have a lot of courage in me.’”

    Others reflected on their own childhoods. One commenter wrote, “No exaggeration, I’d be an entirely different person had my parents been like this with me.”

    “Stop, I was just thinking last night, ‘When I have kids, I’m going to have loud conversations with my future husband about how much I love our children and how proud I am of them,’” another enthusiastically shared.

    child, hiding, parenting, conversations, praise
    Children believe that conversations between adults are more u201cauthenticu201d and honest. Photo credit: Canva

    Research indicates that indirect praise has a stronger psychological impact than direct praise, particularly in young children.

    “This is such a powerful way of reinforcing positive behavior,” explains parenting influencer Cara Nicole, who also went viral for her unique approach to parenting. “There’s something special about overhearing others talk about you—you know they’re being genuine because they’re not saying it directly to you.”

    This effectiveness stems from children’s innate understanding that conversations between adults tend to be more honest than parent-child interactions. From an early age, children recognize that direct conversations with parents often have an intentional, behavior-shaping purpose. In contrast, overheard praise feels authentic and spontaneous, rather than an attempt to influence the child’s self-image.

    These techniques work best when praise focuses on effort and process rather than innate qualities. Take Nhyara’s dad’s comment: “She works on her reading, like that difficult word that she took the time to really sound out.”

    Yet, it’s crucial to keep praise realistic and measured. Avoid overzealous claims about future achievements, like acing every spelling test for the rest of her life. Children have keen intuition; if they sense insincerity, the strategy can backfire, damaging their trust in parents. Similarly, over-inflated praise—like declaring “incredible” performance for average effort—can burden children with unrealistic expectations.

    Keep it simple. A casual remark like, “I noticed how carefully Maya put away her toys without being asked. That was so nice. It really helped keep the house clean.”

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=jI502h-1WkY%3Fsi%3DmQdZF4eD1wz9SYZX%26controls%3D0

    The viral response to Mulwanda’s video demonstrates the power of gentle parenting combined with thoughtful, specific praise. It’s heartening to see modern parents sharing their diverse approaches to showing their children love. For many commenters who didn’t experience this kind of upbringing, these conversations offer a path to healing. As Mulwanda eloquently states in her pinned comment:

    “To those of you who only heard negative as a child, you were never the problem. You were a child, and you didn’t deserve the experience you had. Your presence on this earth is a blessing, and the fact that you show up every single day is proof of just how amazing you are. You are brave, you are beautiful (you too, boys), and you deserve the world and more.
    If any of you feel emotions rising up, close your eyes, hug your inner child, and remind them that you’re there.” Namwila Mulwanda

     

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • Grandma offers wake-up call for grandparents who can’t stop buying the grandkids presents
    Gift giving should feel good for the giver and the receiver. But around the holidays, it can be a major cause of stress. Photo credit: @morethangrand/TikTok
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    Grandma offers wake-up call for grandparents who can’t stop buying the grandkids presents

    She’s got the perfect solution for what to do when you just can’t pass up a great deal at the store.

    Parents and grandparents find themselves at odds frequently. It could be a disagreement over how much screen time the kids get, battles over grandma giving them too many sweets, or arguments around how often grandma and grandpa should be babysitting. Conflict in their relationships is almost a given, and navigating disagreements in a healthy, productive way is key for the relationship to evolve and grow.

    One huge source of that conflict comes in the form of… stuff! All parents can relate to the sense of dread they feel at the sight of the grandparents arriving for a visit with a trunk-full of of presents. Toys, furniture, costumes, decor, you name it. And that’s just on a regular Tuesday. Around the holidays, it can get even worse. It’s not that they don’t want their kids getting gifts, it’s just all too much, especially when you live in a home with a finite amount of storage.

    DeeDee Moore, a grandma behind the website More Than Grand, recently shared on the her TikTok account that “too much stuff” given from grandparents to their grandkids is one of the main sources of holiday frustration for parents.


    gift guide for grandparents, christmas gifts, in law at christmas, grandparents, parents, kids, family, love
    Moore says experience gifts, and spending quality time, are better options than trunk-loads of presents. Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

    “75% of the parents that we surveyed wished grandparents would respect their wishes about gifts,” she explained, noting that while there are myriad reasons why this would be the case, the most common one (and incidentally the one most “waved off” by the grandparents) is the lack of physical space to accommodate.

    Now, you might be thinking: How much harm can it really do to give a kid a new card game or a baby doll? Certainly those don’t take up that much room. But when Moore breaks down the math, it’s a bit hard to deny.

    “Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for a second birthday. That’s already nine gifts plus something for mom and dad. We’re up to 10,” she said.

    “If all of those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him a little extra something, that’s 22 presents for a 2 year old who would be just as happy with a box.”

    Add in gifts from friends, and random gift-dumps from grandma when she’s been on a hot-streak at the thrift store, and you’ve got a serious storage problem on your hands.

    @morethangrand

    Gifts should be a joy for both the giver and recipient, but at this time of year, they can end up being a source of conflict. Watch for a tip on how to channel your grandparent generosity! For more ways to navigate hotspots during upcoming holidays, make sure you are on our email list! Go to my bio to sign up! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

    ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

    Yikes, gotta admit that’s a lot. And that’s not counting the additional problems too much gift-giving can incite listed on the More Than Grand website, which included:

    • Undermining the parent’s values that they are trying to instill to their children
    • Damaging a child’s ability to use their imagination
    • Normalizing overconsumption
    • Teaching children to associate seeing grandma or grandpa with getting a gift, rather than focusing on the actual relationship
    (Here’s another one: Too many gifts steals Mom and Dad’s thunder! Parents often put a lot of thought into picking out presents they know their kids will love, only for them to get buried in the avalanche of surprise presents.)

    These are all good points, and yet, what to do with all those good intentions and a desire to spoil some precious little nugget? Luckily, Moore has the perfect fix.

    “While your grandchildren are faced with getting too many gifts, many children are in the opposite situation. Take some of the things you bought to Toys for Tots or another organization that provides gifts for less fortunate families.”

    This allows folks to step into the “true spirit of giving,” Moore concluded.

    Viewers by and large seemed to agree, though many also noted how powerful experiential or future-building gifts could be, even if they’re not as cute as toys or as fun to open.


    @morethangrand

    How often do we hear “it takes a village to raise a child’? Grandparents can be that village, but it can be hard to show up the way today’s parents need. We created a digital grandparenting course that will teach you everything you need to know to be the village for your grandchild’s parents. It’s called New Grandparent Essentials, and you can find a link in my profile! It’s the best investment you can make in your family as you become a grandparent! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

    ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

    “My in-laws opened up a college fund for both my kids. Instead of stuff they put more money in the account. I’m so grateful!” one person wrote.

    Another added, “I am giving experiences and putting money in an account for future needs (college, 1st house, starting business, etc).”

    In the vein, here are two other tips grandparents can use for intentional gift-giving…

    First and foremost: open up a discussion with the parents. See if they need help with a big ticket item, find out which hobby or sport the child is interested in, ask what’s a definite “no.” this can save a lot of headaches for everyone.

    “The gifts should surprise the grandkids, not their parents,” as one commenter wrote on the video.

    Second: prioritize memories over stuff. A trip to the zoo, an education membership, a ticket for two to the movies…these are often the gifts that truly keep on giving.

    And grandparents, don’t forget: just because you’re honoring boundaries, it doesn’t mean you have to pass up that sweet little something you see in the aisles. After all, shopping is fun, and it’s even better when you find a great deal or a cool discovery. But it can easily go to a little one who could really use it.

    For even more tip on all things grandparenting, give More Than Grand a follow here.

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • In 1973, the Bee Gees sang an unplugged medley tribute to the Beatles. It’s gorgeous.
    The Bee gees playing a medley of Beatles hits in 1973.Photo credit: via Midnight Special/YouTube

    By 1973, the Bee Gees’ career had hit a low. After a series of hits in the late 1960s and early 1970s, including “To Love Somebody,” “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart,” and “I Started a Joke,” the band was in a rut. Their latest album, Life in a Tin Can, and single “Saw a New Morning” sold poorly, and the band’s popularity declined.

    On April 6, 1973, the Gibb brothers (Barry, Robin, and Maurice) appeared on The Midnight Special, a late-night TV show that aired on Saturday mornings at 1 a.m. after The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Given the lukewarm reception to their recent releases, the Bee Gees decided to change things up and play a medley of hits from their idols, The Beatles, who had broken up three years before.

    the beatles, bee gees, 1960s
    The Beatles were the biggest band on Earth in their heyday. Giphy

    The performance, which featured five of the Fab Four’s early hits, including “If I Fell,” “I Need You,” “I’ll Be Back,” “This Boy,” and “She Loves You,” was a stripped-down, acoustic performance that highlighted the Bee Gees’ trademark harmonies.

    “When you got brothers singing, it’s like an instrument that no one else can buy. You can’t go buy that sound in a shop. You can’t sing like The Bee Gees because when you got family members singing together, it’s unique,” Noel Gallagher, who sang with his brother Liam in Oasis, said according to Far Out.

    A year later, the Bee Gees performed in small clubs, and it looked like their career had hit a dead end. Then, at the urging of their management, the band began to move in a new direction, incorporating soul, rhythm and blues, and a new, underground musical style called disco into their repertoire. Barry also adopted a falsetto singing style popularized by Black singers such as Curtis Mayfield and Marvin Gaye.

    This unlikely change for the folksy vocal group catapulted them into the stratosphere and they became the white-satin-clad kings of disco.

    john travolta disco GIF by uDiscoverMusic Giphy

    In the late ‘70s, the band had massive hits, including songs featured on the 40-million-selling Saturday Night Fever soundtrack: “Stayin’ Alive,” How Deep is Your Love,” More Than a Woman,” Jive Talkin’,” and “Night Fever.”

    In 1978, the band made a significant misstep, starring in a musical based on The Beatles’ music called Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, produced by Robert Stigwood, the man behind Saturday Night Fever and Grease. The film was a colossal bomb, although the soundtrack sold well.

    The Beatles’ George Harrison thought the Bee Gees film was about what happens when you become successful and greedy.

    “I just feel sorry for Robert Stigwood, the Bee Gees, and Pete Frampton for doing it because they had established themselves in their own right as decent artists,” Harrison said. “And suddenly… it’s like the classic thing of greed. The more you make the more you want to make, until you become so greedy that ultimately you put a foot wrong.”

    Even though the Bee Gees’ Beatle-themed musical was a flop, former Beatle John Lennon remained a fan of the group. He sang their praises after the public’s growing distaste of disco resulted in a significant backlash.

    john lennon, the beatles
    John Lennon was a fan of the Bee Gees. Giphy

    “Try to tell the kids in the seventies who were screaming to the Bee Gees that their music was just the Beatles redone,” he told Playboy magazine in 1980. “There is nothing wrong with the Bee Gees. They do a damn good job. There was nothing else going on then.”

    The Bee Gees historic career ended when Maurice passed away in 2003 at 53. Robin would follow in 2009 at 62. Barry is the final surviving member of the band.

    This article originally appeared last year.

     

  • 5 ‘core’ childhood memories your kid will cherish forever, according to a psychologist
    A psychologist breaks down the 5 types of core memories your kid will cherish foreverPhoto credit: Canva

    There’s a popular trend where parents often share they are creating “core memories” for their children on social media posts, whether it’s planning an elaborate vacation or creating an extra-special holiday moment. While it’s important for parents to want their kids to have happy childhoods, sometimes it feels presumptuous when they believe they can manufacture a core memory. Especially when a child’s inner world is so different than an adult’s.

    The concept of “core memories” was made mainstream in 2015 thanks to Disney’s Inside Out. In it, “core memories” are born from moments and experiences that majorly shape a part of the main character, Riley’s, personality. The experience(s) can be grand or benign; the point is these moments are ultimately forming Riley into the person she is. Seems pretty hard to manufacture such a moment, but parents are certainly trying.

    core memories, creating core memories, parenting, kids, psychologist, child psychology, psychologist
    A media4.giphy.com

    Carol Kim, a mother of three and licensed Marriage and family Therapist, known as Parenting.Resilience on Instagram, recently shared the “5 Things Kids Will Remember from Their Childhood” on her page. The fascinating insight is that none of the entries had to do with extravagant vacations, over-the-top birthday parties, or Christmas gifts that kids could only dream about.

    According to Kim, the five things that kids will remember all revolve around their parents’ presence and support. “Notice how creating good memories doesn’t require expensive toys or lavish family trips. Your presence is the most valuable present you can give to your child,” Kim wrote in the post’s caption.

     

    1. Quality time together

    “Taking some time to focus only on your child is very special. Playing games, reading books, or just talking can create strong, happy memories. These moments show your child that you are present with them.”

    2. Words of encouragement

    “Encouraging words can greatly impact your child during both good times and tough times. Kids often seek approval from their parents and your positive words can be a strong motivator and source of comfort…. It can help kids believe in themselves, giving them the confidence to take on new challenges and keep going when things get tough.”

    3. Family traditions

    “It creates a feeling of stability and togetherness … Family traditions make children feel like they belong and are part of a larger story, deepening their sense of security and understanding of family identity and values.”

     

    core memories, creating core memories, parenting, kids, psychologist, child psychology, psychologist
    Even the simplest tradition speaks volumes. Photo credit: Canva

    4. Acts of kindness

    “Seeing and doing kind things leaves a strong impression on children. It shows them the importance of being kind and caring. They remember how good it feels to help others and to see their parents helping too.”

    5. Comfort during tough times

    “Knowing they can rely on you during tough times makes them feel secure and build trust. … Comforting them when they’re struggling shows them they are loved no matter what, helping them feel emotionally secure and strong.”

    Kim’s strategies are all beautiful ways to be present in our children’s lives and to communicate our support. However, these seemingly simple behaviors can be challenging for some parents who are dealing with issues stemming from their pasts.

    “If you find barriers to providing these things, it’s important to reflect on why,” Kim writes in the post. “There could be several reasons, such as parenting in isolation (we’re not meant to parent alone), feeling overstimulated, dealing with past trauma, or struggling with mental health. Recognizing these challenges is the first step to addressing them and finding support.”

    This article originally appeared last year.

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