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Mental Health

The danger of high-functioning depression as told by a college student

Overachievers can struggle with mental health issues, too.

The danger of high-functioning depression as told by a college student


I first saw a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression as a junior in high school.

During her evaluation, she asked about my coursework. I told her that I had a 4.0 GPA and had filled my schedule with pre-AP and AP classes. A puzzled look crossed her face. She asked about my involvement in extracurricular activities. As I rattled off the long list of groups and organizations I was a part of, her frown creased further.


Finally, she set down her pen and looked at me, saying something along the lines of "You seem to be pretty high-functioning, but your anxiety and depression seem pretty severe. Actually, it's teens like you who scare me a lot."


Now I was confused. What was scary about my condition? From the outside, I was functioning like a perfectly "normal" teenager. In fact, I was somewhat of an overachiever.

I was working through my mental illnesses and I was succeeding, so what was the problem?

I left that appointment with a prescription for Lexapro and a question that I would continue to think about for years. The answer didn't hit me all at once.

Instead, it came to me every time I heard a suicide story on the news saying, "By all accounts, they were living the perfect life."

It came to me as I crumbled under pressure over and over again, doing the bare minimum I could to still meet my definition of success.

It came to me as I began to share my story and my illness with others, and I was met with reactions of "I had no idea" and "I never would have known." It's easy to put depression into a box of symptoms.

lighted candles on man's hand lying on the floorPhoto by Fernando @cferdophotography on Unsplash

Even though we're often told that mental illness comes in all shapes and sizes, I think we're still stuck with certain "stock images" of mental health in our heads.

When we see depression and anxiety in adolescents, we see teens struggling to get by in their day-to-day lives. We see grades dropping, and we see involvement replaced by isolation. But it doesn't always look like this.

And when we limit our idea of mental illness, at-risk people slip through the cracks.

We don't see the student with the 4.0 GPA or the student who's active in choir and theater or a member of the National Honor Society or the ambitious teen who takes on leadership roles in a religious youth group.

person holding white printer paperPhoto by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

No matter how many times we are reminded that mental illness doesn't discriminate, we revert back to a narrow idea of how it should manifest, and that is dangerous.

Recognizing this danger is what helped me find the answer to my question.

Watching person after person — myself included — slip under the radar of the "depression detector" made me realize where that fear comes from. My psychiatrist knew the list of symptoms, and she knew I didn't necessarily fit them. She understood it was the reason that, though my struggles with mental illness began at age 12, I didn't come to see her until I was 16.

If we keep allowing our perception of what mental illness looks like to dictate how we go about recognizing and treating it, we will continue to overlook people who don't fit the mold.

We cannot keep forgetting that there are people out there who, though they may not be able to check off every symptom on the list, are heavily and negatively affected by their mental illness. If we forget, we allow their struggle to continue unnoticed, and that is pretty scary.


This article was written by Amanda Leventhal and originally appeared on 06.03.16













Joy

5 things that made us smile this week

A plane full of strangers restores our faith in humanity, zoo animals give adorable interviews, kids have their wishes granted, and much more.

Five new stories this week that restore our faith in humanity.

True

Need a timeline cleanse? Of course you do. No matter what kind of week you’re having, we bet these five feel-good news snippets will leave you smiling.

This week we’re celebrating:

This Texas woman's breastfeeding superpower

Alyse Ogletree / The Guardian

Texas mom Alyse Ogletree isn’t able to give away money to good causes—so she’s managed to donate something much harder to come by: breastmilk. Ogletree has selflessly donated a record amount of breastmilk (over 700 gallons!) to nourish thousands of premature and medically-fragile babies. Superwoman!

More wishes granted for children fighting critical illnesses

Make-A-Wish® supports kids and families facing critical illnesses, granting “wishes” unique to each child—everything from meeting a celebrity to redesigning their bedroom. Subaru is proud to have helped grant more than 3,600 wishes for kids in need through the Subaru Share the Love Event®. Even better? From now until January 2, Subaru is donating at least $300 to charities like Make-A-Wish® with every new Subaru purchased or leased.

A plane full of strangers helps a struggling single mom

@notaregularnanny Sobbing crying making this video ❤️‍🩹🥲 my faith in humanity was restored after this whole experience #ittakesavillage #myvillage #motherhood #solotravel #solomom #travelingwithkids #stranded #momsoftiktok #faithinhumanityrestored ♬ Outro by m83 - 𝙡𝙤𝙡𝙖

When her flight was canceled, Gabrielle G., a 27-year-old single parent, boarded a flight back home to Florida with her 18-month-old son. Traveling solo with a toddler is a daunting task—but in a now-viral video, Gabrielle shares how a slew of helpful strangers made the trip bearable, offering their seats and entertaining her son while her plane was stuck on the tarmac for hours. More of this, please, humanity!

This bald eagle's new foster baby

World Bird Sanctuary

When a large, male bald eagle started guarding something on the ground at the World Bird Sanctuary in Missouri, keepers discovered that he had become fiercely protective over a rock. Thinking it was an egg, the eagle, named Murphy, began sitting on it, nudging it, and guarding it protectively (which is classic male eagle behavior, his keepers say, as they share equally in bird-raising and have a strong paternal instinct).

Months later, an eagle chick was brought to the sanctuary after surviving a fall from its nest. When keepers put the baby bird and Murphy in the same enclosure, Murphy’s fatherly instincts kicked into high gear, feeding the baby himself. Now, Murphy has a baby of his very own.

These hilarious animal interviews

In a stunning feat of investigative journalism (lol), YouTuber Maya Higa started a series titled “Tiny Mic Interviews,” where she approaches animals at the ZooToYou Conservation Ambassadors with a tiny microphone and asks them the burning questions we all want to know, including “Can I please touch your snoot?” and “What’s your favorite thing about being a capybara?”

Higa “translates” their answers into text on screen, and the results are adorable. BRB, watching this series all day.

For more ways to smile, check out how Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season.

Her delight at finding a snack she liked has people in stitches.

In the age of Amazon and other online retailers, delivery drivers have become an integral part of our lives. But most of us rarely interact with the people who drop packages at our door via UPS or FedEx or USPS, and if we do, it's usually only for a few seconds. We might manage a friendly "Good afternoon!" or quick "Thanks a bunch!" as they hustle to and from their vehicle, always rushing to fulfil their quota as efficiently as possible.

Delivery folks work hard. They're on their feet much of the day, traipsing up hundreds of front walks a week, through all kinds of inclement weather. Yes, it's their job and they're paid to do it, but it's always nice to have your work seen and appreciated, which is one reason a video of UPS driver discovering a sweet treat on a customer's front porch is going viral.

Another reason is that it's just hilariously adorable.

A doorbell camera caught a UPS driver wearing a holiday bauble headband walking up to the door and dropping off a package as she talks to herself. After she takes a photo of the delivery, she sees that the customer had left a little tray of drinks and snacks, and her "Oooh, do I see honey bunny?" is a sign of the hilarity to come.

Watch her reaction and the way she joyfully make her way back to the truck.

Unsurprisingly, people are in love with the driver and her giddy goofiness.

"I literally laughed out loud at her crazy walk back to the truck. I need more people like her in my life."

"I have a friend like that, he just makes my day every time we see each other. 😂"

"That is way adorable! Simple act that makes the day of a random person <3."

"I don’t know anything else about her but she’s my new fave human."

"OMG she reminds me of our mail carrier so much. We leave her cookies at Christmas and she always does a little happy dance that day."

Delivery drivers and former delivery drivers shared that these kinds of gestures really do mean a lot.

"As a former delivery driver, i want you to know that if you leave snacks and drinks out for us, we love you to the moon and back. 💜"

"Driving for Amazon paid my rent for 10 months. Not exaggerating when I say that it was a dark time in my life. Snacks made me smile. every. single. time."

"I mean... I literally took something from every house that had stuff out. I worked 10-12hrs+ during the holidays... I needed every calorie I could get walking 20-30miles a day."

"Even when I didn't take them I appreciate them. it's like seeing a sign that says we love delivery drivers."

"I'll tell you what, the people who leave food got me through my holidays as a postal carrier. Nothing slaps harder than an ice cold redbull and bag of pretzels and ice cold bottle of water that was left in a cooler. I had a lady who asked me what I liked and then had sperate bags labeled "Mail carrier USPS" and "UPS GUY" and "FED EX GUY" with our preferred snacks. She asked me what my favorite ice cream was and she knew my mile long loop and knew when I parked, I'd be done in 15mins, so, she'd be waiting at the truck every day all summer with an ice cream and a napkin.

There are some people who just f---ing make the day feel worth it, if you are one of these people, you are what makes delivering mail worth it. We do notice the nice things you do for us, THANK YOU."

"I do this during the summer. I'm in Texas so it's routinely over 100°F. I'm always trying to make sure there are cold drinks for our postal workers and delivery people."

"I do it during Australian Christmas. 40c/100f plus on a December day. Coke water and Gatorade always gone by lunch."

It's a good reminder that it doesn't take a lot to show appreciation and make someone's day. These kinds of positive interactions, even when asynchronous and not directly face-to-face, are an important part of building the kind of world we all want to live in.

Australian comedy group Axis Of Awesome

Singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran was found not liable on April 4 in a lawsuit where he was accused of stealing elements of the Marvin Gaye classic "Let's Get It On" for his 2014 hit, “Thinking Out Loud."

The case called attention to the fact that there are motifs and musical structures common in pop music that no one owns, and all are free to use. When it comes to chord progressions, the 12-bar blues and basic I, IV, V, I progressions you hear in country and folk have been used and reused since people first picked up the guitar.

In the wrong hands, the progressions can result in music that is boring and formulaic, but in the right hands, they can be a springboard for fresh ideas.

In 2009 Australian comedy group Axis Of Awesome did a funny sketch showing how one four-chord progression, famous for being the basis of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” has been used countless times by musicians to great effect.

They played a medley of 38 major hits using the same progression to prove their point. For musicians, it’s known as the I–V–vi–IV progression, and when played in the key of C it would be C, G, Am, F.

Warning: Video contains strong language.

Here’s a list of all of the songs in the medley.

Journey - “Don't Stop Believing”

James Blunt - “You're Beautiful”

Alphaville - “Forever Young”

Jason Mraz - “I'm Yours”

Mika - “Happy Ending”

Alex Lloyd - “Amazing”

The Calling - “Wherever You Will Go”

Elton John - “Can You Feel The Love Tonight”

Maroon 5 - “She Will Be Loved”

The Last Goodnight - “Pictures Of You”

U2 - “With Or Without You”

Crowded House - “Fall At Your Feet”

Kasey Chambers - “Not Pretty Enough”

The Beatles - “Let It Be”

Red Hot Chili Peppers - “Under the Bridge”

Daryl Braithwaite - “The Horses”

Bob Marley - “No Woman No Cry”

Marcy Playground - “Sex and Candy”

Men at Work - “Land Down Under”

Banjo Patterson - “Waltzing Matilda”

A-ha - “Take On Me”

Green Day - “When I Come Around”

Eagle Eye Cherry - “Save Tonight”

Toto - “Africa”

Beyonce - “If I Were A Boy”

The Offspring - “Self Esteem”

The Offspring - “You're Gonna Go Far Kid”

Pink - “You and Your Hand”

Lady Gaga - “Poker Face”

Aqua - “Barbie Girl”

The Fray - “You Found Me”

30h!3 - “Don't Trust Me”

MGMT - “Kids”

Tim Minchin - “Canvas Bags”

Natalie Imbruglia - “Torn”

Five For Fighting - “Superman”

Axis Of Awesome - “Birdplane”

Missy Higgins - “Scar”


This article originally appeared last year.

Popular

Couple in their 30s live permanently on cruise ships for a little over $10K a year

“I’m not a millionaire ... I just live full-time on cruise ships.”

A magnificent cruise ship on the ocean.

Giving it all up and retiring to live on a cruise ship at 32 seems like a lifestyle choice only available to the ultra-wealthy. However, two financially savvy retired school teachers from Tennessee have managed to do just that, spending under $10,000 for the first eight months at sea.

Monica Brzoska, 32, and Jorrell Conley, 36, met in 2015 while teaching in Memphis, Tennessee. The following year, they booked a week-long cruise to Mexico, Belize, and Grand Cayman. After that, they were hooked on cruising together.

Eight years later, in March 2023, they booked a week-long Caribbean cruise. When it was over, instead of returning home to Memphis, they had a wild idea: Why not continue to book consecutive cruises? So, they did just that.

Monica was inspired to start living the life she always wanted after her father fell ill and her mother told her: "Don't wait for retirement. Follow your dreams."



The couple crunched the numbers and found that if they chose the cheapest cabins and used the deals they’ve received from Carnival Cruises, they could book the first 8 months for just under $10,000. “It sounds mad, but the numbers made sense. Accommodation, food and entertainment would be included – we’d only need spending money,” Brzoska told The Sun. “And because we’d been on so many Carnival cruises, we’d earned access to some amazing offers.”

Hopping from ship to ship isn’t difficult for the couple because many disembark from the same ports. But they sometimes have to fly when they can’t walk to the next ocean liner.

The couple then quit their jobs, sold their possessions, and started a new life on the high seas. They rent out their 3-bedroom home in Memphis to maintain steady cash flow. The average 3-bedroom home in the area rents somewhere between $1200 to $1900 a month.



Over the first year of their new life, the couple completed 36 consecutive cruises. They have already visited countless destinations across the globe, but they can’t choose a favorite. "For a cultural experience, we loved Japan," Brzoska told a Carnival Cruise director on Instagram. The couple also loved Greece for its “history” and Iceland because it was the "closest to being on Mars."

One of the most incredible benefits of loving on a cruise ship is that so many things are taken care of for you. The couple never has to cook any meals, do any laundry or drive. Every night, there is something to do, whether it’s checking out a comedy show or enjoying drinks and dancing in the nightclub.



Plus, on cruises, just about all the costs are covered, so you rarely have to open your wallet. It’s a stress-free, all-inclusive lifestyle. Brzoska says that when you remove the everyday stresses from life, it’s great for your marriage. “Without the daily stresses of life, we rarely argued, but always told each other if we needed space or more time together,” she said.

The couple also makes sure to have one date night a week, during which they dress up and have a nice meal together.

Most people may be unable to give it all up and live their lives hopping from ocean liner to ocean liner. But there’s a great lesson in the story of Brzoska and Conley: You never know how much time you have left, so don’t wait for retirement to live the life of your dreams.

Upworthy has reached out to Brzoska for comment and is still awaiting a response.



This article originally appeared in August.

Photo credit: Canva, @samkelly_world/Threads

The "Notice and Do" list is a great chore list alternative that teaches kids to be aware of what needs to be done.

Though motherhood has long involved the intangible, yet nonetheless taxing responsibilities of managing a household, we’ve only had the term “invisible labor” to actually define this experience for thirty some odd years. And if the conversation of invisible labor is still fairly new in the world of adults, how can they teach kids to be cognizant of it?

Sam Kelly, therapist and mom of three, has a pretty cool solution to this, and it starts by tweaking the traditional chore list. On her Threads account, Kelly explained that she has ongoing conversations about invisible labor with her 6, 10, and 12-year-old, where she teaches them that “that the very first step in anything getting done around the house (including chores) is NOTICING that something needs to get done and then doing it.”


It’s through these conversations that Kelly realized the chores charts that most parents use miss this “crucial step,” which only “defaults that emotional labor onto me, their mom/the woman, to carry the load of knowing what needs to get done and then doing the work of assigning tasks.”

So, instead of chores, Kelly’s family participates in an activity she calls their “Notice and Do’s.”

“I’m teaching my kids how to first notice what needs to be done around the house and then take the initiative to actually do it on their own,” she writes, with the end goal being for them to eventually participate in “shouldering the mental load (in age-appropriate ways)” without needing instructions from mom.

Post by @samkelly_world
View on Threads

Long term, Kelly hopes that her kids will not only be more aware of invisible labor that happens every day, but also “have developed the proactive, self-motivational skills to take responsibility for doing it themselves.”

In creating her “Notice and Do” lists, Kelly has also made sure to address—and dispel— inherent gender norms, in both teaching her daughter that it is not solely a woman’s job, and teaching her son to take an equal amount of responsibility.

“This might seem like a crazy fantasy pipe dream. I get it,” she writes. “But slowly, over time…it’s working.”

All in all, other adults seemed to love this approach.

“Those are all great executive functioning skills of planning, organization, perception, attention, working memory and initiation at work. Well done!👏🏾👏🏾,” one person wrote.

“I love this. It really TEACHES instead of just bossing them around. Goes a long way,” another added.”

chores for kids

“I love this. It really TEACHES instead of just bossing them around."

Photo credit: Canva

Kelly’s “Notice and Do” list obviously isn’t a fix-all, but the fact that it’s creating awareness around labor which so often goes unnoticed is such a game changer. Think about how different our society might be if this mindset skill was as commonly taught as the alphabet or time tables.

Thankfully, Kelly did make it easy to teach kids with a free guide, which you can check out here.

There's one word you can't say on a cruise ship.

On December 10, Royal Caribbean’s Serenade of the Seas set sail on the Ultimate World Cruise—a 274-day global trek that visits 11 world wonders and over 60 countries. This incredible trip covers the Americas, Asia Pacific, Middle East, Mediterranean and Europe with a ticket price that ranges from $53,999 to $117,599 per passenger.

Aboard the Serenade to the Seas is popular TikToker Marc Sebastian, who has been sharing his experience on the platform. In a recent video with over 4.3 million views, he revealed what he’s learned over his first few weeks aboard the ship; the biggest was the one word you’re not allowed to say: Titanic.

“Who knew that? I didn’t,” Sebastian said. “I brought it up to an entire room of people having lunch that our ship is only 100 feet longer than the Titanic — when I tell you that utensils dropped. Waiters gasped. It’s dead silent.”

@marcsebastianf

someone get whoopi on the line girl i have some goss for her #ultimateworldcruise #worldcruise #serenadeoftheseas #cruisetok #cruise #9monthcruise #titanic

After the unexpected reaction, his cruise friend told him, “You’re not allowed to talk about the Titanic.” It makes sense. Who wants to be reminded of the tragedy that killed around 1,500 people while sinking one of the most impressive engineering feats of the era? "When I went on a cruise, my mom told me saying Titanic was equivalent to screaming ‘bomb’ at an airport," Mikayla wrote in the comments.

Later in the video, Sebastian admits he was surprised to learn that cruise ships have godmothers and that the pools are filled with seawater.


This article originally appeared in January.