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Parker Molloy

Pop Culture

How a man with a love of words created a dictionary for our most complex emotions

Got a particularly hard-to-describe feeling? Don't worry—there's a word for that.

Image pulled from YouTube video linked to website.

Unique words defining emotions beyond the scope of a typical dictionary.

What if you needed a word for something that you can't quite define? Where would you turn?

Have you ever tried to explain something but gave up because the person you're talking to wouldn't be able to relate? Or worse yet, there's not an actual word for what you're trying to explain?


Well, there's a word for that feeling: exulansis.

Haven't heard that term before? How about this one:

Anecdoche — a conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening.

No? How about this:

Opia — the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye.

Now, before you start doubting your own vocabulary skills, you won't find those words in any of the major dictionaries. Instead, they come from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, a collection of newly minted words for life's hard-to-define feelings.

So, these words aren't real? Well, it's not quite that simple.

Dictionary of (@ObscureSorrows) / Twitter

twitter.com

What makes something a "real" word?

It's a word that's found in the dictionary, you might say. That leads to an entirely separate question: Whose dictionary? Merriam-Webster? Oxford? Cambridge? Urban?

The truth is that language is ever-changing, and what one might say is a "fake" word today could very well be a "real" word tomorrow (or within a few years, at least).

In June 2015, the Oxford English Dictionary added a handful of new words to its rolls, including "Interweb," "jeggings," "hot mess," "crowdfunding," and "cisgender." Will all of these words stick with us for the long haul? Almost certainly not. Still, in the mind of OED's editors, those words are just as real as any others.

The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, on the other hand, contains many useful terms that you won't find in a traditional dictionary ... yet.

You'll find words like "Vellichor" ("The strange wistfulness of used bookshops") and "Adronitis" ("Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone") buried within the dictionary's six-year history.

While some terms come off as, well, obscure, others seem to fill meaningful voids left by the limitations of language for common emotions.

Its existence feels almost otherworldly, like spells from the mind of J.K. Rowling.

"I've been writing a dictionary of emotions for about five years, and still the most common question I get is, 'Are these words real?'" Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows creator John Koenig told Upworthy over email.

To answer that question, Koenig says (emphasis mine):

"One answer is an obvious 'no,' [they're not real] because you couldn't find them in a leather-bound dictionary — and because I create them myself by twisting together word roots from any one of a dozen different languages, from French, Japanese and Mayan to my personal favorite, Greek.

On the other hand, of course these words are real, because in reality there is no such thing. A word is not like a gold coin that you bite to tell whether it's counterfeit, so you might be able to trade it for a mule. It becomes real when it's spoken and understood. And by that standard, I've seen some of my words (particularly 'sonder') used earnestly in many different conversations online. Are they all wrong? Is 'sonder' any less meaningful because it hasn't yet been enshrined on the page of a leather-bound book? After all, almost every word in the Oxford English Dictionary has a birthdate, a notation of its first recorded use, back when it was just a yawp of nonsense that only made sense to one person, then two. All words were born this way."

Here's "sonder" by the way:

When it comes to how we think about words, popularity is often a stand-in for legitimacy.

You might not find the verb "retweeted" in the dictionary on your bookshelf, but it's an understood term. Koenig has thoughts on that, as well:

"So then, does realness require the blessing of popular use? How many millions of people does it take to change the word 'literally' to mean 'figuratively'? Is a word still alive if only one person knows its meaning? Or is that too far?"

"Personally, I think words should exist for their own sake, regardless of how they are used," Koenig says, pointing out that our language is particularly lacking when it comes to describing emotions.

"When I post a new definition or a new episode of The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, I often have no idea if anyone else out there feels the emotion I'm trying to pin down. Because it's a one-man show, it's totally possible that it's just me. So then this question about realness [of a word] becomes just another way of asking, 'Am I the only person who feels this way?'"

Koenig isn't alone in his curiosity about the authenticity of words. English professor Anne Curzan gave a TED Talk on this exact topic.

During her talk, Curzan recounts someone asking her if "defriend" is a "real word." She wound up in the same sort of existential rabbit hole:

"What makes a word real? My dinner companion and I both know what the verb 'defriend' means, so when does a new word like 'defriend' become real? Who has the authority to make those kinds of official decisions about words, anyway?"

Here's Curzan giving her TED Talk "What makes a word 'real'?" in March 2014.


She touched on the process of words making their way into the dictionary. This might seem like a stale topic, but it's pretty fascinating.

To her, dictionary editors are similar to anthropologists — that's a way most of us probably hadn't thought about them before (if we thought about them at all).

"So how does a word get into a dictionary? It gets in because we use it and we keep using it, and dictionary editors are paying attention to us. If you're thinking, 'But that lets all of us decide what words mean,' I would say, 'Yes it does, and it always has.'

Dictionaries are a wonderful guide and resource, but there is no objective dictionary authority out there that is the final arbiter about what words mean. If a community of speakers is using a word and knows what it means, it's real. That word might be slangy, that word might be informal, that word might be a word that you think is illogical or unnecessary, but that word that we're using, that word is real."

So, what makes a "real" word? That's entirely up to you.

This article originally appeared on 07.02.15

Canva

Pediatrician Alastair McAlpine gave some of his terminal patients an assignment.

Pediatrician Alastair McAlpine gave some of his terminal patients an assignment. What they told him can inspire us all.

"Kids can be so wise, y'know," the Cape Town doctor and ultra-marathon enthusiast posted to his Twitter account. He asked the young patients, short on time, about the things that really mattered to them.


What followed was a string of life advice that'll make you want to be a better person, no matter how old you are.

First, it's worth looking at what wasn't important to these kids.

"NONE said they wished they'd watched more TV. NONE said they should've spent more time on Facebook. NONE said they enjoyed fighting with others. NONE enjoyed [the] hospital," tweeted McAlpine.

Many talked about the people and animals who would miss them when they were gone.

"I love Rufus," one child told McAlpine about their dog. "His funny bark makes me laugh." Others worried about whether their parents would be OK.

They all loved stories, and many wish they'd spent less time and energy worrying about what others thought about them.

"ALL of them loved books or being told stories, especially by their parents," wrote McAlpine, who then shared a couple short anecdotes about Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes, and literary adventures in space.

They also understood that people who treat you differently for superficial reasons, like your hair or a surgery scar, aren't worth worrying about.

What was important was having fun, being kind, and holding on to their sense of humor.

These kids loved swimming and playing on the beach, and they valued others who extended kindness to them along the way. "I like it when that kind nurse is here," one patient told McAlpine. "She's gentle. And it hurts less."

Above all, they cherished their families (and favorite toys).

"They ALL valued time with their family," said McAlpine. "Nothing was more important."

There's a lot we can learn from these kids — and it's incredibly easy to incorporate their lessons into our lives.

There are seven simple takeaways (well, eight if you count "eat ice cream"):

"Be kind. Read more books. Spend time with your family. Crack jokes. Go to the beach. Hug your dog. Tell that special person you love them."

Easy enough, right?

This article was originally published on December 12, 2022

@girlscouts/Twitter

What a fabulous resource

The Girl Scouts' guide to help parents talk to their daughters about weight and body image is kind of amazing.


The guide, titled "Yes, Your Daughter Just Called Herself Fat," written by Girl Scouts’ developmental psychologist, Andrea Bastiani Archibald, includes a step-by-step look at responding to your child should they come home one day from school saying, "I'm fat."

First of all, it breaks down just how prevalent fat-shaming is in our culture:

"According to studies, a whopping 80 percent of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat. Why? Because they’re constantly surrounded by both subtle and direct messages that curvier or heavier girls aren’t as well liked, aren’t as likely to succeed in business, and in general, aren’t going to have as much fun or happiness in their lives."

Second of all, it explains why the knee-jerk response "You're not fat. You're beautiful!" that so many of us have actually isn't helpful.

Honestly, this part is so good that I'm just going to include the whole thing (which in its own awesome way, features the only reference to "The Dress" that won't make you want to scream):

"[I]f she really sees her body in a certain way, simply telling her to stop seeing it that way isn’t going to help much. Remember that infamous dress on social media a few years back that some people thought was blue and some thought was gold—and how frustrating it was when those who saw it differently insisted that you were seeing it wrong and tried to get you to see it their way? That’s kind of how your girl is going to feel when you tell her that her body simply isn’t the way she thinks it is.
...by essentially telling her that she's not fat, she's pretty, you're reinforcing the idea that fatter, rounder, curvier or heavier bodies aren't beautiful — which simply isn't true. There are endless ways to be beautiful, and your daughter will grow up with a much healthier relationship to her body if you teach her that in a genuine way from a young age."

This is such an important message that we don't hear often enough. Calling someone fat isn't bad because being fat is inherently bad, but it is bad to call someone fat as an insult because it implies that there's something wrong with larger bodies.

Fat is just another type of body, andall types of bodies are OK.

The guide also features some great steps parents can take if their daughters feel negatively about their body fat.

1. Don't assume you know where she's coming from.

"A better approach is to pause for a moment and ask your daughter why she thinks she’s fat," the guide advises. "Is it because her clothes are fitting differently than they used to or that a size she used to wear doesn’t feel comfortable anymore?"

Maybe her discomfort has to do more with the bodies of her classmates or what she's seeing in the media. Or maybe she is fat, and really just needs you to tell her that's OK too. Getting to the root of what's causing body image issues is an important first step.

Again, the guide warns against those knee-jerk reactions: "If she says she thinks her legs are bigger or her tummy is rounder than those of her friends, those may actually be correct observations — and there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that."

2. Set a good example for her!

Kids pick things up from their parents all the time and internalize those messages even if parents aren't trying to pass them on. This is just as much about setting a good example as anything else.

"Another reason your girl might call herself fat is because she’s heard you do the same to yourself," reads the guide. "Your daughter listens to everything you say — and if you’re picking yourself apart in front of the mirror or complaining about your weight, there’s a good chance that she’ll follow in your self-disparaging footsteps."

That means giving yourself a bit of a break too. Just as you don't want her to have to try to live up to unrealistic beauty standards, remind yourself that you don't have to either.

"Identify parts of your body that serve you well and make note of the things you really do love about the way you look," says the guide. "Healthy habits like eating right and exercise are good for everyone and should be a daily part of your routine, but fixating on your body and how it could or should be different isn’t healthy for anyone."

3. Pay attention to the kind of media she's consuming and make sure she's seeing a variety of body types being celebrated.

TV, movies, and advertising are chock-full of messages meant to instill shame around body appearance, especially in girls and women. A bit of emotional counterprograming can go a long way. For example, check out the upcoming children's book "Glitter Stripes"; and for older girls, Hulu's "My Mad Fat Diary," Melissa McCarthy's performance in "Ghostbusters," and Chrissie Metz in "This Is Us," and Lynn Champlin on "My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" are great body-positive/fat-positive representations in the media.

Video of plus-size blogger posted on Girl Scouts Twitter page below:

The guide advises parents to "go the extra mile to compensate for some of the less-healthy messages your daughter may be getting from other sources" by exposing them to accomplished women of all shapes and sizes.

"She needs to know you don’t have to be a certain size or shape to make it big in life."

This guide is just one of the many phenomenal parenting resources you can find on the Girl Scouts website.

Other topics include how to raise your children to be leaders, how to stand up to bullying, and how to be the best they can be in school. They're all great in their own ways, but the body image article stands out especially.

Thanks to the Girl Scouts, parents can now feel equipped to handle this potentially difficult conversation.

This article originally appeared on 06.19.17

Joy

In 2018 Chadwick Boseman returned to his alma mater to give an unforgettable speech

The Black Panther star left behind so many powerful memories.

Photo pulled from YouTube video

Chadwick Boseman delivers amazing commencement speech.

This article originally appeared on 05.14.18


Howard University alumnus Chadwick Boseman returned to the school to deliver its commencement address.

Speaking to Howard's class of 2018, Boseman channeled his inner T'Challa for an engaging, inspiring half hour filled with bits of wisdom for students and onlookers alike.


"When you have reached the Hilltop, and you are deciding on next steps, you would rather find purpose than a career," the 2000 graduate said, referencing the school's nickname. "Purpose is an essential element of you that crosses disciplines."

A lot of his speech for the school's 150th commencement ceremony was standard fare for a graduation, with inspiring quotes about the importance of failure and perseverance on the path to success.

It was the portion of the speech about activism, however, that served as the true highlight.

He spent several minutes thanking the students for challenging the institution.

In March 2018, students staged an occupation of the school's administration building, a protest that ultimately lasted nine days. It was incredibly successful — their work forced the school to revamp its sexual assault policy, to agree to more oversight on future tuition increases and the role of police on campus, to establish an on-campus food bank, and more."You could have been disgruntled and transferred, but you fought to be participants in making this institution the best that it can be," Boseman said.

Their demonstration illustrates why protests (and the right to protest) matter so much.

It's important not to forget who benefits from protest — not just the people demonstrating but everyone who comes after.

Members of the graduating class won't directly benefit from the concessions they won from administrators. But future generations of students will, and that makes it worthwhile. Protest is anything but selfish.

Graduating class, Howard University, growth and potential

The graduating class of Howard University enjoys the ceremony.

Image pulled from YouTube video

"Many of you will leave Howard and enter systems and institutions that have a history of discrimination and marginalization," said Boseman. "The fact that you have struggled with this university that you love is a sign that you can use your education to improve the world that you're entering."

His acknowledgement that people can love the person or institution they're protesting strikes at one of the most pervasive myths about activism: that if you protest something, it's because you hate it. People protest institutions because they believe in them, because they see potential for growth, and because they care enough to invest energy in it. This fact often gets lost in discussions around activism.

Naturally, Boseman closed his address with a nod to "Black Panther," doing the "Wakanda forever" salute while saying "Howard forever."

Watch Boseman's speech below.