+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
Family

Kesha's got some solid tips for beating the holiday blues.

'It's not selfish to take time for yourself.'

If you have a tough time getting through the holidays, Kesha's got some great advice.

The past few years have been a bumpy ride for the singer-songwriter — largely sidelined while she battled producer Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald, who she maintains sexually assaulted her, in court — but Kesha Rose Sebert emerged as a true force to be reckoned with in 2017. In August, she released "Rainbow," her first album since 2012, to absolutely rave reviews. A month prior, she opened up about using her art as an outlet to cope with depression and an eating disorder.

Despite the triumphant year, she, like millions around the world, struggles around the holidays.

Kesha's message is simple: Give yourself a break, avoid falling into "shame spirals," and do what you need to in order to feel OK.

"The holiday season is supposed to be the most festive and fun time of the year, but sometimes, it can quickly become a stressful and emotional time," she began her tweet, drawing on an essay she wrote in Time.

"This is especially true for those of us who struggle with mental illness — be it depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other challenges."

"I've developed a mantra: It's not selfish to take time for yourself," she tweeted, offering up a list of self-care suggestions, including things like going for a walk, having a chat with a therapist, or practicing meditation.

"It's not your responsibility to try to make the whole world happy."

She stressed the importance of resisting the feeling that you should be obligated to feel happy around the holidays. Sometimes, people just aren't, and that's OK. What's important is to avoid falling into a shame cycle.

"It's just another day — don't put unrealistic expectations on it, and don't beat yourself up," she adds.

Whatever your reason for feeling a bit down in the dumps — whether, like Kesha, you recently lost a loved one, or you're just not able to get into the holiday spirit — try to give yourself a well-deserved break.

If you're struggling, it's important to know that you're not alone.

Back in 2015, Tim Lawrence wrote a thoughtful story about some of the struggles people face around this time of the year and what to do about it. In 2013, Time published a story by health writer Alexandra Sifferlin with some additional tips. If you're not feeling so great, it's good to remember just how extremely common this is. You're never, ever alone.

If you're feeling suicidal or are otherwise in need of immediate help, remember that groups like Crisis Text Line (text START to 741741) and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800-273-8255). They are there 24/7 if you need them.

Badge
Cycle for Survival
Cycle for Survival
Sponsored

How can riding a bike help beat cancer? Just ask Reid Moritz, 10-year-old survivor and leader of his own “wolfpack”

Every year, Reid and his pack participate in Cycle for Survival to help raise money for the rare cancer research that’s helped him and so many others. You can too.

all photos courtesy of Reid Moritz

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research

True

There are many things that ten-year-old Reid Wolf Moritz loves. His family, making watches (yes, really), basketball, cars (especially Ferraris), collecting super, ultra-rare Pokémon cards…and putting the pedal to the medal at Cycle for Survival.

Cycle for Survival is the official rare cancer fundraising program of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSK). One hundred percent of every dollar raised at Cycle for Survival events supports rare cancer research and lifesaving clinical trials at MSK.

At only two years old, Reid was diagnosed with pilocytic astrocytoma, a rare type of brain tumor.

Pediatric cancer research is severely underfunded. When standard treatments don't work, families rely on breakthrough clinical trials to give their children a real shot at long-term survival.

When Reid’s chemotherapy and brain surgery didn’t work, he was able to participate in one of MSK’s clinical trials, where he’s received some incredible results. “Memorial Sloan Kettering has done so much for me. It's just so nice how they did all this for me. They're just the best hospital ever,” Reid recalls.

And that’s why every year, you’ll find Reid with his team, aptly named Reid's Wolfpack, riding at Cycle for Survival. It’s just Reid’s way of paying it forward so that even more kids can have similar opportunities.

“I love sharing my story to inspire other kids to PERSEVERE, STAY STRONG and NEVER GIVE UP while also raising money for my amazing doctors and researchers to help other kids like me.”

Reid remembers the joy felt bouncing on his father’s shoulder and hearing the crowd cheer during his first Cycle for Survival ride. As he can attest, each fundraising event feels more like a party, with plenty of dancing, singing and celebrating.

Hoping to spread more of that positivity, Reid and his family started the Cycle for Survival team, Reid’s Wolfpack, which has raised close to $750,000 over the past eight years. All that money goes directly to Reid’s Neuro-Oncology team at Memorial Sloan Kettering.

In addition to cheering on participants and raising good vibes at Cycle for Survival events, Reid even designs some pretty epic looking merch—like basketball shorts, jerseys, and hoodies—to help raise money.

If you’re looking to help kids just like Reid, and have a ton of fun doing it, you’re in luck. Cycle for Survival events are held at Equinox locations nationwide, and welcome experienced riders and complete newbies alike. You can even join Reid and his Wolfpack in select cities!

And if cycling in any form isn’t your thing, a little donation really does go a long way.

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research. Find out more information by checking out cycleforsurvival.org or filling out this interest form.

From Your Site Articles
best of humanity
Education

Why didn't people smile in old photographs? It wasn't just about the long exposure times.

People blame these serious expressions on how long they had to sit for a photo, but that's not the whole picture.

Public domain images

Photos from the 1800s were so serious.

If you've ever perused photographs from the 19th and early 20th century, you've likely noticed how serious everyone looked. If there's a hint of a smile at all, it's oh-so-slight, but more often than not, our ancestors looked like they were sitting for a sepia-toned mug shot or being held for ransom or something. Why didn't people smile in photographs? Was life just so hard back then that nobody smiled? Were dour, sour expressions just the norm?

Most often, people's serious faces in old photographs are blamed on the long exposure time of early cameras, and that's true. Taking a photo was not an instant event like it is now; people had to sit still for many minutes in the 1800s to have their photo taken.

Ever try holding a smile for only one full minute? It's surprisingly difficult and very quickly becomes unnatural. A smile is a quick reaction, not a constant state of expression. Even people we think of as "smiley" aren't toting around full-toothed smiles for minutes on end. When you had to be still for several minutes to get your photo taken, there was just no way you were going to hold a smile for that long.

But there are other reasons besides long exposure times that people didn't smile in early photographs.

1800s photographsWhy so serious? Public domain

The non-smiling precedent had already been set by centuries of painted portraits

The long exposure times for early photos may have contributed to serious facial expressions, but so did the painted portraits that came before them. Look at all of the portraits of famous people throughout history prior to cameras. Sitting to be painted took hours, so smiling was out of the question. Other than the smallest of lip curls like the Mona Lisa, people didn't smile for painted portraits, so why would people suddenly think it normal to flash their pearly whites (which were not at all pearly white back then) for a photographed one? It simply wasn't how it was done.

A smirk? Sometimes. A full-on smile? Practically never.

"Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci, painted in 1503Public domain

Smiling usually indicated that you were a fool or a drunkard

Our perceptions of smiling have changed dramatically since the 1800s. In explaining why smiling was considered taboo in portraits and early photos, art historian Nicholas Jeeves wrote in Public Domain Review:

"Smiling also has a large number of discrete cultural and historical significances, few of them in line with our modern perceptions of it being a physical signal of warmth, enjoyment, or indeed of happiness. By the 17th century in Europe it was a well-established fact that the only people who smiled broadly, in life and in art, were the poor, the lewd, the drunk, the innocent, and the entertainment […] Showing the teeth was for the upper classes a more-or-less formal breach of etiquette."

"Malle Babbe" by Frans Hals, sometime between 1640 and 1646Public domain

In other words, to the Western sensibility, smiling was seen as undignified. If a painter did put a smile on the subject of a portrait, it was a notable departure from the norm, a deliberate stylistic choice that conveyed something about the artist or the subject.

Even the artists who attempted it had less-than-ideal results. It turns out that smiling is such a lively, fleeting expression that the artistically static nature of painted portraits didn't lend itself well to showcasing it. Paintings that did have subjects smiling made them look weird or disturbing or drunk. Simply put, painting a genuine, natural smile didn't work well in portraits of old.

As a result, the perception that smiling was an indication of lewdness or impropriety stuck for quite a while, even after Kodak created snapshot cameras that didn't have the long exposure time problem. Even happy occasions had people nary a hint of joy in the photographs that documented them.

wedding party photoEven wedding party photos didn't appear to be joyful occasions.Wikimedia Commons

Then along came movies, which may have changed the whole picture

So how did we end up coming around to grinning ear to ear for photos? Interestingly enough, it may have been the advent of motion pictures that pushed us towards smiling being the norm.

Photos could have captured people's natural smiles earlier—we had the technology for taking instant photos—but culturally, smiling wasn't widely favored for photos until the 1920s. One theory about that timing is that the explosion of movies enabled us to see emotions of all kinds playing out on screen, documenting the fleeting expressions that portraits had failed to capture. Culturally, it became normalized to capture, display and see all kind of emotions on people's faces. As we got more used to that, photo portraits began portraying people in a range of expression rather than trying to create a neutral image of a person's face.

Changing our own perceptions of old photo portraits to view them as neutral rather than grumpy or serious can help us remember that people back then were not a bunch of sourpusses, but people who experienced as wide a range of emotion as we do, including joy and mirth. Unfortunately, we just rarely get to see them in that state before the 1920s.

From Your Site Articles
history
Joy

They thought their son lived an isolated life. But when he died, friends showed up in droves.

Mats Steen's parents were shocked to learn their severely disabled son had lived a rich, independent life they knew nothing about.

Netflix/YouTube

Mats Steen lived a secret life that his family only discovered after he died.

Mats Steen was only 25 years old when he passed away, his body succumbing to the genetic disease that had slowly taken his mobility since childhood. He'd lived in a wheelchair since his early teens, and by his 20s, his physical abilities had deteriorated to the point of only being able to move his fingers. He could push buttons and use a mouse, and he spent nearly all of his waking hours playing video games in his parents' basement.

His family loved him and cared for him through it all, giving him as much of a normal life as they could. But they also lamented everything they knew he'd missed out on. "Our deepest sorrow lay in the fact that he would never experience friendships, love, or to make a difference in people's lives," Mats' father shares.

Mats left behind the password to a blog he kept. Not knowing if anyone would actually read it, his parents published the news of Mats' passing in a blog post, adding their email address in case anyone wanted to reach out.

Much to their surprise, messages began pouring in from around the world—not just with condolences, but with heartfelt stories from people who called Mats their friend.

The Steens soon discovered that their son had lived a much fuller life than they'd ever imagined—one that included all the things they always wished for him.

As his online life was revealed, the family learned that Mats began his days with a routine 30-minute sprint through the forest. He frequented cafes and pubs, chatting with strangers and flirting with women. He sat by campfires having heart-to-heart conversations. He made friends and enemies. He fought heroic battles. He supported people in times of need. He gave advice that people took. He experienced his first kiss.

And he did it all as "Ibelin," his handsome, muscular avatar in the online game World of Warcraft.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Mats' life is showcased in the documentary, "The Remarkable Life of Ibelin," in which his parents share the story of how they discovered their son's group of friends they didn't know he had.

People who've never played an open world roleplay game like World of Warcraft may wonder how real community can be built through it, but Mats' story proves it's possible. The friends he made through the game have shared the real influence he'd had on their real lives, from helping them with problems they were facing to empowering them to make positive changes in their relationships.

Though he never met them face-to-face, Mats' online friends say he made a significant impact on them.

A young woman Ibelin had connected with as a teenager—the one with whom he'd shared that first virtual kiss—shared that her parents had taken away her computer when they feared gaming was interfering with her studies. When she logged on at a local library, Mats gave her a letter he had written to give to her parents, encouraging them to talk with her about her gaming hobby and to work out a solution together that didn't require her to give it up completely. She printed it and gave it to them. Miraculously, it worked.

Another woman had been having a hard time connecting with her autistic son as a young adult. When she talked with Ibelin about her struggles, he suggested that she and her son start gaming together and connect in that way first. Eventually, that connection via the virtual world led to warmer in-person interactions between them—and a life-changing shift in their relationship.

"I don't think he was aware of the impact that he had done to a lot of people," the mother shared.

Mats interacted with the same online friends as Ibelin for years, going through the kinds of ups and downs all real friendships experience. He kept his physical condition a secret until close to the end of his life, when he finally opened up to another player who convinced him to share his reality with the others. Some traveled from other countries to attend his funeral, with one of them speaking on the group's behalf and a few of them serving as pallbearers. Those who knew Ibelin also held a memorial in-game at his virtual gravesite—a tradition that has spread beyond just his own guild.

Typically, we think of someone escaping the real world and spending hours a day playing video games as unhealthy, but for Mats, it was a lifeline. As Ibelin, Mats was able to have a level of independence and a rich social life that simply wasn't possible for him in the offline world—an uniquely modern phenomenon that technology and human creativity have made possible.

Mats' impact on his online community was real, and 10 years after his passing his impact is spreading even further.

Duchenne muscular dystrophy, the genetic disease that Mats lived with and ultimately died from, affects 300,000 boys worldwide. It only affects males and it has no cure. But CureDuchenne, a global nonprofit dedicated to funding and finding a cure, has partnered with Blizzard and World of Warcraft in Mats' honor. From now until January 7, 2025, World of Warcraft players can purchase a limited-edition pet fox named Reven ("fox" in Norwegian). The Reven Pack, which includes a transmog backpack and Reven’s Comfy Carrier, costs $20, with 100% of the purchase price being donated to CureDuchenne.

The Reven Pack on World of Warcraft—100% of purchase cost goes to the CureDuchenne foundation.World of Warcraft/CureDuchenne

“Mats Steen lived a life in World of Warcraft that he couldn’t in the real world as he fought Duchenne muscular dystrophy alongside his incredible family, who I’m proud to have met and fallen in love with,”said Holly Longdale, executive producer of World of Warcraft. “Working with CureDuchenne for our Charity Pet Program, in honor of Mats’ memory, allows us to harness the power of our phenomenal global community to bring meaningful impact to so many lives.”

You can learn more about Mats' story in the award-winning documentary, "The Remarkable Life of Ibelin," on Netflix and learn more about the CureDuchenne fundraising initiative with World of Warcraft here.

From Your Site Articles
community
Modern Families

Woman goes to huge lengths to adopt husband's ex-wife's baby to save him from foster care

She had lived in foster care and didn't want it for the newborn with no name.

via Christie Werts/TikTok and Christie Werts/TikTok

Christie Werts and her son, Levi

Christie and Wesley Werts have taken the idea of a blended family to the next level. When the couple fell in love five years ago and married, they brought together her children, Megan and Vance, and his children, Austin and Dakota.

As of January, the Ohio family has five children after adopting young Levi, 2. Levi is the son of Wesley’s ex-wife, who passed away four days after the child was born. The ex-wife had the boy prematurely, at 33 weeks, and died soon after from drug addiction and complications of COVID-19.

When Levi was born, he was a ward of the state with no first name or birth certificate.

“When I heard about Levi, without hesitation, I said we should take him,” Christie said, according to The Daily Mail, and her reason went far beyond the fact that the child was the half-brother to two of her recently adopted children. “I myself was a foster kid and, although for the most part, I had a great experience, I did not want him going to foster care,” Christie said.

@cjthemom5

Replying to @Journey♥️ Yes, they will always know of her and ill be there for every emotion good or bad. But im also mom, ive been to every game, every doctors appt, sat with them if they needed an ear loved unconditional . I am mom also. #adoption #srorytime #siblings #foryou #loveislove

Before the family knew of Levi’s birth, Christie had a recurring dream about a blue-eyed, blonde-haired boy.

"Before Levi, we had wanted to try to have a child of our own," she told Newsweek. "I'm in my forties, so we knew that we would probably need fertility treatment, so I thought let's just think about it and what will be will be."

The problem was that Levi was in Texas, so the family sold their house and moved to the Lone Star State to go through the arduous adoption process. The situation was further complicated because Levi’s biological father had parental rights even though he had substance abuse problems. The family couldn’t move out of Texas until his rights were legally terminated.

But after a 16-month process, in January 2023, Levi became a legal family member. Christie understands that adopting her husband’s ex-wife’s baby may seem unusual to some people. "It's a lot to process for a lot of people, but honestly, it seems a lot crazier than it was. At the time, it just made sense," she said.

@cjthemom5

Our adoption is official !!! after 17 months!!! #adoption #son #loveyou #ourstory#foryou #fyp

Even though Christie knew in her heart that she must adopt Levi, she wasn’t without reservations. “'If I said I did not [have concerns beforehand], that would not be honest,” she told The Daily Mail. “This was different—I was going to walk into a child I never met and was worried the circumstances would hinder this instant love. But [...] he stole my heart. I also felt this intense need to protect him.”

These days, Levi fits right in with the family, and the rest of the kids are happy to be back to living an everyday life without any caseworkers or inspections.

“He's great, he is the king of the house! We are all very close. He won't understand the journey right now, but someday, I will let him know we fought for him!” Christie said.


This article originally appeared 1 year ago.

From Your Site Articles
adoption
Culture

Have we been singing 'Kumbaya' wrong this whole time? The Gullah Geechee say, yes.

It’s not sung in unison.

Photo credit: Canva

Have we been singing 'Kumbaya' wrong this whole time?

You don't have to be a religious person to have heard the song "Kumbaya" sung. The song has become so interwoven into the fabric of America that there's even the colloquial term, "Kumbaya moment," that people use to convey a sense of togetherness and getting along. The word has been a part of the American lexicon for decades and the song has been a part of the culture for even longer.

But the soothing melody isn't supposed to be sung in a slow melodic tone with everyone singing together in unison. Kumbaya is actually a Gullah Geechee phrase that literally translates to "come by here." If you're unfamiliar with the Gullah Geechee people, they're descendants of enslaved Africans that were brought to coastal plantations in North and South Carolina, Georgia and Florida. The enslaved people were from West and Central Africa encompassing multiple African cultures and ethnicities which created a unique amalgamation of language and culture.

"The Gullah Geechee language began as a simplified form of communication among people who spoke many different languages including European slave traders, slave owners and diverse, African ethnic groups. The vocabulary and grammatical roots come from African and European languages," the Gullah Geechee Cultural Heritage Corridor website shares.

guitar singing GIF by Cartoon HangoverGiphy

This African creole is still spoken today, having influence in African American Vernacular English (AAVE), and "kumbaya" is a Gullah phrase that was turned into a hymn sung by the Gullah people during slavery. But the version most Americans grew up singing isn't the way it was originally sung, nor is it the way Gullah people sing it today. The truth is that the average person isn't aware of the roots of the song because by the time it reached summer camps and church groups, it had been stripped of it's cultural origin.

Pamela Bailey, creator of the Antebellum Diaspora Project that focuses on reuniting families separated by chattel slavery recently uploaded a video to social media explaining how "Kumbaya" is supposed to sound.


@antediaproject Kumbaya was a “call and response” song that that was sung with great passion! It was a call to action, not the more understated version most known by the masses today. #greenscreen #ancestors #history #research #genealogy #musician #SC #family #preservation #humanity #antebellumdiasporaproject ♬ original sound - ThePamela Bailey

"It has occurred to me that many of the people who know and love this song still don't know how the song would have sounded being sung in the Gullah community. First of all, the song would've never been sung in unison in the way that you hear it sung today. It was actually a call and response," Bailey shares before singing an example.

The song is not only sung as a call and response but the tempo is much faster and involves quick rhythmic clapping and stomping. One clear example of this can be seen in a recording uploaded to YouTube where a Gullah Geechee church in South Carolina is honoring one of it's members that has passed away. Instead of "kumbaya," the church sings the phrase in standard English as "come by here," but the tempo is much more upbeat and the calls more like painful cry.

People in the comments of Bailey's video are excited to learn about the way the song originally sounded, while some grew up hearing it the same traditional way with one writing, "'was never that mellow' is an understatement. i remember my grandaddy singing this in church in SC. it was a true cry for help."

Another person writes, "It’s so much more dynamic. Thanks for the education."

Someone else says, "That makes more sense. When you sang it that way it sounded closer to how I imagined it."

One teacher writes, "Thank you!! As a music teacher, I’m always trying to learn more authentic versions of musics."

While many people may not have known where the beloved "Kumbaya" originated, it's not too late to spread the word. Did you know where the song came from and how it was supposed to sound?

From Your Site Articles
where did kumbaya come from
Parenting

New study finds nearly half of young people are putting their hearing at risk

We're living in a very loud world.

Sascha Kohlmann

Headphones can protect you from the annoying noises of the world, but they come with their own risks.

There was a time not too long ago when teens blasting music too loudly was everyone’s problem. Parental cries of “Turn down that damned music!” seemed to punctuate every day. But with the advent of tiny, high-performance headphones, the volume battles have become personal and much more challenging to monitor. Now, as more people are plugging into music anywhere and everywhere with what experts call personal listening devices (PLDs), alarms are being raised about a new trend: unsafe listening practices that could lead to widespread hearing loss in young people.

via GIPHY

A recent global study conducted by researchers from the Medical University of South Carolina and colleagues worldwide examined the listening habits of people aged 12 to 34, focusing on exposure to loud sounds from earbuds and headphones as well as at entertainment venues like econcerts, clubs, and festivals. The findings reveal that unsafe listening habits aren’t isolated; they’re a global issue affecting millions of young ears worldwide.

Loud music, quiet consequences

The study collected data from over 19,000 individuals across 33 studies and found that roughly 24% of young people are likely using their PLDs at unsafe volumes. When it comes to loud entertainment venues, that number rises significantly, with around 48% of attendees exposed to potentially harmful sound levels.

via GIPHY

Key Findings:

  • Personal Listening Devices: 23.81% of young listeners engage in unsafe listening practices via headphones and earbuds.
  • Entertainment Venues: 48.20% of young people attending concerts or clubs are exposed to volumes that can damage hearing over time.

The World Health Organization’s guidelines indicate that listening above 85 decibels for long periods can cause irreversible hearing damage, and many concerts and clubs easily exceed this threshold. With more young people tuning in to louder sounds, often for extended periods, the cumulative impact could be life-altering.

"Unsafe listening practices are highly prevalent worldwide and may place over 1 billion young people at risk of hearing loss."

— Lauren K. Dillard, lead researcher

A hidden health crisis affecting over a billion people

The most striking takeaway from this study is the sheer number of young people at risk. The researchers estimate that between 670 million and 1.35 billion adolescents and young adults worldwide could be on a path toward hearing loss due to unsafe listening practices. This staggering number makes hearing damage a serious, though often overlooked, global health issue.

via GIPHY

Hearing loss often progresses gradually, with early symptoms easy to miss. Many don’t realize they have hearing issues until the damage has already affected their quality of life, including their ability to understand speech in noisy settings or fully enjoy music at safer volumes. Dr. Lauren Dillard, the lead researcher, highlighted the urgent need for action, emphasizing that unchecked, this issue could affect a generation.

Tech steps in: New solutions to address unsafe listening

A pair of Apple AirPods.New features might turn the source of this problem into one of its solutions. aconcagua

Recognizing the growing concern around hearing damage, some tech companies are stepping up with innovative solutions to help protect users. Apple, for instance, has recently introduced new hearing health features in its AirPods and iPhones that focus on reducing noise exposure and enabling easy hearing checkups.

  • Hearing Test in iOS Health App: Apple now offers an in-app hearing test available on the iPhone, allowing users to assess their hearing from their device, with results saved in the Health app. Users can even upload professional hearing test results for comparison. Designed to prevent gaming, the test uses randomized tones for accuracy, helping users better understand their hearing health over time.
  • Hearing Protection with AirPods Pro 2: With the recent iOS 18.1 update, AirPods Pro 2 offers hearing protection across all listening modes, including Noise Cancellation, Transparency, and Adaptive Audio. These settings help reduce exposure to overly loud sounds, adding a layer of defense for users in noisy environments. However, extreme sounds like fireworks or gunfire are still beyond its intended scope.

As Apple introduces these features, other manufacturers are likely to follow suit, with industry experts suggesting that hearing protection technology will soon become a common offering across high-end audio devices. These developments are a promising step, as technology starts to play a more active role in helping individuals protect their hearing.

Protecting your ears in a loud world

With sound technology getting smaller, sleeker, and more powerful, it’s easy to slip into unsafe listening habits. But a few small changes can go a long way toward protecting your hearing. Taking regular breaks, lowering the volume slightly, and considering noise-canceling headphones are all small steps with significant benefits.

This study’s findings are a wake-up call. Hearing loss is often preventable, but once it sets in, it’s challenging to reverse. By spreading awareness, encouraging policy changes, and practicing safe listening, we can help protect our ears and preserve the music we love—at safer volumes—for years to come.

From Your Site Articles
hearing loss
Trending Stories