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The surprising reason why some people are always late and some are always early

And what we can all learn from those who are right on time.

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A person rushes through the airport. A man looks at a clock.

English writer and theologian William Penn once famously said, "Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." Most likely, he meant that most of us squander the time given to us, as though it’s an endless resource. But, for the sake of this topic, let's also apply it to those of us who simply can't manage time properly.

We all have those friends who are shockingly, chronically late to everything—and those who are always early. (I'm the latter, and it seems to be equally annoying to the people in my life.) The question is why are we this way and how can we learn to co-exist? There are many reasons that contribute to how we manage time, and they of course depend on a variety of individualized factors, but one theory floating around is actually how full or empty we see the proverbial cup.

From an article posted on University of Southern California's School of Psychology site, it all comes down to our bias toward optimism or pessimism. For the late arrivers, it's called the planning fallacy. "Psychologist Daniel Kahneman and colleague Amos Tversky introduced the concept in 1979, defining it as 'the tendency to underestimate the amount of time needed to complete a future task, due in part to the reliance on overly optimistic performance scenarios.'"

In other words, they might feel it will all "flow" as it's supposed to, so there's no need to plan ahead. "Psychologists call this mindset 'optimism bias.' While being optimistic has its benefits, such as an improved state of well-being, getting caught in the constant cycle of optimism bias can cause issues at work that impact productivity."

In a piece for The Decision Lab, author Kira Warje,further explains, "Whether it's building a house, launching a product, or studying for an exam, people tend to create overly optimistic timelines and budgets. This happens because we focus too much on the best-case scenario and ignore relevant historical data or potential setbacks."

She also explains the notion that an outsider would estimate time differently, writing, "Interestingly, the planning fallacy only affects estimations about one’s own task completion times. Outside observers tend to lean in the opposite direction, overestimating the time needed to complete a task."

As for the early-arrivers, we perhaps overestimate the amount of time something will take. Often this is driven by anxiety in general, but to couch it in similar terms, this would be a pessimism bias.

In her article for VegOut Magazine, culinary writer and chef Maya Flores she shares eight traits that people who often arrive early share. One is "They have a physical discomfort with rushing." This, at least for me, is so true. And although early-arrivers often tend to pessimistically assess a situation, we are actively trying to avoid feeling the discomfort that comes with rushing.

rushing, planning, being late, anxiety, travel A person drives frantically. Giphy GIF by HRejterzy

Another trait Flores shares is, "They have a complex relationship with control." This doesn't imply they're "control freaks." Flores writes, "They've identified what's actually within their power (when they leave, how they prepare) and released the rest. That need for control over their own state—their calmness, their preparation, their transition time—remains non-negotiable."

And if one digs even further, there may be deep-seated reasons for it. "Many early arrivers have a story: the time they were devastatingly late for something important, a chaotic childhood where nothing started on time, or a formative experience of keeping someone important waiting. They're not necessarily traumatized, but they've decided: never again."

In the Reddit post "Is anybody else chronically, pathologically EARLY?" there are well over 400 comments, many of whom back up the theory that this began in our formative years. One commenter writes, "My mom was 10 minutes late for everything my entire life, and I’ve been mortified by it for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t a crazy amount of time, but it was for things you just can’t be late to, weddings, doctor’s appointment, jury duty, that kinda thing. I’m always early because of her haha."

clock, time management, being late, being early, planning fallacy A clock does its thing. Giphy GIF by MOODMAN

Another shares, "Same here. I spent so much time experiencing consequences for other people’s lateness or waiting endlessly to be picked up as if the person responsible didn’t know what time things ended, so I have just chosen the opposite. I’m rarely dramatically early, but I can’t be late to things that have a firm start time."

Then there are those who have mastered the art of being "exactly on time." In an article for The Expert Editor, author Lachlan Brown, discusses these folks, who retain traits from both groups. "They possess a heightened sense of responsibility" and "they value structure and routine." If one has these characteristics, without the anxiety that often comes with them (at least for us early birds), they can land somewhere in the coveted middle.


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Mental Health

Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder sufferers revel in the return of 'gloomy, dreary' days

For folks with summer SAD, cool, cloudy days feel like a balm, not a bummer.

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One person's gloomy day is another's ideal weather.

As a child, summer was my least favorite season. I hated being hot, hated the sun in my eyes, hated how it didn't get dark until 10:00pm in my Pacific Northwest town. Fall, on the other hand, was heaven. I looked forward to leaves changing, temperatures dropping, and cloudy, "gloomy" days arriving. While others complained about "dreary" weather, I relished it. Sweaters over sandals was my motto.

I always felt like the odd one out—I mean, what kid doesn't love summer? But since then, I've met more and more people who loathe the summer sun and count the days until the gray skies return. Some of them even find themselves truly getting depressed in the summer—a phenomenon known as Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder (or sometimes summer SAD).

@domesticblisters

I stan fall 🍁 #strugglecare #mentalhealth #seasonalaffectivedisorder #seasonaldepresion #pumpkinspicevibes

Winter Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)—what most people think of as seasonal depression—is a major depressive disorder with a seasonal pattern that stretches through the winter months. Winter SAD affects around five percent of people. Reverse or summer SAD is the opposite of that. It also follows a seasonal pattern, but it stretches through the summer season instead.

Penn State's Jordan Gaines Lewis, Ph.D. explains what might cause summer SAD:

"While winter SAD is linked to a lack of sunlight, it is thought that summer SAD is due to the reverse—possibly too much sunlight, which also leads to modulations in melatonin production. Another theory is that people might stay up later in the summer, throwing their sensitive circadian rhythms for a loop. Interestingly, summer SAD and winter SAD seem to be prevalent in areas that are particularly prone to warmer summers. In other words, people in the southern U.S. tend to experience summer SAD more than those in the north, and vice versa." Heat can also be a factor, Lewis says.

@thesmallestbookclub

I yearn for the crisp air. Fantasy Fall is on the rise. #booktok #fall #coldweather

As summer officially transitions to fall, folks with reverse SAD are reveling in the change.

"Summer makes me wish I could be in a coma till it’s cold."

"I hate a cloudless sunny day."

"Literally this. I'm like I wanna live in places that look like Edinburgh & people are like you wouldn't, you'd get bored of the weather after a while....like...No, I definitely wouldn't. The weather is a cherry on top to the aesthetic."

"Nothing depresses me more than a bright, sunny day and it not getting dark until 11pm. Bring on the ber months. 😌"

"I felt 73F weather and I felt my soul return to my body a bit. I’m so happy it’s almost autumn."

"Yupp. bring on the dark fog...I like it there and I know who I am there."

@spirithiker

The months my soul craves 💨🍂 #bermonths #nature #vibes #autumn #rainyday


Similar to the way introverts sometimes feel like they're forced to function in a world designed for extroverts, those with summer SAD can often feel like misfits. Our culture celebrates summer. Sunny days are considered cheerful. "The sun will come out tomorrow" lyric from Annie speaks to people. Societally, we associate clear skies with fun and happiness and cloudy skies with gloom and depression. The idea that someone might feel happiest on "dreary" days and sad, annoyed, or angry on sunny days feels counterintuitive to most people. But for those with reverse SAD, or even just a preference for overcast skies and cooler temps, it's reality.

Those who thrive in the 'ber months (September, October, November, December) jive with the vibe of them. The cozy "hygge" created indoors with fuzzy blankets and slippers and mugs of tea. The hint of cinnamon everywhere you go. The sweaters and boots and hats. The fire in the fireplace. The lack of scorching sun and sweltering heat when you walk outdoors. A cool, cloudy day feels like a balm, not a bummer.

@heleneinbetween

If this is your vibe i want to be friends… #fall #fallleaves #newengland #vermont #funnymemes #memes

Unfortunately, there's not a lot of research on reverse SAD, so we don't have much in the way of statistics.

“It’s less prevalent than winter depression,” Clinical psychologist Adam Borland, PsyD, told the Cleveland Clinic. “But seasonal depression during the summer is linked to feelings of irritability and frustration. It can result in insomnia, lack of energy and motivation.”

@drjencaudle

Summer Depression #summerdepression #summerblues #sad #seasonalaffectivedisorder #seasonalaffective #seasonalaffectivedisordertips #summerdepression🌻 #drjencaudle #fyp #fypシ

Dr. Jen Caudle shares that on top of the general major depression signs that people with winter depression get, people with summer depression can also have trouble sleeping, appetite issues, feelings of restlessness and agitation, anxiety, and in some cases even episodes of violent behavior.

For some people, symptoms are just a mild nuisance and general feeling of being "off" in the summer, while for others symptoms can become disruptive to life. As always, it's a good idea to talk to your healthcare provider if you experience symptoms of seasonal affective disorder, no matter which season it occurs.

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Psychologist shares the 'reimagining' method to turn the pain of impatience into growth

These days, patience is harder and harder to come by.

via Canva/Photos

A man frustrated while waiting.

We live in an instant-gratification society where you can get your groceries delivered in an hour, TV shows and music are on demand, and if you ever get bored, you can just whip out your phone and scroll. In fact, these days boredom seems like a thing of the past.

That becomes a problem when the rare moment arises that we don’t get what we want when we want it, and we're not used to it. Or when we have to wait for something, whether it's being stuck in traffic or taking the small steps needed to achieve a big goal. Without patience, these scenarios can be maddening. It may even prevent us from fulfilling our true potential.

Psychologists say the key to being able to endure impatience is reimagining the situation

“Practice cognitive reappraisal, reimagining a situation,” Sarah Schnitker, a psychology professor at Baylor University, tells Thrive Global. “Say you have a co-worker who is frustrating you: You’re getting annoyed, because they’re not turning things in on time. You can try to reframe this—maybe they have something going on with their family. This helps you transition from being very frustrated to thinking ‘OK, this is frustrating, but there are a lot of things going on in their life that I don’t know about.'”

bored, impatient, anxiety, anger, waiting, watch A frustrated man looking at his watch. via Canva/Photos

Another key reframing technique to use when we’re waiting for something, whether it’s a long line at the bank or you’re stuck in traffic, is to reimagine the situation by asking yourself: What can I do with this time? If you’re stuck in traffic, throw on a podcast about something that you’ve always wanted to learn about. If you’re in a long line at the bank, take a moment to reflect on a recent success or dissect a moment where things didn’t go right for you, and try to learn from the experience. There are a million ways to kill time that can be beneficial.

Change your perspective

Reimaging the situation is all about shifting your point of view.

“When that frame is shifted, the meaning of that situation changes, and thinking and behavior often change along with it,” writes Amy Morin, LCSW, in a peer-reviewed article at VeryWell Mind.

Another way to shift your perspective is to ask yourself: “What would I tell a friend in the same situation?” When friends give advice, they tend to be positive and tell us to look on the bright side. That’s the perspective change that could help when you’re feeling impatient.

bored, impatient, anxiety, anger, waiting, line, women in line Some people waiting in an office. via Canva/Photos

Being able to overcome the anxiety and anger that comes with feeling impatient won’t just help you achieve your goals and make the best out of a difficult situation—it’s also good for your health. Research shows that impatient people are at greater risk of blood clots and heart attacks.

Cultivating patience may feel old-school in a world where everything is on demand. But becoming a more patient person can be life-changing for both your goals and health. By reimagining a situation where you have to wait for what you want, you’ll be able to turn frustration into growth.

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48 percent of parents say they’re 'completely overwhelmed.' Here's how to spot parental burnout.

Burnout is serious—and most parents ignore the warning signs.

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Stressed woman with a baby on her lap.

It's 7:00 p.m. and you're staring at a sink full of dishes, homework scattered across the dining room table, and a basket of laundry that seems to mock you from the corner ceaselessly. Your child informs you that they have a last-minute science project that's due tomorrow, but you barely register it. All you can think about is: When was the last time you ate? No, when was the last time you even sat down? This morning?

If this scenario seems familiar, you're not alone. Between social media and A.I., modern parenting has become increasingly exhausting, with nearly half of all parents reporting that their daily stress is "completely overwhelming," and 41% reporting that they cannot function due to stress. That's not normal. When constant agitation feels like the default, it's essential to take a step back and assess if stress has turned into burnout—it could be the key to reclaiming your wellbeing.

- YouTube youtu.be

"In a culture that often glorifies self-sacrifice, parents sometimes don't realize they've crossed the line from tiredness into something much deeper: burnout," warns Dr. Katelyn Lehman in an interview with Upworthy. "The good news is that small, science-backed practices can restore balance," she adds.

Dr. Katelyn is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Quantum Clinic, where she pioneers coherence-based approaches to mental health and whole-person healing. She also leads The Coherence Journey, an online program that guides people in cultivating heart-brain alignment, emotional well-being, and sustainable transformation.

The shocking reality of modern parental burnout

So, what is modern parental burnout?

It's an alarming trend that points to a widespread public health crisis–a pressure cooker of unrealistic expectations and constant comparison that's come to characterize modern parenting culture. Today's parents are much more involved with their child's life than ever before, due to the rise of "intensive parenting." Similar to helicopter parents, this parenting style is “a highly involved approach," where parents put their children's development and success over everything else, even their own needs. These parents devote all of their time, attention, and resources to the child, with very little to spare for themselves. Adopting an "always on" approach to raising kids leads to parental burnout.

Dr. Ayesha Ludhani is a licensed psychologist specializing in therapy for children, teens, and their parents. She describes the phenomenon to Upworthy, saying, "Parenting has always been demanding, but modern pressures such as long work hours, limited social support, and the expectation to 'do it all,' have led to higher levels of parental burnout."

She adds,

"Parental burnout is a state of chronic emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion resulting from the stress of parenting. It often arises when the demands of parenting consistently outweigh resources. Factors include the expectation of perfection, the absence of social support, and societal ideals that portray "good parents" as endlessly patient. Over time, this creates a cycle of depletion that takes away the joy in parenting." - Dr. Ayesha Ludhani

Parental burnout affects both parents, though women are disproportionately impacted, with 68% of females reporting burnout compared to 42% of males. Working parents face particularly intense challenges, juggling career demands with the relentless needs of childcare, often without adequate support systems. The pressure to be a "perfect parent" in our achievement-oriented culture only compounds the problem, creating unrealistic expectations that set families up for exhaustion and disappointment.

parenting, burnout, mental. health, psychology A stat from the U.S. Surgeon General. Photo credit: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Burnout vs. fatigue: why distinction matters

So, you pressed "snooze" on your alarm a few more times than usual. Does that mean you're experiencing burnout?

"In a culture that often glorifies self-sacrifice, parents sometimes don't realize they've crossed the line from tiredness into something much deeper," warns Dr. Katelyn.

She explains the two states perfectly:

"Fatigue is the ordinary tiredness that comes with long days, sleepless nights, and the endless juggling act of modern parenthood. It's a signal from the body that rest and replenishment are needed."

Burnout, however, is different. It's not just tired—it's empty. Parents experiencing burnout often feel emotionally detached, irritable, or even resentful toward the very children they love most."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

While fatigue is a normal response to exertion (and can be remedied through adequate rest, sleep, and proper nutrition), burnout is much different. Parental burnout isn't just feeling tired after a long day—it's a progressive condition with distinct warning signs that often go unrecognized. This phenomenon is categorized by three core dimensions: feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion, increased mental distance from one's job or feelings of negativism, and reduced professional efficacy.

It's critical to know the difference between fatigue and burnout, Dr. Katelyn reminds. "Burnout narrows cognitive flexibility, compromises emotional regulation, and makes it harder to connect authentically with children," she says. "Naming it allows us to interrupt the cycle before exhaustion turns into despair."

Warning signs you shouldn't ignore

Emotional Red Flags

You might notice persistent irritability, feeling emotionally detached from your children, or experiencing guilt about not enjoying parenting. Dr. Katelyn describes this state as "emotional flatness; when joy and play feel inaccessible, replaced by going through the motions."

Another concerning emotional indicator is the development of "escape ideation"–recurring thoughts about running away from parenting responsibilities or fantasizing about life before children. While these thoughts can be alarming, they're more common than many parents realize and signal the need for immediate intervention.

parenting, burnout, mental. health, psychology Exhausted woman with child on her back.Photo credit: Canva

Physical Manifestations

This can include overwhelming exhaustion that doesn't improve with rest, frequent headaches, muscle tension, and gastrointestinal issues. Sleep disturbances are widespread, with parents struggling with insomnia or restless sleep that further compounds their exhaustion.

Compromised immune function is another significant physical symptom, with burned-out parents frequently falling ill or taking longer to recover from minor ailments. Some parents also notice changes in appetite, either eating significantly more or less than usual, and may increase their consumption of alcohol or caffeine as coping mechanisms.

Behavioral Changes

Behavioral shifts often provide the clearest indicators of parental burnout. Increased irritability and shortened patience are among the most noticeable changes, with parents finding themselves snapping at their children over minor issues that previously wouldn't have bothered them.

Social withdrawal is another significant behavioral red flag. Burned-out parents frequently isolate themselves from friends and family, avoiding social gatherings or community activities they once enjoyed. They may also neglect self-care routines, abandoning hobbies, exercise habits, or personal interests that previously brought them joy.

"Instead of seeking support, parents may isolate themselves, convinced they 'should' handle everything alone," explains Dr. Katelyn.

Give yourself some grace. Proceed with kindness

Parents experiencing burnout won't seem like themselves. A mom who loves family game night—and takes it very seriously—might pass on the next round of Codenames or Ticket to Ride. The dad who's usually the life of the party may be found sitting in the corner, on their phone, by themselves.

parenting, burnout, mental. health, psychology Woman looking sadly with baby in her arms. Photo credit: Canva

"These are not moral failings," Dr. Katelyn reminds. Not feeling ecstatic joy, viewing parenting as a burden, wanting to be alone all of the time: these aren't the makings of a "bad parent." Instead, "they are nervous system signals calling us back into coherence."

Practical recovery techniques that actually work

The encouraging news is that parental burnout is both preventable and treatable. Research demonstrates that targeted interventions can reduce burnout symptoms by 37% and negative emotions by 29%.

For Dr. Katelyn, the key to restoring balance lies in heart-brain coherence and nervous system regulation. The Harvard-educated doctor offers a unique perspective in the realm of wellness, as she combines modern neuroscience with Eastern wisdom. And as a mother herself, she intimately understands that parental burnout isn't about being a "bad parent"—it's about addressing a nervous system that's been in survival mode for far too long.

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By focusing on heart-brain coherence, Dr. Katelyn provides a hands-on way of understanding the dynamic relationship between the heart and brain. Here, the heart emerges as a sophisticated information processing center that actively communicates with and influences brain function in ways that affect our thoughts, emotions, and overall physiological state.

Dr. Katelyn Lehman's simple coherence techniques for parental burnout:

Heart-centered breathing. Slow your breath to an even rhythm (in for five counts, out for five counts) while bringing to mind a moment of genuine care or gratitude. This synchronizes heart rhythms with respiration, shifting the body into balance.

Micro-pauses. Between tasks, place a hand over your heart, close your eyes, and notice the sensation of your body in space. Even 30 seconds can reset the stress response.

Shared regulation. Invite your child into a breathing game or quiet moment together. Nervous systems co-regulate, meaning your calm presence becomes a sanctuary for them, too.

Your wellbeing matters—and so does sharing this message

Remember, experiencing parental burnout says nothing about you, your abilities as a parent, or your character. You are human. In our hyperconnected world, where parenting achievements fill social media feeds, it's easy to forget that the most important gift you can give your children is a parent who prioritizes their own well-being.

parenting, burnout, mental. health, psychology Woman and young girl smiling at each other. Photo credit: Canva

Dr. Katelyn sums it up beautifully:

"Burnout is not a personal failure; it is a physiological and emotional signal that the system is overwhelmed. When we respond with gentleness, coherence practices, and connection, we begin to restore the rhythm that allows us to parent with patience, presence, and even joy.

Parenting doesn't ask us to transcend our limits. It asks us to honor them—and in doing so, we show our children what it means to be fully human."

Because sometimes the most radical act of parenting is admitting you need—and deserve—care too.

You can find Dr. Katelyn Lehman through her work at Quantum Clinic or The Coherence Journey. Connect with her through Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn to learn more about her practice.

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