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Guy walking around NYC for 10 hours is the street harassment response for anyone who doesn't get it.

As a woman living in New York City, it's no secret that I've had my fair share of uncomfortable and scary experiences with street harassment. But after "10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman," a hidden-camera experiment documenting the experience, went viral, the responses were surprisingly mixed. One of the biggest complaints was "This isn't fair to guys!" Well, this parody does a pretty good job of explaining why the street harassment conversation isn't a two-way street.

OK sure, this video is a joke. But it's illustrating an important difference in the way women and men experience street harassment. What's absolutely not a joke were the reactions of so many who tried to legitimize the catcalling in the original video. Take a look at some of the comments from the original video...


"This isn't harassment. She should be happy she's being complimented!"






"Maybe if she dressed differently..."








"But she'd be complaining if she wasn't getting attention!"



Here's the thing that it seems most people who objected to the original video seem to not understand: There's nothing wrong with saying hello to a stranger or giving someone a compliment. But too often these comments are only targeted at women and very often lead to more invasive comments and behavior. On Twitter, #NotJustHello explored how many instances of assault and sexual violence started with men saying "hello" and escalated from there. It's pretty scary stuff!

No, not every man on the street is out to harass women, but ENOUGH are that it can feel really uncomfortable and overwhelming to walk down the street and decipher the nice guys from the creeps. It's a tough space to navigate, and that's why these conversations are so important!

Thankfully, the nonprofit Hollaback (which produced the original "10 Hours in NYC" viral video), is on a mission to educate and stop street harassment. You can read more about them here or even donate to their cause here.





Health

Conflict expert shares the 1 phrase you can use to stop an argument from happening

It'll make people agree with you, too.

via Canva/Photos

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.

How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsPeople coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsTwo men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

relationships
Humor

Grandma went viral with her three simple yet hilarious 'funeral rules'

Bertha is NOT invited.

TikTok

Do NOT let Bertha in.

Forget kids. Grandmas say the darndest things. One grandma in particular took TikTok by storm for her brutally honest, yet hilarious “funeral rules.” And though Grandma Lill adds the caveat that it won’t be anytime soon, you had better remember these rules when the day finally comes. Or there might be two funerals to plan.

Grandma Lill is no stranger to the spotlight. Her social media bios all read “I’m a celebrity” and she’s not foolin’ around. She has her own clothing line, YouTube Channel and her name has been uttered by the likes of Jimmy Kimmel and Steve Harvey. She’s basically the internet’s favorite granny.

But this video takes the cake at a whopping 20 million views. She’s gone full-blown viral now. Probably because she inadvertently brings up some little gems of wisdom we could all apply to dealing with the passing of a loved one.

Or maybe it's just cause she's delightfully cantankerous. Either way, it makes for some wholesome entertainment.

Without further ado, here are those three important rules:

1. Cry. But not too much. 

Or, as Grandma Lill puts it, “don’t make a fool of yourself.”

Funerals can be just as much about commemorating as they are expressing grief. We can also share the happy memories we have of those who have passed, not just shed tears.

I think this is what grandma Lill was getting at. Or maybe she just doesn’t like you stealing the attention.

2. Bertha ISN'T invited. 

Whoever this Bertha chick is … she messed up. She messed up big time. Bertha, you have been CANCELED.

And hey, why shouldn’t we decide who’s on the invite list for our last big day? If, for example, there’s a family member who caused a lot of pain, or with whom we just didn’t share a kinship … perhaps there doesn’t have to be an obligation to invite them to these major life moments.

Basically, this is your permission slip to openly decline any and all Berthas in your life. That goes for weddings, birthday parties, baby showers … you name it. Don’t let her in!

3. Get drunk afterward.

As long as you take a shot for Grandma Lill.

After the ceremony honors what’s lost, take a moment to let go and move forward with the life that is still around you. Something tells me that letting it all go and celebrating life is something Grandma Lill’s a pro at.

Check out Grandma Lill's 'Funeral Rules' below:

@grandma_droniak it wont be any time soon but dont forget it #funeral #grandma #rules #dontcry #funeralservices #wake #greenscreen ♬ original sound - grandma_droniak


Of course, funerals aren’t the only topic Grandma Lill can make you laugh about. Her TikTok channel is a carefully curated gallery of pure funny. Everything from bingo jokes to advice for getting back at your ex (yeah, she shows no mercy) can be found here.


This article originally appeared on 4.5.22

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grandma goes viral on titkok for funeral rules
Modern Families

Do you have a "living room family" or a "bedroom family"?

This 'debate' is all the rage on TikTok. But one is not better than the other.

alexxx1915/TikTok

TikTok user alexxx1915 recently posted a short video with the caption: "I just learned the term 'living room family' and I never understood why my kids never played in their rooms when I always did as a kid."

She briefly shows her kids hanging out in the living room with their pet dog and some toys scattered around the floor, before panning to her own face and giving a sort of sentimental look. The simple, ten-second clip struck a huge nerve with parents, racking up over 25 million views and thousands of heartfelt comments.





@alexxx1915

#livingroomfamily #fypシ

What are "living room families" and "bedroom families"?

This idea has been going around for a while on social media.

Simply put, a living room family is a family that congregates in the living room, or any common space in the household. Kids play in the same space where the adults relax — and things are often messy, as a result. Everyone interacts with each other and spends lots of time together. Bedrooms are reserved mostly for sleeping and dressing.

A bedroom family, on the other hand, is where the kids spend more time in their rooms. They play there, watch TV, and maybe even eat meals. Typically, the main rooms of the house are kept neat and tidy — you won't find a lot of toys scattered about — and family time spent together is more structured and planned ahead rather than casual.

"Living room families" has become the latest aspirational term on TikTok. Everyone wants to be a living room family!

The implication of being a bedroom family, or having 'room kids', is that perhaps they don't feel safe or comfortable or even allowed to take up room in the rest of the house, or to be around the adults.

"I remember my brother coming round once and he just sat in silence while watching my kids play in livingroom. After a while he looked at me and said 'It's so nice that your kids want to be around you'" one commenter said on alexxx1915's video.

"I thought my kids hated their rooms 🥺 turns out they like me more" said another.

"You broke a generational curse. Good job mama!" said yet another.

There's so much that's great about having a family that lives out in the open — especially if you were raised feeling like you had to hide in your room.

In my own household, we're definitely a living room family. We're around each other constantly, and the house is often a mess because of it. Learning about this term makes me feel a little better that my kids want to be around us and feel comfortable enough to get their 'play mess' all over the living room.

The mess is a sign of the love and comfort we all share together.

But the big twist is that it's also perfectly fine if your kids — and you! — like a little more solitary time.

boy playing with toys on the floorGavyn Alejandro/Unsplash

Being a 'bedroom family' is actually perfectly OK.

There's a similar discourse that took place last year about living room parents vs bedroom parents. The general consensus seemed to be that it was better to be a living room parent, who relaxed out in the open versus taking alone time behind closed doors.

But it really doesn't have to be one or the other, and neither is necessarily better.

Making your kids feel relegated to their room is, obviously, not great. It's not a good thing if they feel like they're not allowed to exist in and play in the rest of the house.

But if they just like hanging out in their room? Nothing wrong with that at all! And same goes for parents.

Alone time is important for parents and kids alike, and everyone needs different amounts of it to thrive.

Kids with certain special needs, like being on the autism spectrum, may be absolutely thrilled to spend lots of time in their rooms, for example.

So are you a living room family or a bedroom family? Turns out, it doesn't really matter, as long as your family loves each other and allows everyone to be exactly who they are.

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Pets

Woman saves $28,000 in travel expenses by watching other people’s cats in places she visits

All it takes is 30 minutes of work a day.

via Alanna Risse/Flickr

Cat-sitting is a job with some major perks.

A woman from Brisbane, Australia, has found a clever way to make her travel dreams come true by doing what she loves—taking care of people’s cats. Madolline Gourley, a 32-year-old writer, estimates she’s saved $28,000 in travel expenses in five years by cat- and house-sitting in nearly 50 homes across the U.S. and Australia.

“As a sitter, you house or pet sit for 'free' in exchange for accommodation,” she told Business Insider.

Gourley finds places to stay on house-sitting websites including TrustedHousesitters, MindMyHouse, HouseCarers, Aussie House Sitters, House Sitters America and House Sitters Canada. She documents her travels on a blog, One Cat at a Time.

She believes that she gets the gigs primarily because of her experience with cats.

"If you take out the fact that I'm from Australia, it's not that much different than a friend or a neighbor watching your pet," Gourley told NBC. "Their place is the only form of payment I get."

For Gourley, cat-sitting was a natural fit. “I’ve had cats since I was little and my mum is a big cat fan, too. She’s also had cats all her life,” she told The Animal Rescue Site. “When I found out about the whole house/pet sitting for accommodation thing, I only wanted to do it looking after cats because I’ve only ever cared for cats.”

Her most recent 75-day trip across America was her most adventurous yet. “I’ve looked after 15 cats and nine different homes in seven cities across the country. I started out in Seattle before making my way to Austin, New York City—where I got sits in Chelsea, South Park Slope and Prospect Heights—Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago and Portland,” she wrote on her blog.

The great thing for Gourley is that cats are pretty easy to take care of, only taking up about 30 minutes of her day. The rest of the time she’s free to be a tourist. She gets a lot of great sightseeing and eating recommendations from her customers.

“Traveling by way of house and pet sitting might come with a few extra responsibilities, but on this trip alone, it saved me thousands of dollars on accommodations,” she wrote. “Reserving 15 minutes of my morning and evening for pet care or house maintenance wasn't much to ask when I had the rest of the day to explore each of the cities I visited.”

Even though her accommodations were taken care of through cat-sitting jobs, the trip wasn’t entirely free. Her American vacation cost about $7,200, or around $96 per day. That included the $1300 round-trip airfare from Australia to the U.S.

Gourley didn’t need to budget for her trip because she gets around $9,000 back every year on her Australian tax returns, which she reinvests into her traveling fund.

People have told Gourley she should write a book about her incredible traveling hack but she doesn’t want to ruin the fun.

"A few people have emailed me saying I should compile a book, and that makes me laugh," Gourley said. "I'll still mull on the idea, but I don't want to invest weeks and months and putting something together ... It's been a pretty cool experience, and an opportunity to save a ton of money."


This article originally appeared on 6.13.22

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History (Education)

'The Wave' Afterschool Special from 1981 still holds up with its lessons about fascism

The chilling story was based on a real high school experiment.

Image by Elias from Pixabay

"The Wave" demonstrates how easy it is to pull people into fascism.

"What are you watching?" my 13-year-old son asked.

"An old Afterschool Special," I responded.

"What's an 'Afterschool Special'?" he asked.

Hoo boy. Kids these days have no idea how different television was for those of us who grew up in the '80s and how many core memories we have wrapped up in the ABC Afterschool Special.

I briefly explained and then he sat down to watch with me. A discussion about fascism on Twitter had led me to look up "The Wave," a 1981 ABC Afterschool Special based on a real-life high school experiment in Palo Alto, California, in the 1960s.

In the real experiment, first-year history teacher Ron Jones had students at Cubberley High School engage in a simulation of how fascism spreads as part of a lesson on World War II, with him playing the role of the dictator. His intent was to show skeptical students how the Nazis came to power by creating a social movement he dubbed the Third Wave.

"It started out as a fun game with the most popular teacher at school," Mark Hancock, one of the students in Jones' history homeroom class, told Palo Alto online in 2017. "He told us, 'If you're an active participant, I'll give you an A; if you just go along with it, I'll give you a C; if you try a revolution, I'll give you an F, but if your revolution succeeds, I'll give you an A.'"

Hancock said he started off planning to get that revolution A, but it quickly grew beyond grades and turned into something real. "At the end, I was scared to death," he shared.

It began with Jones rallying the students around the idea of "strength through discipline" and "strength through community." He had them engage in regimented behaviors and handed out membership cards. At first, it was just fun, but students began to enjoy feeling like part of a special community. Jones pushed the importance of following the rules. The students even formed a "secret police" to monitor other students, and if someone broke a Third Wave rule they'd be reported and publicly "tried" by the class.

The students got wrapped up in it to a frightening degree and even Jones found himself enjoying the way the students responded to him. "It was pretty intoxicating," he told Palo Alto Online.

But according to Timeline.com, Jones felt like he'd lost control of it by the fourth day.

The experiment ended at the end of the week with a rally. Jones told the students they were actually part of a real national Third Wave movement and that the national leader was going to speak to them at the rally. Jones turned on the televisions to white static and watched the students eagerly wait for their leader to speak. That's when he broke the news to them that they'd fallen for a totalitarian regime. Instead of a Third Wave leader speech, he played them a video of a Nazi rally.

According to a school newspaper at the time, most students were disillusioned. But one student said, "It was probably the most interesting unit I've had. It was successful in its goal to achieve the emotions of the Germans under the Nazi regime."

"The Wave" follows the true story quite closely and still holds valuable lessons. One chilling scene shows a kid who had been sort of an outcast prior to the "movement" saying, "For the first time, I feel like I'm a part of something great." He was particularly crushed to find out it was all a fascist facade.

If you can get past the '80s aesthetic, it's worth watching. Even my teen kids got into it, once they stopped making fun of the hair and film quality.

This article originally appeared on 9.2.22

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