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Gabourey Sidibe lost weight. Then she was criticized. It says a lot about our world.

'It's been a 30-year thing of other people putting their own stuff on my body. But it's mine, so I will police it, thank you.'

In May 2016, actor Gabourey Sidibe had weight loss surgery.

As Sidibe explained to People magazine, the decision to go through with the procedure was both difficult and personal.

Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for Hulu.

Now, a year after the surgery, Sidibe is opening up about the reactions she's gotten for her visibly smaller size.

While you might think that losing weight would earn her nothing but praise from the thin-obsessed world we live in, it turns out people's reactions haven't been too great.

As Sidibe explained to NPR, before the surgery, people liked to tell her that she needed to lose weight. Now that she's had the surgery, people have felt compelled to warn her not to lose too much. It's literally a lose-lose.

No matter what her body looks like, she's noticed, people feel they have a right to tell her what to do with it.

As the actor explained:

"It's important because I don't happen to have the kind of body that we usually see on television and in films. I am plus-size, I have dark skin, and I am 100% beautiful, but I get a lot of flak. 'Oh, you should lose weight.' And now that I have lost weight — I lost weight for health reasons — I get, 'You look good, but don't lose too much weight because your face is starting to sink in.'"

Sidibe also noted the awkward comments she'll get from others celebrating her weight loss for the wrong reasons:

"Literally someone said, 'Congratulations, I see you lost weight. Congratulations.' And I say, 'That's a weird thing to congratulate me on because this is my body.'"

Photo by Valerie Macon/AFP/Getty Images.

Sidibe's experiences exemplify the impossible beauty standards women face and why — when it comes to weight — you really should "mind your own body."

All of us (but particularly women) are relentlessly pressured to adhere to absurd standards when it comes to appearance. These expectations are ridiculous when it comes to defining "real" beauty, of course, but they're also ridiculous when it comes to defining our health.

A person's weight, generally speaking, really doesn't tell you all that much about their health, many experts say. And even if it could, what someone else does with their body is their business and their business alone. A person's weight, in and of itself, is not something to be congratulated for.

Photo by Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP.

Every body looks differently, works differently, and serves the person who inhabits it differently. And that's important to remember if we're considering the size or shape of someone else — or ourselves.

Sidibe gets it.

"This has been my body since I was 5-ish, you know?" she told NPR. "It's been a 30-year thing of other people putting their own stuff on my body. But it's mine, so I will police it, thank you."

Education

Why didn't people smile in old photographs? It wasn't just about the long exposure times.

People blame these serious expressions on how long they had to sit for a photo, but that's not the whole picture.

Public domain images

Photos from the 1800s were so serious.

If you've ever perused photographs from the 19th and early 20th century, you've likely noticed how serious everyone looked. If there's a hint of a smile at all, it's oh-so-slight, but more often than not, our ancestors looked like they were sitting for a sepia-toned mug shot or being held for ransom or something. Why didn't people smile in photographs? Was life just so hard back then that nobody smiled? Were dour, sour expressions just the norm?

Most often, people's serious faces in old photographs are blamed on the long exposure time of early cameras, and that's true. Taking a photo was not an instant event like it is now; people had to sit still for many minutes in the 1800s to have their photo taken.

Ever try holding a smile for only one full minute? It's surprisingly difficult and very quickly becomes unnatural. A smile is a quick reaction, not a constant state of expression. Even people we think of as "smiley" aren't toting around full-toothed smiles for minutes on end. When you had to be still for several minutes to get your photo taken, there was just no way you were going to hold a smile for that long.

But there are other reasons besides long exposure times that people didn't smile in early photographs.

1800s photographsWhy so serious? Public domain

The non-smiling precedent had already been set by centuries of painted portraits

The long exposure times for early photos may have contributed to serious facial expressions, but so did the painted portraits that came before them. Look at all of the portraits of famous people throughout history prior to cameras. Sitting to be painted took hours, so smiling was out of the question. Other than the smallest of lip curls like the Mona Lisa, people didn't smile for painted portraits, so why would people suddenly think it normal to flash their pearly whites (which were not at all pearly white back then) for a photographed one? It simply wasn't how it was done.

A smirk? Sometimes. A full-on smile? Practically never.

"Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci, painted in 1503Public domain

Smiling usually indicated that you were a fool or a drunkard

Our perceptions of smiling have changed dramatically since the 1800s. In explaining why smiling was considered taboo in portraits and early photos, art historian Nicholas Jeeves wrote in Public Domain Review:

"Smiling also has a large number of discrete cultural and historical significances, few of them in line with our modern perceptions of it being a physical signal of warmth, enjoyment, or indeed of happiness. By the 17th century in Europe it was a well-established fact that the only people who smiled broadly, in life and in art, were the poor, the lewd, the drunk, the innocent, and the entertainment […] Showing the teeth was for the upper classes a more-or-less formal breach of etiquette."

"Malle Babbe" by Frans Hals, sometime between 1640 and 1646Public domain

In other words, to the Western sensibility, smiling was seen as undignified. If a painter did put a smile on the subject of a portrait, it was a notable departure from the norm, a deliberate stylistic choice that conveyed something about the artist or the subject.

Even the artists who attempted it had less-than-ideal results. It turns out that smiling is such a lively, fleeting expression that the artistically static nature of painted portraits didn't lend itself well to showcasing it. Paintings that did have subjects smiling made them look weird or disturbing or drunk. Simply put, painting a genuine, natural smile didn't work well in portraits of old.

As a result, the perception that smiling was an indication of lewdness or impropriety stuck for quite a while, even after Kodak created snapshot cameras that didn't have the long exposure time problem. Even happy occasions had people nary a hint of joy in the photographs that documented them.

wedding party photoEven wedding party photos didn't appear to be joyful occasions.Wikimedia Commons

Then along came movies, which may have changed the whole picture

So how did we end up coming around to grinning ear to ear for photos? Interestingly enough, it may have been the advent of motion pictures that pushed us towards smiling being the norm.

Photos could have captured people's natural smiles earlier—we had the technology for taking instant photos—but culturally, smiling wasn't widely favored for photos until the 1920s. One theory about that timing is that the explosion of movies enabled us to see emotions of all kinds playing out on screen, documenting the fleeting expressions that portraits had failed to capture. Culturally, it became normalized to capture, display and see all kind of emotions on people's faces. As we got more used to that, photo portraits began portraying people in a range of expression rather than trying to create a neutral image of a person's face.

Changing our own perceptions of old photo portraits to view them as neutral rather than grumpy or serious can help us remember that people back then were not a bunch of sourpusses, but people who experienced as wide a range of emotion as we do, including joy and mirth. Unfortunately, we just rarely get to see them in that state before the 1920s.

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Love Stories

'I love you if you love me'—choirboy's touching letter found in church pew after 125 years

William Elliott wanted you to remember him.

Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash

A choir boy's note was found in church pew, 125 years after its creation.

The date was August 11, 1897. William Elliott’s 14th birthday was fast approaching, which meant the days he spent singing in the church choir of the Sunderland Orphanage would soon be over.

William took a pencil and scribbled some words onto the back of a sermon paper, then hastily stuck it away inside a church pew. Now, more than 125 years later, his moving letter has been discovered.

The church was undergoing renovation in an effort to transform it into an event space called Seventeen Nineteen, when Master Craftsman Stevie Hardy found the note, which he sent to conservation specialist Matt Parsons.

It would take months to arduously clean off the years of accumulated grime, made up mostly of wax polish, dust and dirt, and specks of black paint. But eventually, the paper was successfully restored.

Here’s what William’s letter said:

“Dear friend, whoever finds this paper think of William Elliott who had two months and two weeks and four days on the 11 of August 1897. Whoever you are that finds this paper don’t tear it up or throw it away…”

“Keep it in remembrance of me, W Elliott… I was the leading boy of this choir…”

“I love you if you love me.”

Touched by the boy’s sweet message, Seventeen Nineteen posted the story to its Facebook page and went on a mission to find out more about William. Where were his parents? And whatever happened to him?

Their research indicated that William was one of 50 orphaned sons of seafaring men who lived at the Sunderland orphanage. His father, Thomas Duncan Elliot, was a chief officer who tragically washed overboard while sailing on a ship called the Skyros.

William’s mother was Sarah Elliott, a widow left with four young children, who had worked as a dressmaker to make ends meet following Thomas’ death. Prior to the father’s untimely end, that family had been financially comfortable.

William had been accepted into the orphanage in 1892, and then discharged on his 14th birthday, October 29, 1897. Though no information on him could be found after 1901, William most likely escaped a life at sea in exchange for work with a local solicitor due to his exceptional literacy and numeracy skills. Whether or not he continued to sing remains a mystery.

“His letter has touched us all,” said Tracey Mienie, Seventeen Nineteen’s center manager. “He was clearly very aware that his time at the orphanage – and in the choir – was ending and I think apprehension at what his future may hold comes across in his words.”

The letter inspired Seventeen Nineteen to launch a project called “Dear Friend,” where people can write in to receive a handcrafted letter kit along with a copy of William’s letter, then send their own personal response back.

As for William’s original note written more than a century ago, the leading choir boy got his wish. His letter has been framed and hung over the pew in which it was found. He will indeed be remembered, in the very way he had hoped for … with love.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Music

5-year-old Italian piano prodigy rocks Mozart at international competition and holy cow

Alberto has already won multiple international competitions.

Pianoforte/Facebook

Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani wows audiences with his amazing musical talents.

Mozart was known for his musical talent at a young age, playing the harpsichord at age 4 and writing original compositions at age 5. So perhaps it's fitting that a video of 5-year-old piano prodigy Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani playing Mozart has gone viral as people marvel at his musical abilities.

Alberto's legs couldn't even reach the pedals, but that didn't stop his little hands from flying expertly over the keys as incredible music pours out of the piano at the 10th International Musical Competition "Città di Penne" in Italy in 2022. Even if you've seen young musicians play impressively, it's hard not to have your jaw drop at this one. Sometimes a kid comes along who just clearly has a gift.

Of course, that gift has been helped along by two professional musician parents. But no amount of teaching can create an ability like this.

Alberto first started playing in 2020 in the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic. Italy was one of the first countries to experience a serious lockdown, and Alberto's mother used the opportunity to start teaching her son to play piano. Alessia Cingolani and her husband Simone Cartuccia are both music conservatory graduates, and mom Alessia told Italian entertainment website Contrataque that she and her husband recognized Alberto's talent immediately.

She said that although Alberto spends a lot of time at the piano, he also has plenty of time for school and play and television, like a normal kid.

There's genuinely nothing "normal" about this kid's piano playing, though. Watch:

Wow, right? There are countless adults who took years of piano lessons and never got to that level of playing. It's like he's channeling Amadeus himself.

According to Corriere Adriatico, by the time he was 4 1/2 years old, Alberto had participated in seven national and international online competitions and won first place in all of them. His mother told the outlet that he started out practicing for about 10 minutes a day and gradually increased to three hours.

"He has a remarkable flair for the piano," she said. Um, yeah. Clearly.

Some commenters expressed some concern for the boy based on his seriousness and what looks like dark circles under his eyes in the video, but if you check out other videos of Alberto playing at home, he is more relaxed. Most of his playing and competition entries have been done online, so performing for a crowd is probably new for him. And in interviews, his mother has made it clear that they prioritize normal childhood activities.

Some children are just genuine prodigies, and Alberto certainly seems to fit that bill. Can't wait to see what kind of musical future awaits this kid.


This article originally appeared on 5.4.22

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People share unforgettable stories told by their grandparents, and some are just insane

These grandparents truly lived.

Photo by Freddy Kearney on Unsplash

When your grandpa's a BAMF.

It can be eye-opening to listen to stories told by our grandparents. For many of us, that might be the only connection we have to them.

Even the smallest glimpse into their former lives gives us insight–not only into their own personal history, but into the soul of a different era entirely. Of course, whether that inspires nostalgia or disgust depends on the story.

I, for instance, know next-to-nothing about my maternal grandfather, other than he used his job at a candy factory to cover the fact that he was in cahoots with an Asian mob. An odd thing to know about your grandfather, and I’ll never look at M&M’s the same way again.

stories from grandparentsGiphy

A Reddit user named LorieEve recently asked people to share stories from their own grandparents that they’d “never forget.” Some answers are short and simple. Others read like a sprawling novel. Some are hilarious; others heartbreaking. All offer a meaningful look into the past.

Here are 10 of the best responses:

1.

“My grandfather was one of the earliest people to receive penicillin. His GP freaked out when he had a handwritten note from Alexander Fleming.” – melodicmusical

2.

"My grandpa worked in a steel mill in Ohio during the 50s and 60s and he was robbed at gunpoint in the basement of said mill when he looked him in the eyes and said ‘nice gun, but mine’s bigger’ needless to say he was not robbed.

He was also launched out of a third story window and landed in a dumpster from a propane explosion. He had suffered 3rd degree burns and drove the other 3 people involved to the hospital where they received proper care. His scars are covered by his beard.

He was also involved in a helicopter crash that destroyed his back so he can no longer sit down very well. He also survived an airplane crash in the 50s when 3 out of the 4 engines lost power and caught fire. It was a military aircraft that had been repurposed after the war.

In the 60s he was involved in a car accident caused by 2 people who had just robbed a bank. He then helped the police chase them down in his partially destroyed car because he wanted insurance information.

There was also the time that his senile grandfather shot him in his back with a shotgun but luckily he was far enough away that the pellets didn't penetrate very far.

In short, some of his stories may be made up, or my he's literally John Wick.” – that_one_nerd470

ww2 storiesGiphy

3.

“My grandmother's brother was drafted in the Army and was sent to fight in the Korean War. He ended up in the 2nd Infantry Division. His division was caught in The Gauntlet and he didn’t make it back home. To this day, he is still unaccounted for.

Well, the day he left home the last time, my grandma went with him to the train station. She told me that the last thing he ever said to her was, ‘at least I made it back home for a home cooked meal before I left.’

She was probably well into her 70s when she told me that story. It still brought tears to her eyes.” – slider728

4.

“My grandparents and all my relatives of that generation fled Germany after my great-grandfather was taken to a work camp.

My grandmother's most haunting story:

She was about 14, walking with a boy in their town square. She had blonde hair and would definitely 'pass' for Aryan. He apparently fit what the SS thought of as a Jew (he may have been wearing a yarmulke or other garment, I never knew that part.) The officers stopped them and grabbed him, told him to stay away from Aryan girls. He tried to say something, but didn't get to before they handcuffed him and dragged him away. They wished my grandmother goodnight and she never saw him again.” – DTownForever

5.

“My grandmother's family fled for their lives from Austria to the USA. Her father had been an outspoken political opponent of Adolf Hitler, and helped organize an anti-Nazi resistance in his hometown. Then Hitler invaded Austria, and somebody was kind enough to tip my great-grandpa off that his name was on a list to get shipped off to the concentration camps.

My grandmother barely remembered Austria or the move to New York City. But she never forgot a year or so later walking into a store with her father one day, only to have the shopkeeper curse him out and refuse to serve him as soon as he opened his mouth and spoke with a German accent. That incident made a deep impression on her. She credited it with teaching her quickly…just how shitty prejudice can be, especially in times of war.

She never taught any of her children her native language. An enormous number of German-Americans lost or refused to pass on their heritage language during WWII, because that wasn't a great time to be visibly German in any way in the USA.” – hononononnoh

6.

“My grandfather was a kid during the Great Depression. He once told me they had raccoon one year for a special Christmas dinner.” – FlokiTrainer

stories from grandparentsGiphy

7.

“This one's more lighthearted than most.

Both of my grandparents grew up in South Africa, and dated throughout high school. Just as they're getting ready to graduate, Ouma's father decided to move the whole family to the US. Totally heartbroken, Ouma broke up with Oupa a week before the departure, then spent the next few days bawling her eyes out in between packing. To her surprise Oupa had 'taken the news way too well'.

On the day of the departure Ouma and her family arrive to find Oupa waiting on the dock for them. Ouma figured he was there to see them off, until she realizes that the suitcases all around his feet are his. And when he went to greet them he was holding a letter from his parents for her parents, a ticket for their ship, and an engagement ring. Turns out that man had looked so calm during the breakup because he'd already been planning on going across the ocean for her.

They're up in their eighties and still together now.” – Anxious_Cap51

8.

“When my grandpa was 9 ish him and his friends were playing by the train tracks as people in their generation did. Him and his friends convinced a 4 year old who was playing with them at the time to get on a random train carriage where they then closed the door and told him he was going to Blackpool, he tried to frantically unlock the door but was too small to reach the lock.

He recalls watching this little boy's face as the train pulled off from the station.

After an hour the boy's mother asked them all where her son was where they just said ‘oh he's off to Blackpool.’ Luckily at the next train station a train conductor found the little boy and took him back on the next train.” – Remarkable-Ad-1107

9.

“My grandfather was quite the badass when he was younger, lots of stories I remember from him, but I’ve gotta share this story:

Context, I’m a second gen Canadian which makes my grandparents the ones who immigrated. They immigrated from the Netherlands, which is popular for their culture, food, and of course beer.

When he immigrated to Canada, he knew some English but not much...There was a man who greeted my grandfather which I don’t remember how or when, but regardless, they got to talking and the man asked my grandfather to ‘go for a beer’. And in Holland when you're asked to go for a beer, it means go to the bar and go get a beer.

Note this was the late 60’s in Canada, and A&W was beginning to be popular. My grandfather of course agrees, to get to know more people around where he was going to live. The man brings my grandfather to A&W, for a root beer and a burger, so he was confused out of his mind not being able to speak a word of English in this new country, and trying to learn the culture. My grandfather then learned he hated root beer. He still has contact with the A&W man.” – I-am-johan

10.

“My grandfather was a veteran of WWII, and one of the toughest but kindest people I ever had the honor of knowing.

One story from his military service he enjoyed sharing was his issues with driving on base. He was pulling up to his DI’s office, and went for a soft brake and park. Instead, due to how close the brake and gas pedals were in the truck he was driving, he hit the gas, and crashed into his DI’s office, stopping right at his desk.

While his DI stood there in shock and likely anger, my grandfather got out of the truck and just said hi. To which his DI responded ‘Hi? HI?! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!’

I miss my grandfather every day, and if there is a heaven, I hope he’s staying away from those trucks.” – SuburbanDJ


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Joy

17 uplifting memes about kindness to celebrate #WorldKindnessDay

"It takes nothing from a human to be kind to an animal."

via Canva/Photos

World Kindness Day is November 13.

November 13 is World Kindness Day, a global observation emphasizing the need to be kind to one another to thrive peacefully as a worldwide community. The World Kindness Movement first celebrated the day at a 1998 Tokyo conference and has spread worldwide for 26 years.

If you missed celebrating on the 13th, don’t worry. World Kindness Week is celebrated through November 18. But, of course, we can all be kind every day, can’t we? Whether to our friends and family, strangers, animals, or ourselves, a commitment to kindness can make a huge difference in everyone's life.

Why does kindness matter?

Studies have shown that people who engage in regular acts of kindness report higher life satisfaction and overall happiness. They also have reduced symptoms of depression and improved mental well-being. The great thing is that an act of kindness doesn’t stop there. Studies show that acts of kindness can have a ripple effect and spread like wildfire.

World Kindness Day even got the folks on X, known for salty barbs and controversial political takes, to calm down and think about what really matters in life. Here are some of the most uplifting posts made under #WorldKindnessDay.

Be kind because you never know what other people are going through.



#WorldKindessDay is a great reminder to make kindness your purpose in life.



Small acts of kindness for others can make a difference.



#WorldKindnessDay is a great reminder to be kind to animals and care for the environment so they can thrive.


Mr. Rogers knew a thing or two about kindness. How can we use his example to bring more kindness into the world?



Remember to be kind to yourself.


People didn’t just celebrate World Kindness Day on X. Krispy Kreme put its money where its mouth is by giving away free boxes of a dozen Original Glazed donuts to the first 500 customers at select locations nationwide. “We hope that each dozen Original Glazed doughnuts we give away enables and inspires many dozens of small acts of kindness,” Dave Skena, Krispy Kreme’s Global Chief Brand Officer, said in a statement.

Tom Cledwyn of London, England, is also putting his money on the line for World Kindness Day. He encourages people to start conversations with strangers at the city’s shops, bus stops, tube stations—and even urinals. If they happen to speak with the right stranger on World Kindness Day, they could win £25,000 ($32,000) in cash. His goal is to push back against the stereotype that Londoners are unfriendly.

"There is a sense of injustice Londoners feel about being labeled as unfriendly," Cledwyn said, according to The Mirror. "All they have to do to prove the world wrong is to talk to strangers for the day. Spending a moment or your time to acknowledge and engage with someone is the simplest form of kindness there is. Everywhere needs more kindness right now. In that respect, London is no different to anywhere else."

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