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Farmers These Days Look Different Than They Used To. We Can Thank This Photographer For Noticing.

It sort of seems embedded into our brains: Think of a farmer, and most often a man comes to mind. Right? It's hard to imagine women play such a huge role in farming (they're the fastest-growing demographic!) because you rarely see images of them. That's why I think it's so awesome and important that Marji Guyler-Alaniz is taking matters into her own hands by launching FarmHer, a project to better reflect what farming looks like today. Your image of a farmer may never be the same.

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Modern Families

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Can't you guys come to us for once?

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids.

The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase:

"When are you bringing them over?"

Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

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grandparents
Pets

Watch this fish undergo a huge transformation after getting a little love and care

Talk about a glow up.

TikTok

Monstro is all of us.

This is Monstro, a telescope goldfish that captured hearts online. Before his rehabilitation, there was absolutely no gold to be seen—he looked like he was covered in soot. In a now-viral TikTok video, artist Lacey Scott shared that when she first met the 10-year-old fish at a pet store, he was “sick and dying." I mean, just take a peek at the screenshot below. Little guy looked like a charcoal brick. Definitely not the picture of health.


goldfish gets nursed back to life, animal tiktok, fish tiktokSad fishy. Very sad fishy. TikTok



Lesions had also formed on his underside from laying in the substrate (those little pebbles found at the bottom of a tank). The poor fellow couldn’t even swim anymore.

Scott decided to take Monstro home and see if she could nurse him back to health. Setting up a “shallow hospital tank” with aquarium salt and a daily water change seemed to have a positive effect. Monstro began eating again and swimming for short periods of time.

Eventually, he was put into a five gallon tank, and even got some new friends. At this point, his golden hue began to return. Not fully—he had a cool ombre thing happening. But still, obvious progress.

“He also got bigger….a lot bigger,” the onscreen text read. Continuing to grow is a common characteristic of goldfish—not just to fit their environment, by the way—and this was a clear indicator that Monstro was getting healthier by the day.

As Monstro’s condition improved, people became even more invested.

monstro fish tiktok, fishtok

Same, Courtney. Same

TikTok

The video ends with Monstro swimming and carefree, a golden boy once again.

@heretherebesculptures The one where you accidentally become a goldfish keeper. Meet Monstro 🖤 #rescue #inspirational #goldfish #rescuepet #fish #recovery ♬ Inspirational Piano - AShamaluevMusic

One person commented, “You’re telling me this goldfish was wearing all black cause he was SAD? I love him so much.” And actually, this statement is pretty accurate.

Fish can often be seen as the perfect low-maintenance pet. It’s not like Mr. Guppy expects daily walks, after all. Nor does he feel the need to scratch up the leather furniture. What could possibly go wrong?

But the truth is: Fish, like all pets, really do require at least some level of devoted care. Fish in general need a good tank size and water that is routinely cleaned, as well as a strict eating schedule. And unlike our furry friends, fish rarely offer warning signs before things go belly up … literally.

Goldfish in particular might need some extra TLC. They are a notoriously messy breed, and require a little daily help to keep things clean. A fish-keeping site called Aquariadise suggests a high-grade filtration system and a 30% water change on a weekly basis. Plus, being omnivores, they actually need variety in their diet. But not too much too quickly! Yes, it’s a lot. But when properly taken care of, these little guys can provide companionship for decades. Yes, decades.

@heretherebesculptures Reply to @crystalcelestecon he’s doing great 🥰 #monstrothegoldfish #rescueanimals ♬ Japanese-style dramatic piano song - スタジオ　Music Rabbit

It’s unclear whether or not Monstro has decades left. But Scott assured us that no matter how long he has left, “he’ll spend the rest of his days happy and loved.” And that’s what counts.


This article originally appeared on 5.30.22


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animals
Health

Conflict expert shares the 1 phrase you can use to stop an argument from happening

It'll make people agree with you, too.

via Canva/Photos

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.

How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsPeople coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsTwo men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

relationships
Music

Four cellists play Ravel's 'Bolero' on a single cello and it's one wild ride

The song's signature snare drum is nowhere to be seen, but WOW do they make it work.

Classic FM/Facebook

One cello, four cellists and an amazing musical feat.

Some compositions are so ubiquitous they are recognizable in their first few bars, even by people who are not music aficionados. French composer Maurice Ravel's "Bolero" is one of those pieces, known for its relentless snare drum beat throughout, as it gradually builds tension from a sweet, simple tune to a grand, flourishing climax.

Ravel wrote the piece for a friend, a Russian ballet dancer, while on holiday shortly before touring North America in 1928. According to Classic FM, the composer was about to go for a swim when he called a friend over to the piano and played a simple theme with one finger, saying, "Don’t you think that has an insistent quality? I’m going to try to repeat it a number of times without any development, gradually increasing the orchestra as best I can.”

That he did, with tremendous success—and with the sacrifice of the poor percussionist charged with repeating the same 24-beat note pattern throughout the piece, for a whopping total of 5,144 drum strokes on the snare drum. While different instruments are introduced as the piece progresses, creating a buildup of sound that eventually incorporates the full symphony orchestra, the lone snare drummer never gets a break. They play the same rhythm over and over and over, just gradually increasing in volume.

But what would "Bolero" be without the signature snare drum? Or the orchestral buildup? What if someone were to play "Bolero" on just one instrument? What if several someones played it on the same instrument? Would that even work?

Such experimentation with well-known pieces can be risky. But four cellists managed to pull off an incredible feat by performing "Bolero" together on a single cello. While it's not the full 15-minute piece, it's doggone impressive how rich and full the piece feels on just this one instrument. Watching the cellists physically coordinate the playing of it is sheer entertainment, beautifully executed—and the little bullfight shoutout to the Spanish theme is just delightful.

Enjoy this fun performance by the Wiener Cello Ensemble 5 +1, shared by Classic FM:

This article originally appeared on 4.27.22

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Pets

Five reasons rabbits make the best indoor pets

They do cute things with cute names, like "zoomies," "binkies" and "flops."

Photo by William Daigneault

Bunnies make amazing indoor pets.

Our family has gone through a passel of pets while raising our kids.

We started with a goldfish named Princess (who lived a surprisingly long life for a feeder fish we got at a festival). We've had several pairs of fancy rats, which really do make sweet, personable pets. We got our first cat when we moved to a place that allowed them, which as a lifelong cat person I was excited about. Then added a feline friend for him a couple of years later.

Finally, several years ago, two of our kids got rabbits. And honestly? If we had known how awesome bunnies can be as indoor pets, we would have skipped the fish and the rats—maybe even the cats—and never looked back.

The fish was interesting to look at. The rats were sweet and cute. (If you've never seen a pet rat wash its face or eat a Cheerio, you're missing out.) Rats themselves are clean, but their cages get smelly pretty fast. The cats are great—again, always been a cat person—but ours are indoor only and the catbox situation is … less than desirable. They've also destroyed several pieces of furniture with their claws. Good thing they're so entertaining and lovable.

But the rabbits have surprised me by having a leg up on all the other pets we've had. Here's why:

1. They can be litterbox trained—and it's way less stinky than a cat's litterbox.

Photo by Li Yan on Unsplash

I had no idea that rabbits could be litter trained.

Rats can allegedly be litter trained as well, but we never had any luck with that with any of our pet rats. And cats are easy to litter train, of course, but cat pee and poo are smelly. It takes super expensive litter to cover cat pee ammonia smell, and if a kid waits too long to change the litter it's … noticeable.

Rabbit pee doesn't stink. I don't know how, but it doesn't. It barely has much of a smell at all, and the smell is just sort of "earthy." Same with rabbit poop. It's basically just digested hay, and it's little dry-ish pellets that pick up easily. We often joke that it's like picking up a Cocoa Puff, not that we have to pick up a lot of it because they generally keep it all inside their litterboxes.

It took less than a week for each of our rabbits to start using their litterboxes consistently. And their "litter" is just paper. Super easy to clean out their boxes, and again, super not smelly.

2. They're adorable and unbelievably soft.

Photo by Степан Галагаев on Unsplash

Bunny fur is so soft it's unreal. The only thing I've ever felt that was softer was chinchilla fur. They do shed sometimes, so there's a vacuuming element to having rabbits, much like there is with cats and dogs. Totally worth it, though.

There are a bazillion different rabbit breeds out there, with different-sized bodies, different fur types, different ear types and so on. But most of them are so darn cute. The way they twitch their little noses all the time? Precious. Their little bunny butts with their little bunny tails? Forget about it. I thought watching a rat wash its face was cute, but bunny face and ear washing is even better.

And eating lettuce? The little crunchy-munchy sounds they make? Gracious.

The number of "Awwww, he's so cuuuute!" around here rivals when we had a newborn baby.

3. They do cute things with cute names like zoomies, binkies and flops.

Not only do rabbits do the cutest things, but the cute things they do also have the cutest names, such a:

Zoomies: When a rabbit gets a sudden burst of energy and starts racing around the room, it's called a "zoomy."

Binkies: When rabbits are happy, they'll do a sudden, twitchy jump for joy, where they leap up in the air and sort of shimmy their body really fast. It's my favorite thing. They do it out of nowhere, like their joy just overtakes them all of a sudden and they can't help themselves. (Watch some bunny binkying above and witness the cuteness.)

Flops: When rabbits feel safe and content, they just flop over onto their side. Again, out of nowhere. You might almost think they fainted or died, but no, they just "flopped."

I genuinely had no idea rabbits had such personalities. I'd only ever seen them in hutches or cages just sort of laying around, but when they are able to roam around, they're delightfully entertaining.

4. They can be surprisingly smart—and fearless.

Photo by William Daigneault on Unsplash

Wild rabbits are skitterish, so I expected our pet rabbits to be similar. Nope. Our bunnies can get spooked by loud noises, but they're not at all afraid of people. They're not even afraid of our cats. They'll run right up to people and constantly try to get the cats to play with them. It's hilarious.

And maybe it's just our rabbits, but they're surprisingly smart. My son's rabbit kept getting out of his enclosure, and it took us a while to figure out how he did it because he'd only do it when no one was in the room.

You can also train them to do little tricks, like running around in a circle or jumping through a hoop. My kids have trained the rabbits to jump over their legs when they're sitting, and all my daughter has to do is flick her finger and her rabbit will spin around for a treat.

5. They're pretty low-maintenance as furry pets go.

Photo by Aneta Voborilova on Unsplash

I don't want to oversimplify what it takes to have a bunny as a pet, and there are some downsides I'll share in a moment. But as far as loveable, furry creatures go, rabbits are pretty low-maintenance. They eat hay and food pellets and fresh vegetables, they drink water either from a bowl or a water dispenser, and they need things they can chew on. There aren't vaccines for pet rabbits in the U.S., so no need to keep up with those. They need their claws trimmed once in a while. And that's about it.

So what are the downsides?

Chewing. The main downside with our two bunnies is that one of them is a major chewer. All rabbits like to chew, but if you give them enough things that are safe for them to chew on, they're less likely to chew things you don't want them to. But rabbit teeth are like razors and our chewer is particularly partial to cords—phone chargers, lamp cords, any type of cord really. He somehow manages to chew through pet-proof cord protectors as well, so he doesn't get to roam around freely without a close watch on him like our other rabbit does.

Space is another issue if you can't let them roam freely. Creating an enclosure large enough for them to run around in requires space that not everyone has. Our "free-roaming" bunny doesn't even have a cage—he just roams around my daughter's room and has a little linoleumed area where his litter box and food go. (Unlike cats, rabbits actually like to have their food near their litterboxes.) Like all animals, rabbits need exercise to stay healthy so it's not great for them to stay in small hutches or cages all the time.

Finally, as the Humane Society of the United States points out, they're not great for families with very young children. I'd wait until kids are old enough to understand how to handle them gently (they are more delicate than cats or dogs) and not make a lot of startling noises around them.

That's really about it. As I said, if I had known the cost-benefit ratio of having rabbits as indoor pets, we would have started the kids off with them as pets from the get-go. In some ways, they're even preferable to the cats—and coming from a lifelong cat person, that's really saying something.


This article originally appeared on 3.17.22

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