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Evan Porter

Humor

"How to use a printer" satire perfectly captures our frustration with modern technology

There's a word for why everything that should be awesome by now seems to be getting worse.

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Home printers are incredibly frustrating to use, and they aren't getting better.

Anyone who has ever printed a document at home knows the inevitable rage of dealing with your standard home-office inkjet printer. They're clunky, unreliable, and prone to a litany of problems—everything from drivers to ink cartridges to the WIFI is bound to malfunction at some point. And without a usable interface, they're extremely difficult to troubleshoot on your own.

The problem with printers is that they have been around since at least the 80s. And while the technology has improved in some ways, they remain incredibly buggy and difficult, and printer manufacturers have found infuriating ways to make them even more annoying and expensive to use. (Ink cartridge subscriptions, anyone?)

office space, printer, printers, home office, technology, profitsThe boys from Office Space knew how to handle wayward printers.Giphy

But YouTuber Gus Johnson is here to help. He's created a perfectly simple guide for anyone who wants to get their printer set up and begin printing documents. Let's go!

First, Johnson walks us through how to make sure our printer is turned on. It's on? OK, great! Now we're ready to print—well, after the printer installs the 18 mandatory driver updates.

Once those are all done, it's time to print. Except it turns out the ink is low—well, not low, but low-ish, which means the printer won't print until you replace all of the cartridges. And no, you are not allowed to print in black and white if your magenta is low, just so you know.

The cartridges, by the way, are not compatible between printers and often not reliably sold in stores. So, Johnson shows us how to order them online and then wait. Days later, now we're ready to print! Well, after one more new cartridge update installs, and of course given that you can figure out how to get your supposedly "wireless printer" to talk to your laptop.

Johnson's video is a gut-busting watch for anyone who's grappled with a home printer and been tempted to pull an Office Space on it with a hefty baseball bat. Watch the whole thing here:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Printers are a really complicated piece of technology. But that shouldn't let them off the hook. Most of the problems spoofed in Johnson's video are solvable. And that's exactly the larger issue.

The Wirecutter writes that "there is some amazingly complicated technology in your printer, including the printheads, the ink, and the mapping software. You take your printer for granted, but that box can cover a piece of paper in millions of dots of precisely located, color-matched ink in a few seconds," and that most manufacturers take a loss on the actual machinery of a printer, hoping to recoup the earnings via ink sales later down the road.

If printers were the only piece of technology that seem to get worse and worse, bleeding us for more and more money while offering a rapidly deteriorating product, maybe we'd be willing to spare a few tears for the poor manufacturers. But this is a global problem affecting practically everything we touch—from social media, streaming content, journalism, and even restaurants. We pay more or the same for something that doesn't ever get any better, and often gets worse!

There's a term for this phenomenon. It's officially called "enshittification," or platform decay.

Writer Cory Doctrow, who coined the term, describes the pattern like this: "Here is how platforms die: first, they are good to their users; then they abuse their users to make things better for their business customers; finally, they abuse those business customers to claw back all the value for themselves. Then, they die."

Bill Maher described Silicon Valley's approach to technology as, "If it ain't broke, f*ck with it."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Doctrow even mentioned printers specifically in a recent Medium post:

"They make printer-scanners that won’t scan unless all four ink cartridges are installed and haven’t reached their best-before dates. They make printers that won’t print black and white if your $50 magenta cartridge is low. They sell you printers with special half-full cartridges that need to be replaced pretty much as soon as the printer has run off its mandatory 'calibration' pages. The full-serving ink you buy to replace those special demitasse cartridges is also booby-trapped — HP reports them as empty when they’re still 20% full. ... HP tricks customers into signing up for irrevocable subscriptions where you have to pay every month, whether or not you print, and if you exceed your subscription cap, the printer refuses to work, no matter how much ink is left."

Ink is outrageously expensive, but the printer companies exploit copyright laws to make sure you can't buy third party cartridges. When that fails, they push out security updates that break compatibility with anything but their own ink cartridges. These kinds of offenses go on and on.

In other words, long ago it was very exciting that we were able to print our own documents at home. Initial innovations focused on making that process better and better. But we're long past that now and the problems with most home printers will probably remain forever, or as long as manufacturers think they can keep squeezing our wallets. They're not really incentivized to make a printer that actually uses 100% of an ink cartridge or reliably connects to WIFI—they just want to make sure we buy the next one.

Johnson's YouTube rant is so funny precisely because it's true, but also because it finds humor in the frustration we all share at this cycle of enshittification. If we can't get our $300 printer to reliably spit out a basic black and white document, at least we can all laugh at our shared misery.

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13 everyday idioms that make zero sense until you know where they come from

Sweating like a pig? Pigs don't sweat!

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I've always really liked cliches, idioms, proverbs, and common phrases that we like to use over and over. They can get repetitive at times, but they're crucial tools in communication. They allow us to convey so much meaning in so few words — a commonly understood shorthand that can get complex points across quickly.

The only problem is that many of the most popular idioms in common use date back hundreds of years. In that time, they've either become outdated, or seen their words adopt new meanings. In some cases the idioms have been shortened or reversed, losing important context. So when someone tells you to "bite the bullet," you may inherently know what they mean — but if you really stop and think about it, you have no idea why it means what it means.

If you're a word nerd like me, you'll be absolutely fascinated by the origin and evolution of some of these common idioms, and how they came to mean what they mean today.

1. Sick as a dog / Working like a dog

dog typing on laptopGiphy

Ever have a cold and tell someone you're "sicker than a dog?" Kind of rude to dogs, in my opinion, and a little strange. I've had dogs my whole life and can't remember any of them coming down with the flu.

Sick as a dog actually originates hundreds of years ago, if not longer. Some explanations say that in the 1700s, stray dogs were responsible for the spread of many diseases, along with rats and other gutter critters. There are also references as far back as the Bible to dogs eating their own vomit — sounds pretty sick to me.

What about working like a dog? Dogs are the laziest creatures around! For this one you have to remember that dogs as "pleasure pets" is a relatively recent phenomenon, and before that they had to earn their keep by working tirelessly on the farm to herd and protect the animals.

2. Sweating like a pig

This is an extremely common idiom that we all use and accept. There's just one problem with it. Pigs don't sweat!

So... what gives? You might be surprised to hear that 'sweating like a pig' actually has nothing to do with farm animals.

According to McGill University: "The term is actually derived from the iron smelting process in which hot iron poured on sand cools and solidifies with the pieces resembling a sow and piglets. Hence 'pig iron'. As the iron cools, the surrounding air reaches its dew point, and beads of moisture form on the surface of the 'pigs'. 'Sweating like a pig' indicates that the "pig" (ie iron) has cooled enough to be safely handled. And that's a "pig" you wouldn't want to eat."

idioms, bite the bullet, bullets, guns, ammunitionA person holds a plate with bulletsImages via Canva

3. Bite the bullet

Biting the bullet refers to sucking it up and doing something hard, something you don't want to do but is necessary, and accepting the difficult consequences and/or pain that comes with it. But what does that have to do with biting a bullet?

There are different theories on this. One common explanation is that in the olden days it was common for soldiers on the battlefield receiving surgery to bite down on a lead bullet. You've probably seen people in moving biting down on a piece of wood or leather strap. Since lead is a softer metal, it would give just a little bit between their teeth and not damage them. So the idiom 'biting the bullet' means, okay, this is going to suck, just bite down and get through it.

idioms, horses, healthy as a horse, animals, sayingsA horse making a funny faceImage via Canva

4. Healthy as a horse

This one has always confused me. As a layman, it seems like horses are prone to injury and have trouble recovering when they hurt themselves. More research shows that horses can not vomit, which means they are highly at risk for deadly colic episodes. Doesn't sound super healthy!

The best explanation I can find for healthy as a horse is that, again, in the olden days, horses were symbols of health and strength and vitality. Which checks out — they're really powerful, majestic creatures.

idioms, slept like a baby, babies, kids, children, sayingsA baby with glasses sleeping on a moon pillowImage via Canva

5. Slept like a baby

To many parents, this common idiom is rage-inducing. If babies sleep so well, why am I so exhausted all the time?!

Yes, babies are notorious for waking up every few hours or at the first sign of hunger or a dirty diaper. It puts their parents through the wringer (another strange idiom!). But to the outside observer, a sleeping baby is pure bliss. They are so innocent and blissfully unaware of anything going on around them — after all, if they're not sitting in a dirty diaper they really don't have too many other things to worry about. Also, despite all their shenanigans, babies do sleep a lot — around 17 hours a day or so. When you put it that way, the idiom starts to make a little sense.

idioms, clams, happy as a clam, seafood, sayingsOcean Seafood GIF by Lorraine NamGiphy

6. Happy as a clam

Clams are a lot of things. Some people find them delicious, others disgusting. One thing I think we can all agree on is that clams don't seem particularly happy, which makes this idiom a bit of a conundrum.

The truth is that this phrase is actually derived from the full version: "Happy as a clam at high water."

At low water, or low tide, clams are exposed to predators. At high tide, they're safe in deeper water. That's about as happy as mollusk can get!

idioms, pudding, proof is in the pudding, sayingsGiga Pudding Snack GIFGiphy

7. The proof is in the pudding

Hey, we all love pudding. But what the heck does this mean? If you're not familiar, it refers to judging something based on the results it generates — but what that has to do with pudding is a bit of a mystery to most people.

This is another example of a shortened idiom that makes more sense when you read the full, original line: "The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

According to Dictionary.com it "originated as a reference to the fact that it was difficult to judge if the pudding was properly cooked until it was actually being eaten. In other words, the test of whether it’s done is taking a bite."

smiling horseGiphy

8. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth

I've always been a big fan of this idiom, which basically means that it's rude to over-analyze or criticize something you got for free, especially when it was a nice gesture from a friend or loved one.

But here we go with horses again! This phrase likely originated from the fact that you can determine a horse's age and health by looking at its teeth. So if someone were to give you a horse as a gift, it would be rude to immediately try to see how "good" it was by looking in its mouth.

idioms, clean as a whistle, kids, sayings, whistlesA young boy blows a whistle Image via Canva

9. Clean as a whistle

Whistles are objectively disgusting. They collect spit and germs every time they're used. I certainly wouldn't hold them up as a beacon of cleanliness.

So what gives with this idiom? There are several possible explanations that have been proposed.

First, a whistle won't work, or won't work very well, if it has debris blocking up its inside. So you can think of "clean" in this case as being "empty or free of clutter." Another possibility is that, in this idiom, clean refers to sharpness — as in the sharp sound a whistle makes — and that inference has been lost over time.

idioms, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, sayings, valuesTwo women laugh looking at a laptop screenImage via Canva

10. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps

This phrase is commonly use to describe someone who was "self-made" and built themselves up into a success from nothing. Imagine lying on the floor and hoisting yourself to your feet using only the straps on your boots.

The only problem is... that's impossible! And that's exactly the point. This idiom is actually meant to be sarcastic and to imply that "socioeconomic advancement... was an impossible accomplishment," according to Useless Etymology.

11. Have your cake and eat it too

cartoon cake sliceGiphy

Why bother having a cake if you can't eat it? That's the mystery of this extremely common idiom or proverb (sometimes worded "you can't have your cake and eat it, too")

The explanation is actually really simple. "Have" in this case really means "keep" or "hold onto." So, in that case, it makes perfect sense that you can't eat your cake and also still have it. "You can't have it both ways," would be another way of saying it.


12. Head over heels

Very rarely do people describe being deeply in love without using this phrase. But it's a confusing one, because isn't your head always over your heels? That doesn't seem to be an extraordinary state of being.

The idiom here has actually been flipped over time for unknown reasons. Originally, it went "heels over head", implying upside down. Some say it may also reference certain sexual positions...

idioms, pushing the envelope, exercise, gyms, workouts, sayingsTwo women at a gym push an oversized envelopeImages via Canva

13. Pushing the envelope

When I think of radical, risky, or pushing the limits of what's possible, sliding an envelope across a table just somehow doesn't quite capture it for me. But an envelope doesn't have to be just a paper container that you put other paper in. It can actually refer to different parts and practices of an aircraft.

"Push the envelope comes from aeronautics, where it refers to a set of performance limits that may not be safely exceeded," according to Merriam Webster. Now that's more like it!

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NBA star's newest superfan is his girlfriend's sports-agnostic grandma

Grandma didn't care for sports. Now she's got Jaylin William's game schedule on the fridge.

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NBA star Jaylin Williams' newest and biggest fan is his girlfriend's grandma

It's a tall task for anyone to integrate themselves into their partner's family. You need to thread the needle of being polite and likable, but you can't be a pushover. The family has to respect you and view you as a good match for their daughter or son. And then there are individual relationships to build and nurture with each member of the family.

When you're a celebrity and your partner is a mostly regular person? It must be doubly hard. Once the razzle dazzle of being starstruck has worn off, family members are bound to have a lot of questions about your sincerity and your intentions.

Alanna Harris recently shared that her boyfriend, NBA player Jaylin Williams, has done an excellent job of becoming part of her family. He has hit it off with one surprising person, in particular: Her grandma.


jaylin williams, okc thunder, viral, heartwarming, grandma, friendshipJaylin Williams, winning on the court and with the grandmasGiphy

Jaylin Williams is an up and coming player for the Oklahoma City Thunder. The Thunder selected Williams in the second round of the 2022 NBA draft. While he's not as famous as, say, Lebron James, he's a good player who's really making a name for himself in the league. That comes with a lot of notoriety.

Harris' grandma, she says, never cared about sports, and thus had no idea who Williams was. At first. Now, she's his biggest fan. Harris posted an adorable slideshow of the two of them together on her TikTok page:

The first photo shows Harris' grandmother standing side by side with Williams, both with an arm thrown around each other. Williams' 6' 9" stature is readily apparent.

Next up is Grandma watching one of Williams' games on her phone, using a magnifying glass on the small screen. (Harris joked she was "keeping her eye out for another triple double.")

Then we've got Williams' upcoming game schedule, hand transcribed by Grandma and placed onto the fridge with a magnet (the paper is aptly titled "Basket Ball")

View the photos here.

The relationship and fandom goes ever deeper than the photos show.

"Sometimes it's hard for her to tell the players apart when she's watching on her phone because it's so tiny, so she will ask Jaylin to wear bright shoes so it's easier for her to find him," Harris told Newsweek. "He always does."

Grandma also has plenty of thoughts and opinions on how well (or not) Williams is playing in any given game.

"Sometimes she will call me during the game and ask if I can tell Jaylin he needs to shoot more when I text him at half time. I'm like, 'Grandma, the coaches know what they're doing.'"

But even though she's tough on Williams, she's still his biggest fan and defender. Harris says her grandma spends hours in Oklahoma City Thunder Facebook groups nobly defending Williams against haters and trolls.

Commenters couldn't get over the wholesome story of this improbable duo.

"Stop this is adorable"

"I know granny loved the triple double"

"The magnifying glass omg so cute"

"Grandma just tryna make sure her parlays hit," one user joked.

A user who claimed they worked for the Thunder even offered for Grandma to stop by during the next game and she'd get her a proper fridge magnet schedule. But I don't know, I kind of like the handwritten one!

Harris' post has over 5 million views and thousands of comments, both from fans of Williams and people who just love a heartwarming story.

@alanna.harris

like lets be so fr

Some say our culture has an unhealthy obsession over when celebrities date normal people, or "muggles." But we also have a perfectly normal and unstoppable obsession with adorable grandmas making friends with unexpected people.

Maybe it's because grandparents come from an older generation and, having a wealth of experience and wisdom, have far less of a filter. Grandma will let you know in no uncertain terms if she doesn't like you, and she does not have the time to put on a performance for her granddaughter's sake. So, you know the relationship is pure and genuine, as is granny's growing love of basketball. It's incredibly sweet that they've both put in the time and effort to get to know each other, and that all that effort is paying off in the family growing just a little bit bigger.

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Researchers have been secretly studying who gets "the ick" and what it might say about you

"The ick" has been around for ages but never measured and analyzed. Until now.

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The ick: A sudden revulsion to a romantic partner over trivial behavior.

The first time I heard of "the ick" came from watching the hit Netflix show Nobody Wants This. In the show, Kristen Bell's character suddenly develops the ick for Adam Brody's character (whom she's dating) after a series of relatively minor faux pas as he's trying to impress her parents. He wears a cheesy sports coat and makes one-too-many corny jokes, to be precise. She suddenly finds herself repulsed by him, and insists that no one has "ever come back from the ick."

Adam Brody's character eventually wins her back over with an impressive display of emotional maturity, but it was a fascinating sequence nonetheless. It brought the term to the attention of a lot of viewers and catapulted it even higher into the zeitgeist.

A new study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences aims to shed light on this phenomenon, and the people who experience it.


dating, relationships, break ups, divorce, the ick, dating studyThe Ick even made it to JeopardyGiphy

For starters, let's define "the ick," or rather, let the authors of the study do it:

"The 'ick' 'is a sudden and visceral aversion to a romantic partner, often triggered by behaviors or characteristics that superficially signal incompatibility or low mate quality."

In other words, it's when a person says or does something that really skeeves you out or turns you off. It sounds a little silly, but the ick can be extremely powerful and tough for people to shake. That's because, as the authors note, whatever the behavior is that icked you out might signal that you're not a good match for this person, or that they're just a low quality partner in general. So in a sense, it's an evolutionary protection mechanism.

It seems extremely harsh that our bodies would be trained to reject partners at the slightest misstep, but in evolutionary terms, it makes a lot of sense:

"A false-positive error—accepting an incompatible partner—can drain resources, reduce reproductive success, and carry long-term relational consequences, whereas a false-negative error—rejecting a compatible partner—results in a missed opportunity but poses fewer immediate risks," the study says.

So if the guy you were into shows up in a fedora one day, it's probably best to show him the door posthaste. Better safe than sorry.

What causes the ick?


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

It's usually brought on by things that, on the surface, seem pretty unimportant. We're not talking about cheating, emotional abuse, or being a bad person. It's much subtler than that. The researchers use lots of examples from TV to make their point:

"In Seinfeld ... Jerry is disgusted by his date's 'manly' hands; and in Sex and the City ... Carrie is revolted by a lover after learning he wrote her a love song."

But where the actual studying part of the study comes in is that the authors began inhaling TikTok videos where users discussed their experiences getting the ick, and they began rigorously categorizing the responses.

The real-life examples are even more nit-picky, like someone who licks their fingers before turning a page. Girls "tripping in public." A guy wearing jorts, or bending over too far and accidentally showing his butt crack. Or, in Adam Brody's case, wearing a sports coat. In many cases these simple (and hilarious!) things are death knells for a relationship once the ick sets in.

The researchers broke ick-inducing behaviors down into a few buckets: Gender incongruence, public embarrassment, or physical appearance. Believe it or not, physical appearance was not the most common! Gender incongruence — guys doing girly things, girls doing manly things — was the biggest category of ick-driving behavior. One girl said the guy she was dating gave her "the ick" when he laid his head on her shoulder affectionately.

Wow...

What getting "the ick" might say about you

disgust, inside out, the ick, dating, relationships, break ups, studies, scientific researchPrime candidate for The IckGiphy

The next part of the study involved recruiting participants who were willing to answer questions about their own experiences with this phenomenon. After thorough interviews, researchers narrowed down three traits that seem to indicate people are more likely to get "the ick,":

Narcissism. People who like to be the center of attention or otherwise display narcissistic tendencies were highly correlated in this study.

Perfectionism. Not perfectionism of the self, mind you! But people who scored highly on questions related to holding the people around them to exceptionally high standards were more prone to "the ick."

Disgust sensitivity. People were more likely to have experienced "the ick" if they answered strongly on questions relating to feeling disgust even outside of a dating or interpersonal sense. People who get exceptionally grossed out by disgusting things are more likely to experience revulsion at minor behaviors in a romantic partner.

Any of those things sound like you? If you're feeling judged, don't. Remember, getting icked-out by a partner isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could be an evolutionary response trying to protect you from making a bad choice (like having a baby with a weirdo). Though it's also important to remember this biological strategy also discards a lot of potentially great partners, so listen to your ick wisely — you might just want to give fedora guy another chance, after all.

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