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Evan Porter

I'm a storyteller at heart, and I'm grateful to live in a time when amazing stories have never been easier to find. I nerd out about cool technology that's making the world a better place, choke up at triumphant underdog stories and openly weep about anything having to do with being a dad. Find me on https://dadfixeseverything.com

Modern Families

Do you have a "living room family" or a "bedroom family"?

This 'debate' is all the rage on TikTok. But one is not better than the other.

alexxx1915/TikTok

TikTok user alexxx1915 recently posted a short video with the caption: "I just learned the term 'living room family' and I never understood why my kids never played in their rooms when I always did as a kid."

She briefly shows her kids hanging out in the living room with their pet dog and some toys scattered around the floor, before panning to her own face and giving a sort of sentimental look. The simple, ten-second clip struck a huge nerve with parents, racking up over 25 million views and thousands of heartfelt comments.

@alexxx1915
#livingroomfamily #fypシ

What are "living room families" and "bedroom families"?

This idea has been going around for a while on social media.

Simply put, a living room family is a family that congregates in the living room, or any common space in the household. Kids play in the same space where the adults relax — and things are often messy, as a result. Everyone interacts with each other and spends lots of time together. Bedrooms are reserved mostly for sleeping and dressing.

A bedroom family, on the other hand, is where the kids spend more time in their rooms. They play there, watch TV, and maybe even eat meals. Typically, the main rooms of the house are kept neat and tidy — you won't find a lot of toys scattered about — and family time spent together is more structured and planned ahead rather than casual.

"Living room families" has become the latest aspirational term on TikTok. Everyone wants to be a living room family!

The implication of being a bedroom family, or having 'room kids', is that perhaps they don't feel safe or comfortable or even allowed to take up room in the rest of the house, or to be around the adults.

"I remember my brother coming round once and he just sat in silence while watching my kids play in livingroom. After a while he looked at me and said 'It's so nice that your kids want to be around you'" one commenter said on alexxx1915's video.

"I thought my kids hated their rooms 🥺 turns out they like me more" said another.

"You broke a generational curse. Good job mama!" said yet another.

There's so much that's great about having a family that lives out in the open — especially if you were raised feeling like you had to hide in your room.

In my own household, we're definitely a living room family. We're around each other constantly, and the house is often a mess because of it. Learning about this term makes me feel a little better that my kids want to be around us and feel comfortable enough to get their 'play mess' all over the living room.

The mess is a sign of the love and comfort we all share together.

But the big twist is that it's also perfectly fine if your kids — and you! — like a little more solitary time.

boy playing with toys on the floor Gavyn Alejandro/Unsplash

Being a 'bedroom family' is actually perfectly OK.

There's a similar discourse that took place last year about living room parents vs bedroom parents. The general consensus seemed to be that it was better to be a living room parent, who relaxed out in the open versus taking alone time behind closed doors.

But it really doesn't have to be one or the other, and neither is necessarily better.

Making your kids feel relegated to their room is, obviously, not great. It's not a good thing if they feel like they're not allowed to exist in and play in the rest of the house.

But if they just like hanging out in their room? Nothing wrong with that at all! And same goes for parents.

Alone time is important for parents and kids alike, and everyone needs different amounts of it to thrive.

Kids with certain special needs, like being on the autism spectrum, may be absolutely thrilled to spend lots of time in their rooms, for example.

So are you a living room family or a bedroom family? Turns out, it doesn't really matter, as long as your family loves each other and allows everyone to be exactly who they are.

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Culture

The real reason so many Americans eat lunch in their cars

It might look strange, and a little sad, but it's actually perfectly healthy.

Unsplash

A person on Reddit recently noticed something funny going on at work. Many of their coworkers would choose to eat lunch in their cars instead of in the breakroom or other communal spaces.

"As an Asian immigrant, I find it very odd to see my American (mostly white) co-workers eating by themselves in their cars in the parking lot during lunch times," the user wrote. "I asked them to join my lunch group at the picnic tables but they declined with a straight face. Do most Americans not like to socialize during their lunch break?"

This is a question that comes up a lot. And I mean, a lot. It seems to be a huge point of cultural confusion for folks who weren't born and raised in America.

Curious minds really want to know!

I notice it all the time myself, and not just at meal times.

When I pull into parking lots, I'll often take a look around and find at least one of the cars next to me is occupied by someone who seems to be just sitting there.

So what's the deal: Why do Americans love eating or just sitting in their car alone?

People who eat alone in the car aren't being anti-social, and they're not sad and lonely. They just need a chance to recharge.

The introverts of Reddit were quick to educate the OP on what's really going on here.

The short answer? The modern world is incredibly over-stimulating for many of us, and even something that seems relaxing — like eating and chatting with coworkers — can be even more of a drain.

Eating lunch in the car might be the only peace and quiet we get all day.

Woman sitting alone in car Unsplash

"We tend to think of our lunch breaks as personal time to ourselves. Some people will want to eat lunch with coworkers, but others would rather listen to music, talk to family members, or read a book for example. Or just take a nap! People who are more introverted also tend to feel tired by being around people and recharged by being alone." - LarsAlereon

"For a lot of us, being social is emotionally draining. We do it as part of our jobs because we have to. When we have the opportunity to not have to be social, we take it." - ElbowDancer

"My car seats are a million times more comfortable than any other seating option at any job that doesn't involve sitting in a comfy car seat and I can watch videos in YouTube at a comfortable volume without worry about keeping it low enough to not bother other people and yet loud enough to hear myself." - Empty401K

"Introverts need to introvert." - 44035

Could people seek solitary time in other places? Sure. If you work in an office, you could eat at your desk, or maybe go to a nearby cafe or restaurant by yourself where you'd be free to put in headphones and tune out for a while.

But there's something special about the car. It's incredibly quiet (except for whatever music or podcast or TV show you decide to put on), comfortable, and your chances of being interrupted are extremely low. You have complete privacy (almost) and it feels like your own little bubble, completely isolated from the stresses of the outside world.

It's rare to find any other time or place during your day that can offer almost zero stimulation.

I do some of my best thinking in the car! Sometimes I'll sit or drive in silence and just think — hashing out problems, generating creative ideas, or planning what's next in the day. My brain seems to focus better in the silence and isolation of the car better than almost anywhere else.

Car lunch might be on the rise in a post-pandemic world. More people are recognizing their need to recharge, and that's a good thing.

Some people and experts theorize that COVID lockdowns resulted in many of us "becoming more introverted" or having a lower tolerance for and interest in socializing.

That could be a part of why we're seeing even more people eating in their cars now as offices continue to open up.

"During the pandemic, we got used to having more control over our work environments, even if they were at home, so transitioning back into office life might feel overwhelming. The car becomes a kind of 'portable personal space,' a middle ground between total isolation and constant socialization," says psychologist Caitlin Slavens.

There are also cultural factors to consider. American culture, for better or worse, prioritizes individuality over community.

"Culturally, Americans value productivity and individuality, so it makes sense that many prefer a brief personal escape over making small talk on their lunch break. In other cultures, communal eating is seen as a time to connect, but here, the balance often tips towards individual routines and personal comfort—even if that’s alone in a car," says Slavens.

A lot of people don't feel the need to get that sense of community and connection from their coworkers. We save that for our friends and family, which seems like a healthy boundary to me.

Eating alone, or just sitting by yourself, in the car is a perfectly healthy way to decompress and recharge. If you've never tried it, you might really like it — as funny as it can look! And if you notice other people doing it, just remember that they're probably not sad and waiting for an invite to lunch.

In fact, they may be feeling the happiest and most peaceful that they'll feel all day.

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Science

5 things 'desire paths' - or human-made shortcuts - reveal about people

Going off the beaten path is a heavily studied phenomenon.

Gordon Joly & wetwebwork/Flickr

If you've ever walked through a public park or across a grassy college campus, you've definitely noticed the phenomenon. Inevitably, there's a paved path or sidewalk leading from Point A to Point B. And then, branching off of that path, is a well-worn patch of dirt where people have chosen to walk instead.

Often the unofficial path is more efficient or more pleasant, and it's just so inviting that you can't help but branch off and walk it yourself. These human-made shortcuts are called Desire Paths — or sometimes Cow Paths or Elephant Paths. (Named as such because big, lumbering animals like to take the shortest route between two points.)

Some people say Desire Paths occur when a design fails to connect with human behavior.

Which makes them incredibly useful for urban planners and other people who design walking paths! Desire Paths are studied heavily, and some places even choose to pave over them once they appear, making them more official. (While others intentionally block them off).

There are even cases where no paving was done until Desire Paths naturally formed — when crowds of people did the engineers' and urban planners' work for them.

from DesirePaths

People are absolutely fascinated by Desire Paths.

The subreddit devoted to them has over fifty-thousand members! There are massive groups on Flickr where people share photos of desire paths they find in the wild. And a recent X thread of desire paths racked up almost thirty million views.

Why is it that Desire Paths spark such a reaction in us? If I had to guess, it's because Desire Paths are small acts of rebellion. They are literally a visual representation of going off the beaten path. The symbolism is powerful in a world that can feel very mundane and predictable.

They're also something that we create together. No one single person creates a new path. They hold a collective wisdom that resonates deeply somewhere in our souls.

And they teach us about ourselves, believe it or not. Here are a few things we can learn about ourselves from Desire Paths.

1. We're not superstitious, but we're a little stitious.

There are lots of examples of Desire Paths forming around archways or leaning objects.

Sure, you could say people walk around so they don't bump their heads, or maybe to make room for passing cyclists.

But I like to think we just don't want to risk the bad karma.

from DesirePaths

2. Anything that gets in the way of a straight line is annoying.

If we're walking in a straight line, we generally would like to continue in that straight line.

A decorative circular garden right in the middle of the path might seem like a good idea — but only if you want to see it get trampled.

from DesirePaths

In the same vein, why walk in a complicated squiggly shape when we can just cut right across?

A paved path with dirt path branching off through trees wetwebwork/Flickr

3. We like gentle hills more than stairs.

It's surprising and fascinating how often people will avoid going up and down stairs if they can cut through the grass instead.

Human beings' hatred of stairs is well-documented, but it's interesting to see it play out visually.

A path worn in the dirt next to stairs Gordon Joly/Flickr

Some studies estimate walking up stairs is twice as hard on the body compared to walking up a hill.

A path work into tall grass next to stairs thepismire/Flickr

4. We don't like sharp turns.

If you know people, you won't be surprised to hear that we like to cut corners!

A dirt path next to sidewalk Dan Keck/Flickr

We're not robots! We don't like turning at right angles. Plus, if we're in a rush, a more efficient path saves us time.

A dirt path cutting through graveyard George Redgrave/Flickr

5. We like feeling connected to the people that came before.

Holloways are a special sort of Desire Path, carved deep into forests and other nature. They are often ancient. They are ever-changing.

A dirt path carved into forest By Romain Bréget, CC BY-SA 4.0

By walking through these paths, we become a part of them and a part of history.

A quote from Rebecca Solnit sums it up perfectly:

“Walking is a mode of making the world as well as being in it.”

So go ahead and take the road less traveled. Follow your intuition. You might be on to something, and it could be the beginning of a new and better path!

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Motherhood

Customers 'speechless' after distillery men's room becomes a haven for dads

Can you spot it?

thefactorygrows/reddit

A man was recently visiting a distillery in Longmont, Colorado — called Abbott & Wallace — when he had to use the bathroom. What he saw in there left him with "no words."

He posted a photo of the bathroom, where users lost their minds over the presence of an actual, honest-to-God changing table.

It took me a minute to figure out what was so special about this picture. Looks like a bar bathroom to me!

But if you look closely, and if you've changed enough diapers on pee-soaked floors, you'll see it pretty quickly.

thefactorygrows/Reddit

Yes, the dads of Reddit were absolutely stunned to see a proper changing table with a pad and some basic supplies (like wipes) provided for hands-on dads.

It doesn't seem like a big deal, and it shouldn't be! But it absolutely is.

A lack of changing tables in men's restrooms has been a problem for as long as there have been bathrooms.

Some dads have even had to learn how to change babies on surfaces like sinks or even their own lap.

In recent years, there's been a push to get more changing tables in men's rooms. Legally, it's left to individual states or cities — changing tables in men's restrooms aren't required in most states, although that's starting to change. States like New York and California have requirements on the books, as do places like Baltimore and Dallas.

Usually, the changing tables installed are the generic plastic fold down kind. Better than nothing!

To see a more thoughtful, comfortable, and thorough set up like the one at Abbott & Wallace is truly amazing.

Not only is the pad more comfortable, there's actually a spot for dads to set down a diaper bag or their own supplies without putting it directly onto the floor. There's ample room to maneuver. It's just a fantastic set up.

"Clearly owned by a dad who enjoys being a dad. Good job, dad!" said one Redditor.

"[I] will make a point to go there soon because of this!" said another.

"Why are there urinals in the woman’s bathroom?!" joked u/Bishops-Guest.

And EatonMetsGuy probably said it best:

"This right here is worth a 5 star review on like google or Facebook or app of your choice.

"These are the places that make the world better"

A lack of proper changing surfaces is not only frustrating for dads, it puts a greater burden on moms, who then have to become the "default" diaper changers when families go out.

The last thing moms need is the inability to ever take a break. They're already shouldering so much of the parenting load, it's ridiculous to force every single diaper change on them when families are out in public.

And, perhaps shockingly, a lot of dads like changing diapers! It's a core part of the parenting experience, and we want to participate in the act of taking care of our own kids.

Accommodating all different kinds of families and parents helps everyone who visits your bar or restaurant have more fun.

If they have more fun, they keep coming back again and again.

Changing tables in the men's room are just good business. More than that, it's just the right thing to do.

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Parenting

7-year-old demonstrates how to prioritize things with adorable 24-item To-Do list

She impressively managed to check off most of the 24 items.

Katie Gerrard/Unsplash & NuevoJerz/Reddit

When Chris Palermo's 7-year-old daughter, Ella, said she wanted to show him something, he was expecting another painting, or a piece of writing, or something that she had built. He never expected a lengthy – and thorough — To-Do list!

However, a To-Do list is exactly what he got. Ella had created a detailed table in the Notes app to keep track of all the things she hoped to accomplish. Chris posted a photo of the list to Reddit, where it was an instant hit, brightening the days of thousands and thousands of users.

Most of us keep a To-Do list of some kind, or a running list of chores and tasks we need to accomplish.

I have one of my own just like Ella's, sitting in my Notes app right now. For the record, Ella's is way better.

I've got lists of bills to pay and administrative phone calls to make, things to fix around the house, and upcoming appointments to keep.

Ella's got dancing and blowing bubbles.

NuevoJerz/Reddit

But it's not all fun and games for this 7-year-old: The list also includes chores like cleaning up, eating dinner (always important), and reminders to 'learn something.'

However, the list is mostly fun and games.

And that's exactly the way it should be.

It's important to Ella that she never forget to:

Sing
Dance
Play with dolls
Dance again
Take a video of herself dancing
Take a video of herself dancing again!
And do some writing

Now if she could only get around to painting that darn cupcake!

(How relatable is it that even Ella struggles to check off everything on her list? She even included 'Check Box' as the first item to give herself a little momentum to get through all her tasks!)

When Chris told his daughter that she was going 'viral' she said, "I didn't know I was going to get famous!" When she heard the post on Reddit got over thirty-thousand likes, she was even more excited. "So half the world liked it!"

Chris never expected the list to go viral. He just hopes people can learn something from it.

Being an adult can be mind-numbingly boring.

Our routines get stagnant, and our lists of responsibilities and Have-To-Dos get longer and longer every year. It's easy to forget to make time for things that have no productive value, things that we only do because we enjoy them.

And not just big things like planning your next vacation or meeting up with friends — although those are great, too.

"I hope [the list] gives us adults a pause and makes us think about our own to-do lists and responsibilities and the importance of having those joy-filled activities in there, too," Chris told Newsweek.

Ella's incredible list reminds us that we should be seeking out moments of joy every single day. Whether it's watching the clouds roll by, dancing in the kitchen, or learning something new just for fun.

And despite what you've been told, you're never too old to blow bubbles.

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Pop Culture

Comedian artfully explains what 'shock comics' get wrong about edgy humor

Anthony Jeselnik says there's a difference between being an artist and being a troll.

Anthony Jeselnik/TikTok

There's something weird going on with comedians.

Comic and writer Marc Maron recently wrote that it's comedians, of all people — a special new breed of them — who are spearheading the "anti-woke" movement, whether it's by paling around with Donald Trump and his supporters, or just going out of their way to offend as many people as possible.

Not to name any names, but you see this type of comic in the news A LOT these days. Comedians have always pushed the boundaries of what is acceptable to say in public. That's part of the job. But the newer generation of 'shock comics' has forgotten one very important ingredient in the timeless recipe. You have to be funny.

Comedian Anthony Jeselnik recently called out comedians who don't bother actually trying to be funny in their edginess. "You're just a troll," he says.

No one would ever accuse Jeselnik of being a clean-cut, PG entertainer. He's known for being ruthless and shocking in his stand-up sets. It's a character he plays, which he describes as the most vile and evil person you could ever imagine.

- YouTube(Original Airdate: 03/06/13) Anthony loves sharks so much that he would prefer if people didn't survive shark attacks. Subscribe to ...

Here's a taste from one of his specials:

“When I was a kid, my parents had a gun. My parents said we had to have a gun. Gotta have a gun to protect their five children. Of course, they eventually got rid of it… to protect their four children."

Jeselnik says his brand of extreme humor is not as easy to pull off as it looks.

In a resurfaced clip — which Jeselnik himself just happened to repost to his own TikTok account — the comedian goes off on the types of comedians that he considers to be trolls.

@anthonyjeselnik
Four weeks until Anthony Jeselnik: Bones and All comes to Netflix.

"People think like, oh as a comic, your job is to get in trouble. But they don't wanna get yelled at. It's like, it's okay to make people mad, but they don't want any pushback."

"As a comedian, you want to make people laugh," he says.

Which should be obvious, but it's something that's missing far too often in the name of pushing the envelope, or even being flat-out hateful. Jeselnik then invokes a quote from Andy Warhol: "Art is getting away with it."

"If you put out a special, and everyone's pissed," he says, "You didn't get away with it. ... You know, you need to make everyone laugh. .. That's art."

The key word there being 'everyone'. You need to make everyone laugh. A room full of white people laughing at the expense of Hispanics, or a room full of straight people laughing at gay jokes — that's not comedy, it's just punching down.

A joke about cancer that cancer patients can't help but laugh at? Jokes about blind people that blind people actually think are funny? That is art. That is comedy.

And that's what the great comedians have always aspired to. (Warning: NSFW humor)

- YouTubeIf you're wondering what Anthony Jeselnik thinks of his parents, abortion, guns, or Twitter, this is for you. Watch Anthony Jeselnik: ...

Of course, everyone misses the mark sometimes, or unintentionally goes too far. But Jeselnik says getting criticized when you miss is just part of the job. He's famously said he has no sympathy for "cancelled" comedians like Dave Chappelle.

“He makes so much money. Your job should be a little hard. I don’t have sympathy for you in that. He says whatever he wants to, great, but when there’s pushback I don’t know why it bothers him,” Jeselnik said in an interview with Talib Kwelli for Uproxx.

George Carlin was another great who understood the art in bringing people together to laugh at touchy subjects. He once said it was a comedian's job to take the audience to a place they don't want to go, but that if you could make them laugh along the way, they'd thank you for it.

Just remember next time a famous person says "you can't make comedy anymore, people are too sensitive!" that there are comics like Jeselnik making jokes about burn victims and necrophilia — and they seem to be doing just fine.

humor

Parenting

Mom brilliantly teaches empathy and kindness in viral morning hair videos with daughter

It's hard to make more time for your kids, but you can make the most of the time you get.

Carmen Veal/Instagram

The lives of parents with young kids are busy, busy, busy. You have a lot of grand notions of what you'd like to teach your kids, the wisdom you'd like to pass down.

But in reality you spend most of your time trying to figure out what they'll eat for dinner, doing dishes, and folding laundry. When are you supposed to find the time to actually, you know, parent?

One mom has been turning morning hair time into quality time, and posting it online for everyone to enjoy and learn from.

Carmen Veal has been posting a series of videos on her Instagram called "Mornings with Maddie."

On the surface, the videos show a mother doing her daughter's hair — brushing, braiding, you name it. There are styling tips for curly hair and lots of celebration of Maddie's biracial-ness.

But the reason people keep flocking to these videos is so much deeper.

The sweet moments feature Carmen doing her daughter's hair for the day while they just... talk! There's so much joy and affection in these moments that you can't help but cheer up just watching the two of them interact.

Carmen sometimes slips in a lesson or two, or a theme to discuss. In one video, Carmen and Maddie talk about the difference between being nice and being kind.

"[Nice] means to be nice by talking about nice things," declares Maddie while 'kind' means... "um to hug people."

Mom gives some more examples, but let's face it, Maddie nailed it.

Carmen Veal/Instagram

In another video, Carmen talks with Maddie about their newfound viral fame — after one of their morning videos racked up a whopping 2 million views.

Maddie's face lights up when her mom tells her how many people admire her.

"Our videos inspire people to be nicer, well, not nicer. Nicer is not as good as kind, you know that, right?" Carmen says. "So it inspires people to be kinder to themselves and other people."

As for how Carmen herself feels about the massive response?

"The response to the videos has been overwhelming in the best way possible," Carmen says. "People from all over the world have reached out to express how they’ve found joy, comfort, and inspiration in our morning moments. It’s been humbling to see how something so personal has had such a wide-reaching impact.

"At the heart of Mornings with Maddie is a desire to show that parenting with kindness and intentionality can create deep connections. I hope viewers take away a sense of peace and inspiration, knowing that small, consistent acts of love and care can make a world of difference."

"Mornings with Maddie" makes me think of how special the seemingly-mundane day to day moments with our kids really are.

The regular "Instagram highlights" of Disney World vacations and pumpkin patches and other special experiences are memorable, but it's the smaller stuff that's even more meaningful.

Specifically, positive rituals and routines (like the morning hair-do) help kids develop self-regulation skills, a strong sense of self, and better mental health in the long term. It's the repetition that drives that positive change over time.

"The joy that families experience inside of rituals together can leave an 'emotional residue' that children keep with them to cope during stressful times," writes Dr. Erika Bocknek of Zero to Thrive. "When times are uncertain, and children experience worry or sadness, rituals provide the internal sense that they are not alone and have a balance in their lives of positive and negative experiences."

The Instagram views and media coverage will taper off, but Maddie will undoubtedly remember these moments with her mom forever. And millions of people will have been inspired to make the most of the short time we do get with our kids.

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