upworthy

Family

Motherhood

Moms with adult daughters who call them everyday share their best parenting tips

"I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter."

Photo by leah hetteberg on Unsplash

Mom with adult daughters.

Mother-daughter relationships are a bond like no other. For many girl moms, one of the markers of a parenting job well-done is when your adult daughters want to call you everyday.

It's something TikToker @coobellaa hopes will happen. So, she decided to ask her followers for parenting advice–specifically from 'girl moms' who have adult daughters who call them everyday. Her goal: to get their advice on how to keep her relationship with her daughter strong as she grows up, with hopes she will want to call her everyday when she's out on her own.

"Because I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter. Girl moms with grown daughters.. what’s your secret to staying close? 🥹🙏🏼💞," she captioned the post.

@coobellaa

Because I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter. Girl moms with grown daughters.. what’s your secret to staying close? 🥹🙏🏼💞 #mom #girlmom #momtips

In the video, @coobellaa is getting ready with her young daughter in the mirror. Within the video, she added the caption, "GIRL MOMS with daughters over 20 who still call you everyday...what's something you did while raising them that kept your bond strong?

Moms did not hold back. They opened up about the specific things that have helped them maintain a strong relationship with their adult daughters. These are 18 of the best insights:

1. "Physical affection. I made it a habit to give my kids a snuggle as soon as they woke up and before bed. It kept us connected even through the teen years."

mom, daughter, hug, affection, physical touchMama Said Love GIF by OriginalsGiphy

2. "My daughter is 34, she’s my best friend. I always believed her, I never judged, I gave tons of affection, and we did it together. I was a young Mom, and now a Gigi of 5. I always want more for her ♥️."

3. "Honestly I just made sure I gave them a place of love and no judgement. They knew I was the mom and not their friend but they also knew I could handle the truth better than a lie so lies were[n't] needed."

4. "Be honest, admit to my mistake and try to 'suggest' things once they became adults. I feel like teaching them to trust themselves, their ideas and consequences while at home was the best. I was there."

5. "I laid down with my daughter every night at bedtime and we talked about her day, well into her teens. Sometimes it was boring but I knew someday she may need something important so I always listened."

mom, bedtime, daughter, mom and daughter, listening hallmark hall of fame mother daughter GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphy

6. "I let them say their truth and didn't try to change it even if it made me look bad I just had to change it this made me cry."

7. "I didn't have all of the answers. I never pretended to. I apologized often and tried to speak about differences when emotions weren't high."

8. "Be real and raw it’s okay to show vulnerability and always say sorry when you don’t hit the mark. Thank them when they show kindness empathy etc. See the best in them and reflect that back to them."

9. "Be honest (age appropriate), allow them to make their own mistakes, tell them that you are learning and make a safe space for them to tell you when you do something wrong and to take accountability ❤️."


safe space, parenting, moms, daughters, parentsyou're safe here season 4 GIF by PortlandiaGiphy

10. "Two things: first, we have 'the bubble'. You can say anything, swear, vent, confess to wrongdoing, etc w/o fear of punishment. It’s a safe space. Sometimes you just need to have a place to 'get it all out”'. Second, every time my daughter comes to me with anything my first response is 'do you need advice or do you need me to just listen?'"

11. "Don’t react… when they come to you with something unhinged as a teen, don’t let your face or words react in that moment! Gather yourself and have the convo HOURS later, no matter what it is!!"

12. "I show grace. I apologize. I’m transparent. I tell them I love them 100 times a day. I’m honest but kind. I’m their biggest supporter. They know I’ll always be here."

13. "'If it's important to you, it's important to me'."

important, family, moms, daughters, bondsBusy Philipps Tonight GIF by E!Giphy

14. "I always tell my daughter (who is 20) that we can sort out all problems together, big or small. Said that to her since she was little and she tells me absolutely everything. she's like my little sis🖤."

15. "My daughter is 22 and we are best friends! Always making time for 'girl time' quality time together. Knowing who she is and always having a safe place to come home to or a sounding board."

16. "I genuinely loved spending time with her, set boundaries but was always open with communication."

mom, daughter, selfie, gif, moms and daughters, parentingGIF by Better ThingsGiphy

17. "The fact they knew I’d be there no matter what, I was their mum not their friend but that nothing couldn’t be sorted. Now as adults I’m a friend as well a mum."

18. "I make sure she knows she’s loved no matter the situation. Even if it’s bad. I want the total honest truth. I believe she truly does trust me entirely! She calls me all the time!"

From Your Site Articles
call mom
Family

Woman shares the 'key' to being a good mother-in-law, and it's actually spot-on

This could certainly save a few in-law relationships.

@millennialmatleave/TikTok

"Fill you own cup" is good advice for nearly every situation, isn't it?

Listen, not every mother-in-law disregards boundaries, questions their kid’s parenting styles, tries to manipulate, and so on and so forth. But there’s a reason why the stereotype exists. Plenty have their own horror stories of being on the receiving end of toxic MIL behavior.

But for those wanting to avoid being that stereotype, Janelle Marie, or @millennialmatleave on TikTok believes that she has found the “key.” And it’s all about “filling your own cup.”

“Fill your dang cup. Something outside of your children that makes you feel good, makes you feel fulfilled, makes you feel happy,” Janelle begins in a TikTok.

@heyjanellemarie Lets get some hobbies girls…..you know, when you can find a single free moment #hobbies #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #relationshipadvice #parentingtips #lifehack #grandparents #inlaws #parenting #boymom ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie

That means that besides devoting your identity towards nurturing kids, you should be “nurturing” your marriage, as well as other relationships, like friendships, she notes.

“I unfortunately feel like a number of mothers-in-law that are feeling really confused about this role of mother-in-law or dissatisfied with the role of mother-law, and it ends up meaning that they act in a way that comes across as desperate or controlling or with guilt trips — women who don’t have enough going on outside of their relationship and their role as a mom. And so when their kids grow up, they’re ill-equipped to replace that relationship with other things.”

Janelle concludes by acknowledging it’s “easier said than done,” and reiterates that she isn’t trying to place blame, but rather just point out that “it’s something we need to be aware of.”

Generate ALT toxic mother in law, mil, parenting, boundaries, toxic mil, mother in law, motherhood, family, mom adviceA mother-in-law eavesdropping. Photo credit: Canva

Down in the comments, folks seem to clearly resonate with Janell’s stance—many have MILs of their own who could really benefit from a hobby or friend circle.

“My MIL’s hobby was getting into my marriage,” quipped one viewer.

“My toxic mother in law has had zero friends in the 18 years I’ve known her,” said another.

A few MILs even chimed in. One shared, “I noticed I got too involved/emotional/bothered by my son’s relationship and immediately looked in the mirror! Poured that energy into my marriage, friends, and hobbies.”

“OMG, you’re right,” reflected another. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good MIL, I don’t meddle or overstep, but boy do I struggle. I definitely need to get a hobby!”

As we know, it can be hard for any mom to not lose themselves in the demands of raising a child. And only up until recently were women allowed by society to see themselves as anything beyond being a mother. Self care is also a fairly new concept for everyone. So it is understandable that many MILs find themselves in this struggle without proper coping mechanisms.

But still, if the goal really is to maintain loving, healthy family relationships, it’s crucial to be mindful of any self sabotaging behaviors, and continuity working through those insecurities. That goes for MILs and non-MILs alike.

Generate ALT toxic mother in law, mil, parenting, boundaries, toxic mil, mother in law, motherhood, family, mom adviceA couple with their mother/mother-in-lawPhoto credit: Canva

For those looking to be the best mother-in-law they can be, here are a few pieces of advice:

Don't make it about you

It can be difficult to accept that you might not be the #1 woman in your kid’s life anymore, but it’s important both for you and the couple that those potential feelings of rejection get reframed. After all, there's truly no love lost.

@heyjanellemarie Mother-In-Law Support Line: Grandma Shower……we have a new character, the MIL has entered the chat 😏 Story submitted by sadly more than one follower 😳 #satire #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #babyshower #newmom #expectingmom #etiquette ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie


Use your words to uplift, not criticize

Words are powerful. Use them wisely. A little complement now and then goes a long way.

Back off

Let the couple raise their kids, and solve their problems, as they see fit. Trust that you can let them handle their own. Even when intentions are good, offers of help without being asked for it can be seen as criticism.

@heyjanellemarie I’m a Daughter-In-Law…… #daughterinlaw #satire #motherinlaw #inlaws #marriage #millennials ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie


Invite and Include

Leaving people out leads to resentment. Always invite kids and their spouses to join performances, graduations, birthday celebrations, and other family events, whether or not you think they want to or can attend.

And, of course…fill your own cup.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
family
Family

'It's not Little Sun': Mom can't believe she's having trouble pronouncing her newborn's name

She had no idea this would be a problem.

via JustusMoms29/TikTok (used with permission)

Justus Stroup is starting to realize her baby's name isn't that common.

One of the many surprises that come with parenthood is how the world reacts to your child’s name. It’s less of a surprise if your child has a common name like John, Mohammed, or Lisa. But if you give your child a non-traditional name that’s gender-neutral, you’re going to throw a lot of folks off guard, and mispronunciations are going to be an issue.

This exact situation happened with TikTok user Justus Stroup, who recently had her second child, but there’s a twist: she isn’t quite sure how to pronounce her child’s name either. "I may have named my daughter a name I can't even pronounce," Stroup opens the video. "Now, I think I can pronounce it, but I've told a couple of people her name, and there are two people who thought I said the same exact thing. So, I don't know that I know how to [pronounce] her name correctly."

@justusmoms29

Just when you think you name your child something normal! #2under2mom #postpartum #newborn #momsoftiktok #uniquenames #babyname #babygirl #sahm #momhumor

Stroup’s daughter is named Sutton, and the big problem is how people around her pronounce the Ts. Stroup tends to gloss over the Ts, so it sounds like Suh-en. However, some people go hard on the Ts and call her “Sut-ton.”

"I'm not gonna enunciate the 'Ts' like that. It drives me absolutely nuts," she noted in her TikTok video. "I told a friend her name one time, and she goes, 'Oh, that's cute.' And then she repeated the name back to me and I was like, 'No, that is not what I said.'"

Stroup also had a problem with her 2-year-old son’s speech therapist, who thought the baby’s name was Sun and that there weren’t any Ts in the name at all. "My speech therapist, when I corrected her and spelled it out, she goes, 'You know, living out in California, I have friends who named their kids River and Ocean, so I didn't think it was that far off.'"


Stroup told People that she got the name from a TV show called “The Lying Game,” which she used to watch in high school. "Truthfully, this was never a name on my list before finding out I was pregnant with a girl, but after finding out the gender, it was a name I mentioned and my husband fell in love with," says Stroup. "I still love the name. I honestly thought I was picking a strong yet still unique name. I still find it to be a pretty name, and I love that it is gender neutral as those are the type of names I love for girls."

The mother could choose the name because her husband named their son Greyson.

The commenters thought Stroup should tell people it’s Sutton, pronounced like a button. “I hear it correctly! Sutton like Button. I would pronounce it like you, too!” Amanda wrote.

“My daughter’s name is Sutton. I say it the same way as you. When people struggle with her name, I say it’s Button but with a S. That normally immediately gets them to pronounce it correctly,” Megan added.

After the video went viral, Stroup heard from people named Hunter and Peyton, who are dealing with a similar situation. “I've also noticed the two most common names who run into the same issue are Hunter (people pronouncing it as Hunner or HUNT-ER) and Payton (pronounced Pey-Ton or Pey-tin, most prefer it as Pey-tin),” she told Upworthy.

baby, newborn baby, baby girl, baby girl teddy, teddy bear, sleeping babyA newborn baby with her Teddy bear. (Representative image)via Canva/Photos

“Another person commented saying her name is Susan and people always think it is Season or Steven,” Stroup told Upworthy. After having her second child, she learned that people mix up even the simplest names. “No name is safe at this point,” she joked.

The whole situation has Stroup rethinking how she pronounces her daughter’s name. Hopefully, she got some advance on how to tell people how to pronounce it, or else she’ll have years of correcting people in front of her. "Good lord, I did not think this was going to be my issue with this name," she said.

Three months later, Stroup posted a video asking her TikTok followers for help giving Sutton a nickname. She said it was easy with her son, Greyson, because they can just call him Grey. But Sutton is a little more difficult. Her father calls her "Tonton," which drives Stroup up the wall. "You cannot be calling a girl Tonton," she exclaimed. Stroup's followers suggested they call her "Sutty," but the name she really liked was "Sunny."

@justusmoms29

Calling all Sutton’s to the conversation! #nicknames #momsoftiktok #momof2 #sahm #toddlermom #newborn #postpartum

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
baby names
Parenting

Mom removed young daughter's mustache after she was bullied, sparking debate

It's an experience many girls can relate to.

Image via Canva

Mom removes young daughter's mustache after she is bullied.

Kids can find plenty of reasons to bully one another, and for many young girls, an easy target for bullies is making fun of dark hair or peach fuzz above the upper lip.

Rather than let her daughter's 'mustache' subject her to ridicule from her classmates, mom Aubrye (@eyrbua) shared on TikTok that she decided to remove it. It's a decision that's sparked debate among other parents.

"My daughter came home from school one day crying saying kids were making fun of her mustache and asked me to 'take it off," she shared in the video's caption.

@eyrbua

#girlmom #girlhood #momsoftiktok #parentsoftiktok #daughter #momanddaughter #fyp #girls #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #blowthisupforme

In the video, Aubrye can be seen removing her daughter's unwanted facial hair in the video while the song "Being a Girl" by Jonica plays in the background. In the caption, she explains her decision to take off the extra peach fuzz: "I reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what but if she wanted me to to take it off for her to feel better I'd do that," she writes.

She ends the caption with a closing statement to solidify the choice: "I always want my baby to feel beautiful and confident."

In the comment section, Aubrye added an update on how it made her daughter feel. "Since doing it, her confidence is through the roof, her grades have gotten better and she comes home from school happy all the time. Definitely worth seeing my little girl happy," she wrote.


mustache, girl, gif, tiktok, debateGirl Illustration GIF by Valérie BoivinGiphy

Many parents were supportive of Aubrye's decision.

"Thank you for helping her instead of just telling her to suck it up."

"I would never understand mothers who refuse to let their daughters shave."

"This is how you parent correctly. My daughter came home complaining about her eyebrows saying people were making fun of her. So I cleaned them up for her," one parent shared, to which Aubrye replied, "You’re a great mama 🩷 I always want to support my daughters and help their confidence any way I can."

applause, praise, gif, support, clapJennifer Lopez Applause GIF by NBC World Of DanceGiphy

Others were more conflicted about it:

"I also have a small daughter but I don't know how I feel about it because okay she took her little mustache off but what's next? If they don't like something else about her, she's gonna try to keep changing for these kids. She should just learn to be a little tougher. Or maybe just go to the school directly. I don't know I feel so conflicted."

"Personally, I’d be teaching my kid to verbally and if necessary physically stand up to bullies. Teaching them that conventional beauty is fake. It’s made up. My kid should not be shaving or changing her body in ANY way. Just to accommodate someone else’s opinions of them. To me, that just teaches them to do that their whole lives. I’d rather teach my kid to clock a bully than be a doormat."

"My daughter has been bullied for the same reason! But I have taught her to always say my mustache makes me special 🥰 and it has worked for her confidence to have a cute mustache🥸."

Whether people agreed or disagreed with her decision to remove her daughter's mustache, the post resonated with many women who grew up with the same experience:

"Ok so I’m 52 and this is me. Kids use to bully me for having a mustache and unibrow. This was back in the 80s. Kid were even meaner. Thank you for hearing her. And helping her. No one helped me," one wrote.

Another shared, "I got bullied for my mustache. Didn’t shave it until an adult and only to scrape the dead skin off. Teach your kids to love themselves. They’d say 'you’re a girl, why do you have a mustache?!'"

"My mom never let me and she doesn’t know how much it affected me that she didn’t," shared one more.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Trending Stories