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9 things this adoptive mom would like everyone to know.

The adoptions of my two children are, quite literally, the two best things that have happened to me.

Ever. In my whole life. Nothing has altered the course of my life or meant more to me than becoming a mom to my kids.

My son, Mattix, and me when we met in December 2007.

Before them, I didn’t really understand what unconditional love was, nor did I have a clue how it felt. Now I know — twice over.

My daughter, Molley, and me, when we met in April 2009.

Adoption is amazing. And it’s complicated. It can bring great joy. And it can bring great pain.

Adoption is nuanced. And like anything else, it can be hard to see those nuances when it's not part of your life. That's particularly true when the media is so good at circulating adoption narratives that are a little problematic — like the baby left under the Christmas tree for his siblings to discover.

Photo by Clayton Shonkwiler/Flickr.

I get why people thought it was sweet: A precious new life was placed into an obviously loving family. But I still cringed. Partly because it felt uncomfortably similar to buying the kids a puppy for Christmas. And partly because it made me think of the commodification and trafficking of humans, which unfortunately happens sometimes in the world of adoption.

Thankfully, there are some really great adoption stories that circulate, too — like the one where a grandma lost her mind with excitement when she met her granddaughter for the first time. Beautiful! Most loving grandmas tend to experience unadulterated joy when they first lay eyes on their grandkids.

GIF via Laura Dell/YouTube.

As with most of the important things in life, talking about adoption is complicated.

But at the heart of it is something really simple: More than anything, we want our kids to grow into adults who are respected as the complex and unique individuals they are. Not just representatives of the "adopted kid" stories we see all the time.

There are many, many things I’d love for everyone to know about adoption. Here are nine of them, from an adoptive parent's perspective.

1. My kids are "my own."

"But are you going to, you know, have any kids of your own?”

Most people who ask this question have good intentions. They want to know if my husband and I are planning on having any biological kids. It’s a wording issue for most adults, but for kids who are struggling with attachment or working to feel secure in their families, those words matter.

When you ask this in front of kids who were adopted, you might be shaking an already unstable foundation the family has worked hard to build.

Adopting our kids was our "Plan A." We didn't want to have biological kids.

For other families, adoption may have followed a long struggle with infertility and it can be a painful question for them, especially coming from a stranger or casual acquaintance.

That said, know that...

2. Adoptive parents are approachable!

It's true that we don't appreciate being asked super-personal questions about adoption, especially in front of our kids. But that’s pretty much like most personal topics in life, right? Asking random questions — especially of a stranger — to satisfy your curiosity probably isn’t cool.

For instance, please don’t ask how much our kids "cost" or where we "got" them. A two-second google search for "how much does adoption cost," for example, will provide the info you need. I promise.

Asking respectfully because you really want to learn or have an interest in adopting yourself? That’s a different story.

I’m not an unapproachable lady (I'm even fun at parties!). I’ve been a resource for many people wanting to learn about adoption. I've given my phone number to complete strangers who want to adopt and would like to learn more. The best questions begin with, "Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about adoption?"

That gives me a chance to say "no" if my kids are there or if it doesn’t feel like a good time for me. That also lets me know that if you ask something I don’t feel comfortable sharing, I can say, "I’d rather not talk about that" — and you’ll understand.

3. Yep, we’re all real.

“Do you know who your kids’ real parents are?”

I know what you mean — you’re asking if I know who my kids’ birth parents are. It’s not that I’m offended by the question, thinking that you’re implying I’m not real. My kids’ birth parents most certainly are real.

But the last time someone asked that in front of my sweet then-7-year-old son, he looked at me, the usually bright smile fading from his face, and asked in a quiet voice, "What does she mean? You’re my real mom too. Nobody can take me from you…" — long pause — "... right, Mommy?"

Of course, he knows the answer to that. We’ve been talking about adoption since, well, since the day he came home at 10 and a half months old. Back then, it was me talking about adoption to a baby that didn’t understand. I figured I’d start then to ensure we never stopped talking. And we haven’t.

But a child’s feelings about adoption change over time. So can their sense of security. And having their place in their family questioned at the wrong time can feel pretty unsettling to child who’s in the process of making sense of some of those feelings.

4. My kids' histories belong to them.

Sometimes the details of a child's history are simple. Sometimes they're pretty complicated. And, quite frankly, they're private.

Some birth parents place their children for adoption because they’re not ready for a baby. Some place because they’ve been coerced or pressured into it. Some place because of medical issues — either theirs or the child's. Some place because they don't know how they can afford a baby and there aren't enough services in place to assist them. Some place against their will because they're incarcerated. Occasionally, some truly don't want their kids.

Sometimes we have no idea who our kids' birth parents are or why they placed them for adoption. Sometimes our kids were abandoned. Sometimes our kids came from the foster care system and their family histories are very complicated.

Whatever the reason, it's not something we want to go around chitchatting about with anyone who's curious.

5. We might parent quite differently than you do.

It doesn't mean we're weird. Or coddling. Or over-parenting. Or trying to prove anything.

We’re just trying to give our kids what they need and deserve.

Adoptive parents have to learn about a bunch of things their children could face, and we have to learn how to best parent our kids. Attachment parenting, healing from trauma, sensory processing disorder, and many other phrases become more than just words for a lot of us. When we decide to adopt our kids, most of us put our hearts and souls into doing what's best for them. Sometimes what's best isn't necessarily what most other parents do. That’s OK.

I got up every half-hour all night long with both of my kids for at least six months after we adopted each one. I didn’t do it because I loved being a sleep-deprived zombie that would have traded a kidney for a solid week of sleep. I did it because in my son’s 10 months of life before us, nobody ever got up for him at night. He had learned, rightfully so, never to believe someone would. And when we were finally there to do it, he didn’t trust us. We had to work hard to earn that trust.

I went to my daughter all night long because she desperately wanted me to, but was terrified that I wouldn’t. The people who looked at me, exhausted beyond words, and told me I should just let my kids cry it out had no idea how hard we were working to build a foundation of trust. Ultimately, we were doing it so our kids could grow into adults capable of having healthy friendships and relationships with others.

Plus, isn’t that kind of a cardinal rule of parenting: Don’t offer advice unless it’s solicited?!

6. Those of us who have adopted transracially aren’t suddenly "super sensitive about race."

For 26 years, I lived in a blissfully comfortable color-blind bubble of ignorance. When I decided to adopt children transracially, I began educating myself and came to understand the world doesn’t work for people of color the way it works for me. Now that I’m a mom to two kids of color, I’m committed to being their advocate. I’m committed to being the person they know will always stand up for them when someone at school hurls a racial slur. I’m committed to calling out friends and family members for jokes they might think are harmless.

It’s not about being politically correct or raining on people’s fun parades. It’s about making sure that the world around our kids is as supportive as it possibly can be.

7. It's complicated.

There are three people (or groups of people) who are part of adoption: those who are adopted, those who place their children for adoption, and those who do the adopting. All of those people have feelings and experiences, and they might conflict. That’s OK!

My kids missing their birth parents and wishing they hadn’t lost their cultures, for example, doesn’t mean they love my husband and me any less. My wishing that my kids didn’t have to deal with the pain of loss doesn’t diminish the feelings of pure gratitude and joy I experience over getting to be their mom.

8. One of us doesn’t speak for all of us.

While some things in adoption are pretty universal, one adoptive parent doesn’t speak for them all. Which means that I’m well aware that not every adoptive parent will agree with everything I’ve written here.

And not a single one of us can speak for birth parents or adoptees. We can do our best to lend our voices to our kids as we’re raising them, but when it comes to sharing life from birth parents’ or our kids’ perspectives, that’s not our place.

9. We’re like any other parent in most ways.

I’m pretty normal (whatever that means). I have good days and bad days — days where I think, "Oh my gawd, if my child talks back one more time, I’m going to lose my mind!" And days where I think, "I couldn’t possibly be happier. This is everything."

Like every good parent out there, at the end of the day, we just want the best for our kids. And we’re doing everything we can to make it happen.

My totally adorable kids. And yep, I'm biased! ;)

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Gen Z is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents but Denmark has a solution

"Since the late 1800s, every generation has outperformed their parents."

Gen Z; Millennials; technology; cell phones; social media; teens and technology; teens social media
Photo credit: Canva

Gen Z is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents. Denmark has the solution.

Nearly every parent hopes their child will be better off than they are: smarter, more secure, and more well-adjusted. Many parents see this as a stamp of successful parenting, but something has changed for children growing up today. While younger generations are known for their empathy, their cognitive capabilities seem to be lagging behind those of previous generations for the first time in history.

Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath, a teacher turned cognitive neuroscientist who focuses on human learning, appeared before Congress to discuss concerns about cognitive development in children. In his address to the members of Congress, he says, "A sad fact that our generation has to face is this: our kids are less cognitively capable than we were at their age. Since we've been standardizing and measuring cognitive development since the late 1800s, every generation has outperformed their parents, and that's exactly what we want. We want sharper kids."

kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Student smiling in a classroom, working on a laptop.Photo credit: Canva

Horvath explains that the reason this happens is that each generation has gone to school longer than the previous generation. Gen Z is no exception to the longer duration of time spent in school, but they're the first ones who aren't meeting this normal increase in cognitive development. According to the cognitive neuroscientist, the decline is due to the introduction of screens in the classroom, which started around 2010.

"Across 80 countries, as Jean was just saying, if you look at the data, once countries adopt digital technology widely in schools, performance goes down significantly. To the point where kids who use computers about five hours per day in school for learning purposes will score over two-thirds of a standard deviation less than kids who rarely or never touch tech at school," Horvath reveals.

In most cases, the decline in performance doesn't result in better strategies. The neuroscientist shares that the standardized testing has been adjusted to accommodate lower expectations and shorter attention spans. This is an approach that educators, scientists, and researchers went to Capitol Hill to express wasn't working. But not every country is taking the approach of lowering standards to meet lowered cognitive ability. Denmark went in the opposite direction when it realized their students were slipping behind.

France24 recently interviewed educators in Denmark following their seemingly novel approach to students struggling with cognitive development. Since the beginning of the 2025/2026 school year, Denmark has not only been having students turn in their cellphones, but they've also taken tablets, laptops, and computers out of the classroom. No more digital learning for the majority of the school day. Danes went old school by bringing back physical textbooks, workbooks, and writing assignments. The results have been undeniable. Even the students can't seem to deny the success of the countrywide shift in educational approach.

"I think the biggest issue has been that, because we kind of got rid of the books and started using screens instead, that we've noticed that a lot of the kids have trouble concentrating, so it's pretty easy to swipe with three fingers over to a different screen and have a video game going, for example, in class," Copenhagen English teacher, Islam Dijab tells France24.

Now, instead of computers being part of every lesson, Denmark uses computers very sparingly and with strict supervision. One student says that it has been nice not having screen time at school because she loves to read and write. But it wasn't just the lack of attention span children were developing, they were also developing low self-esteem and poor mental health due to the amount of time spent on devices.

kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Students focused and ready to learn in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

The data showing the negative impact of screens on teens' brains has prompted a nationwide change in Denmark that extends outside of the classroom. Afterschool activities are eliminating or extremely limiting electronic use. There is also a national No Phone Day that encourages everyone to put away their devices for the day, and Imran Rashid, a physician and digital health expert, is petitioning parliament to ban social media use for children under the age of 15. The no phone movement in Denmark is a nationwide effort that hopes to right the ship before another generation feels the effects.

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Overwhelmed before you even begin? Viral ‘anti-start’ trick might change everything.

This surprisingly soothing trend is helping thousands tackle procrastination.

Woman relaxing with eye patches and a cup, sitting in a cozy room.
Photo credit: Canva

Gentle procrastination alternatives, not hacks, are helping thousands.

You know the feeling. There’s laundry spilling out of the hamper, 47 emails glaring at you from your inbox, and a Word document that’s supposed to become a report by Friday morning through… magic? You need to start. You want to start. And yet, you don’t.

The longer you put it off, the worse it gets. You might feel tempted to call yourself names, like “lazy” or “unmotivated,” but psychologists suggest that procrastination isn’t about laziness at all—it’s about emotional regulation. It’s about dodging discomfort: the anxiety of not knowing where to begin, the fear of doing it badly, the sheer weight of the thing itself.

But what if you didn’t have to start the task at all? What if you only had to start getting ready for it?


@jessekatches Day 2 of 10 Which mental block should we tackle next?
♬ original sound - Jesse Katches

This is the brilliant idea behind the “anti-start” ritual, a concept that’s been taking over TikTok lately. It’s not a grueling productivity hack designed to squeeze more hours out of your day. Instead, it’s a gentle, compassionate way to trick your brain into crossing the starting line without even realizing the race has begun.


What exactly is the ‘anti-start’ ritual?

TikTok creator Ankita Tejwani (@ankitatej) popularized the term while sharing her personal method for overcoming that paralyzing “freeze” response.

The premise is simple. You trick your brain by lowering the stakes. Instead of telling yourself, “I need to write this essay right now,” you pivot and say, “I’m not going to work. I’m just going to set up my space.”


TikTok · Ankita Tejwani Credit: @ankitatej via TikTok

In her viral video, Tejwani describes her inner monologue: “OK, you’re not going to start,” she tells herself. “That’s OK. Just set the stage for someone who will. Clean your space, light a candle, get a coffee, open your laptop, and set the stage for when you are ready. No pressure.”

Another user, @legalwrites, describes their own “anti-start” ritual: “Begin each session with a consistent, positive trigger. Light a candle, drink the same tea, or play a specific song. These conditions help your brain to recognize that it’s time to focus.”

It’s a bridge between doing nothing and doing the hard thing. And for thousands online, it’s been a game-changer.


Why this simple trick actually works

(1) It quiets the fear response

When a task feels big or daunting, the amygdala—your brain’s built-in threat detector—kicks in. We avoid tasks that make us feel bad: anxious, overwhelmed, unsure, and afraid of screwing up. The worse a task feels, the harder we’ll try to dodge it.

“It’s all about our feelings,” says Tim Pychyl, the head of the Procrastination Research Group and an associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ontario, Canada. “Procrastination is the misregulation of emotion. We think that by putting things off, we’re going to feel better.”


- YouTube youtube.com

That’s procrastination in action. But if you shift your attention to something small and harmless, like making tea or tidying your desk, your brain relaxes. There’s no threat to react to.

This is what psychologists call “decoupling emotional resistance from task initiation.” Opening a document isn’t scary. Laying out your materials won’t hurt you. Counting down from five takes no courage at all. These tiny gestures are so bland and effortless that your brain’s alarm system has nothing to latch onto.


ritual, procrastination, hacks, autopilot, focus Another user shares their anti-start, or "start," ritual. Photo Credit: @the.1491 via TikTok

Once the trivial action is complete, however, the psychological landscape shifts. You’re in motion—that’s the game. Once you’ve tricked yourself into lighting the candle or organizing your desk, your brain has shifted gears—motivation starts to build, your prefrontal cortex wakes up, and you’ve cleared the hardest hurdle.

(2) It makes you feel motivated, neurologically

Procrastination isn’t about laziness. It’s about motivation. Or, more precisely, the neurochemistry of it. Dopamine, the molecule that drives you to want things and do things, is at the heart of the issue.

Here’s the “anti-ritual” trick: dopamine doesn’t show up before you start. It shows up after. Waiting around to feel motivated is like waiting for a train that only arrives once you’re already on it. That doesn’t make a ton of sense.


@thecreativeathlete Rituals are more powerful than you think #personalgrowth #psychology #productivity #creativity ♬ original sound - Creative Athlete

When you take even the smallest action—tidying a desk, opening a file, putting on your shoes—you change your physical state. Suddenly, the motivation you were hoping would arrive on its own is there because you summoned it by moving.

Motivation, in other words, is not the cause of action. It’s the result.

(3) It reduces decision fatigue

Rituals offer something valuable to procrastinators: predictability. Psychologists call this phenomenon “implementation intention,” which is basically the “if-then” plans you make in advance. The logic is straightforward: specific cues are linked to specific actions. For example, “If it’s 9 a.m., then I open my laptop.” Or, “If I finish breakfast, then I sit at my desk.”

Once that connection is forged, there’s nothing to think about. You’ve already decided. There’s nothing left to debate.


Desk, laptop, tablet, coffee, headphones, and books in a cozy study setup. This user's start ritual sums it up: we're starting now. Photo Credit: @aaiimmiiee via TikTok

In one study, students were asked to write an essay during Christmas break (arguably the worst possible time to get work done). The students who made implementation intentions about exactly when and where they’d write finished the essay 71% of the time. Those who just set the goal without a plan? Only 32% followed through.

Implementation intentions, or anti-rituals, are so effective because they remove the moment of choice. You hit your cue, and the rest unfolds on autopilot. There’s no window for second-guessing or distraction.


What does an anti-start ritual look like?

The beauty of this concept is that it is entirely personal. Don’t aim for perfection—that’s the exact opposite of an anti-ritual. You need a series of cues that signal to your brain: We are arriving at the workspace.

Here are a few examples of what this might look like for different people.


woman, candle, ritual, glow, warm Woman lighting a candle with a match, surrounded by softly glowing candles.Photo credit: Canva

The “cozy” ritual

This ritual is ideal for writers or administrative professionals who work best when they feel safe and calm.

  • Step 1: Put on a pair of comfy socks.
  • Step 2: Fill a water bottle or make a cup of hot tea.
  • Step 3: Light a specific candle (scent is a powerful trigger for memory and habit).
  • Step 4: Put on a specific playlist, like the minimalist YouTube video, “Give your brain a break.”
  • Step 5: Open the document.


man, stretching, ritual, active, productivity Man stretching neck in living room, wearing a gray shirt, with eyes closed.Photo credit: Canva

The “active” ritual

If you’re feeling sluggish or physically “stuck,” movement can be the spark your brain needs to wake up and get flowing again.

  • Step 1: Stand up and stretch deeply.
  • Step 2: Shake out your hands and feet to release nervous energy.
  • Step 3: Clean one area of the room.
  • Step 4: Sit back down.


Woman writing in a notebook outdoors, smiling while holding a pencil. Writing down your thoughts and feelings by hand is a totally different experience.Photo credit: Canva

The “analog” ritual

For those who feel immediately overwhelmed by screens, starting with pen and paper can be a game-changer.

  • Step 1: Close your laptop.
  • Step 2: Grab a physical notebook and your favorite pen.
  • Step 3: Write down three things you want to accomplish, or fill a page with free-written thoughts.
  • Step 4: Once that’s complete, reopen your laptop.


A gentle word of caution

While the anti-start ritual is an excellent tool, it’s essential to use it in a way that honors who you are. The internet is full of “aesthetic” morning routines that look beautiful but may not be practical in real life.

Beware of the “positivity trap”: It’s easy to get so hyper-focused on perfecting a ritual that it turns back into procrastination. If you spend 45 minutes arranging your desk pens by color before answering an email, the ritual is no longer serving you. The goal is to make starting easier, not to create a more polished obstacle.

Respect your natural rhythm: It’s vital to remember that a ritual should not force you to become someone you aren’t. As reported by Outside Online, forcing a routine that fights your biology can actually backfire.

“Everyone’s routine is super unique, and it’s supposed to be,” Kristen Casey, a licensed clinical psychologist and insomnia specialist, tells Outside Online. “So, if you’re trying to mimic someone else’s routine to a tee, it’s likely that you’ll run into some problems, because you’re not that person.”

For example, if you’re a night owl, forcing a 5 a.m. “anti-start” ritual might lead to sleep deprivation and frustration. Vanessa Hill, a behavioral scientist and science communicator, notes that fighting your circadian rhythm leaves you feeling groggy and less productive.

If your brain works best at 10 p.m., do your anti-start ritual then. The best routine is the one that works with your biology, not against it.


Be kind to your brain

In a culture obsessed with optimization, the anti-start ritual offers an alternative: the permission to begin gently. In this way, it’s not a productivity hack in the usual sense. There’s no weird time-blocking, gamification, or guilt. It’s a way of being kinder to yourself when starting the work feels impossible.


Woman in glasses writing at a desk, surrounded by plants. Photo credit: Canva

Anti-start rituals work because they accept a fundamental truth: starting is the hardest part. You don’t need to run a marathon. All they ask is that you lace up your shoes.

Next time resistance shows up, try this: don’t force it. Light a candle. Clear the desk. See what happens next.

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Want your home to be 'the house' for your teens? Mom shares her 4 tips to make it happen.

Don't mistake being "the house" with being the "cool house."

parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood
hi.im.amywhite/Instagram

Amy White explains how her house became "the house" for her teens.

I grew up in "the house." In high school, my home was the designated place where my friends gathered, sometimes in big groups, sometimes just my small core squad. My three best friends spent the night there almost every Friday and/or Saturday night for four years straight. We devoured Totino's frozen pizzas by the dozen, inhaled soda, and laid waste to any snacks or leftovers that were brave enough to survive in the kitchen. Not only that, but my house was pretty small — four teenage boys took up a lot of space in the living room (the whole thing) and made a lot of noise playing video games deep into the night. It must have driven my parents and older brothers crazy. It's a wonder anyone put up with it.

Or so I thought when I was younger. When I became a parent myself, I started to understand a little more why my mom and dad were so willing to host and feed all my friends and me every single weekend. Why the outrageous grocery bill and constant chaos in the house were probably a small price to pay.

Mom explains how to make your house 'the house' where teenagers hang

One mom has perfectly encapsulated the value of turning your home into "the house" for your kids and their friends, and exactly how she did it for her family.

teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teens hanging out in a living room.via Canva/Photos

Amy White shared a reel on Instagram showing her college-aged son hanging in her dining room with a group of friends playing cards. The text overlay reads "What makes your kids' high school friends want to come over, play cards & spend the night on their College Christmas Break." I think most parents can agree that we want our kids to keep coming home as long as possible! So how exactly did White pull this off?

Her explanation in the caption was spot-on.

First, White says that you have to start early. Become "the hang out house" in high school or even earlier. Then you have a better chance of holding onto the mantle into your kid's college years.


Next, be ready to stock the house with snacks and drinks, and don't make a fuss when your kid's friends have at it. "The kids knew we had food," she writes, "BUT they also knew I didn't care what they had. They knew they could eat anything in my pantry and fridge."

Third, and this is a big one, don't mistake being the "cool house" for being "the house." Some parents choose to allow their underage kids and friends to drink alcohol under their supervision, but you don't have to bend your morals and the law to lure the squad over to your place. Pizza and Coke is plenty to keep most teens happy. "We were not the house that served alcohol or even allowed the kids to bring alcohol to our house. And Guess What?? The kids still came and wanted to hang at our house!"

teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teenagers eating pizza.via Canva/Photos

Fourth, always say Yes (as often as possible, anyway) when your kids want to have friends over. "They know my answer is 99% of the time YES," White writes. "You have to have your kids take the leadership of offering your home and if your home was 'open' to their friends in high school, they know it will be 'open' to their friends in college."

As a bonus tip, White pleas with parents not to worry about the mess having friends over makes. "I love a clean house and organization, BUT I would much rather have a crazy messy house for the kids where memories are made than a quiet house with nothing going on just to keep my house 'clean.'"

Should parents allow teens to drink at home?

There's an age-old debate over whether parents should allow teens to drink at home because it's better than if they do is unsupervised or keep their home dry as a bone. A recent study out of the University of Buffalo found that kids who grew up drinking at home had a greater chance of having addiction problems when they got older. "A robust relationship was found between parental permission to use alcohol during adolescence and increased alcohol use frequency and quantity, alcohol use disorder symptoms, and alcohol-related harms in young adulthood," the study says.

White writes, "It's worth being 'the house', so let go of control & get to know your kids friends." Commenters agreed.

White's video went viral to the tune of 8.5 million views and hundreds of comments. Parents shared their own experiences of what it's like being the default hang out house.

"Our house was the high school hangout for my son and friends... every weekend... I loved it!! Miss it now that they are all college graduates and have moved away. I love seeing them when they do come home for the holidays"

"A wise man once said don't be the house with the alcohol. Be the house with the food."

"Amy 1000% agree!!! My house is full of teenagers on the weekends and I love every bit of it. Even though I wake up to a kitchen that looked much different from when I left it"


teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teenagers eating pizza.via Canva/Photos

"We never allowed alcohol, drugs, bad language, always respectful, and guess what, our house was always the house where the kids hung out. First my daughter, then my son. Through grade school, high school, then when my kids went out of state for college their college friends would come spend a couple weeks during the summer. I always thought of it this way, I loved knowing my kids friends and, who knows, maybe some of those kids, especially during the younger years, just maybe those kids just needed an adult to care. Anyway, it was always fun to have them here!"

"It used to crack me up when my daughter would bring over a bunch of her friends (girls and boys) in high school and instead of hanging out in the family room they all wanted to crowd into either the kitchen with me or our tiny office and happily share all the gossip with me."

Experts say that knowing your kids' friends, and their parents, can have huge benefits. Not only will it bring you the peace of mind of knowing where your kid is and who they're with when they get to those crucial high school years, it has been shown to tangibly improve kids ability to create positive relationships and problem-solve collaboratively. Plus, it can actually be really fun! Kids and teens are the funniest, silliest, most interesting people on the planet. Having a house full of them is messy and loud, but it's always a good time.

One caveat: "don’t feel bad if your house isn’t the chosen house," one commenter reminds us. "Just be happy your kid has a good group of friends and be thankful they have somewhere safe to hang out."

This article originally appeared last year.

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13 behaviors that were totally normal in 2019 but make you look like a 'psychopath' today

"Posting every meal, every location, and every thought in real time."

culture, generations, 2019, 2016, 2000s, society, america, askreddit, people, humanity
Photo credit: Canva

People are sharing things that were totally normal in 2019 that are more than a little unusual today.

The world is changing faster than ever. Cultural shifts that may have taken decades before can now happen in just a few short years thanks to rapidly evolving technology and global interconnectedness.

To demonstrate just how much society has changed in the last couple of years, users on social media are sounding off in response to the prompt: "What was normal in 2019, but looks like 'psychopath behavior' in 2026?"

Here are some of the best responses from the viral Reddit thread:

1. Going to work sick

culture, generations, 2019, 2016, 2000s, society, america, askreddit, people, humanity Going to work or school sick. Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

"Being sick but still showing up somewhere because its 'just a little cold' but you’re visibly unwell. After the pandemic, showing up to work with a cough or the sniffles is a total no-go."

"Going to work/school sick and acting proud about it. Absolute villain behavior now."

"I had to gently insist with my boss that I could not return to work while still showing positive for the flu."

"going to work sick and bragging about it. coughing through meetings, no mask, acting like you’re a hero for 'powering through' instead of realizing you’re just spreading illness. pre-2020 that was normal grind culture. now it just looks selfish and unhinged."

2. Posting frequently on social media

"Posting your location, meals, and every thought in real time. Totally normal in 2019, kinda unhinged in 2026"

Data confirms that regular people are posting far less on social media. Most users are "passively active," meaning they just scroll and interact with others' content without posting much of their own. The days of the early Instagram algorithm sure are long gone.


@cntrtnr

It's important to remember that people who post on tiktok are not representative of most of humanity. #socialmedia #anxiety

3. Commuting unnecessarily

"Spending 2 hours a day in a cramped train just to sit at a desk you have at home"

Prior to 2020, work from home was typically a special perk reserved for certain workers on certain days. Then it became the norm, and even in 2026 amid the return to office push, a majority of "office" workers work from home either full or part time.

4. Visiting the US for vacation

"Visiting family in the US, sadly"

"There was a dip in international tourism to US in 2025, but it was only 6%. International travelers are still very much visiting the US."

The most recent data shows international visits to America are down about 5-6%. It's hardly a drastic fall-off, but considering that many of the most-visited countries in the world are actually seeing increases, it tells a tale about how foreigners are feeling about the United States right now.

5. American flags

"Having an American flag in your yard. It used to be a sign of patriotism."

American flags have certainly not gone completely out of style, but in 2026 it has gotten much harder to separate any American flag paraphernalia from certain political beliefs. Most people won't buy and display a flag unless they're intending to send a specific message.

culture, generations, 2019, 2016, 2000s, society, america, askreddit, people, humanity Displaying an American flag. Photo by Andrew Ruiz on Unsplash

6. Hustle culture

"Bragging about how hard you work. Work culture stuff like a sign on your desk that says 'The Boss'. Bragging about how much coffee you have to drink to stay up for all the extra work you're doing for your 9-5 job. Making being a good employee a big part of your personality."

Gen Z is primarily driving this change. They work to live, not the other way around.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

7. Apps for everything

"Ordering literally everything through an app. Groceries, food, furniture, therapy, dates all normal now."

COVID-19 was clearly the main driver of a huge surge in apps like UberEats, but they've stuck around and even expanded their foothold since then into new categories.

8. Using Twitter/X

X, formerly Twitter, used to be a main hub for breaking news, live-sports analysis, and funny one-liner jokes. In recent years, usage has fallen significantly and the app has been embroiled in scandals involving its built-in AI assistant, Grok.

9. Having tons of kids

The reasons are many, including inflation, housing costs, and the demands of career. But however you slice it, people are widely choosing to have fewer children, or not to have kids at all. The trend has been steady since the '60s, but the birth rate has fallen even since 2019, with couples finding going with just one child (or even zero) gives them more financial and social freedom.

10. Using public water fountains

COVID-19 definitely took its toll on public drinking fountains, but so did the rise of bottled water and, even more recently, trendy water bottles. Fountains that fill reusable bottles are a lot more popular now than the traditional models where the water went straight into your mouth.

11. Buying a Tesla

In 2019, the Tesla was seen primarily as a marvel of modern engineering and a huge step toward more environmentally friendly transportation. Today, much like the American flag, it's become much harder to separate the product from its political ties. Tesla sales slumped dramatically in 2025 as a result.

12. Calling people on the phone

"Calling someone without texting first. In 2019 it was normal. In 2026 it feels unhinged. If my phone rings now, I assume it’s bad news or an emergency."

Calling was well on its way out in 2019, but the drop off has been accelerated by a rapid rise in spam and robocalls. Junk calls reached an all-time high in 2025 and now, many Americans simply ignore it when their phone rings.

culture, generations, 2019, 2016, 2000s, society, america, askreddit, people, humanity Calling people on the phone unannounced. Photo by Jae Park on Unsplash

13. Questioning the validity of everything

"Is this AI?"

It's a question that inspires many Google searches and even has its own popular subreddit. ChatGPT wasn't released until 2022, so in 2019, AI was a fledgling, far-off idea. In 2026, people all over the world must question almost everything they see and hear on the Internet.


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Public speaking expert shares a counterintuitive hack to keep your voice from shaking when you speak

It's all about adrenaline.

speaking, public speaking, vinh giang, nervousness, voice shaking
Photo credit: Canva

Does your voice shake when you're nervous? Here's how to prevent it.

One of the hardest parts of speaking in front of a group is managing the nerves that often accompany public speaking. No matter how much you want to appear cool, calm, and collected, nervousness can hit even experienced speakers, and when it does, it's hard to figure out how to handle it. It's especially disconcerting when your voice shakes, because that's the last thing you want when you're trying to project confidence.

Instinctively, we may try techniques to calm our bodies, such as meditation or deep breathing. But there's a counterintuitive hack that public speaking expert Vinh Giang shared with a woman who asked how to keep her voice from shaking when she gets too nervous.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"If your voice shakes, what must be shaking?" Giang asked in the YouTube video. "Your body, right? Why do you shake? Because you're nervous. But the main physiological reason why we shake is because of excess adrenaline, because the body's preparing for fight or flight."

The fight-or-flight response is the body's way of revving up with energy, which triggers a surge of adrenaline. But because we're not actually going to fight or flee, we don't know what to do with that adrenaline. Giang pointed out that this is why speakers tend to pace onstage, trying to burn off the excess energy.

"Instead of getting on stage, having a shaky voice, and pacing, get rid of the adrenaline backstage," he said. "Go for a really brisk walk for 3 to 5 minutes. Wim Hof breathing. Twenty star jumps. Five pushups."

Giang said this forces you to take deep breaths, and you'll soon find that the adrenaline has left your body.

It makes sense when you think about it. Adrenaline needs to go somewhere, so doing a few minutes of brisk body movements gives it a place to be processed.

speaking, public speaking, vinh giang, nervousness, voice shaking Star jumps can help you move adrenaline out of your body. Photo credit: Canva

Commenters on Giang's video said they've tried this method and that it works:

"I used to do this before going on stage as a solo pianist. Looked funny at times doing star jumps in my dress and heels or a wall push in the same, but it worked!!"

"I usually have like really bad anxiety before speaking in front of people. I'm talking about hyperventilating, vomiting, and all. For my latest presentation, I remembered this video. I tried shaking my hands aggressively for maybe 1 - 2 minutes, and I kid you not, it works wonders. No nauseousness, lightheadedness, and all that. Thank you so so much for this."

"This is the best piece of advice that I have ever come across... Ever since I saw this video a few months ago I have never been jittery during a performance since THANK YOU!!"

speaking, public speaking, vinh giang, nervousness, voice shaking There are ways to stop the shakes without exercise, too. Photo credit: Canva

What if you aren't able to exercise just before speaking?

While getting your adrenaline out backstage is great, that's not always an option. Sometimes you might be sitting in a room full of people, waiting for your turn to speak, when the nerves hit.

Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman shared that research shows a "double inhale" method can quickly reduce stress without having to move your body around.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The basic technique, known as a "physiological sigh," involves taking a deep breath through your nose, then inhaling again without letting any air out first, followed by a slow exhale.

Huberman said this method works because it offloads a large amount of carbon dioxide all at once. Carbon dioxide builds up when we're stressed, causing the tiny air sacs in the lungs to partially collapse. Taking that extra, quick breath when the lungs are already full helps reopen those sacs, allowing the body to release more carbon dioxide than it would with a single deep breath and exhale.

People in the comments on Giang's video also shared personal tips for those who can't go for a walk or do pushups before speaking:

"I used to clench my fists under the table with all the strength I got over and over again. Or even my whole lower body. And I learned a breathing technique, where I inhale for 4 seconds, then hold my breath for 4 seconds and then release my breath for 4 seconds or even longer, but it's crucial that your exhale takes as long or even longer as your inhale. Another trick is from a mental coach. You play the presentation in your head like a movie and every time you get anxious you stop for a moment and just breathe. When you feel at ease again you continue the movie in your head. In the end nourish the vision of yourself after a wonderful presentation and experience all the emotions like pride, happiness, relief, feel them in your body, let them thrive. Do it as often as you want to or need to."

"I would get up early and go for a run. You're still getting your blood pumping and releasing endorphins even though it's a good few hours before your presentation."

So many options to try in different situations. Check out this article for more expert ideas to stop your voice from shaking when nerves hit, and follow Vinh Giang on YouTube.

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