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Joy

7 things Black people want their well-meaning white friends to know

"You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't."

comic of a Black man holding a sandwich speaking to a white woman

Growing up black in a white neighborhood.

I grew up Black in a very white neighborhood in a very white city in a very white state.

As such, I am a lot of people's only Black friend.

Being the only Black friend is a gift and a curse. I am Black and I love having friends. But I am also, at any given moment, expected to be a translator, an ambassador, a history teacher, and/or a walking, talking invitation into "I am not racist" territory. It's a lot to handle. See what I mean about that curse?

So when I saw the animated short-film "Your Black Friend," I felt so seen. Clearly, I am not alone.

group of teens taking a photo before a dance. all eyes are pixelated except the author's

Don't get me wrong, my friends are awesome, just very white. Here are me and a few of my pixelated pals before a high school dance in the early 2000s.

Photo courtesy of the author.

The film, which was written, designed, and narrated by Ben Passmore and is based on his mini-comic of the same name, is a brilliant, refreshing way to examine whiteness and racism. The comic and animated short are an open-letter from "your Black friend" to you, their well-meaning white friend, about bias, alienation, and what it means to be a good ally and friend.

It's funny, honest, and heartbreaking in equal measure. And speaking from personal experience, it captures the experience of being a Black friend to white people pretty much perfectly.

So if you're a "woke" friend and ally, here are some things your Black friend wants you to know.

1. You're going to have to get uncomfortable.

illustration of a white barista looking uncomfortable in front of a customer

Animation depicting a racist joke that creates an awkward and upsetting space.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

It could be something as obvious and upsetting as a racist joke. Or something as "benign" as your aunt suggesting you cross the street when she sees a group of Black kids walking by. But either way, if you want to be a good friend and a real ally, you're going to have to speak up. You're going to have to have those tough conversations with people you care about.

It's not easy to confront strangers or people you love, but if you don't do it, you are part of the problem. Sitting out isn't an option. No one said being an ally is easy.

2. "Your Black friend would like to say something to the racist lady, but doesn't want to appear to be that 'angry Black man.'"

illustration of Black man walking by police car, littering, and the sirens going off

Biased situations that play out uncomfortably true.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

"He knows this type of person expects that from him, and he will lose before he begins," Passmore says.

Black people can't always react or respond the way we want to. When I am followed in a department store, pulled over for no reason, or stared at while picking up dinner at the fancy grocery store, I can't stop what I'm doing and yell, "YES, I AM BLACK. NO, I AM NOT A CRIMINAL YOU SMALL-MINDED, BIASED ASSHOLES." Trust me, I want to. But especially when police are involved, I have to be calm, respectful, and obedient.

That's where you come in. You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't. If you are not at risk, nor considered a threat, you have a certain amount of privilege in these situations. Use it to demand answers, speak to supervisors, or if things really get dicey, pull out your phone and hit record.

3. We are constantly monitoring our surroundings and adjusting our clothes, hair, speed, and speech to maintain white comfort.

illustration of two Black men talking; one looks anxious and one looks nonplussed

Friends may not realize the challenges in avoiding unwarranted confrontation.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

We don't like it, but one small choice—like deciding whether or not to wear a hood, or the speed at which we reach into our glove box—can be the difference between life and death.

When I am in a parking garage and walking behind a white woman, I intentionally cough or walk a little louder so she turns and notices me.

Why? Because when I don't, that same white woman will often clutch her purse and occasionally let out an audible gasp as I pass her. This is something my white friends likely don't realize I have to do. Some of them may even be the pearl-clutchers in the parking lot.

But to maintain white comfort and to avoid having the cops called on us, we often have to tamp down clothes, modify our speech and volume, even do our hair differently. We have to have "the talk" with our kids about how the world sees them, and how to act in order to make sure they come home alive.

No, it's not fair. No, we don't like it. But so long as this country and its institutions are built on a solid foundation of white supremacy, it's a grim reality. You need to know that, and take it up with your fellow white people about how to dismantle it.

4. "Your Black friend wishes you'd play more than Beyoncé. There are more Black performers than Beyoncé."

comig gif of a Black man looking uncomfortable in the car with a white friend

Taste isn't only derived from race and culture.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Lemonade was awesome. There is no denying it. And yes, I love seeing her iconic looks on Instagram too. But there is more to Black music and Black art than Beyoncé. Dip a toe outside your comfort zone and try new new artists and genres you may not be familiar with. Go listen, see it, and experience it for yourself.

And while we're here, you can't say the n-word when you sing along. Nope. You just can't.

5. Speaking of which, performative Blackness is really uncomfortable.

comic of a white woman wearing an afro wig to the chagrin of their Black friend

Sometimes jokes and misguided appreciation is hurtful.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

When you wear that braided wig on Halloween, or use your "blaccent" when you're around me or other Black people, it hurts. It's not cute or charming, and it definitely doesn't make you seem cool.

Our culture and heritage are not costumes you can slide on and off at your convenience. We don't get to be Black only when it suits us. Neither do you.

6. "Your Black friend feels like a man without a country."

illustration of man walking up to a storefront that says "Hot Po-Boys"

Can we enjoy each others company without pointing out our differences?

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Having white friends and seeming to "fit in" with the majority can feel really alienating. You can feel too "white" for Black people, and too "Black" for white people when all you want to do is find people to eat pizza with. As Passmore wrote, "He is lost in this contradiction, and held responsible for it."

7. We would love it if we could stop talking about our anxiety and frustrations regarding racism. But right now, that's impossible.

Our concerns are urgent and real. We're getting subpar health care. We're disenfranchised. We're over-policed. We're thrown in jail. We're killed by people sworn to protect us. It's exhausting, but we have to keep talking about it. So do you.

We can't be expected to dismantle white supremacy on our own.

Our white friends and allies need to step up and gather their people. Have the tough conversations. Speak up when you see racism, discrimination, and microaggressions. The time to talk about it is done. Be about it, or find yourself a new Black friend.

Watch "Your Black Friend" in full and check out Passmore's book, Your Black Friend And Other Strangers.


This article was written by Erin Canty and originally published on seven years ago.

This Canadian nail salon has people packing their bags for a manicure

There are a lot of nail salons out there and, without word of mouth recommendations from people you trust, it can be impossible to know which salon to visit. Thanks to social media, though, many businesses have pages where they can advertise their services without having to spend a lot of money on traditional marketing practices like television, billboards, and radio. Doing their marketing using pictures and videos of their amazing work can help keep a steady flow of customers coming—but one Canadian nail salon is going with a slightly different approach.

Henry Pro Nails in Toronto, Canada is leaving the Internet in stitches after creating a viral ad for his nail salon. The video takes the beginnings of several viral video clips but instead of the expected ending, Henry pops in completing the viral moment in hilarious different ways.

It opens with a familiar viral video of a man on a stretcher being pulled by EMS when the stretcher overturns, flopping the man onto the ground. But instead of it ending with the injured man on the ground, Henry seamlessly appears laid out on the floor of his salon and delivers his first line, "Come to my nail salon. Your nails will look beautiful."

nails, nail salon, manicure, henry's pro nails, adsRihanna Nails GIFGiphy

In another clip, a man holds his leg straight up and somehow flips himself into a split. When the camera cuts back to Henry, he's in the splits on the floor of his nail salon promoting loyalty discounts. The ad is insanely creative and people in the comments can't get enough. Some are even planning a trip to Toronto just to get their nails done by the now Internet famous top nail artist in Canada. This isn't Henry's first rodeo making creative ads, but this is one is without a doubt his most popular—and effective.

"I will fly to Canada to get my nails done here just because of this hilarious video. You win this trend for sure," one woman says.

"Get yourself a passport and make a road trip! My bf and I are legit getting ours and its only a 4 hr drive from where we are in Pennsylvania. Their prices are a lot better than other places I've been too," another person says while convincing a fellow American citizen to make the trip.

"Omg, where are you located? I would fly to get my nails done by you," one person writes.

"The pedicure I had at Henry’s was the best I have ever had. Unfortunately made all other places disappointing and I don’t live close enough for Henry’s to be my regular spot," someone else shares.

To keep up with demand, in late October 2024 Henry's announced another location was coming soon in Vaughan, Ontario. Though there's no word on when the new "more spacious and professional facility" is opening just yet, customers can keep an eye out for Henry's next ad on social media.

It just goes to show that creative advertising can get people to go just about anywhere, but great service is what gets them to come back. If you're ever in Toronto (or Vaughan!) and find yourself needing an emergency manicure, Henry's Pro Nails is apparently the place to be.

This article originally appeared last year.

Joy

Golden Retriever has the absolute sweetest reaction to toddler taking her first steps

Taco was SO excited that he and his best bud were going to get to play together.

Golden Retriever energy plus toddler energy equals the greatest combo ever.

Here at Upworthy, we often look for stories that will make you smile and warm your heart, and few things do that more quickly than a good doggo and an adorable kiddo. So when we ran across a ridiculously sweet story on The Dodo about a Golden Retriever and his little human sister, we simply had to share it. Taco (full name Taco Bell—seriously) is a good boy who had been lovingly waiting for his new baby sister, Vanora, to be able to play with him. And when the day finally came? Oh. My. Goodness.

Claudia Hughes is the proud mom of the furry pup and his squishy human sibling. She told The Dodo that Taco had been smitten with Vanora ever since she came home from the hospital. “When we would lay her down on the floor or our bed, Taco would just lay down next to her,” Hughes said. That’s one attentive pup. Pet parents know there’s nothing more comforting than your fur baby looking out for your human baby, and Taco has been the ideal gentle watchdog.

Hughes told The Dodo that the pooch would even get up for late-night feedings. Now that’s just beyond sweet. It’s no wonder the pup was itching for his playmate to get big enough to actually play with, and his reaction to his doggy dreams coming true is pure joy. The video of 3-year-old Taco seeing his toddler sibling taking some of her first steps has amassed more than 2 million likes on TikTok. Finally his sister can run around with him! Finally he can teach her the fun of having a dog for a big brother! Finally he gets to play! At least, that’s what I think he was thinking from his excited reaction.

And how do we know dogs are excited? Well, they get the zoomies, and if you’ve never been able to witness the absolute unadulterated joy of the zoomies, just check out his reaction in the video. It's like he's silently screaming, “I’m so excited!!!”

@mostlyadorable

It’s fun having each other 🐾👶🏻. #dogsandbabies #goldensandbabies #babiesoftiktok #dogsoftiktokviral #SmoothLikeNitroPepsi

According to Hughes, Taco first started getting excited when he saw Vanora take steps in her walker, and more so when he saw her pushing the walker. But his excitement went off the charts when she could actually take steps unassisted. Don’t worry though, he was sure to keep his distance so as not to knock her down. He’s such a good doggy brother. Hughes told The Dodo, “We have shown Vanora that we hug Taco, we pet him gently and we give him kisses on his head.” She went on to say, “But if we get mad at him, we don’t hit him.”

golden retriever, dog, pets, good doggoSuch a good doggo.Photo credit: Canva

It looks like both Taco and Vanora have learned important lessons in kindness. Since the video of Taco's "Yay, she's walking!" zoomies went viral, the two have continued to be best pals. Now 4 years old, Vanora has perfected the art of throwing the ball for Taco to fetch, having practiced since she was barely able to walk.

A family dog can be a source of joyful companionship for all, but sometimes a special bond is formed between a child and a pup. It's clear that Taco and Vanora have that bond, which hopefully both with enjoy for many more years. Golden Retrievers come by their friendly, fun-loving, gentle reputation honestly, and it's just delightful to see that energy in action.

You can follow @_mostlyadorable_ and @tacothepolarpup on Instagram for more sweet photos and videos of Taco the good doggo and his family.

This article originally appeared three years ago and has been updated.

Animals & Wildlife

Why have we domesticated some animals but not others? It comes down to four F's.

An entertaining video explains why we can't ride zebras or breed "war bears."

Horses were domesticated over 5,000 years ago. Zebras, never.

Humans have domesticated several kinds of animals over the millennia, from trusty horses and mules to livestock for milk and meat to our favorite furry companions. But why those specific animals and not others? What is it that led us to those particular choices? Why can we ride horses but not zebras? Why don't we purposefully breed "war bears" to fight for us?

That last question comes straight from the always-interesting and often-hilarious CGP Grey, whose YouTube videos explore all kinds of things we wonder about but don't necessarily take the time to research. In the video "Why Some Animals Can't Be Domesticated," Grey explains the four main elements that make an animal a good candidate for domestication, which excludes bears (and many others) from the list.

Grey alliterated the four elements to make them easier to remember: Friendly, Feedable, Fecund, and Family-Friendly. Let's dig into what those mean.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Domestication requirement #1: Friendly

This one is fairly self-explanatory, but basically an animal has to not post an inherent, immediate threat. We have to be able to catch them if we're going to domesticate them, so that eliminates all of the "carnivores whose day job is murder" as Grey puts it, as well as the large, nervous prey animals that are too afraid of us to let us get anywhere near them.

wild animals, domesticated animals, gazelleGood luck trying to catch a gazelle.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #2: Feedable

Every animals is feedable, of course, but that doesn't mean it's easy or cheap to feed them, especially in large numbers. This category pretty much eliminates pure carnivores and some omnivores, leaving mostly herbivores (and some unpicky omnivores) that are easy and cheap to feed. And that aren't dangerous (see #1).

wild animals, domesticated animals, chickens, chicken feedChickens will eat just about anything.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #3: Fecund

This requirement is all about breeding and babies. Some animals are extremely slow to breed, like pandas and elephants, making them undesirable candidates for domestication. Animals that have mate frequently and have relatively short gestation times and/or large litters are more suited to domesticated life. They also need to grow up quickly, which also takes elephants out of the pool.

However, as Grey points out, humans can still tame other animals like elephants. But taming is not the same as domesticating. The basic rule is: If it's on a farm, it's domesticated. If it's in a circus, it's tamed.

Domestication requirement #4: Family-friendly

This is where the horses and zebras question comes in. Horses were domesticated in Eurasia, but if humans started in Africa, why weren't zebras domesticated first? Grey explains that while horses tend to live in hierarchical herds, zebra are more independent with no family structure. Humans can capture the lead male horse and get the rest of the herd to fall in line. Zebra herds are more of a free-for-all and they're kind of jerks to even one another.

horses, zebras, domesticated animals, wild animalsThere's actually a big difference between horses and zebras besides just the stripes.Photo credit: Canva

Barnyard animals have inherent family structures that humans have figured out how to fit into. These animals learn to see the humans who own them as a lead cow or top chicken or whatever.

Way back in the hunter-gatherer age, when humans were just figuring out animal domestication, animals had to have all four of these requirements. Today, we have the ability and technology to domesticate more animals if we want to, but we also have less of a need to. Some breeds of foxes have recently been domesticated, bred to be friendly with humans. How fun would it be to have a pet fox?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Technically, a lot more animals could be domesticated if people really wanted to put in multiple human lifetimes of time and effort, but why?

You can follow CGP Grey on YouTube for more fun and informative videos.

Billie Jean King, the icon

In the world of professional tennis, Billie Jean King is a superstar. Known for her tenacity on and off the court, she’s a 39-time Grand Slam champion who’s been smashing glass ceilings and challenging the status quo for over half a century.

And no, not the kind of challenging her colleague John McEnroe is known for.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Billie Jean King’s legacy is greater than tennis. Beyond her world No. 1 ranking and whopping 129 singles titles, she’s a trailblazer who refused to stay silent in the face of rampant discrimination. For nearly 50 years, she’s fought relentlessly for gender equality and LGBTQ+ rights in a sport that was—and still is—widely considered to be a “boys club.” It’s fitting in recognition of her groundbreaking contributions to tennis and social justice, that Billie Jean King will receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Monday, April 7th in the Sports Entertainment category, becoming the first woman to receive that honor.

Battle of the sexes

Let's talk numbers for a second: 39 Grand Slam titles. Six-time world #1 ranking. Twenty Wimbledon championships. But for Billie Jean King, these achievements are just the tip of the iceberg. When she began competing professionally in 1959, tennis was a very different sport, especially when it came to equal pay. And by the time King started winning tournaments, it dawned on her just how drastic that inequality was. When she won Rome’s Foro Italico tournament in 1970, the men’s winner, Ilie Nastase, took home $3,500. Billie Jean King, on the other hand? A measly $600. “Everyone thinks women should be thrilled when we get crumbs, and I want women to have the cake, the icing, and the cherry on top, too,” she later commented. In 1973, she threatened to boycott the US Open for unequal pay. That year, the US Open became the first Grand Slam tournament to institute equal prize money. (For Wimbledon, that moment wouldn’t come until 2007—over three decades later—when Venus Williams penned a now-famous op-ed column.)


sports, tennis, black and white photo, Billie Jean King, Bobby Riggs, press, interview, battle The infamous "Battle of the Sexes:Flickr

Still, there was work to be done. In 1973, she faced off against Bobby Riggs in the iconic “Battle of the Sexes,” taking on the 55-year-old former tennis pro who had a penchant for making sexist and misogynistic remarks about female athletes. Staged at the Houston Astrodome, the “Battle of the Sexes” was watched by over 90 million viewers worldwide—all of whom witnessed an absolute beatdown. She defeated Riggs in straight sets. Later, she commented, “I thought it would set us back 50 years if I didn’t win that match...It would ruin the women’s tour and affect all women’s self-esteem.” King would later continue to break boundaries when she became one of the first professional athletes to come out as gay in 1981—a move that could potentially destroy her brand sponsorships and the public’s positive opinion of her. Yet, she lived her truth and continues to be a champion for equal rights to this day.

A force to be reckoned with

The Walk of Fame star ceremony is set for April 7th. Radio personality Ellen K will emcee, with Jamie Lee Curtis and Magic Johnson as guest speakers. When King received the news that she would be honored with a star, she wrote on Facebook, "As a native of Southern California, it is a dream come true.”

Billie Jean King, Billie Jean,  tennis, tennis legend, starThis star represents so much Wikimedia Commons

This star represents so much and goes beyond tennis or athletic achievement. It’s a true testament to King’s global impact: she founded the Women’s Tennis Association and Women’s Sports Foundation. She received the Presidential Medal of Freedom and has been inducted into many Halls of Fame to name. In 2018, she won the BBC Sports Personality of the Year Lifetime Achievement Award. She also received a Congressional Gold Medal in 2024. And now, her legacy will be further cemented—literally—forever on the Walk of Fame. Here’s to BJK, the athlete, activist, and icon.

principal_lamb/Instagram

Principal Jared Lamb uses a rolling cart for a mobile principal's office.

The principal's office is a place of childhood lore. Getting sent to there growing up was never a good sign. But one school principal is ditching the intimidating location for a more approachable one.

Principal Jared Lamb (@principal_lamb) of BASIS Ed school in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, has taken an unconventional spin on his role as a school administrator. Rather than sit in an office all day, he has traded his desk for a rolling cart. The reason? To be more of an active (and visible) presence around school.

"The best ability is availability," he captioned a video on Instagram explaining why he won't "go back to the office". In the video, he says, "At our school, students don't get sent to the principal's office. The principal comes to them. I traded my principal's office for a rolling cart."

He is seen in the video wheeling his cart around the school's hallways, adding that there are 5 reasons why he won't be going back to a traditional office.

"It's easier to provide customer service to our educators," he says. "Need a restroom break? I got you. Support with an upset parent? I'm here." The second reason: "I can support with student behavior because I'm right around the corner." Thirdly, "I have a pulse on what's happening at school. When challenges arise...and they always do...I can address them firsthand."

The fourth reason is that, "It's improved my relationships. I check in with every teacher and staff member daily. I give hundreds of fist bumps to students each day." Finally, he shares the fifth reason he ditched the office: "I'm more proactive and less reactive. I don't wait to get called on the radio. I'm already there. Principal's office? No thank you. My best ability is availability."

In an interview with PEOPLE magazine, Principal Lamb shared that he has been using the rolling cart for three years to support over 800 students. "This upcoming year will mark my third year of going fully mobile," he said. "I truly believe that I can make the biggest impact by walking across the campus and being visible throughout the school."

His main goal? Visibility. "I spend most of my day visible," he said. "I walk in and out of classrooms. If I need to respond to an email, I do it from an empty hallway while students are in class." He adds, "During major transitions, I'll often park my cart underneath a stairwell on the side just to make sure that I'm not walking traffic. So you do have to maneuver, especially during big student transitions, so I'm not stopping the flow or preventing students from getting to class, but we navigate the best we can."

And his method has spread. Now, his entire administrative team also uses rolling carts. "We literally had a fleet of carts rolling through the school, and so our deans were on rolling carts, our assistant principals were on rolling carts," he shared. "It's really created just a great environment of leading with support and making sure that our teachers and students have what they need to be successful."

Principal Lamb's video garnered incredible support from viewers and parents alike. "This is such a fantastic way to lead a school. 🙌🏻," one wrote. Another added, "Can this be standard in our education system? Well done, sir. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻." Another viewers shared, "The mobile office demonstrates so many positive leadership qualities! Creativity, flexibility, relationships, vision, empathy and on and on! Thanks for inspiring us all."