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6 real quotes from 'Fifty Shades' that could make you rethink how you feel about it

I'm not condemning you if you read the books as a guilty pleasure. I watch "Real Housewives," for goodness' sake. But if it's inspiring you to try BDSM, for the love of all that is safe and consensual, please know that the real thing is much more responsible than "Fifty Shades."Here are six reasons why this doesn't look like BDSM to me, and why it doesn't make me feel particularly Valentines-y.

1. Too many partners get talked to this way at home, and it has nothing to do with BDSM — just plain ol' disrespect and intimidation.


2. Even in BDSM (especially in BDSM), things like "no" and safe words are fiercely respected. Trust is key.


3. Are we collectively working out our issues through popular media with how we feel about being stalked? Because I guarantee lots of us have been stalked and never felt it was particularly romantic.

4. See #1.

5. See #1 again and again and again and again.

6. The oldest trick in the book. When an abuse victim finally starts to draw a boundary, the abuser calls into question the victim's sanity and relationship with reality. The victim then doubts him- or herself, and then they're persuaded to do what they "ought to do."


And ONE final point I'd like to make.

[SPOILER ALERT]

Someone said to me, "But Angie, don't you see? In the end, Anastasia liberates him from this and brings him to true love. She is the hero."

RIGHT. In this fictional fantasy book.

The most surprising thing about abuse victims is that they rarely see themselves that way at first. They often see themselves as strong people trying to rescue a volatile but salvageable partner. It's when abuse victims start to let go of the fairy tale that they alone MUST stay so they can "fix" this person that they can finally start to rebuild their lives and find a love that fortifies them.

If you think people should think about the other side of this popular book and movie, please consider sharing. And see the links below for more information on the themes in this book.

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Modern Families

Husband who lost his job reluctantly moves family in with mother-in-law. Pure joy ensued.

Families moving in together isn't failure. Sometimes it's their greatest success.

Image via Canva

Katie Bunton shares her family's journey with multigenerational living.

Multigenerational living is not as common in our independent, self-sufficient American culture–but Instagrammer Katie Bunton (@ktbunton) is hoping her experience will open more people's minds to it. Bunton, her husband Harry and their twin boys recently moved in with their mother-in-law Louella Beale (@nana_lulu_love) after experiencing financial hardship, and opened up about the experience with her followers.

"We moved in with my MIL (mother-in-law) 2 months ago when my husband lost his job and I just keep thinking...it must have taken a lot of propaganda to make us believe this was failure," she writes in the video's caption.

In the inspiring video, Bunton showed her viewers some of the incredible benefits they've had with the extra support of Nana Lulu. From making and eating meals together to time spent in the garden and doing other menial daily tasks, she shows that life has truly improved–even though society may look at their living situation differently. "So you’re telling me, this isn’t how it was supposed to be all along ? #multigenerationalliving with @nana_lulu_love 🫶🏽," she captioned the video.

And viewers are showing their support. "I wholeheartedly believe that we’re supposed to be living with family❤️," one wrote. Another added, "It’s the best. My grandmother and mother live with us. I could never asked for a better support system. I would never ever live without multiple generations in the same house or compound." And another shared, "This has forever been my dream 😢 I’m with you, we’ve been lied to in the west. Intergenerational living is beautiful and to me the gold standard for living in harmony and raising children well ❤️."

And Nana Lulu herself commented, "🥹🥹😭😍😍 I’m such a lucky lucky so and so. 🙏🏽Thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 for the beautiful blessings of family love. 💛💛💛💛"

In another video, Bunton shared a vlog with her followers showing more about living with her MIL and the benefits of living multigenerationally. "You’re telling me we could have both parents present and hands on, all we have to do is just lower our cost of living? spend less money? And pool our resources with family? 🤯" she wrote.

In the video, she explains that her family moved in with Nana Lulu at the end of January 2025. "It's taken us quite a while to get into the swing of things. We moved into a new town as well," she adds.

Their routine has completely changed, but in a good way. And she has noticed positive changes in her relationship. "My husband has felt happier, lighter and more himself than I have ever seen him," she says.

The second video also got tons of positive comments from viewers who are loving their new living situation. "This is my definition of rich ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As someone that doesn’t have a MIL to fall back on, I just want you to know that I’m so happy you have that. So happy you know the peace that extended family can bring and that you/your husband have the support you need to get to the next stage 🫶🏼💕." And another shared, "My husband and I live with my parents. They built us a basement apartment and I am forever grateful to them not only for that but for the bond it has allowed them to have with my kiddos ❤️ I definitely get caught up thinking we’ve done something wrong but we’ve just done what we can with the cards we are dealt. I am so grateful for my village."

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Friendship

8 friends rally around nervous college student, helping her get ready for her first date

He picked her up with flowers.

erinv.log/Instagram

College girlfriends help friend Avery get ready for first date.

There are few things more nerve-wracking than going on a first date. But when you have a big group of supportive girlfriends who are there to help you pick out your outfit and do your hair and makeup, you know everything is gonna be okay.

And that was just the case for Auburn University student Avery (@averyy_ayers), who was featured in her friend Erin's (@erinv.logerinv.log) sweet video that captured her girl squad rallying around her to put her at ease and make her feel beautiful for her first date.

In the video, Erin documents how 8 girls crammed into a tiny dorm room to help Avery prep. "first date YAY!!!", she captioned the post.

The video begins with Avery trying on a number of different outfits for her friends, who all offer their opinions on if it is 'the one' or not. After trying on at least 5 different outfits (that got the 'thumbs up' or 'thumbs down' from the group), there is a clear winner: a colorful, floral smocked dress that she paired with sandals.

The girls are having a blast together, dancing and playing games while Avery continues to get ready. The fun and relaxed atmosphere helped put her nerves at ease. Next, one of her girlfriends has Avery sit in a chair to do her makeup. Then another friend does her hair using a curling wand to give her pretty waves. Once her look is complete, she gives her friends a twirl and they all clap for her.

glamGetting Ready Canadian GIF by Shay MitchellGiphy

The camera follows Avery as she leaves the dorm room and goes into the stairwell to make her way downstairs to meet her date, her nerves clearly ramping up. She meets her date outside, who is sitting on a bench waiting for her with flowers. He also put some effort into his outfit to look nice, rocking a white short sleeve button down and khakis. When he sees her, he stands up and goes to give her a hug. Of course, her girl squad is watching from the dorm, and she turns around and waves to them, showing the flowers with a big smile.


floweGive I Love You GIF by Jimmy ArcaGiphy

And viewers are loving the support of Avery's friends and her date's sweet efforts, too. "The vibes of a freshman college student living in the dorm rooms with all her best friends are immaculate! This is perfect!" one wrote. Another commented, "FLOWERS ON THE FIRST DATE? YESS SIR 🔥🔥🔥." Another wrote, "And he put effort into his outfit / looks so put together too!" And another viewer shared, "this is so girlhood ❤️😭 i can tell by her smile that she is just the BEST person to be around!! hope it went well! :)"

Thankfully, Avery did not leave viewers hanging. She gave multiples responses when asked in the comment section how the date went. Spoiler alert: it was a total success. When one viewer commented, "We need an update", she responded, "date was 10/10". And when another commented, "She has such joy. It is beautiful. How did this work out for her?", she also replied, "it went great!!"

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Sex Ed

Gen Z manager shares the time-off requests she's rejected, and people are here for it

This is a refreshing approach to leadership.

@bunchesofbeggs/TikTok

This Manager think PTO is for vacation, not "life changing events."

What does it take to be a good boss? You can answer this a bajillion different ways—being a clear communicator, earning employee trust, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a positive and supportive work environment while also being open to feedback and recognizing your team's contributions—but really, it all seems to stem from respecting your employees as fellow human beings.

And part of that means acknowledging that these employees have lives that are, frankly, more important to them than the job, and not penalizing them for it. One manager, and Gen Zer no less, seems to fully understand this basic principle, and folks are applauding her for it.

Elizabeth Beggs, who manages a five-person team for a packaging distribution company in Virginia, recently made a TikTok sharing which time-off requests she “rejects.”You’ll see why “rejects” is in quotes shortly.

One example: when a female rep notified Beggs that she was likely having a miscarriage. After the team member asked how she can file for time off to see to the issue, Beggs immediately responded, “Girl, go to the doctor! We’re not submitting time off for that!”

In Beggs’ mind, PTO is for “vacation,” not medical emergencies. What a concept.

@bunchesofbeggs Edited to clarify- 1. My team is all salary. 2. These examples are not all recent or from my current position. 3. My team works hard and hits thier KPIs above and beyond. Time off is meant to recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events #mangers #corporate #genzmanagers #sales #vetstocorporate #veterans ♬ original sound - Elizabeth


Beggs went on to explain a couple more situations, like when a parent who was “up all night” with a sick kid. And her last one wasn’t even negative—she had an employee who wanted to work a half-day to do something nice for their anniversary.

“Seriously, if any of these triggered anyone, then you need to evaluate how you run your team as a manager,” she concluded.

By and large, the response to Beggs’ management style has been overwhelmingly positive, and people seem to find it completely refreshing.

“You are not a manager, you’re a LEADER,” one person wrote.

@bunchesofbeggs Everything you do should be to better your team, not to make your life easier #leadership #ownership #corporatelife #veteran #military ♬ original sound - Elizabeth

Another said,“The better you treat your employees, the more loyal they will be and the better work they will put out. Most people do not understand how management works.”

A few noted how this attitude seems to be more present among younger leaders.

One person commented, "millennial manager here. My team members are human first, employees second. Like just go do what you want but get the work done too.”

Another joked that “Boomer managers could NEVER.”

Beggs would later clarify this doesn’t mean she doesn't have clear productivity expectations for her team (who work on salary). Perhaps if she had a team member not making their KPIs (key performance indicator), there would be an additional conversation surrounding time off, but there is still an inherent respect as a fellow human being. Which, to her, means treating bona fide time- off as a way to “recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events.”

@bunchesofbeggs If you’re planning does not account for people being human- it’s bad planning #genzleaders #armyvet #militaryvet #genz #corporatelife #corporate #manager #timeoff ♬ original sound - Elizabeth

Younger generations might get labeled “lazy” or “entitled,” but they are also the ones fighting to change the status quo, so that we all may be treated less like cogs in the machine, and more like actual human beings. Its leaders like Beggs who show that operating in new ways doesn't compromise productivity, and in fact enhances it. We might not be able to change the global standard overnight, but we certainly aren’t going to get to a better place without leaders who choose to serve their community rather than a bottom line.

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Wellness

Physician breaks down the 7 kinds of rest people need and no wonder everyone's so exhausted

If you're tired despite getting enough sleep, you may need a different kind of rest.

Photo credit: Canva

We need other kinds of rest besides sleep.

Do you frequently find yourself feeling exhausted, maybe not physically, but mentally, emotionally, or existentially? Do you ever feel tired no matter how much sleep you get? When someone says, "You need to get some rest," what does that mean to you?

Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith has an explanation for that. The internal medicine physician explains in a TED Talk that sleep and rest are not the same thing—we have incorrectly conflated the two—and that there are actually 7 types of rest every human needs. Sleep takes care of some of our need for rest, but certainly not all, and our lack of these other kinds of rest may explain why so many of us feel so spent so much of the time.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

If you're feeling tired, wiped out, spent, or otherwise exhausted, take a look at these 7 kinds of rest and see what you might need to incorporate more of into your life.

1. Physical rest

Dr. Dalton-Smith says that physical rest can be passive or active. Passive rest is what we often think of as physical rest, like sleeping or napping. Active physical rest includes things like stretching, massage, yoga, or other things we do to restore and refresh our bodies.

2. Mental rest

If you find your mind racing at night as you try to go to sleep, you may need some mental rest. Examples of mental rest include disconnecting from the constant mental stimuli of modern life, engaging in meditation and mindfulness exercises, using a notebook to spill your overflow of thoughts. Mental rest can be done in short spurts throughout the day or incorporated into your daily routine.

mental rest, sensory overload, rest, relaxation, taking a breakWe all need to give our minds and senses a break sometimes.Photo credit: Canva

3. Sensory rest

We live in a world of fairly constant sensory bombardment, and finding ways to relieve your senses can be a challenge. Dr. Dalton-Smith suggests sensory rest by turning off electronics, dimming lights, putting on comfortable clothes, embracing the stillness and quiet for a bit. Sitting in your car with the engine off an be a great place for sensory rest, as the car often blocks more sound than our homes do. Lying in a bathtub with your ears under the water is another way to create a sensory respite.

4. Creative rest

When we are constantly dealing with problems that need to be solved, our creative energy can get drained. Creative rest means doing things that restore our creative energy and awaken the awe and wonder that lie at the heart of creativity. This kind of rest includes things like indulging in the beauty of nature, enjoying an artistic performance or creation, or even something as simple as doodling. It can also mean setting up spaces around you that inspire you.

"Turn your workspace into a place of inspiration by displaying images of places you love and works of art that speak to you," suggests Dr. Dalton-Smith. "You can’t spend 40 hours a week staring at blank or jumbled surroundings and expect to feel passionate about anything, much less come up with innovative ideas."

rest, relaxing in nature, beauty of natureA little time enjoying nature's beauty can restore your creativity.Photo credit: Canva

5. Emotional rest

Some of us face more emotional demands than others, but all of us need breaks from them once in a while. Emotional rest might look like saying no to requests that you know will be emotionally draining, talking to a trusted friend or loved one about things you're struggling with, journaling to unload some emotional weight you've been carrying, or stepping away from the urge to people please. Emotional rest might also include talking to a therapist or counselor (though sometimes that's actually hard emotional work).

6. Social rest

Much is made about people being introverts or extroverts, but we all need social rest sometimes. Taking some time to be alone with no social expectations or obligations once in a while is healthy for everyone. But social rest can also mean recognizing which relationships in our lives drain us and which ones fill us up and choosing to engage with the latter. Keeping track of your social battery and doing what you need to do to recharge it is social rest.

meditation, spiritual rest, mindfulness, nurturing your spiritMeditation is one form of spiritual rest.Photo credit: Canva

7. Spiritual rest

Existential exhaustion requires tapping into something deeper, which is where spiritual rest comes in. Dr. Dalton-Smith describes spiritual rest as "the ability to connect beyond the physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance and purpose." Spiritual rest might look like prayer or meditation for those who connect with a higher power, but it can also look like volunteering in your community, communing with nature, spending purposeful time with loved ones, or otherwise connecting with your spiritual side.

One thing that's clear in Dr. Dalton-Smith's explanations of different kinds of rest is that rest doesn't mean not doing anything. The purpose of rest is to restore and refresh, and that can actually mean doing something active. When we don't pay heed to the kinds of rest we need, we suffer. As Dr. Dalton-Smith says, ignoring those needs results in "a culture of high-achieving, high-producing, chronically tired, burned-out individuals."

We definitely need sleep, but when sleep alone isn't restoring us, we need to examine what other kinds of rest we may be deficient in. Dr. Dalton-Smith even created a quiz to help people determine where they might want to look for better rest, which you can take here. You can also find more of Dr. Dalton-Smith's thoughts on rest in her book, "Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity."

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health
Science

Sorry, chimps. Oxford professor says octopuses will rule Earth after humans.

They are civilization builders.

via Dan Asaki/Unsplash and Canva/Photos

The last man on earth and a perplexed chimp.

It’s upsetting for many to consider that humans may not be around one day. But it’s not shocking, given the damage that we’ve done to the planet through climate change and the fact that we’re the only species to create a nuclear bomb. Even if we don’t do ourselves in, the odds aren’t in our favor of the Earth not finding a way to eliminate the surface disturbance known as humanity. Studies show that since life began on Earth, 99% of species have ever lived have gone extinct.

So, after the last human on Earth passes away, who will take over the mantle of being the apex predator and build Earth’s next great civilization? University of Oxford professor Tim Coulson has posited that a rather unorthodox species, the octopus, will take over after we’re gone. His new book, The Universal History of Us, outlines his thinking for the cephalopod takeover.

What species will take over the Earth after humans are gone?

octopus, octopus swimming, end of man, evolution, smart animals, survivors, human extinctionA happy octopus swimming.via Canva/Photos


Most people would think that the great apes are our natural successors. Still, Coulson says otherwise. “Hominids such as chimpanzees and bonobos are intelligent animals with opposable thumbs, tool-using abilities, and, at least for short distances, the capacity to walk on two legs, traits shared with us,” Coulson told The European. “Despite these similarities, they would likely face extinction alongside humans, as they are equally exposed to threats in our shared environment.”

Coulson says intelligent birds will fail to take over after humans because they “lack the fine motor skills needed to construct a civilization." However, octopuses have the physical, mental, and social possibilities to build a great society, especially without humans to thwart their efforts.

“Their ability to solve complex problems, communicate with one another in flashes of color, manipulate objects, and even camouflage themselves with stunning precision suggests that, given the right environmental conditions, they could evolve into a civilization-building species following the extinction of humans,” Coulson said. “Their advanced neural structure, decentralized nervous system, and remarkable problem-solving skills make several species of octopus well suited for an unpredictable world.”

octopus, octopus swimming, end of man, evolution, smart animals, survivors, human extinctionA happy octopus swimming.via Canva/Photos

Coulson believes that octopuses could evolve to create a great civilization beneath the sea that rivals the world created by humans. With some help from evolution, they may also learn to adapt to life on land and take over where people left off. This may sound improbable, but 370 to 390 million years ago, the first sea creatures left the ocean to live on dry land. Further, some animals, such as dolphins and whales, started in the ocean, lived on land, and then returned to the sea after disruptions to their habitats. Could a similar disruption cause the octopus to look for a better life on the beach?

Culum Brown, a professor in the School of Natural Sciences at Macquarie University, is skeptical that octopuses have it in them to make the big leap to the top of the evolutionary heap. “Despite all their tricks, octopuses are still working from a snail blueprint, and there’s only so much you can do with that toolbox. They are also highly constrained by their very short life-span,” Brown wrote in The Conversation.



Sydney Philosophy of Science Professor Peter Godfrey-Smith told Popular Mechanics that octopuses are also hindered by their social dynamics and lack of “intergenerational connections.” Given that they have yet to develop them over millions of years of evolution, Godfrey-Smith is doubtful they’ll occur “anytime soon.”

It’s impossible to know what the future holds, but don’t be shocked if, one day, octopuses develop a superior civilization based on peace, love, and seaweed. “Random mutations, unforeseen extinction events, and population bottlenecks can all significantly influence the trajectory of evolution, making it challenging to determine whether another species will develop human-level intelligence or the inclination to construct cities,” Coulson told The European. “But could octopuses replace humans–and potentially also primates–if they were to die out? Absolutely. They could become the brains of the sea.”

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