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5 ways gemütlichkeit could help us find more unhurried happiness in our lives.

It's time to take this cozy, unhurried social acceptance vibe seriously.

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Sometimes you can learn a lot from a word whose meaning you can never truly know. Gemütlichkeit is one such word.

Why does a word matter so much? Well, this is one of those words that encompasses the perfect mix of feelings we all want — and need — to experience. (More on that in a minute.)

I first heard of gemütlichkeit when I was visiting a friend in Austria. It's pronounced in the neighborhood of "geh-mioot-lee-kite" — and you can listen to a native speaker pronounce it if you really wanna get serious.

It's kind of undefinable.

Merriam-Webster describes it as "friendliness and cordiality."

But it's more than that.

German blogger Constanze describes it: "A soft chair in a coffee shop might be considered 'cosy'. But sit in that chair surrounded by close friends and a hot cup of tea, while soft music plays in the background, and that sort of scene is what you'd call gemütlich."

My favorite attempt at a definition is one floating online from definitions.net:

While I was visiting my pal in Austria, I had her point out each time gemütlichkeit was happening.

I realized, I've been feeling gemütlichkeit my whole life, but I'd been taking it for granted. Because ... no word!


Me (on the right) having a VERY gemütlichkeit moment on the banks of the Mississippi River at a Blues Festival. Gemütlichkeit is all around us!

Gemütlichkeit is a very specific vibe. Like the difference between a house and a home, like drinking cider and singing songs with friends around a fireplace while it snows, like a chill beer garden on a sunny afternoon.

"... a situation that induces a cheerful mood, peace of mind, with connotation of belonging and social acceptance, coziness and unhurry. "

Now I had the word, gemütlichkeit, and with it, great power ... to take cozy, unhurried social acceptance seriously.

Here are five ways you can, too!

There are real, valid, and applicable reasons that it's so awesome to discover gemütlichkeit in your life (and not just because it's a fun word).

1. Social isolation is a real thing.

Loneliness is real. And it's a bummer! Gemütlichkeit is about cultivating environments where people can get closer to each other, in person! With modern life and modern technology bringing us further and further from each other in real life...

Social isolation cat needs a pet. And some human contact! Image by Justin Dolske/Flickr.

...being kinda intentional about in-person closeness and social acceptance is a good thing.

And, according to Sherry Turkel, author of "Alone Together," a book about technology, modern life, and isolation, "We use conversations with each other to learn how to have conversations with ourselves."

So by being in a place of social acceptance and cozy, cozy friendship, we're actually building skills to be better to ourselves. Neat, huh?

2. By naming this vibe, we can cultivate it!

This is perhaps the most simple, but the most profound. Not all who wander are lost, but it helps to know the name of what you're looking for if you're looking for it.

Gemütlichkeit doesn't just happen — you can make it happen!

Does a body (and soul) good. Image by jeffreyw/Flickr.

It's like when you finally figure out the best ingredients for a certain soup. Yeah, you could probably make the soup again without knowing that and if you kinda tried, but knowing and naming those ingredients means you're owning it! You can recreate the soup!

3. Instead of singing about "The Bare Necessities" in the German translation of "The Jungle Book," Baloo the bear sang about gemütlichkeit.

Here's a quick review of the bare necessities, aka mother natures recipes ... i.e., Baloo the bear knew about gemütlichkeit all along!

Disney. You are deep!

I'm not going to go into an academic comparison of the two languages as it pertains to "The Jungle Book" song lyrics. But I am going to think it's cool how much "The Bare Necessities" actually captures the cozy, neighborly, humanness of a hug vibe that IS gemütlichkeit.

A gemütliHUG from Baloo and Mowgli. <3 GIF from Disney's "The Jungle Book."

4. You can't get gemütlichkeit in a drive-thru or a quick checkout line.

One of the things I like most about the concept of gemütlichkeit is its emphasis on being unhurried. According to a Pew Research study in 2006, nearly a quarter of Americans feel rushed. Not a good feeling.

There's no such thing as hurried, drive-thru gemütlichkeit.


Image by Taber Andrew Bain/Flickr (altered).

You can't get it in a hurry.

You can get it after an unhurried marathon hangout sesh with your best buds for hours, though. Maybe you also sing the gemütlichkeit drinking song. Maybe you don't.

GIF via Silvia Albert/YouTube

But you can't rush gemütlichkeit. Does this mean that a quarter of Americans don't get to feel the cozy, unhurried social acceptance that is gemütlichkeit? Maybe.

Maybe they like feeling rushed and that they don't have enough time in the day. But on the off-chance that they don't, it's nice to know that the everyday, rushed person can seek to cultivate some more gemütlichkeit in their lives and maybe feel a little better.

5. Other countries also have a word for it! (So it must be good.)

Hygge is basically Danish gemütlichkeit, and gemytlig in Swedish has a similar meaning as well.

This is the first thing that came up when I searched for gemytlig. Cosy, friendship, drinks, unhurried, chill vibes. Looks about right. Image by Patrik Neckman/Flickr.

There's even an Ikea moose named gemytlig. And a city in Wisconsin has a three-day festival each year called Gemütlichkeit Days to celebrate German culture.

Cool word, huh?

It's not easy to be a modern person — there are so many things that separate us ... both exciting things (opportunity! random hot air balloons!) and obnoxious things (emails! people who take three hours to text you back!).

I'm sharing this little tale of a meaningful, untranslatable word in the hopes that knowing about this kooky word gives someone the excuse to reach out to someone else and feel a little less alone and a little more close.

We all need that.

Happy gemütlichkeit-ing!

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Visit Sweden
Visit Sweden
Education

Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

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Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

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Innovation

Astronaut shares the profound 'big lie' he realized after seeing the Earth from space

This change in perspective could change humanity.

via Rubén Moreno Montolíu/Flickr

Our home, from space.

Sixty-one years ago, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to make it into space and probably the first to experience what scientists now call the "overview effect." This change occurs when people see the world from far above and notice that it’s a place where “borders are invisible, where racial, religious and economic strife are nowhere to be seen.”

The overview effect makes man’s squabbles with one another seem incredibly petty and presents the planet as it truly is, one interconnected organism.

In a compelling interview with Big Think, astronaut, author and humanitarian Ron Garan explains how if more of us developed this planetary perspective we could fix much of what ails humanity and the planet.

Garan has spent 178 days in space and traveled more than 71 million miles in 2,842 orbits. From high above, he realized that the planet is a lot more fragile than he thought.

“When I looked out the window of the International Space Station, I saw the paparazzi-like flashes of lightning storms, I saw dancing curtains of auroras that seemed so close it was as if we could reach out and touch them. And I saw the unbelievable thinness of our planet's atmosphere. In that moment, I was hit with the sobering realization that that paper-thin layer keeps every living thing on our planet alive,” Garan said in the video.

“I saw an iridescent biosphere teeming with life,” he continues. “I didn't see the economy. But since our human-made systems treat everything, including the very life-support systems of our planet, as the wholly owned subsidiary of the global economy, it's obvious from the vantage point of space that we're living a lie.”

It was at that moment he realized that humanity needs to reevaluate its priorities.

“We need to move from thinking economy, society, planet to planet, society, economy. That's when we're going to continue our evolutionary process,” he added.

Garan says that we are paying a very “high price” as a civilization for our inability to develop a more planetary perspective and that it’s a big reason why we’re failing to solve many of our problems. Even though our economic activity may improve quality of life on one end, it’s also disasterous for the planet that sustains our lives.

It’s like cutting off our nose to spite our face.

Actor William Shatner had a similar experience to Garan's when he traveled into space.

"It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered," Shatner wrote. "The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness. Every day, we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of Earth at our hands: the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna … things that took five billion years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again because of the interference of mankind."

“We're not going to have peace on Earth until we recognize the basic fact of the interrelated structure of all reality,” Garan said.

However dire the situation looks from the surface of Earth, the astronaut has hope that we can collectively evolve in consciousness and wake up and embrace a larger reality. “And when we can evolve beyond a two-dimensional us versus them mindset, and embrace the true multi-dimensional reality of the universe that we live in, that's when we're going to no longer be floating in darkness … and it's a future that we would all want to be a part of. That's our true calling.”


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Cycle for Survival
Cycle for Survival
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How can riding a bike help beat cancer? Just ask Reid Moritz, 10-year-old survivor and leader of his own “wolfpack”

Every year, Reid and his pack participate in Cycle for Survival to help raise money for the rare cancer research that’s helped him and so many others. You can too.

all photos courtesy of Reid Moritz

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research

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There are many things that ten-year-old Reid Wolf Moritz loves. His family, making watches (yes, really), basketball, cars (especially Ferraris), collecting super, ultra-rare Pokémon cards…and putting the pedal to the medal at Cycle for Survival.

Cycle for Survival is the official rare cancer fundraising program of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSK). One hundred percent of every dollar raised at Cycle for Survival events supports rare cancer research and lifesaving clinical trials at MSK.

At only two years old, Reid was diagnosed with pilocytic astrocytoma, a rare type of brain tumor.

Pediatric cancer research is severely underfunded. When standard treatments don't work, families rely on breakthrough clinical trials to give their children a real shot at long-term survival.

When Reid’s chemotherapy and brain surgery didn’t work, he was able to participate in one of MSK’s clinical trials, where he’s received some incredible results. “Memorial Sloan Kettering has done so much for me. It's just so nice how they did all this for me. They're just the best hospital ever,” Reid recalls.

And that’s why every year, you’ll find Reid with his team, aptly named Reid's Wolfpack, riding at Cycle for Survival. It’s just Reid’s way of paying it forward so that even more kids can have similar opportunities.

“I love sharing my story to inspire other kids to PERSEVERE, STAY STRONG and NEVER GIVE UP while also raising money for my amazing doctors and researchers to help other kids like me.”

Reid remembers the joy felt bouncing on his father’s shoulder and hearing the crowd cheer during his first Cycle for Survival ride. As he can attest, each fundraising event feels more like a party, with plenty of dancing, singing and celebrating.

Hoping to spread more of that positivity, Reid and his family started the Cycle for Survival team, Reid’s Wolfpack, which has raised close to $750,000 over the past eight years. All that money goes directly to Reid’s Neuro-Oncology team at Memorial Sloan Kettering.

In addition to cheering on participants and raising good vibes at Cycle for Survival events, Reid even designs some pretty epic looking merch—like basketball shorts, jerseys, and hoodies—to help raise money.

If you’re looking to help kids just like Reid, and have a ton of fun doing it, you’re in luck. Cycle for Survival events are held at Equinox locations nationwide, and welcome experienced riders and complete newbies alike. You can even join Reid and his Wolfpack in select cities!

And if cycling in any form isn’t your thing, a little donation really does go a long way.

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research. Find out more information by checking out cycleforsurvival.org or filling out this interest form.

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97-year-old former cheerleader gets to cheer one last time with the squad she helped create

She even got to do a cheer stunt!

Photo credit: Canva

97-year-old cheerleader cheers with high school squad one last time

For many people reminiscing on your time in high school can bring you moments of joy. The memories seem to bee especially fond for former high school athletes and those that participated in other activities, likely due to the additional time spent with peers. This sort of nostalgia doesn't stop just because you've reached an age that most would consider well beyond their glory years.

One of the funny things about growing older is you keep waiting to feel like an adult but oftentimes you simply feel like a slightly slower version of your teenaged self. It can feel like one moment you're flying through the air from a basket toss and the next you're putting grippy things in the bottom of your tub because a slippery surface means a hip breaking hazard.

But that reality doesn't stop some people from being as active as possible for as long as they physically can, like Michigan woman Ilagene Doehring. The elderly woman is 97-years-old and when she was in high school, more than 80 years ago, she was a cheerleader at Merrill High School on a squad she helped create after noticing the school didn't have one.

Doehring tells WNEM News, “I just felt bad that Merrill High School didn’t have cheerleaders when all the other schools had them,” she said. “So, we decided to do something about it. We had a hard time finding orange material to make our uniforms. We had a lady that sewed them for us and that was it."

women in black and white tank top Photo by leah hetteberg on Unsplash

Recently Doehring was chatting with her caretakers at Candlestone Assisted Living about her days as a cheerleader and her desire to wear her old cheer uniform again when they got a brilliant idea. After hearing all about how the woman was the reason that the local high school even had cheerleaders, they reached out on social media to see if someone had an old uniform Doehring could wear one last time.

The cheer coach, Jena Glazier from Merrill High School was not only able to secure a uniform that fits the 97-year-old, but decided to go a step further. Glazier and the entire cheer team showed up to the assisted living facility to not only deliver the uniform but invite Doehring to cheer with them. The squad and Doehring were able to perform in front of the other residents in the facility. At one point, the former cheerleader got to take her high school nostalgia off the ground by being a flyer in a stunt.

will ferrell snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

Don't worry, there were no basket tosses or heel stretches going on. It was a low stunt where the cheerleaders don't lift the flyer's feet above their chest, otherwise generally known as a "low elevator."

Her skills impressed the cheerleaders, "We had asked her if she remembered any cheers from when she was in school and we were figuring it was probably 84...85 years ago and she was right on top of it and she said yes. When we walked in the door she was already cheering before we could even start cheering she was ready to go," Glazier tells the news outlet.


But the staff at the assisted living facility are not surprised by her athleticism. According to Kati Roper, the Life and Enrichment Director at Candlestone Assisted Living, the woman can probably run faster than her and is full of spirit. Doehring taught the cheerleaders some cheers she used to do and while she admits that she was embarrassed to have all the attention on her that day, she reminded Glazier that she's the reason the cheer team exists.

“When I left, she said, ‘Without me, you wouldn’t have Merrill cheer.’ And I just thought on that, and I’m just so grateful for her because I know what it probably took to get that started, and she’s allowed me to come in after her – a foundation that she built and her and her girls, they built this program – and I get to come in behind her and mentor girls all the time because of that,” Glazier shares with WNEM.

Doehring has certainly left a legacy at her old high school and has made an impression on the current cheerleaders and everyone that gets to witness her revisit memory lane.

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Parenting

Psychologist shares 15-second trick to make kids of any age less rude and more cooperative

All it takes is a single question.

via Hunter Johnson/Unsplash

A child being rude.

Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?

Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Beckly got into psychology after growing up with anorexia as a teenager.

“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”

The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.

She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. 

@drbeckyatgoodinside

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!

“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”

This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.

The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.

Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” Collette wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” Mark Amend added.

Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.

Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.


This article originally appeared in June.

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Culture

Watch: Joyful 18-month-old toddler learns how to do the Maori haka dance

"The world has never needed the haka more than it does now."

Photo credit: Canva

Toddler learning haka dance is taking over the internet

The haka is a traditional Maori dance that originated as a war dance. In recent years, people around the world have come to know and love the now familiar dance. The passion, rhythmic gestures, wide eyes and chanted words grace screens across multiple countries on a near daily basis, often bringing viewers to tears.

Having a window into such a rich culture can make people curious on how cultural traditions like the haka are passed down. Surely Maori babies aren't born knowing this dance instinctively, nor is there a magic switch that flips when they reach a certain age. One family gave a little glimpse into how the culture is passed down from one generation to the next and it's beyond adorable.

Hope Lawrence recently uploaded a video of her 18-month-old practicing the haka with his dad in the dining room, and the little guy is surprisingly good. In the video, the baby starts off with a stomp and grunt as his dad shows him the wero, which is the trembling hand often seen in the dance. As the dad walks back and forth starting the chant along with wero, the little one tries his best to mimic his dad.

Before too long the toddler is chanting along and copying the dad's moves almost exactly, even if you can't quite make out what the little guy is saying–his haka is still powerful. This isn't the first time the baby has been caught doing the haka. Just last month he was caught practicing his haka along with the New Zealand ruby team All Blacks on the family television. His tiny haka moves have taken social media by storm with over 53 million views, 7.1 million likes and more than 53K comments.


@hopeylawrence Teach them the way young 😍 Keep our culture going #haka #maoritok #fyp #hakawithdad #maori #aotearoa #newzealand #maoritiktok #culture #pukana #kamate #parliament #toitutetiriti #dad #standtall #tamariki ♬ original sound - Hope Lawrence

People cannot get enough of his powerful little dance, with one person writing, "The Haka is so powerful but seeing this father teaching his baby is so much powerful. I am deeply moved."

Another person thinks the dance is just the light people need to see right now, "The world has never needed the haka more than it does now."

Someone else noticed the confidence exuding from the toddler, "The way y'all were in complete cadence together with the leg slap... he came in with confidence because of you, and y'all nailed it perfectly together."


@hopeylawrence Our little haka obsessed boy practicing his Kia Rite 😍 😍 #pov #hakapractice #haka #nzhaka #fyp #pukana #viral #kiarite #maori #NZ #nztiktok #aus #nzmaori #allblacks #newzealandallblacks #haka #hakaleader ♬ original sound - Hope Lawrence

One viewer appreciates the peek into another culture, "I LOVE THIS!!! if it wasn't for tik tok I would've never been exposed to Maori culture. can't tell you how many Haka performances I've watched. they make me feel so empowered."

Appreciation of culture being passed down is a common theme among commenters with one saying, "This is truly beautiful to watch, not just because the father is keeping interaction and culture with child, but it's keeping a beautiful culture present... some other cultures didn't have this."

@hopeylawrence The haka is on repeatt😅 #haka #babyhaka #maoritok #maori #culture #hakatime #fyp #toitutetiriti #aotearoa #pukana #viral 📸 credit:@Zealan_lawrence ♬ Ngā iwi E - Live - Creative Nātives

Many people who watch the haka have a deeply emotional reaction that they can't explain even though they have no personal connection to the culture. The dance seems to speak to a part of humans that may be missing their ancestral connections, possibly awakening some dormant longing. There's no real way to know but the amount of people that report being brought to tears every time the dance is performed is significant. This baby will surely keep his culture alive as he grows into adulthood, likely teaching his own son as his father taught him.

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Family

Researchers studied kindergarteners' behavior and followed up 19 years later. Here are the findings.

Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important.

Image from Pixabay.

Big smiles in class at kindergarten.


Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important. From an early age, we're led to believe our grades and test scores are the key to everything — namely, going to college, getting a job, and finding that glittery path to lifelong happiness and prosperity.

It can be a little stressful. But a study showed that when children learn to interact effectively with their peers and control their emotions, it can have an enormous impact on how their adult lives take shape. And according to the study, kids should be spending more time on these skills in school.

Nope, it's not hippie nonsense. It's science.

Kindergarten teachers evaluated the kids with a portion of something called the Social Competence Scale by rating statements like "The child is good at understanding other's feelings" on a handy "Not at all/A little/Moderately well/Well/Very well" scale.

The research team used these responses to give each kid a "social competency score," which they then stored in what I assume was a manila folder somewhere for 19 years, or until each kid was 25. At that point, they gathered some basic information about the now-grown-ups and did some fancy statistical stuff to see whether their early social skills held any predictive value.

Here's what they found.

1. Those good test scores we covet? They still matter, but maybe not for the reasons we thought.

Back To School GIF by IFC - Find & Share on GIPHY

education, research, competency, kids

Meeting high expectations...

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

Traditional thinking says that if a kid gets good grades and test scores, he or she must be really smart, right? After all, there is a proven correlation between having a better GPA in high school and making more money later in life.

But what that test score doesn't tell you is how many times a kid worked with a study partner to crack a tough problem, or went to the teacher for extra help, or resisted the urge to watch TV instead of preparing for a test.

The researchers behind this project wrote, "Success in school involves both social-emotional and cognitive skills, because social interactions, attention, and self-control affect readiness for learning."

That's a fancy way of saying that while some kids may just be flat-out brilliant, most of them need more than just smarts to succeed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt spending a little more time in school teaching kids about the social half of the equation.

2. Skills like sharing and cooperating pay off later in life.

Adam Sandler Pee GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

friendship, movies, GPA, emotional maturity

Adam Sandler helps out a friend dealing with a stressful situations.

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

We know we need to look beyond GPA and state-mandated testing to figure out which kids are on the right path. That's why the researchers zeroed in so heavily on that social competency score.

What they found probably isn't too surprising: Kids who related well to their peers, handled their emotions better, and were good at resolving problems went on to have more successful lives.

What's surprising is just how strong the correlation was.

An increase of a single point in social competency score showed a child would be 54% more likely to earn a high school diploma, twice as likely to graduate with a college degree, and 46% more likely to have a stable, full-time job at age 25.

The kids who were always stealing toys, breaking things, and having meltdowns? More likely to have run-ins with the law and substance abuse problems.

The study couldn't say for sure that strong or poor social skills directly cause any of these things. But we can say for sure that eating too much glue during arts and crafts definitely doesn't help.

3. Social behaviors can be learned and unlearned — meaning it's never too late to change.

social behavior, social skills, learning, positive social traits

Adam Sandler GIF of getting his groove on.

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

The researchers called some of these pro-social behaviors like sharing and cooperating "malleable," or changeable.

Let's face it: Some kids are just never going to be rocket scientists. Turns out there are physical differences in our brains that make learning easier for some people than others. But settling disputes with peers? That's something kids (and adults) can always continue to improve on.

And guess what? For a lot of kids, these behaviors come from their parents. The more you're able to demonstrate positive social traits like warmth and empathy, the better off your kids will be.

So can we all agree to stop yelling at people when they take the parking spot we wanted?

But what does it all mean?

This study has definite limitations, which its researchers happily admit. While it did its best to control for as many environmental factors as possible, it ultimately leans pretty heavily on whether a teacher thought a kid was just "good" or "very good" at a given trait.

Still, the 19-year study paints a pretty clear picture: Pro-social behavior matters, even at a young age. And because it can be learned, it's a great "target for prevention or intervention efforts."

The bottom line? We need to do more than just teach kids information. We need to invest in teaching them how to relate to others and how to handle the things they're feeling inside.

Ignoring social skills in our curricula could have huge ramifications for our kids down the road.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

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