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Science

17 photos of animals that prove there's nothing natural about traditional gender roles

These animals demonstrate the greatness of nature and its stubborn unwillingness to conform to human expectations for the way things "should be."

animals, nature, gender roles, traditional
Image via Pixabay.

We have our eyes on you too.

Traditional gender roles are "natural," goes the common refrain.

Heterosexuality? That's natural too, apparently. Staying one gender your whole life? Definitely natural.

There's only one problem: Nature (and science) beg to disagree.


In reality, male and female animals set up their relationships thousands of different ways in the wild. In many species, males are the primary caretakers of the next generation while females ignore their offspring and mate promiscuously. Even the existence of "male" and "female" as distinct categories is often not so clear in certain species.

Some animals have the ability to change sex to respond to various outside pressures and conditions.

A few can even mate with themselves.

Here are 17 animals that demonstrate the greatness of nature and its stubborn unwillingness to conform to human expectations for the way things "should be."

1. Jacanas

birds, science, nature, incubation

"Mom went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back."

​Photo by Ozan Kill

Ask any tropical bird out there, and they'll tell you that male jacanas are pretty much the best dads of the bunch. Not only do male jacanas stick around the nest to incubate the eggs and raise their offspring, they even carry them under-wing when they fly.

Meanwhile, female jacanas are ... not exactly super nurturing. After gathering up a harem of nearly half a dozen males and laying her eggs, the female jacana splits in order to fly around, murder the young of rival females, and mate with their former partners.

This is considered charming.

2. Clown fish

species, environment, reefs, fish

Clown fish were invented by Disney/Pixar in 2003.

Photo by Rachel Hisko on Unsplash

Like many species of reef fish, clown fish can, and frequently do, change sex. Unlike most species of reef fish however, all clown fish are born male and are led (in familial groups) by a dominant female.

When she dies, the next-biggest male simply ... becomes female and takes charge of the group.

What you just heard was the sound of a billion other species slapping themselves on the forehead at the same time, wondering why they didn't think of that, realizing it's now too late and that now they'd just be, like, hopping on the trend.

3. African buffalo

leadership, hierarchies, grazing, grasslands

Everyone is getting out there for an afternoon stroll.

Photo by Soerfm/Wikimedia Commons.

Not only are female buffalos are responsible for coordinating the movements of the entire herd — they do it democratically. When it's time to find a new grazing spot, each female takes a turn standing up and gazing in the direction they want to travel, and when they're done, the whole group moves that way.

While status hierarchies exist within herds, the elections are equitable — one cow, one vote.

Change You Can Moo-Lieve in. Make the Grasslands Great Again.

4. Bees

matriarchy, male drones, hive, honey

"Aaaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh!" — Nicholas Cage.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Bees famously take the matriarchy to the extreme. A single queen bee oversees thousands of smaller female workers and male drones.

While most bees live, at most, a few weeks, the queen typically survives several years before the hive goes looking for a new queen to start the cycle over again. All to advance the species-wide goal of refusing to fly out of your car even though all four windows are down.

5. Komodo dragons

komodo dragon, eggs, offspring, evolution

Party out with your tongue out... alone even.

Photo by Mark Dumont/Wikimedia Commons.

Female komodo dragons can lay viable eggs that produce offspring without a male partner, which pretty much explains why komodo dragon Tinder never truly caught on.

6. Praying mantises

copulation, life cycle, insects, hunters

Not as romantic as it looks.

Photo by Oliver Koemmerling/Wikimedia Commons.

Mantis males are often smaller than mantis females, a discrepancy that leaves many males feeling insecure, as it enables females to frequently — though not always — eat their heads during sex.

7. Common reed frogs

amphibians, forrest, frogs, reproduction

So many choices for the day ahead.

Photo by ChriKo/Wikimedia Commons.

These tiny, resilient amphibians can change sex from female to male, allowing them to successfully reproduce if they suddenly find themselves surrounded by frogs of the same sex.

This ability makes them one of the most successful species on Earth at inspiring anxious Sam Neil monologues.

8. South American marmosets

monkeys, jungle, troops, community

"Hey, pa? You ... you wanna ... play catch?"

Photo by Maxim Bilovitskiy/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/en:Creative_Commons.

Female marmosets tend not to be terribly interested in their babies. A few weeks after giving birth, they're mostly out of their kids' lives forever.

Marmoset dads, on the other hand, are excellent caretakers, feeding, grooming, and transporting their young as well as coaching Marmoset Little League and always batting their kid cleanup.

9. Spotted hyenas

aggression, dominance, African plains, arid climates

Someone has to lead this party.

Photo via Pixabay.

Not only are female hyenas stronger and more aggressive than males, male and female hyena genitals are nearly identical in appearance. They're so similar that it's extremely difficult to tell the difference with the naked eye, which ultimately doomed the '70s game show "What Sex is That Hyena?" to cancellation after just half a season.

10. Seahorses

eggs, mating process, sea life, oceans

"OK, so. I need a really big favor."

Photo by Mikhail Preobrazhenskiy on Unsplash

While males of numerous species nurture their offspring, the male seahorse takes things several steps further. During the mating process, he receives eggs from the female and not only fertilizes them, but carries the offspring until they hatch.

A recent poll of male seahorses found that an overwhelming majority experience a secret surge of satisfaction when their partners get kidney stones.

11. Cuttlefish

coloration, species rivalries, genetics, fish

Blumph.

Photo by Michal B. on Unsplash

Unlike middle school boys across America, male cuttlefish don't have a lot of hang-ups about appearing feminine to their peers. Masters of camouflage, these future delicious fried antipasto will often alter their coloration in order to pass for female around rival males.

If an actual female is around, they'll leave the other half of their body as is, appearing half male and half female.

12. Topi antelopes

Africa, herd animals, promiscuity, food

Oh hey.

Photo by Whit Welles/Wikimedia Commons.

Female topi antelopes are not only sexually promiscuous, but when it's time to mate, they almost always make the first move. In some cases, female topis pester male antelopes for sex so relentlessly that the male has to physically fight them off. (Cue dozens of Facebook commenters yelling at male antelopes for complaining about something that's "obviously awesome" and insisting they're lucky and should "just be grateful for the attention.")

13. Laysan albatrosses

birds, mating, wildlife

"Al." "Al."

Photo by Patte David/U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service/Public Domain Images.

Some female albatrosses mate in female-female pairs, often for life.

(Side note: All male albatrosses are named Al Batross. Every single one of them. That's a proven fact).

14. Banana slugs

slugs, sex organs, horror

"When I think about you..."

Image via Pixabay.

A hermaphroditic species, banana slugs have both male and female sex organs and occasionally mate with themselves.

Though banana slugs do seem to prefer mating with other slugs, doing so typically ends with one slug chewing the other's penis off, because nature is a cavalcade of endless, random horror.

15. Orcas

whales, pods, matriarchal, peers

"You have to hit the home button twice, grandma."

Photo by Mike Doherty on Unsplash

Killer whales live in matriarchal pods, and female whales are more likely to take charge of the group than their male peers.

The oldest female whales are often the go-to source for information about where to find food, and in exchange for keeping the whole family alive, the younger whales patiently show them time and again how to use the iPad.

16. Emperor penguins

documentaries, Antartica, frozen tundra, trekking

"Where is that voice coming from?"

Photo via Pixabay.

Anyone who's seen "March of the Penguins" knows that male emperor penguins guard their eggs tightly, perilously balancing them on their feet while their female companions go off to do traditional woman stuff like trekking across the Antarctic tundra, diving for food in the freezing cold ocean, and pleading with Morgan Freeman to shut the hell up so they can focus on not being eaten by seals for like five goddamn seconds.

17. Bonobos

genetics, sex, apes, animal kingdom

"Mmmmmm. Yeah. Mmmmm. All right. Yeah." — Bonobos, all the time.

Photo by Sean Foster on Unsplash

The female-led bonobos have invented perhaps the most ingenious way of preventing intra-species violence in the entire animal kingdom. Basically, everyone just has sex with everyone else — males with females, females with females, males with males, in pretty much every kind of way imaginable.

The near-constant hetero-homo-orgiastic delight that results pretty much prevents anyone from being mad at anyone ever and unites the species around the common goal of being the best apes ever invented.

We share about 99% of our DNA with bonobos.

Mel Robinson making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control, or the illusion of it, when it does us no good, was perfectly distilled into 2 words that everyone can understand as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose.

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” 60DaysToLive2012 wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”


This article originally appeared last year.

Education

Never know how to answer the 'What do you do' question? This simple formula can help.

How many times have you been asked, "What do you do?" and not known what to say?

Let's face it, our answers to this question are usually a bit blasé.

We’ve all been there. The moment we’re face to face with a stranger and the ice breakers begin rolling in. During this little tête-à-tête, one question is sure to be as inevitable as Thanos himself: “What do you do?”

Even for the most skilled small talkers among us, this is not always a particularly easy question to answer. Not without sounding overly vague, sterile, or, yes, even dull. But as CNBC contributor and author Jessica Chen will tell you, there is a tried-and-true method that not only provides an answer for the “What do you do?” question but inspires authentic connection with others.

Her formula, which is included in her book Smart, Not Loud: How to Get Noticed at Work for All the Right Reasons, is pretty simple and definitely gives you more to work with than just saying your job title, which, barring any astronauts or Grammy award winners reading this, can sound pretty bland for most of us.


Without further ado, here are the 3 points to hit in your answer, according to Chen.

1. Talk about the issues you solve

This can help paint the picture that anyone can relate to, even if they have zero familiarity with your industry. Chen advises putting this in the form of a rhetorical question.

Examples:

  • “You know how cyberattacks are getting more frequent and sophisticated?”
  • “You know how you see ads when you scroll through a news story?”

2. Share the solutions you offer

Now’s your chance to clearly explain how your work addresses the issue you set up in step one. Chen notes that it’s important to think about “real-life implications" of what you do every day:

Examples:

  • “What I do is create software systems that alert companies when a suspicious user tries to access their platform.”
  • “What I do is research the best places to put ads so that they have maximum visibility.”

3. Drop some proof

This is where you tie it all together, using a story or other pertinent company details, in order to solidify your credibility.

  • “In fact, our organization is one of the largest cybersecurity companies in the world with clients like [well-known company].”
  • “In fact, the click-through rate of our ads is around 3%, which is much higher than the industry average.”

Put all those together and you’ve got: “You know how [talk about issues you solve]? So what I do is [share the solutions you offer]. In fact, [drop some proof].” Badda bing, badda boom, a concise, yet well-thought out and impactful answer that actually provides a snapshot of what you do for a living. Side effects might include nods of interest and response in the form of, “Wow, cool!”


If you’re struggling with all things small talk, having a go-to approach, much like this one, isn’t a bad idea. Having things like the FORD method, which is essentially a list of ice breaker questions that will get virtually anyone talking, in the back pocket can really help offset any social jitters that get in the way in the heat of the moment.

Basically, it’s totally okay if you don’t naturally have the gift of gab. But since you will likely have to engage in conversations throughout a good chunk of your life, it might behoove you to find ways to make it less stressful. And even for those of us who are extroverted and can chat with anyone, there are ways in which we can make our communication more impactful.

Nolan Reid / TikTok

There's an old joke slash meme that goes something like this: "Guys literally only want one thing and it's disgusting." Its used to imply, obviously, that men are shallow and crude creatures. TikTok creator and simple-life advocate Nolan Reid, however, has a different idea of what men really want.

Nolan recently made a video about "Little things in life that make men happy."

The hilarious list includes:

  • A fridge full of beer.
  • Drinking said beer in the garage. With your dog. And a good buddy.
  • Finding a cool stick.
  • Kicking a rock.
  • Staring at water.
  • Dropping rocks into said water.

As a fellow man, I would say: Yeah. That pretty much covers it.

It really doesn't take much! Watch Nolan's full video to see the rest, and just appreciate how much joy and satisfaction he gets from these simple thing.




People loved Nolan's list – so much so that they began adding their own ideas of "simple things men love."

The video racked up hundreds of thousands of views across TikTok and Instagram.

One commenter wrote, "He just described my whole personality." Another added, "This guy gets it."

Others chimed in with their own additions to the list, like staring at a fire for hours. Or just peace and quiet.

But most of the nearly 200 comments were just people chiming in to say one thing:

"Hell yeah."

Finally, someone who understands us.

Nolan's ultra-relaxed vision of "masculinity" is honestly so refreshing.

Men on social media are usually bombarded with the Andrew Tates and Jordan Petersons of the world, influencers who constantly berate us to make more money, lose weight and add muscle, sleep with more women, take charge, relentlessly self-improve.

I like Nolan's much chiller idea of masculinity. It reminds me of being a kid, taking pleasure in the simple things, not racing to be anywhere, not trying to impress anyone or prove anything.

Nolan's entire account is a breath of fresh air, an antidote to hustle culture. His videos find joy in:

  • Breaking down cardboard boxes
  • Driving at sunset
  • Going fishing
  • Throwing a frisbee
  • Wearing t-shirts
A daily visit to his page is almost like a meditation. I highly recommend giving him a follow to add a little counterprogramming to your social media feed.

Nolan says in another recent video that he started making TikToks and Instagram reels just for fun, but discovered along the way that he was really passionate about the message.

"I never thought that my simple living and love for little things would resonate with so many of you."

He said he hopes to inspire people to "take a step back and enjoy the good simple things in life."

I suddenly have the urge to go chuck a rock into a river, so I would say: Mission Accomplished!

This article originally appeared last year.

A woman can't believe who just texted her.

It’s funny to think that text messaging has only been a common form of communication for about 25 years. It began to take hold in the late 1990s, but most phones didn’t have full keyboards. You had to multi-tap a number on the handset to get to the correct letter. Needless to say, it took a long time just to get your thoughts out. It could also be expensive. Unlimited text wasn’t a thing back then, so you got dinged for 10 to 20 cents for every message you sent.

In 1998, Donovan Shears of Coventry, England, was so excited to get his first mobile phone for his 18th birthday that he texted a bunch of random numbers while hanging out at a pub where he worked. "I started sending out random text messages, showing off to my friends. I picked the first four digits the same as mine, then the last three digits randomly—it was probably about five or six different numbers—and then didn't think anything of it,” he said, according to the BBC.

But one person responded to his text, an 18-year-old girl named Kirsty in Cleethorpes, Lincolnshire, 100 miles away, who wrote, “Who’s this?” Donovan responded with a simple “Don.” Kirsty had just got a mobile phone, so she figured the text was from someone she had recently given her phone number to. Remember, those were the wonderful days when you didn’t get spam texts randomly saying, “Hi, how are you?” Today, Donovan’s text probably would have been blocked and marked as SPAM.

Donovan and Kirsty then began a conversation that has continued ever since. "That single moment led to over 20 years of love, laughter, and partnership," they said. They began texting each other daily, but after getting £250 ($311) phone bills, they started calling one another. Donovan immediately fell in love with Kirsty's Scottish accent.

Six months after the first text, Kirsty drove to Coventry to meet Donovan in person. "I said to my stepsister, I've got to go and meet this guy, and she was like, 'He could be anyone,' and I was like, 'Yes, I know,' but I was 18 and didn't really think about consequences. I just got on a train and came to Coventry."

The couple danced the night away at a club and then, in pure English tradition, capped the night off with a kebab. "I remember coming back from our first night out, and we just cuddled up; it was kind of magical in a way,” Donovan said, according to Grimsby Live.

The couple married four years later and have two children, Alora, 6, and Stirling, 9. Donovan has nothing but praise for Kirsty: "She is an amazing woman. She's so intelligent, and we know each other so well. She's my best friend as well as my wife."

The story is an incredible example of how the most important relationships in our lives sometimes come together just out of random chance. A meeting at a bar or an interaction at the supermarket can change our lives forever. It’s also a touching example of how the excitement over the ability to send a text message in 1998 brought together two people who never would have met without it. For all the pain that technology brings us in the modern world, there are still many reasons to love its ability to bring people together.

Photo credit: Canva, Note via @nightsayni/Reddit

He's sorry. He didn't mean to be mean.

For the most part, mood swings are pretty normal for kids. But man, can it be a challenge for parents to ride those emotional rollercoasters. After all, to stay completely regulated as someone goes from sweet giggles to unintelligible rage in .0002 seconds takes the tolerance of a trained monk. Still, even a little patience goes a long way with this herculean task.

Take this dad for instance, who recently shared two wildly different handwritten notes from his 5-year-old son, spanned only 10 minutes apart. For context, the dad explained that his son has gotten furious at him for “reading something to him instead of slowly sounding out the sounds for him to read himself.” What a monster, right?

During a time out his son took to cool off, he managed to write this sick burn: “You’re the worst dad in the world. I don’t even like you.”

The little fella must have immediately regretted his choice, because he also wrote another note, which read: “Sorry, sorry. I did not mean to be mean to you,” along with a sad picture of himself for good measure.


Have many, many, many parents been in this exact same boat? Judging by the comments, most certainly. One person wrote, “Kids are... interesting when it comes to mood swings; my 2 year old had a total meltdown this weekend because I opened his yogurt for him (he wanted to open it, but I didn't think he wanted to do it). A few minutes of crying and he popped back together and just ate his yogurt and was happy again.”

Another echoed, “Father of two 5y/os here. This is 100% normal and happens multiple times a week in our home. Lots of emotions at this age.”

One parent even shared how having safe spaces to process those big emotions can help kids develop into pretty emotionally stable adults, writing, “My son at that age would put himself into timeout (I never once put him into timeout but his kindergarten had that system).. so he would go into his room after he said something mean to me.. sit in a corner for 5-10 min and then come out and apologize and say he didn’t mean it.. he is almost 21 now and still the most thoughtful person I know, always considering how his words impact others.”

One person could even relate to the kiddo’s dilemma, saying, “Emotions are big and overwhelming! Sometimes I want to do the dang thing myself and sometimes I just want it done when I think about it. Thankfully in my decades on earth I'm better at recognizing and communicating the difference, but I totally get his frustration.”

gif of man throwing a tantrumIf we don't teach our kids to regulate their emotions early, workplaces might look like this in 20 years.media.giphy.com

But of course the best comment goes to the person who simply appreciated that “Lil bro had a whole character arc.”

It’s funny to see in plain writing the kind of emotional whiplash that every parent experiences once in a while. But this story is also a nice reminder to not take any of it personally. Because sometimes all it takes is ten minutes, and a little compassion, for things to go back to normal again.

Hopefully the dad holds onto these notes to re-read aloud one day. At his son’s wedding perhaps. Or his 21st birthday.