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17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.

Pro tip: Don't ask newlyweds about babies.

17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.


If you just got married, chances are lots of people think they know what your life is like.

These people are totally well-meaning! And also, mostly wrong.

Being married isn't exactly like it used to be. Which is great, as there are so many different, amazing ways to be newlyweds than ever before. But it's also occasionally frustrating, as we newlyweds are frequently forced to dispel a lot of myths about our relationships.

So let's get them out of the way in one fell swoop.

Here are the most common (but mistaken) assumptions strangers make when you're a newlywed couple, and what our lives are really like.

Assumption #1: We went on our honeymoon already, and we left right after the wedding.

Just like we imagined it. Because we did imagine it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: In our dreams, we definitely did — and we had a great time!

In real life, however, most of us can't just take a week (or more) off work at will. The office is hella busy, and on top of that, we live in the only wealthy country in the world that doesn't mandate any paid vacation. Many of us were barely able to get the day of our actual wedding off (ultimately, we compromised with our manager and took a half-day).

We're planning to get to it ... eventually. But it might be a while. We promise we'll send pictures!

Assumption #2: We're going to have babies ASAP.

Yay?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We love being married! But, you know, we actually haven't decided? About babies? We're just enjoying being married right now. But we'll let you know when it happens. We promise.

Assumption #3: We're going to move out of "the city" one day.

So many cheap noodles, so little time.

Photo by Anthony Quintano/Flickr.

Reality: It makes sense to assume that, like so many newly married couples in generations past, we're already planning our escape from our local metropolis to a less population-dense area TBD. But many of us who live in the city really, really like it! The city is great. There are good schools here. We can get nachos delivered at 3 a.m.! From either the good nacho place or the OK-but-cheap nacho place.

Sure, some of us are planning to one day move to the 'burbs for more space (and many already are), but many of us aren't. And still others of us who already live in the suburbs are making the suburbs more like the city.

Having a yard is really nice, but so is not having car insurance payments.

Assumption #4: We feel superior to our second-cousin Frieda whose boyfriend of 19 years still hasn't proposed.

Look! They seem happy!

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Even though we're feeling pretty good about being married, Frieda and Richard are adults and get to make their own decisions — no matter what Aunt Cindy thinks. Maybe they have financial reasons. Maybe they decided a long time ago they don't want to be married. Maybe they believe marriage is an oppressive, archaic, patriarchal institution that they don't want to participate in, and also they're vegan now.

In any case, leave Frieda and Richard alone.

Assumption #5: We're going to have babies soonish.

Aw?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So, yeah. Like I said. Really haven't decided about babies. Keeping our options open. But probably not soon? You know?

Assumption #6: One of us changed our last name.

Uncanny, really.

Image by Mary Rose Pickett/Sketchport.


Reality: There's totally nothing wrong with couples who decide that one partner will take the other's last name, of course. But not all of us do. At least 1 in every 5 women decide to keep their maiden names, according to a New York Times survey. And if you haven't taken your partner's last name, it's kind of frustrating to constantly hear yourself referred to as Mr./Mrs. Someone Else (for opposite-gender couples, this pretty much applies exclusively to women).

If you're not sure what last name to use, just ask! We'll tell you what the deal is.

Assumption #7: We're having Guinness Book of World Records amounts of sex.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: For those of us who waited to have sex until marriage — which is, of course, totally cool — you might need a supercomputer to tabulate. But lots of us have been together for a long time already and may even have been living together already, so we're probably having whatever amount of sex is normal for us. It's just a regular part of our lives that throwing a wedding doesn't really have a magical impact on.

After many years in a relationship, most of us take "Netflix and chill" quite literally. And seriously.

Assumption #8: We've finished all our thank-you notes.

It. Just. Doesn't. Get. Easier.

Photo by happy_serendipity/Flickr.

Reality: Never. We'll be writing these until the end of time.

Assumption #9: Hanging out with one of us means hanging out with both of us.

You will listen to us talk about our trip to Block Island and you will enjoy it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We're still different people. Each of us is a self-sufficient being with free will. And we're probably totally down to hang out with you, even if our spouse isn't available.

Except you, Greg. We're totally avoiding you.

Assumption #10: We're going to have babies ever.

Bujjy bujjy boo?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So um, like I said, there's actually a chance we might never have babies? We might decide we don't want them after all. We might find out we can't — in which case, these questions might become extremely invasive and painful. We might adopt a child ... who's not a baby. We haven't figured it out yet.

At the end of the day, It's kinda up to us, you know?

Assumption #11: We never use the garlic press you got us.

Such a great gift.

Photo by Lee Kindness/Wikimedia Commons.

Reality: We use it all the time! Thank you so much!

Assumption #12: One of us is going to stay home and take care of the house from here on in.

We will still make the hell out of some lemonade, though.

Photo via iStock.


Reality: Some of us might want to be a housewife or husband. Others of us shudder at the thought of giving up our careers, or urging our spouse to give up theirs. Still others of us might want to, but might not be able to forfeit the second income. There's really no right — or standard — way to do it anymore.

Assumption #13: We both have all the same likes, dislikes, preferences, outlooks, and opinions now.

Missy and I have been getting really into '80s ice dancing.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: My wife will never convince me to like jazz. And I will probably never convince her to like "Captain Phillips" fan fiction. And you know what? We're OK with that.

For the things that matter, we're committed to presenting a united front. But we're still individuals with different thoughts, feelings, and opinions about what Tom Hanks was up to two weeks before the Somali pirates attacked, 'cause honestly, that's where the real drama of the story probably is.

Assumption #14: We wear wedding rings.

Help. Someone glued our hands together. Please call the cops.

Photo by TanyaVdB/Pixabay.

Reality: Some of us like wearing a physical symbol of our connection and duty to our spouse. Some of us don't as much. So we don't wear them. But don't worry! We're still extreme double married 5000.

Assumption #15: Making us a pink cake that says "baby" on it is going to change our mind about babies.

Mmmmmmmm. Nope.

Photo by Frosted with Emotion/Flickr.

Reality: It won't. But we will definitely eat that cake.

Assumption #16: Our lives are a lot different now.

Married or not, we still have three more seasons of "Justified" to get through.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Beginning roughly seven seconds after we say, "I do," lots and lots and lots of well-intentioned people ask: "How does it feel?!" seemingly expecting to hear: "So much has changed! We got matching ponies! Being married really is a whole new world!" It feels like we're disappointing them when we answer, "Pretty much the way we did the day before the wedding." Which is silly, since there's no shame in that.

For some couples, life is a lot different after marriage, and that's great. But if stuff is kinda sorta the same, that's OK too! Life was great before. That's why we decided to get married.

Assumption #17: If we're not going to lay out a precise plan for having babies, at least we'll probably get a pet.

Blah.

Photo by Madalena Provo, used with permission.


Reality: OK. This one is true.


This article originally appeared on 11.06.15









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Pop Culture

15 years ago, a Russian gymnast was interrupted by her 2-year-old daughter. It became a historic performance.

"This is beyond beautiful. 🥲"

dance, motherhood, mommy daughter dance, mother daughter relationship, parenting, wholesome
Umi4ika/Youtube

Svetlana Putintseva with her daughter Masha.

In 2005 at only 18 years old, Russian rhythmic gymnast Svetlana Putintseva became a world champion, after which she retired and eventually became a mom. Then, in 2011, Putintseva came out of retirement for one special Gala performance.

Little did anyone know that her then two-year-old daughter named Masha would be the key to making that performance so special.

As the story goes, the young child refused to leave her side that night. But rather than stopping the performance, Putintseva did what so many incredible moms do: she masterfully held space for two different identities.

As we see in the video below, Putintseva simply brought Masha onto the dance floor and incorporated her into the routine—holding and comforting her at times, performing impressive moves while she ran around at others…letting it all become a lively, endearing interaction rather than a rote routine. It became something really touching:

Watch:

Now, a bit of fact-checking as this video has once again started going viral. Despite what many captions say, Putintseva‘s daughter was likely always a planned part of the performance (the tiny leotard is a bit of a giveaway). But that doesn’t really take away from the message behind it: motherhood weaves another soul into one's identity, forever. And one of the biggest lessons it teaches is how to hold someone else steady, all while becoming ourselves.

Every day, moms are engaging in a similar type of “dance”: navigating through the world while guiding and nurturing their little ones. It probably doesn't always feel quite as graceful as what Putintseva put out, and, yet, it is just as beautiful.

dance, motherhood, mommy daughter dance, mother daughter relationship, parenting, wholesome A mother hugging her daughter.Photo credit: Canva

Maybe so many thought it was an improvised moment because improvising is a very real parent superpower. That’s certainly the takeaway we get from some of these lovely comments:

“You cannot control life but you can learn to dance with it. 🤍”

"This is beyond beautiful. 🥲"

“If this isn't a metaphor for motherhood. We improvise so much.”

“A mother’s unconditional love 🥹❤️ She just made my whole month.”

“I do this sometimes while deejaying. My daughter comes up so I hit the slicer and let her chop it up. A few chops and she is happy and goes about her business. 🥰”

“I can see my daughter doing this to me soon whenever I get up on stage on perform. She already stares long and hard at me whenever I am onnstage singing. She doesn't take her eyes off me. Sure she would be running up to stand with me when she starts walking 😂😂 i look forward to it tho”

“Sobbing 😭😭😭😭 As a dancer who hasn’t performed since having a kid, this inspires me in so many ways 🥹🥹 So beautiful and it’s clear that she admires her mom so much 🥰”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Though not much is written on Putintseva following this performance, one blog post says that Masha has followed in her footsteps by getting into rhythmic gymnastics. Maybe it all started with this one performance. ❤️

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Woman explains the beautiful feeling of 'sonder,' or realizing random strangers have full lives

It's the opposite of feeling like you're on The Truman Show.

sonder, feelings, life, humanity, human connection, psychology, beauty, mortality, universe
Photo credit: Canva

You might experience sonder when you look out a plane window or pass by an apartment building.

In the 1998 film The Truman Show, Jim Carrey's character gradually discovers that his entire life is a lie. The world around him is a television set, and everyone he knows—his friends, family, even his wife—are paid actors. He is the main character, and the entire universe of the show revolves around him.

Though most of us have never genuinely wondered whether we're living in an elaborate production like Truman (well, some have), it can sometimes feel that way. After all, in our own minds, we are the main characters of our own lives. Everyone else becomes a supporting character. When they're "off-screen," we can't say for certain what they're doing, and we tend to think about them only in terms of how their actions might affect us.

That's why the beautiful feeling known as "sonder" can be so profound. It's the strange sensation you get when staring out the window of an airplane, looking at the cars moving along the highway below, and realizing that each dot of light represents a vehicle with a human being inside it—maybe even an entire family. They're all on their way somewhere, perhaps to meet other people who are also living full, rich, complex lives you will never know about. Then, in the blink of an eye, they're gone forever, in a sense.

You might feel this when walking by an apartment building and gazing at the shadows moving behind lit windows, or at an airport, where you wonder where people are going and what their stories might be.

sonder, feelings, life, humanity, human connection, psychology, beauty, mortality, universe There are entire, rich, complex lives happening in those lit windows. Photo by Shalev Cohen on Unsplash

Sonder, explains content creator, software engineer, and writer Felecia Freely, is the sudden "realization that each random passerby is the main character of their own story, living a life just as vivid and complex as your own, while you are just an extra in the background."

Freely explains it beautifully in a now-viral Instagram reel:

"Imagine how big and all-encompassing your experience of your life is. And then imagine that every single person in traffic with you also has that. So does every person in the grocery store. And every person in the world."

It's a breathtaking realization. Of course, we all know this to be true in our minds, but sonder is when that understanding hits you in your body and becomes more than knowledge—it becomes a profound feeling.

Freely's video has received hundreds of thousands of views. Many commenters were surprised to learn there was an actual word for this hyper-specific feeling:

"OMFG THERES A WORD FOR THIS?! i've always wondered."

"I get it in traffic a lot. Just like, where are they all going"

"I get this feeling at the airport"

"Sonder happens when I go for drives down lonely roads in the middle of nowhere where I've never been & see a little house w/ cars & lites on. I wonder what they're like & what's goin on in their lives"

The term was coined around 2012 by writer John Koenig for his project, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.

He writes that it comes from the French word sonder, which means "to plumb the depths." The term began as a neologism, an invented word meant to describe a universal feeling and fill a gap in the English language. But it has since caught on in wider usage and even appears in Merriam-Webster.

Some people describe sonder as a melancholy or even overwhelming feeling—of course, it does have a pretty sorrowful origin. Others, however, have learned to embrace it when it comes.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Mitchell M. Handelsman writes for Psychology Today that he does not view sonder as a negative emotion. Quite the contrary:

"Sonder becomes even more important as I teach students who are different from me. Most of my students are different on at least some of almost every conceivable dimension—age (this difference grows every year!), gender, ambitions, test performance, grades, place of birth, religion, height, writing ability, intellectual prowess, political beliefs, academic experiences, hair color, sexual preference, family background, etc. Appreciating students' lives as rich, complex, and important may set the stage for greater understanding, relating, and learning."

Appreciating and leaning into feelings of sonder can help us grow our empathy for one another.

One commenter summed it up beautifully: "This used to terrify me but it now soothes me deeply and helps round out my compassion and wonder at the world."

Another said: "Honestly everyone says that this is a depressing reality, but I kinda feel comfort in it. The fact that every person you see all has their own lives means that there is always something good happening in the world, no matter how miserable it seems sometimes."

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Music

Guy finds long-forgotten album in a thrift shop, reunites the band, and is sharing their music with the world

The damaged vinyl record was first released 58-years-ago

feel good story, music, rock music, lost and found, musicians
Photo credit: Marcus Pollard on Facebook

Marcus Pollard is reviving a 77-year-old warehouse worker's lost rock music.

In the 1960s, Norman Roth and his band, The Glass Cage, were Canadian indie rockers who played small local shows and built enough of a following to land gigs in bigger cities. When Roth was 18, the band recorded a live performance that was never officially released and was eventually lost after they broke up shortly afterward. Now, thanks to a four-dollar thrift store purchase, the band's music is reaching a wider audience—58 years later.

In 2016, veteran rock music promoter Marcus Pollard bought an unlabeled vinyl record at a thrift store on a whim, despite the album being physically damaged. He fell in love with the six songs recorded on it and spent the next two years trying to track down any band members connected to the record.

"I searched in vain for two years trying to get any clue as to who was on the record, but to no avail," Pollard wrote on Facebook. "Then, in a last ditch effort I posted a clip on the Canadian Artists Records Appreciation FB page and... I got a hit!"

Pollard eventually received a reply that read, "Hey, that's my record!" from Roth, now 77 and working as a warehouse manager. Roth was floored that his band's long-lost recording had resurfaced, and he was able to listen to songs he hadn't heard in more than 50 years.

- YouTube youtube.com

After reuniting Roth with his lost music, Pollard went a step further. After consulting with the other band members, he set out to bring The Glass Cage's music back to life after remaining dormant for generations. Pollard spent the next eight years using his industry connections and expertise to officially release the album. Working with a team of professionals, he refurbished the damaged record, digitally remastered the songs, designed elaborate packaging, and developed a booklet detailing the band's impact on the Vancouver indie rock scene of the 1960s before they broke up.

The finished vinyl album, titled Where Did the Sunshine Go?, is scheduled for release on February 24, 2026.

"I feel like everyone has done something in their life that was dismissed," Pollard told CTV News. "And I wanted them to feel like what they created was actually important."

While Roth and his former bandmates are excited about the album's release, they aren't trying to relive their youth or chase the rock star dreams they once had. They're just happy that others will now have access to their music and are enjoying the ride.

"I'm not looking for accolades or super stardom—that's long gone," Roth told CTV News. "It's just saying to the world, 'I was here.' And I hope they enjoy it."

If you'd like to hear Roth's music, you can stream tracks by The Glass Cage on Bandcamp and purchase the vinyl when it's released.

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Stanford researchers find a single question could be the key to changing someone's mind

Curiosity goes a lot further than we might think.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity
Photo credit: Canva

How do you get someone to open their minds to another perspective?

The diversity of humanity means people won't always see eye to eye, and psychology tells us that people tend to double down when their views are challenged. When people are so deeply entrenched in their own perspectives they're refusing to entertain other viewpoints, what do we do?

Frequently, what we do falls into the "understandable but ineffective" category. When we disagree with someone because their opinion is based on falsehoods or inaccurate information, we may try to pound them with facts and statistics. Unfortunately, research shows that generally doesn't work. We might try to find different ways to explain our stance using logic and reasoning, but that rarely makes a dent, either. So often, we're left wondering how on Earth this person arrived at their perspective, especially if they reject facts and logic.

According to Stanford researchers, turning that wondering into an actual question might be the key.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Questions are more effective than facts when it comes to disagreements.Photo credit: Canva

The power of "Tell me more."

Two studies examined how expressing interest in someone's view and asking them to elaborate on why they hold their opinion affected both parties engaged in a debate. They found that asking questions like, "Could you tell me more about that?” and ‘‘Why do you think that?" made the other person "view their debate counterpart more positively, behave more open-mindedly, and form more favorable inferences about other proponents of the counterpart’s views." Additionally, adding an expression of interest, such as, ‘‘But I was interested in what you’re saying. Can you tell me more about how come you think that?” not only made the counterpart more open to other viewpoints, but the questioner themselves developed more favorable attitudes toward the opposing viewpoint.

In other words, genuinely striving to understand another person's perspective by being curious and asking them to say more about how they came to their conclusions may help bridge seemingly insurmountable divides.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Asking people to elaborate leads to more open-mindedness.Photo credit: Canva

Stanford isn't alone in these findings. A series of studies at the University of Haifa also found that high-quality listening helped lower people's prejudices, and that when people perceive a listener to be responsive, they tend to be more open-minded. Additionally, the perception that their attitude is the correct and valid one is reduced.

Why curiosity works

In some sense, these results may seem counterintuitive. We may assume that asking someone to elaborate on what they believe and why they believe it might just further entrench them in their views and opinions. But that's not what the research shows.

Dartmouth cognitive scientist Thalia Wheatley studies the role of curiosity in relationships and has found that being curious can help create consensus where there wasn't any before.

“[Curiosity] really creates common ground across brains, just by virtue of having the intellectual humility to say, ‘OK, I thought it was like this, but what do you think?’ And being willing to change your mind,” she said, according to the John Templeton Foundation.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Curiosity can help people get closer to consensus. Photo credit: Canva

Of course, there may be certain opinions and perspectives that are too abhorrent or inhumane to entertain with curious questions, so it's not like "tell me more" is always the solution to an intractable divide. But even those with whom we vehemently disagree or those whose views we find offensive may respond to curiosity with more open-mindedness and willingness to change their view than if we simply argue with them. And isn't that the whole point?

Sometimes what's effective doesn't always line up with our emotional reactions to a disagreement, so engaging with curiosity might take some practice. It may also require us to rethink what formats for public discourse are the most impactful. Is ranting in a TikTok video or a tweet conducive to this shift in how we engage others? Is one-on-one or small group, in-person discussion a better forum for curious engagement? These are important things to consider if our goal is not to merely state our case and make our voice heard but to actually help open people's minds and remain open-minded in our own lives as well.

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Gen Z job seekers are bringing their parents to interviews. A career coach explains the new trend.

77 percent of Gen Z job applicants surveyed admit to bringing a parent to the interview.

Gen Z; Gen Z jobs; job seeking; job hunting; unemployment; Gen Z bringing parents; parents at interviews
Photo credit: Canva

A woman being interviewed for a job.

The stress of job hunting crosses generational lines, but Gen Z is doing things a bit differently. Most of Gen Z is either just entering adulthood or has been there for some time. They are the first generation not to grow up with many analog developmental milestones, such as answering a house phone or asking strangers for help reading a map. These are all things that help develop social skills that can be used in other settings.

A recent survey from Resumetemplates.com reveals a shocking trend. According to the resume-building website, of the 1,000 job seekers aged 18-23 surveyed, "77% say they have brought a parent to a job interview when they were job searching. About 13% say they always did, and 24% say they often did."

The idea of bringing a parent to an interview may seem laughably outrageous to older generations, but there are a few things to consider before the giggling sets in. Young adults have long relied on their parents for guidance as they enter the adult world, and this is true of every generation. Parents are often called on for help with locating first apartments, learning how to turn on utilities, figuring out health insurance plans, and more.

Gen Z; Gen Z jobs; job seeking; job hunting; unemployment; Gen Z bringing parents; parents at interviews A business meeting in a modern office setting.Photo credit: Canva

Expecting parents or a trusted adult to help with new life milestones isn't unheard of, but having a parent attend a job interview seems to baffle experts.

Julia Toothacre, chief career strategist at Resumetemplates.com, tells CBS Miami, "I can't imagine that most employers are happy about it. I think that it really shows a lack of maturity in the kids, in the Gen Zers that are doing this." Toothacre added that while some smaller organizations may not see an issue with it, she does not believe it is the norm.

In response to the survey, Bryan Golod, an award-winning job search coach, sees the results differently. Rather than piling on or dunking on a generation still trying to figure out adulthood, he offers a logical explanation for the phenomenon.

In a LinkedIn post, Golod shares:

"The internet is roasting this generation for lacking independence. But here's what everyone's missing: This isn't a Gen Z problem. It's a symptom of a broken system that never taught anyone how interviews actually work. Most professionals (regardless of age) have no idea how to interview effectively. I've worked with 50-year-olds who couldn't land a single offer after 30 interviews. I've coached VPs of HR who could help others but couldn't help themselves. Interview skills aren't taught in school, at work, or by parents. They're learned through trial, error, and usually a lot of rejection. The real issue isn't Gen Z bringing parents to interviews."

The job search coach explains that employers often no longer train managers on how to conduct interviews or what to look for when interviewing candidates. He also notes that many job seekers expect their experience and competence to speak for themselves, but that does not always translate well in an interview setting. Golod encourages people to ask themselves if they know how to predictably turn interviews into job offers before mocking Gen Z adults.

Gen Z; Gen Z jobs; job seeking; job hunting; unemployment; Gen Z bringing parents; parents at interviews A successful meeting with a warm handshake.Photo credit: Canva

"Most don't. And that's not their fault… Nobody taught them. Interview skills are learnable. The professionals landing multiple offers with significant salary increases? They learned the rules of the game," Golod explains.

He adds that what truly matters in interviews is "not your credentials. Not your resume. Not even your qualifications. It's your ability to connect on a personal level and create a memorable experience. People bring you in based on data. They hire you based on emotion."

Maybe some Gen Zers are doing it wrong by traditional standards, but just like riding a bike, unless someone takes the time to teach you, you will never truly learn. Otherwise, you are left with scraped knees and bruises while you try to teach yourself.

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